Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
JOANIE
As I drive away from Greg’s place, my heart feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice. I know I’m doing the right thing for myself by taking some space, but it doesn’t make it any easier. The look on his face … well, it was all I could do to leave.
With shaking hands, I pull out my phone and call Mia.
“Hey, Jo. What’s up?” Mia answers cheerfully.
I take a deep breath. “I need a place to stay for a bit. Can I get a room at the B it’s us. How do you just … make that switch?”
Mia reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I get it. Falling in love is a huge adjustment, which is scary. But you’re looking at it backward. It can also be wonderful. You have someone there to do all the awesome things you want to do with. Someone to cheer you up after a shitty day. Someone to support you through the good and the bad. Doing everything alone may seem like freedom, but it can also be a burden. I won’t tell you the transition is easy, but it’s worth it.”
“But what if —”
“It works out, and you get more than you ever dreamed of having?” Mia interrupts with a smirk.
“That’s not what I was going to say at all,” I reply drily.
She rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t let fear rob you of something great, Jo.”
I swallow hard. “I know. And I thought I was ready to make that leap. I left because I needed some time to wrap my head around it. To make sure I’m ready.”
Mia nods understandingly and refills my wine glass. We sit in companionable silence, sipping our wine and eating chocolate.
“So, have you talked to Carrie about whether she’s willing to file a report over the incident with Ned?” I ask, changing the subject.
Mia shakes her head sadly. “She said she didn’t even know that was happening, and she’s already overwhelmed between finishing her degree and dealing with our parents. But I’m pretty sure Nate is planning to.”
“Good. That asshole needs to be stopped,” I mutter darkly. I sigh heavily, unsure why I brought up another depressing topic. I rack my brain for good news, then remember my meeting earlier. “Oh, I met with the boundary definition expert today. He said he should have something preliminary for us in about a week. The boundary review committee will make changes anyway, but it’s a start.”
Mia smiles. “That’s great news. Thanks for handling all of that, Jo. I know it’s a lot of work.”
I shrug. “It’s what I’m good at. And I want to help.” I don’t deny that it isn’t just for Nate and Mia’s sake; Greg was a big part of my decision to take this on. My thoughts run in circles, so I decide distraction would be a better tactic.
“Is there still a place we can watch movies in this joint?” I ask.
Mia nods. “Your room has a TV with satellite cable. Come on. Let’s go watch something that’ll have us peeing laughing.”
I pull a face and laugh. “As long as there’s more wine and chocolate.”
“What do you take me for? Of course there is,” Mia assures me.
So we spend the rest of the evening watching old-school Jim Carrey movies and polishing off the wine and chocolate. And I know I gave her shit, but it’s the exact combination of nostalgia, comfort, and easy companionship that I needed.
* * *
The next day, I wake up alone, Mia having ducked out at likely an ungodly hour to head into the bakery. I’m grateful because now that I’m rested and calm, I have the headspace to reflect on yesterday’s events.
My conclusion? I’m a fucking moron.
I love Greg. I want to be with him. And yes, I’ll be giving something up to do that. But Mia is right; I could gain so much more. If anyone is worth the risk, it’s my mountain man. Even through what could’ve been a horrible, relationship-ending misunderstanding, he was nothing but apologetic, concerned, and considerate. And the man knows how to destroy my pussy in the best way possible. A combination I thought impossible, yet here we are.
Could this all blow up in my face? Sure. But anything worth having is also worth the risk. And if anyone is worth that risk, Greg is.
Funny how a little distance and perspective can make you see through all of your bullshit.
Mia was also right that when I know what I want, I go after it. So I get my ass out of bed, throw on some tight jeans and a blouse that makes my small tits look luscious, and head out to drop in on Greg at the community center.
Though the late January midday temperature is a nipple-freezing cold — not literally thanks to a thick jacket — I’m once again bowled over by how gorgeous this place is. A light snow must’ve fallen earlier this morning; everything glitters as the sun reflects off the fast-melting crystals. I drive slowly because Greg’s nickname for me is apt: I’m a city girl through and through, and driving in snow and ice is not my favorite.
Still, I’m nearly vibrating with anticipation and excitement when I get there, though the building is quiet as I enter. I peek my head in Greg’s partially closed office door to find him at his desk, hunched over some paperwork. His chin is leaned on one strong forearm, a wayward curl gracing his forehead. His strong jaw is clenched, and I wonder if it’s the paperwork or the tough conversation from yesterday evening.
“Hey,” I say softly.
His eyes snap up, surprise evident on his face. He scans me from head to toe, and I suppress a shiver under his gaze. “Joanie. Hey. I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”
I step inside, closing the door behind me. “Do you have a minute to talk?”
“For you? Always,” he says, gesturing for me to sit. I perch on the edge of the chair opposite his desk. “How was your night?”
I huff a small laugh. “Better than I expected it to be. Mia and I had a girls’ night. Wine, chocolate, and Jim Carrey. It was great, actually. You?”
He pushes out a breath. “Honestly? Rough.”
I grimace. “I’m sorry.”
He waves a hand dismissively. “It’s not your fault. It wasn’t just what went down between us, anyway. This thing with my dad … I guess it’s affecting me more than I thought it would,” he admits.
My mouth forms a small “O” of surprise. I don’t know why I hadn’t remembered that he had gone to Seattle in the first place to talk to his cousin about the lawsuit. And I didn’t even ask. But then, the sudden reappearance of his ex forcing me to face my feelings was a little distracting.
“God, Greg, I forgot. Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
He leans forward, steepling his hands under his nose. “Maybe later. What was it that you wanted to talk about?”
“Oh,” I say, uncharacteristically sheepish. “Yeah. That.” I take a subtle deep breath. “If you still want to, I’d like to keep seeing you. I feared committing to this would mean giving up parts of myself that I considered vital. But … you’re more vital to me.” I shake my head, annoyed that I still can’t seem to say those three words. I look up into his eyes. “This is just new territory for me. But I want to be here. With you.”
He leans forward, his blue eyes earnest, and opens his mouth to respond, but he’s interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. We both turn toward it to see an older gentleman looking in expectantly. “I’m sorry to interrupt. I’m here for my training appointment,” he says.
Greg rises. “Of course, Bob, I’ll be right out.”
I stand up and step toward the door. “I’m sorry, I should’ve realized you’d be busy. I’ll go.”
Greg gently pulls me toward him as if waiting for me to protest. When I don’t, he holds my hands and looks down into my eyes. “I am, but we can continue this later. If you want.”
“This evening?” I offer.
“I’d like that.”
“All right. Meet me at the B&B at six. I’ll make dinner.”
His eyebrows jump. “I thought you didn’t cook.”
I shrug lightly. “I said I don’t cook, not that I can’t.”
Greg chuckles. “You never stop surprising me, city girl.”
I bite into my bottom lip. “See you at six?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” His eyes drop to my lips, and my breath catches in my throat. But instead of kissing me, he pulls me into his embrace. The feeling I get with his strong arms encircling me is almost harder to resist than his lips on mine. “If I kiss you, I’m afraid I won’t want to stop,” he murmurs in my ear.
I nod against his chest before pulling away. “Later,” I promise.
He dips his chin in response, and I turn to leave.
Once I get in the car, I let out a sigh of relief. I’ve taken the first step. And I’ll take the next one tonight. I can do this.
Focusing back on the task at hand, I glance at the clock and realize it’s just after one. If I wait until two, I can avoid Ned at the grocery store. But if I want to do the braised beef I’m thinking of, I’d need to get it going as soon as possible. Since it’s the only thing I know how to cook that’s both easy and impressive, I don’t have another alternative short of asking Mia to cook something for me. But that would defeat the point. Cooking for him is a big deal for me. I don’t cook for anyone, not even myself. And I want to show him that he’s special.
That aside, I also refuse to let one creep deter me from my plans.
Mind made up, I start the car and head toward the grocery store.
A few minutes later, I park and step out, squaring my shoulders as I march into the store. I pass the register but don’t see anyone in the store, not even another shopper. Ned must be in the back, and it seems it’s not only the women of Alpine Ridge avoiding him these days.
With a smirk, I head to the refrigerated meat section at the back of the store.
I’m examining the few available chuck roasts when I feel a presence behind me.
“Well, hello there, beautiful.” There’s no mistaking Ned’s lecherous voice. And now that I know exactly what kind of predator he is, I’m not playing games anymore.
I whirl around to face him. “If it isn’t the disgusting creep who tried to drug me and my friend.”
Ned’s eyes widen, and he lets out a nervous laugh. “I would never do anything like that to a beautiful lady like you.” He steps closer, backing me up against the beef case. “I thought we had a connection.”
“We definitely do not, and if you don’t get away from me, you will regret it.”
An unsettling, leering grin splits his wide mouth. “Oh, come on, baby, you don’t have to play hard to get. I’ve got what you want right here.”
He grabs my wrists, wrenching them down toward his crotch. His grip is so tight it hurts. The thought of being forced to touch his dick, even over his pants, almost makes me vomit on the spot.
I attempt to pull away, but he’s stronger than I’d expected. While he may have strength, I have smarts. And training. So before he can force my hands where he wants them, I jerk upward just enough to duck under his arms, swinging my knee up as I move to his side. I aim for his crotch, but he bends forward, and I end up landing the blow to his stomach.
Even better.
It knocks the air out of him, and he releases me in surprise.
The thing is, taekwondo isn’t about attacking. They train you to escape a dangerous situation first, whenever possible. But this guy? He needs to be taught a lesson. And he’s about to be taught one by someone he assumed was too small and weak to fight back.
It’s all to ensure he can’t do me more harm.
Really.
Because, in fact, my wrists are throbbing so badly from being wrenched around that I decide in the few seconds it takes him to get upright and whirl on me that a roundhouse kick to the chest is the only way to make sure he doesn’t get back up next time.
As soon as my booted foot lands in the center of his chest, the “Oh shit, what the hell did I get myself into” look flashes across Ned’s face. Well, for the split second he has before he goes flying backward, landing on the shelves behind him. The display crashes under his weight, sending dozens of wrapped cuts of meat tumbling over him as he, the shelves, and the broken stand collapse.
With Ned howling in pain and down for the count, I don’t stick around to savor the moment. I race out of the store, adrenaline pumping through my veins.
As soon as I’m back in my car and on the road, I can see the angry welts and marks on my wrists that I know from experience are only going to get worse over the next few minutes. I take a few deep breaths before driving straight to the hospital in Ellensburg.
When I get there just over thirty minutes later, the intake nurse takes one look at my wrists and face, where there’s a bruise I hadn’t noticed — probably a glancing blow I didn’t feel when I jerked Ned’s arms up — and tells me that they’ll get someone from the sheriff’s office to come by after I’m treated.
Still, given the volume of higher-priority cases, it takes a few hours before they can get to me. Once they’ve assessed and photographed my bruises, I have to wait another hour for the sheriff to show up so that I can give an official statement. I make sure to tell him about today and seeing Ned try to drug Carrie on New Year’s Eve. I even mention the coffee cup with his prints that I never drank from. I’d intended to find a way to get it tested, but I’m betting that’s about to be taken care of.
“All right, ma’am. I’ll get this report filed this evening, and someone should be up to collect the evidence you mentioned tomorrow. I assume you’d like to press charges?” He gives me a look that clearly says, “You’d better press charges.”
“Absolutely,” I say firmly.
He nods his approval, his lips pressed into a thin line that tells me exactly how he feels about men who abuse women. “With any luck, what you’ve given us will allow us to nail this bastard.”
Once he leaves, I’m given my discharge papers. As I head back to the car, exhausted and realizing that making dinner for Greg is out, I check my phone to see if there’s time to pick up something on my way back.
I find that it’s after six, when I was supposed to meet Greg, and I have a few missed texts, one call, and a voicemail. All from Greg.
I contemplate calling, but this is a conversation I want to have in person, so I send him a text instead, letting him know that I’m okay and that I’ll be there in a half hour or so to explain everything.
When I return to the B&B, Greg is pacing the sitting room. He takes one look at me and stops in his tracks. The anger on his face makes me take a step back.
“Who did this to you?” he demands. I can practically hear his teeth grinding together from here.
“Ned. But I’m betting he looks worse,” I offer. The veins on Greg’s forehead visibly flex, and I hold up my hands. “Let me explain. I’m fine, I promise.”
The door opens, and a couple I’ve never seen walk in. They give us a friendly, though curious smile as they make their way through the sitting room and up the stairs, presumably to their room.
“Let’s go to my room,” I say, sliding my hand into Greg’s and pulling him down the hall.
When we get inside, I find the bed made up and my things folded onto the armchair in the corner. I settle on the end of the bed and pull Greg down next to me. Then I tell him what happened at the grocery store. Greg grows even quieter as I talk, his jaw clenching and his hands curling into fists.
When I finish, he looks like he’s ready to blow a fuse. “I’m going to fucking kill him,” he grits out.
I close my eyes briefly and shake my head. “Don’t you see? You don’t need to do a damn thing. He’s finally going to get his.”
Greg’s jaw grinds. “I fucking hope so.” His unfocused eyes finally zone in on me. “Why’d you go there, Joanie? You promised me you’d be more careful.”
My brow furrows. “That’s what you’re focusing on in all of this?”
He shakes his head. “I’m glad you’re safe. But I hate that you put yourself in harm’s way like that. Again .”
I bristle at his tone. “I can take care of myself, Greg. You know that.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “I know. But I feel like you have this need to prove it. And promises mean something to me, Joanie.”
I reel back like he slapped me. “So I’m just supposed to not go places I might run into someone unsavory because you’re afraid for me? Even when I’m not?”
Greg’s nostrils flare. “Maybe you should be a little more afraid. There’s such a thing as being too fearless.”
An ironic laugh escapes me. Given that I’d planned to use this evening to show him that I wasn’t letting my fear of commitment stop me from being with him, I find this twist particularly infuriating. I was prepared to accept him for who he is and what we could be to each other. But maybe he’s not ready to do the same. Maybe I had him all wrong.
“I think you should go,” I tell him, standing abruptly and pointing at the door.
“I think we should talk about this,” he insists, rising and putting himself in front of me.
“Talk about what, how you want me to become your cooperative little woman? Newsflash: I’m your city girl, mountain man. I come with self-defense training that I’m not afraid to use. I don’t let creepy jerks who think they can get away with threatening women keep me from living my life. And I also don’t let misogynistic assholes who think they can change me do it either.”
“You know that’s not who I am or what I’m saying,” he responds.
I look at him like he’s nuts. “Sounds like it to me.”
“Then, obviously, we need to start over. I —”
I hold up a hand. “Don’t bother. If you won’t leave, I will.” I grab my bag from the closet and shove the clothes from the chair into it.
And then I walk out without looking back.
* * *
One sleepless night later, I get a call from the sheriff’s office asking to collect the coffee cup evidence. I arrange to meet them at the bakery. Since I hadn’t felt like talking about it last night, I need to fill Mia in this morning before the town gossips do. Even though I still don’t feel like reliving that awful, strange turn our relationship just took. Or former relationship? Either way, our fight in my room wasn’t quiet, and apparently, all the other rooms were full. And if I’ve learned anything about Alpine Ridge, it’s that news travels fast.
I meet the deputy outside the bakery, though as soon as I walk in, I can see the questions all over Mia’s face. Rae at least has the good manners to pretend she wasn’t watching.
I instantly put Mia out of her misery, telling her everything that had happened since I last saw her: talking to Greg, planning to make him dinner, my run-in with Ned, the subsequent hospital visit, filing charges, and handing off the evidence to the sheriff’s deputy just now. I leave out all the relationship stuff and our fight last night. I can fill Mia in on that later when it’s just her and me.
To that end, since I need some distance from Greg to clear my head, literally and metaphorically, I decide to spend the weekend at Mia and Nate’s. It gives me time to tell Mia everything that went on with Greg. However, I don’t wallow in it or let her dissect it endlessly. I try not to think much about it at all. It’s still too raw. And I still have no idea how to feel or what to do next.
On Saturday evening, Nate pulls me aside.
“Mia told me what Ned did,” he says, his normally warm eyes hard. “I’m going down to the sheriff’s office first thing Monday to give my statement about what I saw at the New Year’s Eve party.”
I give him the most grateful look I can muster, given everything that’s going on in my head right now. “Thanks, Nate. Every bit helps.”
Despite Nate and Mia’s support, the week is torture. They work every day. I spend my days mostly with Simba, looking for jobs in Seattle. Something I’ve been putting off to see how things panned out here, but it’s time to at least start thinking about my options again. Unfortunately, January isn’t a great time to be unemployed, apparently, so that’s a dead end for now.
Thankfully, at the end of the week, I get the proposed boundary definition from my contact. I immediately head to the county clerk’s office and file the petition, a thrill running through me for the first time in a while. We’re one step closer to helping Mia and Nate and to me taking a break from Alpine Ridge. I should have a few weeks until I need to be here for the initial boundary review meeting, so I think I might head back to Seattle. Hopefully being home and on my own for a bit will help me get my head back on straight so I can refocus on what I really want my path forward to look like.
I must not have had good reception as I drove as I notice a voicemail when I return from the county clerk’s office. It’s from the sheriff. The coffee cup had Ned’s prints, and the coffee was spiked with ketamine. They’re waiting on a warrant but plan to arrest him formally as soon as they get it. They also request that I remain available to testify when it goes before a judge.
I sit down heavily on the guest room bed, relief and anger and a million other emotions swirling inside me. Ned will face consequences for his actions. But my personal life is still a mess, and it looks like I’ll be here for a bit longer. So no escaping to get back in touch with myself. For now, anyway.
In any case, I also realize that Greg should know that the coffee cup stunt worked. Not that I expect that to convince him the risk was worth it, but because it’s his cousin, and there’s bound to be more blowback once he’s arrested. I may not be sure what is going on between Greg and me anymore, but I can’t let this blindside him.
I shake my head, laughing at myself when I realize how much I must really care about him to look out for him even when I’m angry.
Which makes me reflect on that anger a little more. Even though he made me feel like he doesn’t accept me as I am, I know I probably overreacted. And because I’ve never been prone to overreacting or extreme emotions, that’s when I know. I’m truly in love with Greg. Because only love is that irrational.