25. Chapter 25
twenty-five
Resilience - Apashe, Alina Pash
The drive back to Jackie’s was quiet and tense. Neither Jackie nor Dimitri spoke the whole drive. Jackie wiped silent tears from her face, watching the streetlights and buildings pass.
The elevator ride was equally quiet, though the smaller space made the air feel suffocating.
Jackie felt humiliated. She did what she had to do to find Talia. But she hated what she’d let JP do to her. She hated that she hadn’t fought back harder. She hated him for taking advantage of their desperation. She hated herself for letting it go so far.
They entered the condo, and Dimitri quickly kicked off his boots, tossed his jacket over the back of the sectional and marched toward the bathroom. Jackie watched him go, hating the fact that he had barely looked at her since JP started touching her.
Tears kept a steady, silent stream down her face as she slowly pulled her jacket off and hung it on the rack, then kicked off her own boots.
Her hands hadn’t stopped shaking. She stood in the living room, listening as water began pouring in the bathroom.
She barely heard it. She stared hard at Dimitri’s jacket, her silent tears turning into stuttering sniffles.
He hated her. He must. How could he love her still after what she just did? What JP had done to her. She hated herself so much for it; Dimitri must, too.
Dimitri returned from the bathroom but paused, watching Jackie stare at his jacket as the dam finally broke.
He had watched from the corner of his eye as tears fell silently down her cheeks since they left JP’s, but it was too hard to look at her and see her so broken.
His chest ached from how hard his heart was breaking for her.
He strode forward, reaching Jackie just as her knees buckled and she fell.
He wrapped her in his arms, fighting tears of his own as she sobbed on him.
He held her for a long while, just letting her cry, until they needed to return to the bathroom.
He scooped her up in his arms, resting his cheek on her forehead.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, her hand fisting desperately through his hair as she clung to him.
He carried her into the shower and set her gently down on the bench.
Then, he reached over to shut off the water filling the bath before caressing Jackie’s cheek.
A fresh bruise was forming, darkening more of her face from the remnants of M?kail’s attack.
She’d managed to cover the old bruises with makeup, but the tears had long washed it away, showing how battered her face was.
He placed his fingers under her chin, lifting her attention to him.
“I’m going to undress you, okay?” He spoke gently.
Jackie’s eyes were red, puffy and unfocused, but she nodded when words failed her.
He untied the skirt, letting the sides fall away before reaching for her cardigan and sliding it off her shoulders.
The skin-tight teddy required effort from both of them to take off; Dimitri unhooked the bra portion and slid the straps off her shoulders, but Jackie had to stand and push it down her legs.
“I-I’m…” Jackie stuttered, trying to apologize.
Dimitri shook his head, gently pressing a finger to her lips.
“No. Get in the bath, please.” He added the “please” at the end, remembering how many choices had been taken from her.
The fingers of his other hand glanced across the bruises on her stomach, also left from her fight with M?kail.
Too many choices had been taken from her over the last few weeks.
If he thought about all the choices that had likely been taken from Talia, he would scream.
Jackie looked over at the steaming tub before turning back to Dimitri. “I need to use the toilet,” she whispered, her voice still failing her.
“Okay, come on.” He led her to the toilet and waited for her to sit.
“I’ve been humiliated enough tonight, can you—”
“Not a problem,” he interrupted. She might have barged in while he was attending to his business on Valentine’s Day, but if she needed privacy now, he’d give it. “I’ll come back in a few minutes. I want you to be in that bath when I get back, though, okay?”
She nodded, and he left, leaving the door cracked behind him. She went about her business, cleaning herself up as best she could before returning to the tub.
She gasped softly when she stepped her first foot in. Dimitri had made the water nearly scalding, just like she had during her panic attack on Thanksgiving. He returned as she was lifting her other leg into the water, and rushed over to help her. She took his hand, accepting the help.
She sank up to her chin into the hot water. She stared up at the ceiling, her body protesting the heat rather than adjusting to it. She didn’t want to add any cold water to it. She wanted to feel the burn, as if it might flay away the feeling of JP on her skin.
Dimitri leaned back on the bench and watched her. Jackie watched back. He had an unlit joint pressed between his lips. He looked exhausted—older somehow, as if the night had aged him, too.
“I’m sorry,” she breathed.
He shook his head, pulled the joint from his lips and stood again to pull the hair from her brow to kiss it. “You have nothing to apologize for. I hate that it happened, and that you felt like you had to do it. But I’m not mad at you. You have nothing to apologize for.”
Jackie’s throat grew tight again, and more silent tears fell.
Without saying a word, Dimitri walked to the linen closet for a washcloth.
He returned and searched through Jackie’s menagerie of cleansers for her face wash.
He handed her the prepped cloth and waited while she cleaned her face.
She sighed in relief when she finished. Her face and body ached.
She was still physically catching up from the weeks she hadn’t been eating and sleeping, making recovering from her injuries an even longer process.
Dimitri held the joint out for her, and she took it between her teeth. He pulled a lighter from his pocket and lit it. She inhaled deeply, holding the smoke before blowing it out through her nose. She took it between two fingers, holding it over the edge of the tub and sank deeper into the water.
“Can I get you something to eat or drink?” Dimitri asked.
“No, thank you,” Jackie replied quietly before sitting up to offer the joint back to Dimitri.
He held his hand out, pushing the joint back toward her as he shook his head.
“That’s for you,” he insisted. Jackie relaxed back into the water.
The silence around them felt too loud and crushing.
Dimitri put the towel he’d laid out for her on the floor and sat down next to the tub, resting his cheek on his arm, now resting on the edge of the tub.
They watched each other for a moment before Jackie asked, “Are you going to join me?”
Dimitri’s fingers traced the top of the water. “I can,” he offered. “But I figured you probably don’t want to be touched anymore today.”
Jackie looked away, hating that he was absolutely correct. She loved it when he touched her, from the brief little caresses throughout the day to when he stripped her bare and had his way with her. And now the thought of any of it made her skin crawl.
She opened her mouth, ready to apologize again, but he interrupted, “Don’t you even think about apologizing again. There’s nothing to apologize for.”
She sighed; she didn’t have the energy to argue. Instead, she pivoted. “That sucked.”
“Yeah, it did,” he agreed without hesitation before finally looking at her again. “Far worse for you than me, though.”
They stared at each other for a long while, as if their gaze might keep them both anchored somehow. Jackie took another long pull off the joint, only exhaling when she was ready to admit, “I don’t think I’m going to want to be touched for a while.”
“I figured.” He nodded. “When you decide you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”
“Thank you,” she breathed.
“And when the time comes, it’ll be like the first time all over again. Your body will know nothing but my love for you. You’ll know you’re always safe with me.”
Tears stung Jackie’s eyes again as she thanked him. She gave herself a few moments to breathe and recover before trying to speak. She was sick of crying.
“We have a week,” she stated.
“At most,” Dimitri added.
“When we get to the office, I’ll put Drew and Liv on that Anderson Holding and Shipping right off. One of the cars we saw leave Renegat had to have gone there at some point if that’s where they’re holding Talia.”
“You’re still going to the office today?” Dimitri asked. It was Friday, but Jackie had just experienced another physically and emotionally traumatic event. She needed rest, not more work.
“We are running out of time,” she pushed. She hesitated before adding, “And I’m going to go talk to Kendra.”
Dimitri relaxed a bit at that. At least if she was going to see Kendra, she was taking care of herself. He’d still prefer she stay home and wait until Monday, but he wasn’t going to argue.
“Fine, you can go see Kendra. I will talk to Drew and Liv. Once you’re done, I want you back home and rotting on the couch.”
Jackie chuckled and brought the joint back to her mouth. She stayed pensive while holding the smoke in her lungs. Dimitri watched her eyes fall back to the water, her whole face falling with them.
“I’m going to call my doctor’s office as soon as they open,” she said quietly, the smoke puffing out of her mouth.
Dimitri nodded. “Probably for the best.”
“I’m in a lot of pain,” she admitted. Dimitri stared at her, heart breaking again. He was proud and grateful that she was actually admitting it, but also hated that she was experiencing it. “And there was some blood when I went to the bathroom.” She bit her lip, fighting more tears.
Dimitri reached toward her, gently caressing the arm that hung over the side of the tub. His face hardened as his eyes fell distant. Jackie glanced over when he didn’t speak, noting that he’d seemingly disappeared into himself.
She could see it.
She could see the calculation. She watched as he pictured ripping JP to shreds for hurting her.
Jackie reached out and gripped Dimitri’s bicep, squeezing gently to draw his attention back to her. The intensity remained when he finally met her gaze. “As soon as Talia is safe and at home, JP dies,” Jackie said quietly, but with a ferocity he hadn’t seen in her since before Theo died.
A small smile quirked one corner of his mouth. He pulled Jackie’s hand from his bicep and kissed her palm. “Dead man walking,” he agreed.