Chapter 11 #2
She deserved a husband who came home at night.
Who asked about her day. Who cared whether she was happy or just surviving.
Who didn't treat marriage like a business contract with occasional visitation rights.
But I didn't know how to be that person.
My father had taught me power and paranoia.
My world had taught me that caring about people made you vulnerable.
Everyone I'd ever loved had either left or died or tried to kill me.
Giulia was standing there asking me to unlearn thirty-five years of survival instincts.
"I don't know what you deserve," I said quietly. "But I know you deserve better than what I've given you so far."
Her expression softened slightly. "That's a start."
We stood there in awkward silence. The dining room suddenly felt too small. Too intimate. I could smell her shampoo from here. I could see the pulse point in her throat and remember exactly what her skin had tasted like. I needed to leave before I did something stupid.
"I should go. It's late."
Disappointment flashed across her face before she hid it. "Of course. I'm sure you have important Pakhan business to attend to."
"Actually, I was planning to go home and drink until I passed out. But that does sound more impressive."
She almost smiled. "At least you're honest about it."
"Occasionally." I moved toward the door and then stopped. There was something I needed to say. Something that had been building since this morning. "I'm going to try."
"Try what?"
"To be better at this. At us." The words felt foreign in my mouth. "I can't promise I'll be good at it. Or that I won't fuck it up. But I'll try."
Her eyes went wide. "You're serious."
"Unfortunately." I pulled out my phone and opened my calendar. "Tomorrow night, I'll come for dinner. We can talk like normal people."
"Normal people whose marriage was arranged for political gain?"
"Normal adjacent."
This time she did smile. A real one. The kind that made her whole face light up.
"Okay. Tomorrow night, dinner." She hesitated. "Will you actually show up or is this just something you're saying to make me feel better?"
Fair question given my track record.
"I'll be here at seven. If I'm not, you have permission to send Maxim to drag me here by force."
"I'll hold you to that."
I left before I could change my mind. Before I could stay for coffee or suggest watching a movie or do any of the normal things husbands and wives did. Baby steps. That's what this was. Baby steps toward something that resembled an actual marriage.
The drive back to Manhattan felt longer than usual. Traffic had thinned out. The city lights reflected off the wet streets from an earlier rain I hadn't noticed. My phone buzzed. A text from Maxim.
Heard you went back to Silverleaf. Everything okay?
Fine. Just checking on things.
On things or on your wife?
Both. Stop being nosy.
Someone has to look out for you since you clearly can't do it yourself.
I almost smiled. Maxim had never approved of how I'd handled the Giulia situation. He'd been diplomatically silent about it, but I could read the judgment in his expressions. Another text came through. This one from Giulia.
Thank you for coming back. And for promising to try. I know it's not easy for you.
I stared at the message. How did I respond to that?
See you tomorrow at seven. Don't let Helen make too much food.
Too late. She started planning the menu the second you left.
Of course she did.
Dimitri, one more thing.
What?
I'm trying too. To not hate you and to give this a chance. Just so you know.
I read the message three times. Each time it hit differently.
She was trying. Despite everything I'd done. Despite abandoning her and treating her like an obligation instead of a person. She was still trying.
Which meant I owed her the same effort.
I know. Sleep well, Giulia.
I sent it and immediately felt like an idiot again. Sleep well, like we were pen pals instead of married. But her reply was simple.
You too.
The driver pulled up to my building. I rode the elevator to the penthouse and walked into rooms that suddenly felt emptier than usual.
No music playing. No books scattered on tables.
No sign that anyone actually lived here.
Just expensive furniture and good vodka and the crushing silence of a life lived alone.
I poured myself a drink and stood at the window looking out at Manhattan. Somewhere out there in Silverleaf, Giulia was probably in that library still. Reading my files, learning my world, and trying to understand the man she'd married.
Good luck to her. I barely understood myself most days.
Tomorrow night I'd go back. Sit through dinner and try to have a normal conversation. Maybe start building something that resembled an actual relationship. The thought terrified me more than any bullet ever had. But Giulia's words kept echoing in my head.
It takes more courage to open up to someone than it does to kill them.
Maybe she was right. Maybe the bravest thing I could do wasn't leading the Bratva or winning wars or surviving my father's legacy. Maybe the bravest thing was showing up at seven tomorrow and trying to be someone worthy of the woman who was still trying not to hate me.
I finished my drink and made a mental note to clear my calendar for tomorrow night.
No meetings. No emergencies. No excuses.
Just dinner with my wife. It shouldn't feel like planning a military operation, but that's what happened when you'd spent your entire adult life avoiding intimacy like it was a communicable disease.
My phone buzzed one more time. Another text from Giulia.
Are you really going to show up tomorrow or should I prepare for disappointment?
I smiled despite myself.
I'll be there. Scout's honor.
Were you ever a scout?
No. But I watched a lot of American movies. I know how these things work.
That's not reassuring.
Trust me anyway.
Long pause.
I'm trying to.
I set my phone down and headed to bed. Tomorrow would come whether I was ready or not. And for the first time since becoming Pakhan, I was actually looking forward to something that didn't involve violence or strategy. Just dinner and conversation with my wife.
Assuming I didn't panic and find an excuse to cancel before seven. No. I wouldn't do that. I'd promised. And despite what Giulia thought, I kept my promises.
Even the ones that scared me.
Especially those.