40. Rae
40
RAE
Now
M ost people love their birthdays, but I’ve always kind of hated mine.
Not because I’m one of those women who’s afraid of aging—I’ve always been a firm believer that I’m like a good bottle of wine, only getting better with time—but because it’s hard to be excited about the day you were born when everyone who was there when you first entered the world is gone.
It’s been over a decade since I’ve woken up to phone calls from anyone who can tell me what the weather was like on the day of my birth, how long Mommy was in labor, or what the nurse I was named after looked like. I mean, I know the stories because I haven’t always been alone on this day, but I don’t get to hear them anymore, and it sucks.
Since becoming a mom, most of my birthdays have been low-key, consisting of spending time with Riley or just lounging around with no bra on. That was my original plan for this year, too, but Aaron talked me into doing things differently. I still got to spend some time with Riley and relax at home, just not for long. We spent an hour this morning watching cartoons while munching on the breakfast Aaron and Marcy prepared for me, but after that, I had to get up and out the door to go to a spa day Aaron booked for me, Dee, and Jayla at the Cerros Hotel downtown.
We spent the entire afternoon being pampered and treated like queens, and now that we’re dressed, relaxed, and all dolled up, we’re on our way up to the rooftop restaurant for dinner.
“This has been such a great day,” Jayla says, her ebony skin sparkling under the lights in the elevator. “I’ve always wanted to have dinner on the rooftop. People say it has the most amazing view of the city.”
Dee smiles and wraps an arm around me. “Only the best for our girl.”
“Not you acting like you planned the day,” Jayla scoffs while I laugh at my best friend’s silliness.
“You really think Aaron came up with all of this on his own? The whole spa day in the penthouse suite was my idea.”
“Yeah, probably because you’ve been wanting to do it and didn’t want to have to pay for it,” I quip, not mad at all because I don’t care how it’s all happened; I’m just glad that it did. Today has been nice.
“Damn right,” Dee returns, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Cost him a pretty penny too.”
She and Jayla high-five at that, and I just shake my head at the two of them. The elevator beeps, announcing our arrival at the rooftop, and the doors glide open, welcoming us to the outdoor dining experience.
“Hello, beautiful,” Aaron says, extending a hand to me.
I take it with a smile on my face because I am actually glad to see him. “Hi, I didn’t know you’d be here.”
He pulls me into him, kissing me on the cheek. “Well, I have one more surprise for you.”
Every time Aaron has proposed to me, he’s gotten this look. It’s a confusing mix of determination and fear that makes his eyes wild, but his features still in the most disconcerting way. He’s got that look tonight, and as he leads me away from the elevator back toward the dining area, I glance back at Dee and Jayla to see if they know what we’re about to walk into. They both shrug and shake their heads, and I don’t know whether to feel relieved that Aaron hasn’t mentioned proposing to them or freaked the fuck out that he’s playing things close to the vest.
“SURPRISE!” The collective shout—which comes from a group of people that are mostly strangers to me—erupts as soon as we round the corner, and I jolt, placing my hand over my heart as I force myself not to scream.
“Oh!” I’m partly relieved to see so many people because Aaron has never proposed to me in public before, but I’m still on high alert because of that tell-tale expression. He’s got it turned in my direction right now, only it’s obscured by a smile as he gestures at the crowd of people gathered around one long, candle-lit table with a wide sweep of his arm.
“Do you like it?” He asks, searching my face. “It’s a surprise party. Everyone came out to celebrate you.”
“I love it,” I whisper, willing the words to be true.
Aaron grins at me. “I knew you would! Come on, let me introduce you to everyone.”
Using our linked hands, he drags me away from Dee and Jayla and into the sea of unfamiliar faces that are mostly his co-workers or old friends. Everyone, including his previously bitchy assistant, Eden, wishes me a happy birthday and tells me how beautiful I look tonight. The friendliness and generally positive vibes make me feel better about spending the last few hours of my birthday with these people. I tell Aaron as much after dinner when he’s holding me close and spinning me around the small space in front of the table that’s been designated as a dance floor.
“I wasn’t sure if you were going to like it,” he says. “I know you don’t know them all that well, but I thought it was about time that both of my worlds collided, especially since I’m about to start working on a significant merger.”
My brow furrows. “A merger? What kind of merger?”
Aaron pulls back, and my heart swan dives into my stomach as he sinks down to one knee. I cover my mouth with both my hands, aware that everyone in the crowd is now looking at us, and a few of them have their phones out.
“What are you doing?” I ask him, watching as he pulls a ring box out of his pocket. He doesn’t answer my question, but I don’t need him to because now he’s opening the box, revealing a large diamond set in a platinum band.
I never wear silver.
That’s the first thing I think when Aaron opens the box. The next thing I think is, ‘Oh no,’ because Aaron’s lips are moving, but I’m not listening. I can’t listen because my blood is roaring in my ears, and my heart is in my throat, and my knees feel weak.
This is good, right? This is how it’s supposed to feel when someone is proposing to you, and you actually want to marry them. This is the feeling I was waiting for that I didn’t have all those other times. Right? RIGHT?!
“….more than anything in this world,” Aaron says. “We’ve had our share of ups and downs over the last three months, and we’ve both made mistakes.” The emphasis he places on the word makes me sick to my stomach. “But I think the thing that’s carried us through is the knowledge that at the end of the day, we were made for each other…”
Several of the women in the audience let out breathy sighs, but I can’t draw in a single breath. My chest is tight, and there are black spots floating in my field of vision as Aaron looks up at me expectantly. And I don’t realize that I’ve done or said anything, let alone yes, until the crowd erupts in applause, and Aaron is sliding the ring onto my finger.
He drops the box, and I watch it get kicked away by the toe of his shoe when he pushes to his feet and picks me up, spinning me around in circles while everyone cheers and whoops, shouting their congratulations. Aaron sets me back on my feet, and the crowd descends on us. I’m inundated with requests to see the ring, which I grant because I don’t know what else to do. By the time I’ve finished playing the role of a hand model, Aaron has his phone out, grinning as he types out a message to someone.
I shake my head at him. “We’ve been engaged for five minutes, and you’re already giving all of your attention to your phone.”
The word ‘engaged’ feels all wrong in my mouth, but I tell myself that I’ll get used to it, that I’ll have to because I’ve said yes, and I only would have done that if I was ready to take the next step with Aaron.
“Relax, babe,” he says, turning the phone to show me what he was doing. “I was just sending the video Eden took of the proposal to my mom. She’s already shown it to Riley. She’s so psyched about being a flower girl. You don’t think Hunter will mind letting us have her the weekend of the wedding, do you?”
The moment Aaron speaks Hunter’s name, my world stops, and a sharp and incessant pain cuts a jagged line through my chest. I place my hand over my heart, and my ribs buckle under the weight of Aaron’s ring.
“Babe?” Aaron asks, confusion etching itself into his features as he watches me back away from him. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t answer him. I can’t. I just turn and run to find Dee. She’s in the corner with Jayla, and both of them look at me like I’m crazy when I stop short in front of them.
“I need your keys,” I tell Dee.
“For what?”
“I don’t have time to explain. Just give me your keys, Dee, please.”
She looks like she wants to ask me all kinds of questions, but she doesn’t. She just digs in her purse and puts the keys in my hand, letting me go without another word, even though I can feel her and Jayla’s eyes on my back as I go. I manage to avoid Aaron on my way to the elevator, and by some strange twist of fate, it’s empty and waiting when I press the call button. But I’m still impatient as I wait for it to take me down to the ground floor, as I search the parking garage for Dee’s car, as I speed across town to Hunter’s gym.
I spend the entire drive over alternating between a prayer that Riley hasn’t already called her dad and broken the news to him and a speech meant to convey my intentions to follow through with an engagement I don’t even remember agreeing to, but when I burst through the door of his office, finding him sitting at his desk doing paperwork that he immediately sets aside for me, I can’t remember the lines of my speech or the reason for my prayer.
All I see is him.
All I feel is the magnetic pull between his heart and mine.
All I am is grateful that I had the foresight to take off Aaron’s ring.
Hunter pushes back from his desk and tries to rise to his feet, but I shake my head.
“Don’t.” He cocks his head to the side, challenging my order. “Please,” I swallow, crossing the room on unsteady legs. “Just stay right there.”
When I’m right beside him, trying to angle my body between him and the desk, there’s a moment where I think he won’t move. Where I think he’ll send me away because I deserve to be sent away. But he doesn’t do that. He just glares at me silently and slides back, allowing me to sit on his desk.
“It’s your birthday,” he says finally, his voice a dark, gruff whisper. He’s mad at me, but I can still see the love in his eyes, can still feel it pulling the love I’ll always carry for him to the surface.
“I know.” I place my feet on the armrests of his chair, hiking my dress up until my thighs are bared for him.
“I didn’t get you a present.” His eyes roam down my body, traveling from my face to my heaving chest and down further to my parted thighs.
“That’s okay. I can only think of one thing I want right now anyway.”
He wants it, too. Even though he’s angry with me, he wants this, and it doesn’t take him long to admit it, first to himself with a flare of his nostrils and a subtle shake of his head and then to me, with two hands under my knees that pull my ass down to the edge of his desk and leave me with no choice but to lay back and enjoy the only present I’ll receive today that I actually wanted.
Hunter kisses the inside of my thigh, his lips rough and reverent. “Happy birthday, Sunshine.”