Chapter 9 Hestia #2
‘Actually, Hestia,’ Dee continued, turning to me, ‘I also wanted to ask you something, now Bailey tells me you’re staying awhile.
’ She gestured towards her sleeve tattoo.
‘I’ve been getting this done by a few different artists, people I really admire, each of them adding a different element.
’ Her glance up at me was a little sheepish.
‘And I kinda looked your work up after we met, found your studio in London . . . I love your stuff, kinda obsessed with the indigo blossom designs.’
‘You want me to add to the sleeve?’ I guessed as she nodded, biting her lip.
I felt Bailey and Jesse’s eyes on me as I reached out for her arm to take a closer look.
The existing work was incredible, definitely a mix of styles and techniques, but all together, it worked.
I felt the sudden urge to do it, a creative itch in my fingers that I realized hadn’t been there for a while.
‘I’d be honoured,’ I said, smiling as she gave a small squeal of excitement. ‘Did you have something in—’
‘Yes! You really will? I mean, name your price, of course . . . Oh man, this is so cool . . . yeah – your skull, the one on the T-shirt, maybe combined with the blossom?’ Jesse shifted to my right, as though preparing to leave.
I caught his soft smile as he turned. ‘We’ve got an open day at the Jackson Collective, it’s a whole bunch of artists and creatives here, in a couple of weeks – maybe we could do it then?
We’ve got some spare kit, if you didn’t bring your own. ’
We made arrangements while Jesse and Bailey prepped some of the horses.
My mind was already buzzing with ideas, ways of integrating my design with her sleeve.
As I voiced a couple and was met with wild enthusiasm, I felt a strange sense of cohesion; a tangible snap as this element of my home life slotted right in next to the ranch and to Luci, who was now resting her head against my back.
‘You’re gonna be one busy woman,’ Bailey winked, returning from the tack room with a saddle over her arm.
‘I’m gonna ride out on Buckeye with Dee – do you wanna come?
We can take it slow? Penny could do with some exercise.
She’s getting mighty lazy since Lil’s been gone.
She’s as gentle as they come, though, perfect for a greenhorn like you. ’
I considered it for a moment, Dee clocking my hesitation.
‘It’s not as hard as it looks,’ she offered. ‘I know it’s easy for us to say when we’ve done it our whole lives, but you just need to hold on really. Penny’s a sweetheart like Bailey said, she’ll take care of you.’
I turned back to Luci, who was now beginning to nudge me.
Smiling, I took a small apple from my pocket and offered it up to her, realizing how much of my initial wariness around horses, around her, had begun to evaporate.
If a creature like Luci, previously beaten and broken by people, could learn to trust again, couldn’t I try it?
But as Bailey led Buckeye out of the stall and past us, prancing sideways a little as he checked out Luci and received shit-eye with a side of flattened ears in return, I chickened out.
‘Another time,’ I said, not missing the calculating stare from Jesse, now across the stalls with Penny. ‘If I fall off and fuck up my hand,’ I gestured to her sleeve, ‘I promise you don’t want to try my first left-handed tattoo.’
Dee grimaced.
‘Yeah, okay – deal. But maybe afterwards? Surely one of these guys might give you a lesson or two, start off in the corral, get the hang of it before riding out?’
I shrugged.
‘Sure, maybe.’
I waved them off from the entrance of the barn, laughing as Domino and Buckeye seemed determined to race each other despite Dee and Bailey’s efforts.
Eventually, beyond the main gate, as the vast meadow field opened up, the women let them fly.
In seconds, they were no more than blurs of colour shrouded in a fine dust.
‘It’s freedom,’ Jesse said, making me jump as I wandered back to Luci’s stall. He came out of the stall, hanging up Penny’s head collar on a hook. She was fully tacked up for riding.
‘What is?’ I asked, forcing myself to keep my distance.
He gestured out towards the meadow.
‘That’s why we love to ride,’ he clarified.
‘The feeling of freedom. Just you and your horse, nothing else to complicate shit.’ I didn’t try to speak into the pause between us, just took him in, steadying myself as my heart threatened to ratchet up a notch.
‘You can be alone but not lonely, if that makes sense.’
He knew it did, after our last conversation in the truck. I had a sense this was his way of reaching out, of making a bridge back between us.
I nodded, not wanting to shut him down.
‘It looks easy, but I’m sure that’s just years of practice,’ I started, stopping as he shook his head, turning back to Penny’s stall and opening the door.
‘You don’t need years,’ he added, disappearing for a moment and then leading her out, approaching me slowly and ignoring the downright satanic expression Luci pulled to my right. ‘How’s about one more favour?’
I raised my eyebrows, unsure where this was going.
‘I know Lottie’s asked you to help with the cookout this weekend, and thing is, the easiest way to get down to the spot we use is to ride.
I’m taking some guests out in half an hour, but we could do just five, ten minutes now, in the corral.
I’ll show you how to get on, hold on, just walk around a little.
What do you think? I swear I won’t let anything happen to your hands.
’ He smirked a little, sneaking the quickest glance over the rest of me.
‘Or anything else. Penny is our very best beginner’s horse, not a mean bone in her body. ’
My gut reaction was to refuse. It wasn’t just the thought of sitting on top of a massive animal with a tiny brain, sweet and unassuming though Penny looked.
It was knowing that Jesse would touch me again, that the fires he would light across my skin would threaten to merge into one and burn me from the inside out.
But . . . as I looked between his open expression, the clarity in his stormy eyes, and Penny’s calm, stoic vibe . . . I couldn’t refuse him.
‘Five minutes,’ I murmured, unable to help matching his smile.
I followed him out into the corral, half blinded by the sunlight after the peaceful gloom of the barn. My heart was pounding as we walked across the soft dirt.
‘All right,’ he said, giving Penny a pat on the neck as I stood next to her, suddenly conscious of the enormous gap between the ground and the stirrup Jesse had just pulled down.
‘If you put your left boot in the stirrup and your left hand on the pommel –’ He waited for me to do so, stretching as high as I could reach while she stayed mercifully still.
‘Then on three, you push up, and I’ll lift you the rest of the way. ’
Swallowing, I nodded, waiting for his countdown – and on three, as I pushed off the ground, his strong hands gripped either side of my waist, lifting me as easily as . . .
Flashes of our hook-ups thundered into my mind, but almost before I realized it, I’d swung my leg over Penny’s back and was sitting astride her. The imprint of his hands remained as he stood back, grinning. Penny all but dozed next to his arm, utterly unperturbed.
‘Holy shit,’ I murmured, registering just how far away the ground was.
He chuckled.
‘Right foot into the other stirrup,’ he said, adjusting the reins and hooking them over the pommel.
I nudged the toe of my boot in and tried to adjust myself in the saddle, surprised at how comfortable it actually was, the way the raised back and tall pommel held me in place.
‘Now, sit back a little, keep your back straight – that’s it, that’s perfect,’ he instructed, clicking his tongue and holding the reins at Penny’s head to ask her to walk forward.
The motion was strange, a gentle rolling from side to side, but as I sat back, trying to move with it as I’d seen Lottie do before, it wasn’t as terrifying as I’d imagined.
‘This is . . . okay,’ I said, smiling as he beamed at me, walking backwards to check my position as Penny walked slowly on. ‘Do I need to hold the reins?’
‘Sure,’ he replied, before explaining how they worked, his fingers brushing against mine as he lifted the soft leather into my right hand. ‘Try a stop with her, just a gentle pull towards you.’
He let go of her head, her small ears pricking towards him. I did as he’d instructed, pulling back for a moment and staring at him in astonishment as she came to an easy stop.
‘I did it!’ I said stupidly, before leaning down as much as I dared to pat her neck.
‘You look good up there,’ he said, taking me in as he adjusted his hat. ‘Natural cowgirl.’
As I opened my mouth to protest, he moved closer, gently taking my boot in his hand and sliding it out from the stirrup, keeping his hand on my leg.
‘Were you nervous?’ he asked, looking straight up into my face.
For a second we were back in his truck, hands clasped, moments from a kiss that felt as though it might change it all.
In a whisper, he added, ‘No dancing, Jessica.’
Everything around us blurred into nothing; even the fact that I was sitting astride a horse faded away.
‘Not of riding,’ I murmured, my pulse beginning to pound as his eyes flared.
‘Unhook your other boot,’ he ordered, a new, raw quality entering his voice. ‘Then swing your right leg over the front and slide down. I’ll catch you.’
I hesitated, feeling the ground being pulled from beneath me, slowly. But I did it anyway, his hands clasping my waist in the same place as I dismounted. This time, they didn’t let go.
‘Why do I make you nervous?’ he asked, waiting for me to look up, not knowing what to do with my hands, our bodies just inches apart. I met his eyes again, every feeling and emotion rushing in together and meeting with a crash.
‘I don’t trust myself around you,’ I whispered. ‘Every time you touch me . . .’
He clenched his jaw, leaning down.
‘I don’t know how much longer I can go without having you touch me, Jessica,’ he said, running one finger up from my chest, slowing at the nape of my neck. ‘No matter how much I imagine it, or how many times I fuck my own hand in the shower. I want it to be you. I want you.’
I held my breath, vaguely aware that Penny had wandered off in the corral, of the sounds of distant voices, that we weren’t alone.
Reaching between us, I ran my fingers over his belt buckle, increasing the pressure as I moved down. His grip on my waist hardened, his finger trailing up to my jaw, hooking it under my chin to bring me closer.
‘You coming out on the ride today, Hestia?’
Cole’s voice was distant enough that Jesse and I didn’t spring apart, still held in each other’s stare.
‘Not today,’ I called back, keeping my focus on Jesse, knowing he’d read between the lines. ‘Soon, though.’
‘Promise?’ he whispered, his thumb tracing my lower lip for a moment.
I almost lost it there and then, only just withstanding the violence of the urge to consume him, to let him consume me right there.
I nodded, not sure there was a choice any more. Knowing, with more certainty than I’d known anything before, that I wanted him right back.