Chapter 6 Hestia
HESTIA
We were half an hour into the drive back to the ranch when it hit me.
It wasn’t that I’d just bought a horse despite my utter ignorance about them, or even the fact that I had about forty-eight hours to figure out what the fuck to do about it before I flew home.
Bailey had tried to reassure me that there were charities, horse shelters that would likely take her in. Take her off my hands.
But it was exactly that – her being palmed off, discarded as though she was worth nothing – that I couldn’t bear. Those men had beaten and brutalized her, and from what the woman in the coffee queue had said, it was because she wouldn’t fit the mould they wanted to force her into.
It was too close to home. Combined with the overwhelming tiredness and the impending prospect of facing my broken relationship back home, having to keep running the business in spite of it every day . . .
‘Can you pull over? I need some air – just for a few minutes,’ I asked, avoiding Jesse and Bailey’s worried expressions in the rear-view mirror.
‘Sure thing, honey,’ Bailey replied softly. ‘There’s a gas station just up about a mile or two ahead, okay?’
I nodded, gripping the door handle as I stared out towards the mountains, seeing nothing. I felt Jesse’s eyes on me the whole way, as heavy on my shoulders as if his hands held me upright, forcing me to keep it together.
Finally we pulled in, the gas station no more than a large hut with a few pumps outside, backing onto the shaded fields of the valley floor.
The sun was still climbing behind the jagged mountains to our right.
I jumped out as we came to a stop, half walking, half stumbling to the grass at the side of the building, suddenly aware of the nausea roiling in my gut.
I leant against the wood as I reached it, eventually sinking down into a crouch as my legs gave way.
‘Hey, whoa there, what’s going on?’
Jesse approached, his boots crunching on the gravelled dirt as I closed my eyes to the beginnings of a tightness in my chest, my heart starting to pound. A feeling I hadn’t experienced for years, another thing I’d worked to keep under the surface.
‘Don’t – just leave me be,’ I mumbled, trying to move away as I heard him behind me, my eyes still clamped shut. Wasn’t it enough that he’d already seen me cry? I didn’t want to have an anxiety attack right in front of him too.
‘Nope, not gonna happen,’ he replied, his tone firm. I felt his hand on my arm, cool plastic against my hand. ‘You’re gonna drink a little water, then tell me what’s going on.’
I grasped the bottle, opening my eyes to realize he’d already undone the cap for me and so I took a sip at first, then a longer drink. Heart still pounding, I leant my head against the hut and tried to focus my breathing.
‘Jesse, you don’t have to do this, just go – leave me to it. It’s just an anxiety attack, I’ve had them before . . . I’ll be okay in a few minutes,’ I began, stopping as he leant over me to screw the cap back on the water, his face right next to mine.
‘I don’t think you get it, Jessica,’ he murmured, leaning into a crouch himself, his body now bracing mine.
‘I’m not leaving you anywhere, least of all like this.
Now, I know you’re used to being the boss and that’s all good with me,’ he paused, brushing stray hairs out of my face.
‘But right now, you’re on my orders. And we’re gonna go back to the truck, ’cause those horses need to get home, and your new girl needs to see a vet.
I’m sitting up back with you and you’re gonna tell me all about those tattoos of yours, take me on a whole tour. Starting with this one, right here.’
His fingers brushed below my collarbone, circling the moon above the scene of Sleepy Hollow.
I knew he was trying to distract me, to take the lead in a moment where I couldn’t. I thought of the horse – whose name I didn’t even know – standing in the trailer, likely in pain and scared, needing to get back to the ranch.
‘Okay, but I feel a bit shaky,’ I said, knowing how pathetic I sounded, hating that I knew I needed help, but glad that he was stepping in and taking charge.
‘I’ve got you,’ Jesse replied, one arm circling my back and pulling me up slowly, the other reaching over, his hand grasping mine.
‘You good?’ My head spun as I tried to nod, the edges of my vision darkening.
‘Okay, okay – I’m gonna lift you, sweetheart.
No troublemaking now. Just pretend you’ve been on the fireballs again, all right? ’
As I mumbled a protest I felt my feet leave the ground, my head rolling against him. Bailey called out in concern, Jesse cheerfully reassuring her that I was just being dramatic and he was humouring me.
‘Asshole,’ I mumbled, listening to his responding chuckle, the way it reverberated in his broad chest.
‘And she’s back,’ he whispered as we approached the truck. He lifted me gently onto the back seat as Bailey held the door open.
‘Sorry,’ I said to her, holding my forehead as I tried to get a grip on my breathing.
‘For what?’ she frowned, shaking her head. ‘It’s nothing. We’ll be home in no time, okay? Get you and that poor girl of yours right.’
Jesse climbed into the back seat from the other side as Bailey closed my door and jumped into the front, the truck starting with a roar and pulling back onto the highway in a few smooth turns.
Space in the back was suddenly very limited, Jesse’s broad shoulders and long legs dominating.
‘Come here,’ he ordered, gesturing for me to move towards him and gently pulling me over when I frowned, confused.
Raising his arm and the seatbelt, he tucked me against his chest so my head rested on his shoulder, taking my weight.
‘Right, now . . . you owe me a story about why you’ve got a headless horseman right over your heart. ’
As ever, there was a natural ease and smoothness to his tone, the same confidence that’d shone through from the first moment I’d locked eyes with him.
But as I lay back against him, wrapped in his smoky scent, I felt the depth behind it.
The way his hand rested on my waist, holding me there, as if guiding me to fall into step with the steady beat inside his chest.
‘I just liked the story,’ I lied, my voice as unsteady as his was sure, forcing myself to focus on his breathing instead of my own; the way it tickled my neck as he leant closer.
‘Bullshit,’ he whispered in my ear.
I shivered, unable to help myself, thoughts of his lips on my neck intruding over everything else, remembering the way he’d worked his way down to my breasts, right over the ink.
‘It’s a reminder,’ I blurted, my voice dropping to a whisper, eyelids closing as I felt his fingers tracing mine.
I realized I wanted him to know the real reason, even if I had no idea how to tell him, or why he’d care.
‘To never give in to fear.’ I hesitated, the words sticking in my throat.
‘The headless horseman isn’t the danger, it’s the feeling he inspires.
The only thing to fear is my reaction to it. ’
He stilled, his abs tensing, his grip tightening on my waist.
‘Who made you feel like that?’ he murmured, an unmistakable edge to his voice, hardening to a point.
I just shook my head, what few words I’d had turning to the dust that rose from the wheels of the truck as we flew down the highway. Signs were now appearing for Jackson.
He didn’t press it, saying nothing else. Eventually, his body relaxed again and his hand closed over mine.
‘I’ve got you,’ he whispered, and for the second time that day, tears rose behind my eyes. Unable to trust myself to reply, I moved the hand he held instead, weaving my fingers between his.
I knew that if I turned my head even slightly, made any kind of eye contact, there would be no way to stop what would follow. And it wasn’t just Bailey right there in the front, but the prospect of knowing that his kiss, our touch, would be entirely different to those that’d already been.
So we remained still, his chin eventually coming to rest on my head, his thumb tracing soft circles on the back of my hand.
By the time we reached the Diamond Back, most of the anxiety had ebbed away. I leant against the fence and watched as Bailey and Jesse worked to get the horses out, now strangely aware of his physical absence.
‘Hes?’ Lottie ran down the road towards me, her phone in one hand, clutching her hat to her head with the other. ‘Jesse messaged me . . . is that –’
She slowed to a walk as Jesse backed my horse – MY horse – out of the trailer, expertly manoeuvring as she swung round, ears flat against her head and teeth bared, about an inch from taking a chunk out of Jesse’s arm.
‘Fuck, is he . . . does he need some help? I don’t know how to –’ I straightened up abruptly, wary of getting in the way but unwilling to watch the horse literally tear a strip off him.
‘Don’t worry, he’s got it,’ Lottie soothed, frowning both at my distress and the very clear abuse the horse had suffered. ‘I can’t believe someone could do that,’ she hissed as she reached my side.
‘I couldn’t let them do it,’ I said, turning to her, watching her anger dissolve as she took in my expression. ‘I didn’t mean to buy her . . . I just didn’t know what else to do, it seemed like the only way to stop them—’
‘Hes, stop,’ Lottie cut in, eyes darting between mine.
‘Don’t fucking apologize for a second, okay?
You did the right thing.’ I nodded, gritting my teeth as I looked back to Jesse, shielding my eyes from the blazing sun.
He was leading her round to the barn, talking to her as they approached the other stalls, some of the ranch’s horses calling out. ‘What else happened? What’s going on?’
I shrugged, shaking my head.
‘It’s nothing. Can we go down there now?’