Chapter 3 #3
“Don’t get me wrong. My parents loved me, and I loved them.
It’s just…” She shrugged. “With so many kids, all different ages, living in a too-small house, it was easy to get overlooked. When I graduated from high school, Mom and Dad were more than ready to be empty nesters, so they gave me five hundred dollars for a deposit on an apartment.”
“They kicked you out? At eighteen?” he asked, aghast.
Belle laughed. “Don’t look so scandalized.
It wasn’t like they kicked me out on the street that same day.
It took me a couple months to figure out my work situation.
I’d been working part-time at the coffee shop and preschool during my junior and senior years, so my bosses were willing to give me more hours and set my schedule up so I could keep both jobs.
“After that, Mom and I went apartment hunting together. She and my dad and my siblings all helped me move in, and they furnished it with stuff from their homes that they didn’t need.
I took my bedroom set from home, and a couple of my sisters filled my kitchen cabinets with hand-me-down pots and pans and dishes.
My oldest brother, Jimmy, had an old TV in a guest room he let me have, and so on.
With the exception of the couch and chair, which I bought at Goodwill, my family provided everything else I needed. ”
Victor guessed that all sounded okay, but he still hated the idea of an eighteen-year-old girl living alone in Baltimore, working such long hours. There was no way in hell he would have kicked Vivian out, and Pip would have a room in his house until the day he died.
“You see your family much?” Victor asked.
Belle shrugged again. “Mom and Dad bought an RV and hit the open road about ten minutes after getting me settled. A couple of my siblings still live in Baltimore, but they’re the older ones who I never really spent a lot of time with growing up.
Flora moved to California with her wife.
We FaceTime every now and then, but she never comes back, and I’ve never really had the time or money to fly there to visit.
Between Flora and I were three brothers, and while they were all close to each other, I was considered too young to be included in their games.
There were five years between me and the next youngest, Bill, and while Mom never said it, I’m sure I was a major oopsie. ”
“There’re six years between me and Vivian, and she’s my best friend.” Victor hadn’t really intended to admit something so personal, but he was struggling to understand siblings who didn’t make time to see each other.
Belle twisted slightly in her chair so that she was facing him more fully. “She says the same about you. I’m not going to lie, I’m very jealous of your relationship.”
Victor was sorry he’d shone a light on himself, because he was shit when it came to talking about personal stuff.
Besides, now that she’d started sharing details about her life, he wanted more.
He wanted to know it all. “I can see why you’re happy at Viv’s.
Her house is pretty homey, I guess, if you don’t mind dealing with four million fucking throw pillows. ”
Belle laughed loudly as she threw her head back.
“Oh my God! Seriously. That woman has an addiction to pillows. I swear it takes her a full hour to change them according to the season or holiday, with special pillows for every room in the house and a big-ass closet dedicated to storing them when they aren’t in use.
I remember the first time I saw that closet. ” Belle shuddered dramatically.
“Bet you considered making a break for it, because only a lunatic owns that many fucking pillows. I swear to God, it takes me twenty minutes to shove the pillows aside so I can sit down on her couch. Always feel like I’m in danger of suffocating.”
Belle tilted her head, her eyes sparkling mischievously.
“I might have had some concerns she was a serial killer or something, because it really was over-the-top. Now, though, I kind of like them. And…” She paused for dramatic effect, and suddenly Victor understood where Pip had learned that trick.
“I helped her set up an organizational schematic for storing them. Complete with a—”
“List,” they both said in unison.
“She dragged you to the dark side,” Victor grumbled.
“Completely,” Belle said, unembarrassed.
“My bedroom growing up was tiny, with only enough room for a single bed and a dresser. When I needed a desk for homework, I used the dining room table. The apartment I moved into after high school was small too, everything in one room with the exception of the bathroom. The walls were paper thin, so I could hear the neighbors’ TV, as well as my own, and I was privy to way too many of their early-morning fights about whose turn it was to walk the dog.
Moving into Vivian’s house felt like a dream.
My bedroom there is bigger than my whole apartment was, and it’s just so clean and warm and inviting.
I thank my lucky stars every single day that Phil picked me to be Pip’s nanny. ”
One of the few stories Victor did know about Belle’s past was how she came to be the nanny.
How she’d made Phil’s Americanos for several years, and how much she’d impressed him with her work ethic.
It was the one thing Vivian had said over and over during those first few weeks after Pip’s birth, when he’d eventually expressed concern over a relative stranger not only moving in but being charged with his beloved, tiny niece’s care.
Vivian reassured Victor that if Phil trusted Belle, then they could too. It turned out, Phil had been right.
Victor considered everything she’d said, then recalled the way this conversation had started. “So what things are you thinking about doing now that you have the time?”
Belle leaned forward just slightly, giving him the impression she was about to impart some big secret. “I want to start dating.”
“Start?” Victor said, frowning. “You’ve never dated before?”
“Oh no,” she said, waving her hand. “I don’t mean it like that.
Of course, I’ve dated before. I had a couple somewhat serious boyfriends in high school, and I went out with another one of the baristas at the coffee shop for the better part of a year before we realized we were better off as friends.
It’s just…” She paused for a moment. “Since starting as Pip’s nanny, I haven’t bothered going out and meeting anyone.
At first, I was just trying to keep my head above water, learning how to be a nanny as I went along.
And you remember how difficult that first year was,” she said quietly, alluding to Vivian straddling the line between new mother and new widow.
Victor was still in awe of just how fucking strong and amazing his sister was.
“I remember,” he muttered.
“I didn’t want to leave her or Pip alone because they needed me. And I like being needed.”
Victor considered that response. For a young girl who’d spent the majority of her childhood being “overlooked,” he imagined it had felt good to be needed.
More than that, though, Belle had taken that responsibility very seriously.
His respect for her rose. “You could have gone on dates, Belle. Vivian never expected you to put your entire life on hold.”
“I overheard what you said to Viv the day she left,” Belle added.
Victor frowned, confused. “What I said?”
She didn’t answer right away. Instead, she looked out into the yard, her expression thoughtful in a way he didn’t see very often. “You told her she deserved to do something for herself…and I started thinking the same thing could apply to me.”
Victor nodded, aware those words did work for Belle as well. She’d put her life on hold, dedicating herself to his sister and niece, stepping in to help fill the enormous void left when Phil died.
“It does apply. You do deserve that.”
“So, since I’m about to come into some time, I’ve decided to start putting a little energy into my own future. Because if these past five years have taught me anything, it’s that I want to be a mother.”
Victor leaned back in his chair, trying to ignore how much he liked the image of a very pregnant Belle waddling around, rubbing her stomach.
Kids weren’t part of Victor’s plan for the future.
Sure, he’d considered it when he was in his twenties, but as more time passed, he’d gotten too comfortable, too content in his peaceful, unencumbered life.
This past season, he’d watched four of his teammates succumb to Cupid’s arrows, falling head over heels in love.
Hell, Preston didn’t just find the woman of his dreams, he also discovered he was a father, following a one-night stand over a year ago. Talk about instant family.
“You’d be a great mother,” he said, aware that he’d let the silence drift a little too long. Something sharp lodged in his chest. Not pain, exactly, but close enough to recognize.
“Thanks. Unfortunately, I’ve lost contact with a lot of my friends from school and my old jobs, and my social life is currently nonexistent, so I’ve subjected myself to…” She sighed heavily. “Online dating.”
He shook his head, hating that idea more than he should. “That’s a shitty way to meet people. Most of the guys on those sites are just looking to get laid.”
Belle didn’t seem to agree. “Maybe some, but I’m sure there are just as many guys who are in the same boat as me. Looking for someone to date, to spend time with.”
“It’s not safe,” he barked, when it seemed clear she was going to be hard to dissuade.
“Of course, it is. It’s not like I’m going to meet the guys for the first time in some seedy motel. I’m just going to set up coffee dates—in my old coffee shop. That’s plenty public enough, plus my boss is a great guy, and I know he’ll keep an eye on me.”
Victor wasn’t surprised that Belle’s former employers thought as highly of her as Vivian. But even knowing she’d be safe during her dates didn’t set his mind at ease.
Because he didn’t like the idea of someone else getting to see those dimples or hear that tinkling laugh or touch her.
That thought came too fast, uninvited and unwelcome.
It was also completely honest.
Fuck.
The idea of someone looking at her—really looking at her—made his chest go tight and hot all at once. He didn’t have a right to that reaction, because he wasn’t about to stake his own claim.
She was Pip’s nanny. Part of the family. He knew that. Logically and completely.
It didn’t help.
Victor’s jaw tightened. “Sounds like you’ve already signed up for it.”
Belle blushed. “A couple months ago. Though I haven’t had time to do more than message with guys. Vivian and I were busy getting ready for her trip. It’s just…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what you said to Viv. I think I deserve to do something for myself too.”
“How’s it going?” he forced himself to ask.
“Mostly awkward,” she admitted with a laugh. “I’ve endured a few strange conversations.”
He didn’t like that.
“But I’ve also started talking to a couple of guys who seem nice.”
“That’s good,” he said, the words tasting like shit.
It wasn’t good. It really wasn’t.
Belle tilted her head toward him. “You don’t sound convinced.”
“I meant what I said. You need to be careful. People aren’t always what they seem, especially online.”
“I know that, Victor.” Her words were spoken with conviction.
He studied her…and something shifted again.
Not just awareness or attraction but something deeper and way more complicated.
Because that was the moment when all the lies he’d told himself about Belle and her Mary Poppins personality faded away.
She wasn’t just easy smiles and soft laughter and loud singing and the kind of warmth that filled a room without even trying.
She was strong and intelligent and intentional. She’d dedicated years of her life to his family because she was compassionate, empathetic, and downright wonderful.
Victor leaned back, staring across the pool, as jealousy sat in his chest. “So that’s what you want? A relationship? A husband? A family?”
She nodded. “Yes. That’s what I want.”
He could feel her gaze on his face, but he didn’t turn to meet it right away. He was too afraid of what she’d see. After a moment, he was able to school his features enough to look at her. “You deserve that, Sunshine.”
He wasn’t sure where the nickname came from, but it fit.
Then he wondered if anyone had ever used a term of endearment with her, because the way her cheeks flushed bright red made him think not.
“Sunshine?” she whispered, more to herself than him.
If she was looking for an explanation, she was going to be disappointed, because he couldn’t tell her without giving away a bunch of shit he shouldn’t. Instead, he just shrugged.
Silence settled between them again, but it wasn’t easy like before. This time, it hung too heavy, weighted down, something unspoken threading through it.
Because while Victor had been sitting here, fighting hard to deny his feelings, he couldn’t help but wonder if Belle had been doing the same.
In some ways, it felt as if she’d been feeling him out.
He recalled the way her gaze lingered hungrily on his bare chest when he was working out or playing in the pool with Pip.
The way she’d run her tongue over her lip that night he foolishly let his own gaze drift lower, considering how it would feel to kiss her.
For the first time, he began to worry this attraction he felt wasn’t one-sided.
If so…
That was a big fucking problem.