Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
She’s fucking with my head. Even when she’s not trying to, she is. I needed to walk away before I said something I couldn’t take back. Because, fuck, I’m angry. At her. At the situations she’s put us in. And at whatever the fuck it is that’s holding her back.
She either needs to tell me, or like I told her, she needs to leave me the fuck alone. Although it was me who jumped into the pool with her. And it was me who initiated what happened in that pool.
Do I regret it? Fuck no. Daniella is hands down the only woman I’ve never been able to get enough of. No matter how many times I’ve had her, I want more.
The problem with that is… she doesn’t want more. I’m sure if I was fine with a casual, no-strings-attached arrangement with her, we’d be fucking on every surface available. I don’t want that with her, though. No, when it comes to Daniella, I want it all.
I walk into the control room at the Wild Card.
It’s where our security team monitors the casino’s camera feed.
Every screen has eyes on it. Not a single person is going to cheat without us finding out.
I’m hoping some asshole is trying tonight.
I could do with a way to burn this pent-up anger I’m bottling up.
As my gaze goes from screen to screen, nothing stands out. Fucking hell, I’m not supposed to want anything to stand out but I really could use a body to destroy tonight.
“Call me if anything looks sus. I’m bored,” I tell the head of security.
“Will do, Mr. Bianchi.” Hunter nods as I walk out of the room.
I then head to my office, which is down another corridor. Press my palm to the door and wait for the light to go green before I turn the handle. I pause the moment I walk in. “How’d you get in here?”
My question is greeted by an eye roll. “You’re not the only one from a crime family, CJ. I know my way around a locked door.”
“Really?” I raise a brow.
“Fine. Aiden let me in. But before you get shitty at him, I threatened the future of his balls if he didn’t.”
“I’m sure you did. Why are you here, Dani?” I left her at the house, where she was safe, where she was far enough away from me.
“I think our fathers are trying to marry us off,” she says. “To each other.”
“I’m aware.”
“You are?” Her brows furrow in confusion.
“I am.” I nod and close the door as I walk farther into the office.
“Well, you need to stop it.” She turns as I walk around my desk and sit down.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you can’t marry me, CJ.”
“Why can’t I?”
“You just can’t. Trust me, you do not want to marry me. You need to tell them no.”
“Give me one good reason why, and I’ll stop all talks of marriage.” I look at her and wait.
“I can’t have children,” she blurts out.
I blink, letting her words sink in. “You can’t have children?”
“I can’t get pregnant. I can’t carry a child. I cannot give you children, CJ. I can’t be your wife.” Her eyes glass over, but I know Daniella. She will hold back any tears she might want to shed right now.
“I’m not sure what one has to do with the other, Daniella,” I say calmly.
Is this what her hangup about a relationship has been this whole time? She can’t get pregnant? That’s why she didn’t stay when I asked her?
Anger wants to rise to the surface. I tamp it down. Now is not the time to be angry. She doesn’t need that kind of reaction from me. No matter how fucking mad I am at this situation.
“You will end up hating being trapped in a marriage with me. One day, you’ll decide you want a family, and I won’t be able to give you that,” she says. “I’m doing us both a favor by preventing that day from coming.”
I stand and walk around my desk. “Let me get this right… You think that because you can’t have a child, naturally—which we’re circling back to soon by the way—that I would love you less? That I would want you less?”
“Maybe not right now. But eventually, when you realize you won’t have kids with me, you will. You are a family man, CJ. I know you and I know you’re going to want children.”
“No,” I grunt. “You don’t get to make that decision for me, Daniella.
That should have been my choice to make and you just left.
You left, making me think I fucked up. You left and made me think that I wasn’t enough for you.
Instead of just fucking talking to me like an adult and figuring this out together… You. Left.”
“You were always so good to me, CJ. Too good. I never deserved you and I’m sorry I can’t be the person you need me to be,” she says.
“You’re not getting it, darling. I don’t need you to be anyone but who you are,” I tell her. “I mean, you could work on those communication skills a bit. But other than that, I’ve always loved you, just the way you are.”
“You didn’t know this big secret I had, though, CJ. You can’t possibly love me still, knowing how damaged I am.”
These words from her break my fucking heart. She thinks she’s damaged or not whole because she can’t have kids. How long has she been carrying this shit around?
“Dani, you are not damaged,” I tell her. “You not being able to have children doesn’t make you any less of a woman. How long have you known?”
“I was nineteen. That scar on my lower abdomen I told you was just a little surgery to fix some lady issues… I had a hysterectomy.”
“You should have told me, Dani. We’ve wasted years on a theory you’re wrong about.” I sigh. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, but you not being able to carry a child doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”
“I want you to have everything in life, CJ, and as much as I wanted to be the one to give that to you, I can’t.”
“Do you want kids, Dani?”
“I don’t get that option, but you do.”
“I’m asking: Do you want kids?”
“Yes.”
“Then we will find a way to make sure you get them. It’s the twenty-first century, darling. There are many ways for us to have a family without you having to carry a child yourself.”
“It’s not the same,” she whispers.
“It’s the same result. Different cooking method but same result, Dani.
” I run a hand through my hair. I want to reach out, grab hold of her, and press her against me.
But this conversation is long overdue, and I know I’m not going to be able to get through to her right now.
I have to try, though. “You are what I want. You are what I’ve always wanted and you know that.
But I’m not going to stand here and try to convince you or force you into a relationship with me.
You either want me or you don’t, Dani. It’s that simple.
At the end of the day, you are the only one getting in the way of our happy ending. ”
“I want you, CJ. I’ve always wanted you. I’ve been in love with you since I was too young to even realize what love was. I just don’t want to wake up one day and see resentment in your eyes, regret that you got stuck with me.”
“Did you see anyone after your surgery?”
“What do you mean?”
“A shrink? Counseling? Did you get help after your surgery?” I ask her, because she really has far deeper self-worth issues than I initially thought. She truly doesn’t believe she’s worthy of being loved.
“I never told anyone.” She shakes her head. “I lied to everyone, my family, you. I only just told my parents yesterday. I think that’s why my father is pushing for this marriage deal thing, because he knows I won’t go after what I want myself.”
And now the conversations with her father make sense.
He was never going to auction her off to some Don back home.
He wanted a reaction out of me. He wanted me to choose her.
He wanted me to go after her. I heard her tell him she wanted me.
I should have stuck around to listen to the rest of that conversation.
“I want you, CJ,” she says quietly. “I love you.”
“Then let yourself have me, Dani.”