Chapter 8 Hestia
HESTIA
I was still mulling my horse’s name over when Jesse pulled his truck up outside the ranch house.
We hadn’t seen much of each other since the sale, but I couldn’t tell whether it was intentional or not, at least on his part.
Other than a couple of brief conversations, checking on both me and the horse, he’d spent every spare minute on Lottie’s cabin with Cole, or out with ranch guests.
I began to feel his absence physically, like the low, dull throb of an impending headache. I realized then it was an effort not to notice or wonder why he hadn’t sought me out, to watch out for him wherever I went around the ranch.
So, by myself, I’d made a promise to myself.
In the quiet of the barn where I’d now all but taken up residence next to the horses’ stalls, I’d set aside all the shit of my past and forge ahead alone – without fucking it up.
Again. This trip was a chance to actually make the most of the break from home that I’d come for.
‘Hey, stranger,’ I said, jumping into the passenger seat, watching as he appraised my outfit. A quiet smile raised one side of his mouth and he tilted his head, blowing out a breath.
‘There are no half-measures with you, huh?’ he chuckled, moving off as I buckled up and put on my sunglasses, the only non-Western coded item on my body.
I’d gone all out. Indigo flared jeans – borrowed from Lottie – a fitted, scoop-neck cream tank top with a faded charcoal grey horseshoe pattern; black cowboy boots; and a stack of silver and turquoise bracelets with matching silver hoop earrings.
I’d even got up early – for me – and blow-dried my hair, soft waves now falling across my chest.
I smiled, ignoring the unexpected feeling of nerves in the pit of my stomach.
‘Too much?’ I replied, tucking my red bra strap under the top, noting how his eyes followed my fingers, the way his tightened on the wheel.
‘Always, Jessica,’ he murmured, glancing over again, smile broadening. ‘But that’s why . . .’ He trailed off, looking back out of the windscreen as we approached the end of the drive. Then, his voice low, ‘Don’t ever change, y’hear?’
I frowned as we pulled onto the highway, contemplating his change in direction, the tone of his voice.
Fishing in the side pocket of his door, he pulled out his own sunglasses and put them on.
The Old Hollywood vibe complete, I gave in to gawping at his sharp jaw and deepening tan against the worn cowboy hat .
. . the way his shirtsleeves dug into his biceps.
‘Think I’ve got a name for her – my horse,’ I blurted, staring straight ahead and mentally eye-rolling at myself, the desperation I felt to move to safer ground – anywhere to avoid the big, complicated feelings that threatened when he was around.
Jesse would make an awesome friend – the best, even – so it was time to grow the fuck up and chill the fuck out.
‘And, given I owe you for . . . everything that day at the sale, you get the deciding vote.’
I chanced a look back at him, relieved to see his face relaxing a little but remaining focused on the road.
‘All right,’ he replied after a pause. ‘But honey, you don’t owe me. Not a thing.’
I swallowed, determined to keep it light, pushing aside the fact that technically, he was right.
I’d paid back the five hundred dollars after getting Jesse’s bank details from Lottie, via the ranch payroll.
Neither of us had spoken about it, but then I doubted he’d had any spare time to check his account since.
‘So, I thought that given I was named after a Greek goddess, maybe that could be a theme.’
He huffed a laugh under his breath, shaking his head slightly again.
‘Well, hell. Should’ve known,’ he began, but before I could ask what he meant, he added, ‘So what kind of goddess are you then, Hestia?’
The sound of my name in his mouth was almost too much.
‘She, um . . . represents the hearth and home,’ I murmured, more disconcerted than ever as his jaw flickered. ‘The sacred flame.’
There was a silence for a moment, filled only by the low rumble of the radio.
‘The goddess of . . . home,’ he repeated, more to himself than me, the knuckles of his hand on the wheel turning white for a moment.
My gut lurched. No doubting it now. Something big had shifted since the sale, leaving us in new, shaky territory that neither of us seemed to know how to navigate. I took a breath.
‘Right. So, I’ve been going over the options .
. . and given how my horse is, well, a bit of a handful, and in what I’ve seen so far, has more than a hint of the underworld about her .
. .’ His cheek twitched at that, and he gave a small nod of agreement.
‘So, what about Persephone? I mean, it’s a bit of a mouthful, but maybe Sephy for short? ’
‘Hmm,’ he considered, slowing as we came to a stoplight. ‘I see where you’re going, and I like the underworld bit, that definitely works . . . but maybe it’s too regal or something, I dunno. She’s more sassy than that, y’know?’
I nodded, totally getting his train of thought. There was nothing ethereal about her. She was way too blunt and direct, if a horse could be that.
‘Shame she’s not a he,’ I said, thinking aloud, turning over the underworld vibe. ‘Something like Damien would work.’
Jesse chuckled, and I glanced over as he did the same.
‘Yeah, now you’ve got it,’ he said, his smile growing as mine did, my brain turning it over, still thinking, when –
‘I’ve got it,’ I cried suddenly, inspiration striking as the lights turned green. ‘Luci! Short for Lucifer!’
This time his laugh was full, the strange atmosphere between us suddenly dispelled by the sound. I joined in, the relief palpable.
‘Genius,’ he said, banging his free hand against the wheel. ‘Bailey’s gonna be pissed – she’s been chucking ideas around all week, but Luci . . . yeah, that’s the one.’
‘Okay, done,’ I breathed, shifting to pull my knee up under my chin, finally starting to relax. ‘I was starting to feel bad for not having chosen one, like some kind of fucked-up mum guilt.’
He laughed again.
‘You’re taking this whole thing pretty serious, huh? Lottie said you’ve been at the barn all week. Is your . . . is the business back home okay without you, then, for a while longer?’
I nodded, thinking back to my last call with Cal, strained and barely civilized.
I’d had to swallow my anger at his reticence to step up and shoulder responsibility for the business as a whole for once.
I knew he wouldn’t want to disappoint our clients, though, many of them having become friends, so that’s what my hope was clinging onto.
‘For a while, I think. My ex – he’s also my business partner.
He’s taking care of it. It’s just, I’ve had a ton of responsibility over the past few years, you know?
But not directly for one living thing.’ He nodded, his expression turning serious again.
‘I mean, not including Lottie at university. She had a bit of a wild ride in the first couple of years with me, away from the prying eyes of her asshole dad.’
Jesse grunted in agreement, and I guessed he knew all about it from Cole.
‘Wild ride, huh?’ he asked quietly, risking a quick glance, eyebrows raised.
I shrugged, avoiding the innuendo.
‘For her. She just did things my way for a while until she found her own style. You know, just giving less of a fuck, making her own choices . . . ditching lectures, smoking, drinking, wild sex . . . standard shit.’ He bit his lip, rubbing the back of his neck in the same gesture as the other day, as though he was dying to say more but stopping himself.
‘It’s why her dad hates me,’ I added cheerfully.
‘But he’s in good company. My stepdad is level pegging for prick of the century. ’
‘Yeah,’ he agreed after a moment. ‘I know the feeling.’
I paused, sensing that he was opening a door to me, just enough to let me glimpse the room beyond.
‘So, is it just your mum and sisters we’re seeing today?’ I asked gently.
‘Yep,’ he replied, seemingly gathering himself together. ‘There’s Mom – Jean – and my big sisters, Clara and Belle. It’s just been us since . . . well, ever since I can remember, anyway.’
His meaning was clear, the silence between the words thick with it. He hadn’t even had a chance to find out if his dad was an asshole; his absence made it the default.
‘Anything I need to worry about?’ I asked, shrugging at his half-smile response. ‘What? You’re their baby brother.’
‘You? Nah,’ he shook his head. ‘I’ve got a feeling it’ll be me in the firing line.’
Less than an hour into the visit, I realized he was right.
His mom lived on the top floor of a low-rise condo block on the edge of town, a big, airy apartment with a view of the Tetons in the distance, beyond the town.
After the initial greetings, we got settled on the generous balcony at the back, and I was struck by the similarities in the four of them.
The same dark, sandy-coloured hair, a shared sense of relaxed confidence – even the same smiles.
Jean was tiny in comparison to Jesse’s 6’ 2”, tucking into his side as he pulled her into a hug, her neck craning right back as she beamed at him.
‘Well now,’ she finally exclaimed, reaching out to pat my arm from her chair. ‘My boy wasn’t wrong. You make quite the cowgirl – and yep, I think I agree with him – you’re just about the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen too, notwithstanding my own girls, of course.’
‘I am?’ I asked, glancing over at him, positioned furthest away in the corner, two seats left empty for his sisters, both prepping lunch in the kitchen. He sat with his ankle resting on his knee, leaning on the arm of his chair, a careful smile almost hidden in the shade under his hat.
Jean laughed.
‘Oh, he’s being all coy now,’ she replied.