Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
NATALIE
I was so engrossed in the numbers on my screen that I didn't hear him approach until his deep voice sounded from the doorway.
"Where's your boyfriend?"
I startled and looked up. Jasper was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his broad chest and an inscrutable expression on his face. He was wearing faded jeans and a flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing his tanned, muscular forearms.
"I don't have a boyfriend."
Jasper narrowed his eyes. "Pretty sure I saw his car in your mom's driveway when I pulled into the orchard this morning."
"Yeah, well... we broke up."
"Hmm. So now you're here, working on a Saturday?"
I must have looked a mess, makeup smudged and hair disheveled from running my fingers through it. Recovering quickly, I leaned back in my chair and raised an eyebrow. "What can I say? The glamorous life of an accountant never stops."
Jasper's lips quirked, but his amber eyes were intense as they swept over me, taking in the dark circles and pallor that even my industrial-strength concealer couldn't hide. "Looks more like you're still recovering from a rough night of whiskey. Those numbers making you cross-eyed yet?"
My snort of laughter made my head throb, a vicious reminder of last night's overindulgence. "Something like that. What brought you by the office at this hour? Shouldn't you be out tipping cows or whatever it is you country boys do for fun?"
"Tipping cows? Really?" He shook his head, a full-blown smile spreading across his handsome face. "Damn, city girl. You've got some funny ideas about us country folk."
"Well, maybe you should enlighten me then." The words came out more flirtatious than I intended.
Something flashed in Jasper's eyes, there and gone too quickly to decipher. He pushed off the doorframe and sauntered into the office. I could smell the crisp scent of his skin, the earthiness of soil and sweat beneath. It was intoxicating, dredging up a thousand sense memories of fevered kisses in the orchard and tangled limbs in the bed of his truck.
I licked my dry lips, trying to corral my wayward thoughts. But Jasper's proximity made it impossible to think straight .
"Actually, I came by to see how you were doing." His voice was low, almost hesitant. "I know last night was... a lot."
Hot, itchy shame prickled under my skin. God, could I have made a bigger fool of myself? Throwing myself at him like some drunken sorority girl, blubbering all over his shirt, then falling asleep in his bed.
"Jasper, I'm sorry." The words fell out in a garbled rush. "I was completely out of line. I never should have put you in that position."
"Hey." His fingers brushed my forearm. The contact sent a pleasant shiver rippling over my skin. "You're allowed to have fun. It was Chase who crossed a line he shouldn't have."
The warm understanding look in his eyes settled something inside me and eased the knot of tension between my shoulder blades. "Thank you," I murmured, my voice suddenly thick. "For taking care of me. For being there when I needed you."
His hand tightened on my arm. Through the fabric of my cardigan, I felt his thumb rubbing in soothing circles. "Anytime, Nat. You know that."
The air between us felt thick and charged. All the longing that had been building between us since the moment I came home felt ready to erupt.
I was seized by the reckless urge to close the distance between us. To wind my fingers through his dark hair and crush my lips to his. To lose myself in the intoxicating heat of his body, the drugging slide of his tongue against mine.
Jasper seemed to sense the shift in my mood, the slight tensing of my muscles under his palm. He cleared his throat and dropped his hand, putting a bit of distance between us.
"Listen, I was thinking." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I still owe you a proper apology for being such an ass at the funeral. And for running out on you last week after burgers. And for Sammy." He paused and frowned. "I've got a lot to apologize for."
I attempted to protest, but he held up a hand to stop me.
"Let me finish, okay? I know I've been hot and cold with you since you've been back. Sending mixed signals, acting like a jealous prick one minute and pushing you away the next. The truth is, I don't know how to do this." He gestured between us. "Having you here, being around you again, it's stirring up a lot of old feelings. Feelings I thought I'd dealt with."
A wild hope fluttered behind my breastbone. Is he saying what I think he's saying?
"I get it," I said softly, holding his gaze. "Believe me, I do. Being back here, seeing you, it's brought up a lot for me too."
He made a convulsive movement with his arm, like he was about to reach out but changed his mind. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. For not handling this better. For not being the friend you need right now."
Or not.
"Friend," I echoed. The bubble of happiness deflated abruptly. Was that all he wanted from me? I nodded, pasting on a smile that felt brittle and false. "Of course. I understand. "
He studied me for a moment. Then he held out a hand, a determined glint in his eye.
"Come on. Let's get out of here."
I blinked stupidly at the proffered hand. "What? Where are we going?"
He gave me a boyish grin that made my heart flip. "Anywhere but this stuffy office. You need a break. And I happened to know the best ice cream spot in town."
I hesitated, glancing around at the looming piles of paperwork. Responsible Natalie knew I should stay, keep slogging through the numbers until I found some answers.
I did need a break. Chase had taken me for drinks. Liam would have taken me to some fancy restaurant that required a suit coat. But Jasper… Jasper wanted to take me for ice cream. And the whispering devil on my shoulder wanted more stolen hours of normalcy, easy conversation, laughter, and sugar on my tongue.
"Okay," I said slowly, my face breaking into the first real smile of the day. "Ice cream sounds perfect, actually."
Jasper's grin widened. "That's my girl."
The endearment slipped past his lips so naturally that neither of us noticed. Not at first, anyway.
Then the implication of it settled between us. Jasper's smile faltered, that brief flash of warmth dimming as the present crashed back in.
We weren't carefree kids anymore. We'd been irrevocably changed, our innocence shattered by the harsh realities of heartbreak and loss.
But maybe... maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe the scars we bore and the lessons we'd learned would finally allow us to figure this thing between us out. To at least be friends if we couldn't be anything more. Just like Mom said. Because she knows things.
Jasper cleared his throat. "Shall we?"
He gestured toward the door. I grabbed my purse, ditched my cardigan, and fell into step beside him as we headed out into the balmy summer evening. The streets were quiet, most shops already closed for the day, and the first hints of twilight tinged the sky in soft shades of violet and rose. Our footsteps echoed on the sidewalk as we walked, close but not quite touching.
It was strange, strolling through town with Jasper like that. Strange and painfully familiar all at once. How many times had we meandered down those same streets as teenagers, fingers intertwined and hearts full to bursting? How many lazy summer evenings had we wasted away at the ice cream parlor, splitting sundaes and stealing kisses between bites?
The memories washed over me in a bittersweet torrent, tightening my throat and pricking at the backs of my eyes. God, we were so young. So na?ve.
If only we'd known what the future held. Would we have cherished those moments more? Held each other a little tighter, loved a little harder?
I gave myself a mental shake. There was no use dwelling on the past. All we had was the here and now, this tentative olive branch Jasper was extending.
I sneaked a glance at him out of the corner of my eye, taking in the strong lines of his profile. The stubborn jut of his chin, the sharp cut of his cheekbones. He was even more handsome than I remembered, the boyish softness of youth hardened into something rugged and undeniably masculine.
But beneath the surface changes, there was still the Jasper I knew. The quiet strength, the fierce loyalty, the wry humor in those warm amber eyes. He was still in there, my sweet, steady boy. Just a little rougher around the edges, a little more jaded by life's hardships.
We reached the ice cream parlor, the cheerful jingle of the bell above the door pulling me from my musings. As we stepped inside, the sugary-sweet scent of waffle cones and hot fudge triggered yet another wave of nostalgia. I was seventeen again. Delirious with the simple pleasures of a summer evening spent with the boy who held my heart in his hands.
Jasper didn't seem to notice my moment of disorientation. He held the door open for me, ushering me inside with a gentle hand at the small of my back. A fleeting touch, barely there and gone again. But it felt laden with meaning, heavy with the echoes of a thousand other touches just like it.
I had barely recovered before he was at the counter, frowning in concentration as he perused the chalkboard menu with the intense focus he applied to everything.
I allowed myself a smile at the way his tongue poked out ever-so-slightly as he weighed his options. It was such a Jasper thing, the need to carefully consider every variable before making a decision .
When the girl behind the counter finally approached, all bright smiles and bouncing ponytail, he didn't miss a beat.
"I'll take a double scoop of Moose Tracks in a waffle cone, please," he said, then paused, glancing over his shoulder at me. "Nat? You still like mint chip, right?"
The casual question stole the breath from my lungs. He remembered. After all these years, he still remembered my favorite ice cream flavor.
I nodded mutely, too choked up to speak. Jasper nodded and turned back to the girl. "Make that two—a double scoop of mint chip for the lady."
"You got it," she chirped, all youthful energy as she set about scooping our orders.
Jasper accepted the towering cones with a murmured thanks before handing me mine. Our fingers brushed in the exchange, and that ever-present spark zinged between us, raising goosebumps along my arms.
Color rose on Jasper's cheeks. He cleared his throat and nodded toward the door. "You wanna...?"
"Yeah," I said quickly. "Yeah, let's go."
We wandered in silence for a few blocks, each of us focused on our rapidly melting treats. There was something comforting in the simplicity of it, in the way it stripped away all the layers of baggage and expectation to leave just... us.
Eventually, we found ourselves in the small park that bordered the bay on Lake Michigan. The setting sun cast everything in a warm, honeyed glow. Jasper settled onto a bench overlooking the water, and I joined him without a second thought. The breeze off the water was cool, ruffling my hair and raising goosebumps on my bare arms.
Jasper noticed my shiver and shrugged out of his flannel. He draped it over my shoulders, ignoring my protests. The fabric was warm from his body heat, his pine, musk, and soil scent wrapping around me like a hug.
"Thanks," I said, burrowing deeper into the shirt. It was far too big on me. The sleeves fell past my fingertips. But it felt like armor, a tangible reminder of his presence, his protection.
Jasper just nodded, his gaze fixed on the moonlit water. We lapsed into silence again, but it felt different this time. Tense and awkward. It was as if all the issues we hadn't talked about somehow knew that now would be the perfect moment, and they were all clamoring to get out.
"I always thought I'd leave this place, ya know." Jasper's voice was so quiet I barely heard him. "Had all these big dreams of seeing the world, making something of myself."
I gaped at him. "Really? You never said anything."
He shrugged, his eyes still fixed on the horizon. "Didn't think I needed to."
"I always thought you wanted to stay here. Work at the orchard with your family."
Jasper was quiet for a long beat. When he finally spoke, his words were measured, tinged with a wistfulness that tugged at my heart. "Part of me did. This place is part of who I am, same as it is for you. But the other part..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "I don't know, Nat. Maybe I'm just a dreamer at heart, chasing something that was never meant to be mine."
"Why didn't you go? If that's what you really wanted, why stay here?"
Jasper turned to face me then, his expression half-hidden by the fading light. "You know why."
And just like that, the air vanished from my lungs.
Me.
I was the reason he never left.
He wanted to leave for me.
He wanted to leave with me.
Instead, I left without him.