Chapter 18. Kit #2
"The way you did last night?"
"The way I did last night."
My throat works around a swallow. Then Soren's expression becomes more serious. "Which means we need to establish something now."
I sit a little straighter.
"Red is our safeword. Red means stop. Immediately. Whatever we're doing ends."
His gaze stays fixed on mine.
"No argument. No disappointment. No trying to convince you to continue. Yellow means slow down and check in. Maybe you need something adjusted. Maybe you're approaching your limit. It doesn't automatically end the scene unless you want it to."
I nod slowly.
"And if you can't speak?"
I remember last night. My face against the couch cushion. The point where words had become difficult.
"Three taps?"
"Three clear taps," he agrees. "Anywhere I can feel them. That means Red."
"Okay."
"Say them back to me."
"Yellow means slow down and check in. Red means everything stops," I say. I don’t even complain about having to keep repeating everything.
And three taps?"
"Same as Red."
"Good boy."
The praise warms me immediately. Soren takes a drink of coffee.
"One more thing about punishment."
My pulse kicks again. He is going to kill me.
"If spanking is the consequence we've agreed on, are you comfortable with me baring you for it without asking permission again every single time?"
Heat crawls all the way up my face. This conversation is going to kill me.
"Yes." His eyebrows lift. "Yes, Daddy."
"Good." He gives me a second. "And if you squirm?"
I look at him. "If I kick or try to get away because it hurts..." I know exactly what he's asking now. My heartbeat gets louder.
"Do you want me to let you move?"
And the answer comes embarrassingly fast.
"No." Soren waits. "I want you to hold me there." My voice has gotten very quiet. "If I'm just squirming. Or kicking. Or trying to get away from the pain without actually wanting the scene to stop."
Soren nods. "I can do that. But Red overrides it."
"Yes."
"Good."
Jesus.
"Then it's over," Soren continues. "No sulking for three days. No making you wonder whether I'm still angry. No withholding affection." My chest aches. "I hold you. We talk if we need to. And we move forward."
"Why are you doing this?" The question escapes before I can stop it. Soren's brows draw together slightly. "What do you get out of taking on a broken rider with a death wish?"
His expression changes.
"You're not broken, Kit." I look away. "You're just running rich and fouling your own spark plugs.”
I stare at him. "You cannot possibly turn every emotional crisis I have into engine diagnostics."
"I can try."
A tiny laugh escapes me. Then his face softens again.
"And what I get out of it is you." The laugh disappears. "I like taking care of things that matter to me." His gaze doesn't waver. "You matter to me."
Oh.
"I want to take care of you."
"Okay," I whisper.
"Anything you want to add, pretty boy? A rule you want from me," he says. "Something you need."
I hadn't thought about that. Of course I hadn't. Rules are things other people make. Apparently now I'm allowed to ask for them too.
"M-maybe..."
Soren waits.
"Could you check in on me during the day?" My face heats immediately. "Just to see how I'm doing."
He smiles. Not teasing. "Absolutely, baby boy." Relief is immediate enough to embarrass me. "Anything else?"
"I don't know."
I'm feeling smaller by the second. It's hard to think like this. Soren seems to notice.
"That’s okay. We don't have to design the rest of our lives over breakfast."
I smile weakly.
"We can revisit every part of this at any time. Add things. Remove things. Change something that isn't working."
"Okay."
"Nothing becomes permanent just because we agreed to it once."
I nod.
"Good," he says and takes a drink of coffee. "Now let's talk about what you actually want from the dynamic." I nearly choke on absolutely nothing. His eyes warm. "Kink-wise, sweetheart."
"Oh." I look at my eggs. Suddenly fascinating again.
"Spankings." The word comes out quiet. "That's my favorite, Daddy.
" I'm incredibly embarrassed. Vulnerable.
"I love it. The pain. The heat. The care afterward.
" I push one piece of egg around with my fork.
"And the way it clears the noise." My voice gets quieter.
"When your hand landed last night, everything in my head just... stopped."
Soren nods. His expression stays reassuring. "Spanking is one of my favorites too." My face gets hotter. "Anything else, sweet boy?"
"Yes, Daddy." I sound so shy. Nothing like the Kit everyone else knows. Soren waits.
"Can you use your words for me, baby boy?"
I stare down at the table.
"Besides the Little stuff..."
I force myself to keep going.
"The coloring and the cocoa and being held and being small and all of that."
My voice cracks.
"What I want most is to be safe."
I have no idea how I don’t cry.
"All of that," he says finally, "sounds perfect."
My head lifts. He's smiling. "Spankings. The Little side. The safety." He sets his coffee down. "Every single thing you just named is something I'm interested in too."
My pulse jumps.
"And when spanking is the agreed consequence for a rule, I'll follow through." My stomach twists pleasantly. His expression softens. "But the safety is the foundation, Kit."
My heel stops tapping.
"The rest only works because of that. You will be safe with me."
I stare at him. My foot stays still. "Okay," I whisper. Then: "Yes, Daddy." My throat tightens. "Please."
"Good boy."
My whole body warms. Then Soren glances pointedly at my plate.
"Now finish your eggs."
I look down at the crime scene I've created.
"Yes, Daddy."
"Then we're going to the shop. I have a Triumph engine on the lift that needs a second set of hands."
That gets my attention immediately. Soren's mouth twitches.
"If you want to help."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
He takes another drink of coffee.
"I need a helper."
Then, because apparently he's decided to murder me emotionally before nine in the morning:
"Would you like to work with me?"
I pick up my fork. Take a bite. The eggs are amazing. Of course they are.
"Yes, Daddy," I say. "I'd love to help you."
"Good boy."