Chapter 18 Lies by Omission #2
Two weeks became three. Then four. Mara started checking her phone obsessively. Jumped every time it buzzed. Told herself that no news was good news, that if something had happened she'd have heard through official channels. But the not knowing was its own kind of torture.
Nadia found her on the dock one night, staring at her phone. "Still nothing?"
"Still nothing. It's been four weeks. He said two weeks, maybe three if things got complicated." Mara set the phone down. "I know I'm being ridiculous. I know deployments run long. I know he'll call when he can."
"But that doesn't make the waiting easier."
"No. It really doesn't." Mara looked out at the dark water. "Is this what it's going to be like? Me waiting and worrying every time he deploys? Him doing the same when I'm on ops?"
"Probably. That's the reality of what you both do." Nadia sat down beside her. "Question is whether it's worth it."
Was it worth it? Mara thought about Logan's laugh. About the way he understood her without her having to explain. About video calls that made her feel less alone even when they were a thousand miles apart. About the week in New Orleans and the promise that they'd find a way to make this work.
"Yeah," she said finally. "It's worth it."
Her phone rang. Mara grabbed it so fast she almost dropped it. Logan's name on the screen. She answered before the second ring. "Logan?"
"Hey." His voice was rough, tired, but unmistakably him. "Sorry it took so long. Things got complicated."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. We're all fine. Just took longer than expected and communication was locked down tight." She could hear the exhaustion in his voice. "We're back at base now. Should be stateside in a day or two."
"Good. That's good." Mara felt the tension drain from her shoulders. He was safe. He was coming home. "I was starting to worry."
"I know. I'm sorry. I tried to get word to you but there was no way to communicate without compromising security." He paused. "This is going to be our life, isn't it? Me deploying and you worrying. You on ops and me going crazy wondering if you're okay."
"Looks that way."
"Can you handle that?"
"Can you?" Mara countered.
Logan was quiet for a moment. "I think so. Because the alternative is not having you. And that's worse than the worry."
"Yeah. Same." Mara smiled. "Come see me when you get back. Take that long weekend we talked about. I'll show you the real Louisiana."
"It's a date. Give me a week to debrief and deal with the post-deployment chaos. Then I'm all yours."
They talked for another twenty minutes before Logan had to go. When they hung up, Mara sat on the dock for a while longer, watching the bayou and thinking about what the next few months would look like. More deployments. More operations. More time apart than together.
But also more calls and texts and video chats. More visits when they could manage it. More moments stolen from the chaos of their lives. More building something real despite the distance and the danger and the complications.
Nadia was right. This was what their life would be. The waiting and the worrying and the relief when the phone finally rang. The balance between the mission and the relationship. The constant negotiation of what they could share and what had to stay classified or secret.
It wouldn't be easy. But nothing worth having ever was.
A week later, Logan showed up at a small airstrip outside Lafayette. Mara picked him up and for a moment they just held each other, making up for four weeks of nothing but voices through phones.
"You look good," she said, pulling back to look at him. "Deployment agreed with you."
"Deployment sucked. But being back with my team felt right." Logan kissed her. "This feels better though."
They spent the weekend exploring the bayou.
Mara took him out on a boat through the cypress swamps, showed him where she'd grown up before everything went wrong, introduced him to the parts of Louisiana that tourists never saw.
They ate at places that didn't have names, just local spots where the food was incredible and the people knew Mara by sight if not by name.
At night, they stayed in a small cabin Mara had rented. Nothing fancy, just a roof and a bed and a porch that overlooked the water. They made love and talked until dawn and existed in their own bubble where deployments and operations didn't matter.
On Sunday night, lying on the porch watching stars, Logan said, "I've been thinking about us. About how this works long-term."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I'm not deploying again for at least two months. Which means I can visit more. We can actually see each other instead of just talking through screens." He turned to look at her. "I want more of this. More time together. More moments that aren't stolen or rushed."
"Me too." Mara laced her fingers through his. "We'll make it work. However we have to."
"Even when it's hard?"
"Especially when it's hard."
Logan pulled her close and they lay there watching the stars, both of them knowing that tomorrow he'd fly back to North Carolina and she'd return to L'Abri S?r. That it would be weeks before they saw each other again. That the distance and the deployments and the complications weren't going away.
But for tonight, they had this. Had each other. Had the promise that they'd keep trying.
And for now, that was enough.
Mara drove Logan to the airstrip Monday morning. They said goodbye the way they always did now. Long kiss. Promises to call. Plans for the next visit. Then watching him walk away until he disappeared into the small terminal building.
She drove back to L'Abri S?r with a full heart and an empty passenger seat. Quinn was waiting with new intelligence. Dallas target was heating up. They needed to move within the week.
Mara looked at the files and felt the familiar shift inside herself. The operator coming forward. The woman who'd built L'Abri S?r from nothing and who wouldn't stop until every person who needed help got it.
But now there was another part of her too. The part that thought about Logan's laugh and his hands and the way he understood her. The part that counted down days until the next visit. The part that had learned to love someone despite knowing how hard it would be.
Both parts could exist. Both parts did exist. The operator and the woman in love. The leader and the girlfriend. The mission and the relationship.
It wasn't easy. But it was real.
And real was worth fighting for.