Chapter 30
I was currently under a heavy throw, head in my grandmother’s lap as she scratched softly at my scalp.
She did that so good, I could barely keep my eyes open.
Granny Nette’s living room always smelled like something good.
Today, it was her chocolate pound cake and the faint scent of greens and the roast from what Granny had cooked earlier.
Oh, and pine oil. My granny loved her Louisiana-brand pine oil.
Label be damned, she didn’t dilute it either.
The ceiling fan spun lazily overhead while southern soul played low from some speakers.
Outside, the heat blazed over Emancipation, but in here, it was blessedly cool… and full.
My mama, Chastity, sat in Granny’s recliner with her legs crossed, looking pretty as ever.
Aunt Cynthia occupied the couch beside Hyacinth, who was stretched out, mirroring me, with her head in her mama’s lap while scrolling on her phone.
My aunt Elise sat near the window peeling apples with one of Granny’s little knives while her daughters Everly and Emory shared the loveseat.
And my grandparents’ baby girl, Saraya, sat on the floor near Granny’s feet.
Every single eye in the room was on me. I should’ve kept my mouth shut about how I was feeling.
“You smiling too hard over there,” Hyacinth observed without looking up from her phone. “That married glow kicking your ass already.”
“It is not,” I denied immediately.
Emory snorted. “Girl, yes, it is.”
“It really is,” Everly agreed.
Mama narrowed her eyes at me. “You got that same look your daddy had when he first realized he was in love,” she bragged.
I pointed at her. “Don’t bring Daddy into this. He gon’ start asking a million questions, acting all overprotective if y’all tell him that.”
Aunt Cynthia laughed softly. “Baby, your daddy already act overprotective where y’all concerned.”
“That man looked ready to shoot Targen at the wedding,” Aunt Elise added.
“That’s because Targen scares everybody,” I muttered.
“No. That man loves you so hard. That’s what scares people,” Granny Nette corrected above me.
The room got quiet. I raised my hand slightly. My wedding ring flashed in the afternoon sun pouring through the curtains. It still caught me off guard sometimes, seeing it there.
Hyacinth finally sat up. “Okay, enough old people wisdom. No offense, Granny. We wanna hear the tea. You really happy?”
I opened my mouth to answer automatically, then stopped, really thought on it.
“Yeah,” I admitted softly. “Cautiously. Conservatively. But I really am.”
I realized the truth of it as I said it. Mama’s expression softened immediately. Everly smiled and Emory mouthed, “Aww,” before Elise nudged her leg.
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” Emory grinned.
“Make it all weird.”
“It’s already weird,” Hyacinth informed me. “Think about it. You write romance. People falling in love all quick and hot and heavy and look at you. You meet the man and boom—”
“Here you go with this damn ‘boom,’” Aunt Cynt mumbled.
“Boom,” Hy insisted, “Y’all in love at first sight, you get kidnapped, have to deal with forced proximity, and in an arranged marriage. Theory, you living in one of your books, girl! This is some next-level, Twilight Zone ish!”
The room erupted in soft chatter as the truth of what Hyacinth said dawned on us. Even Granny seemed struck by it all.
“See? You got me in a horror series. This why I don’t tell y’all nothing,” I snapped without heat.
“But you want to,” Saraya teased.
My smile faded a little because… yeah. I did. I settled down into the couch cushions and exhaled slowly. “I think… I think I spent so much time being angry at him that I didn’t realize how much I cared about him.”
Nobody spoke, so I continued.
“I wanted to hate him. It would’ve been easier. And when he first came back, I really thought I did. But then…” I shrugged helplessly. “He just kept being there and doing stuff and I just....”
Mama nodded slightly as my voice trailed off like she understood exactly what I meant.
“I don’t even know when it happened. One day, I was fighting him every chance I got, waiting on him to disappear on me again.
Then suddenly… I was looking for him first thing every morning.
Missing him when he walked out the room.
Sleeping better when he touched me. It scared me how easy I wanted him.
And he just…” I laughed weakly. “He just keep loving me like he got something to prove.
“He pays attention to everything. Little stuff. The way I drink my tea and coffee. The fact that I bounce my knee when I’m nervous or excited.
He can tell what kind of scene I’m writing from my playlists or when my characters have me stuck.
And when I cry…” My voice softened. “Y’all…
he acts like it physically hurts him. If I even wince, he notices.
He watches my face all the time. This morning, my cramps and thinking about my baby had me in my feelings and before I could even say anything, this man had offered food, heat, and murder.
He just completely, completely undoes me in a way I have never been undone. Never.”
Hyacinth blinked. “Okay, rich obsessed men may be my ministry.”
Emory’s eyes filled and she fanned her face. “Okay, well, now I’m emotional.”
“You emotional every day,” Hyacinth said.
“Cuz I’m a nurturer,” Em defended.
Hy side-eyed her. “Cuz you a dramatic.”
I laughed a little before I spoke again.
“I just… I still get scared sometimes. Not of him. Just… scared to trust myself. Scared that I’m making decisions based on feelings and not logic. Like why do I want this marriage so bad now?” I sighed.
“Baby, ain’t nothing wrong with wanting your marriage, with wanting love,” Aunt Cynt said, her voice uncharacteristically low for once.
“Especially not when your person is returning it like that,” Aunt Elise added.
“But what if it changes?” I whispered. “What if one day he wakes up and realizes I’m not enough for him? That I don’t fit his life or I’m not what he wants or—”
Granny Nette made a soft sound under her breath that stopped me. Her hand stilled in my curls.
“Theory Grace?”
“Ma’am?”
“That man crossed an ocean and risked several felonies to get back to you. You think a man does all that for a woman he plans to stop loving?”
I closed my eyes. “No, ma’am.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“And Theory?” Mama called, her face looking like my doubts physically pained her.
“Baby, listen to me carefully,” she said softly.
“He’s not going to wake up thinking you’re not enough because you are enough.
And as wonderful as he sounds, don’t you be thinking it’s unmerited.
You are deserving, Theory Grace. So very, very deserving.
Don’t punish yourself forever because somebody else handled your heart and your body recklessly. ”
Swallowing, I nodded, a tear sliding out of the corner of my eye to trek across my temple and into my hair. Granny’s fingers resumed their slow scratching against my scalp, grounding me.
“And honestly, that man looks at you like he’ll kill somebody over you,” Hy said, then winked brazenly.
I could not stand this heffa. And I loved her so much for lightening that moment.
“Hyacinth!” Em hissed.
“What? He do!”
“She not lying,” Saraya agreed.
I blushed at the memory of the recently departed Mr. Veneers. “Can we move on?”
“No,” Everly said. “Because I think this is good for you.”
I sighed dramatically and rooted around on the couch to get more comfortable.
“I just want to do something for him,” I admitted after a minute.
“Something special while we’re here. Just give him back a little of what he’s been giving me every day.
He makes me feel… not just wanted… not just protected.
Cherished. He makes me feel cherished. And I don’t think he realizes how much that heals me. I want him to feel that back from me.”
That got everybody’s attention immediately.
“Ooooh,” Emory sang. “Nasty or sweet?”
“Elise, please come get your child,” Aunt Cynthia sighed.
“She grown,” Aunt Elise replied without looking up from her apples. “Besides, I know you ain’t talking.”
Hyacinth’s eyes narrowed. “What that mean, Teedy?”
Aunt Elise stared right back at her. “A hit dog will holler.”
“I mean… both?” I shrugged, trying to get this back on track.
The room quieted again for a minute. Then…
“Well,” Emory began, sitting forward excitedly, “you could cook for him.”
“He’d love that,” Elise agreed.
I shook my head. “I already cook for him. He acts like my scrambled eggs could solve the world’s problems. Y’all he be gassing me up so bad,” I sighed, helpless against the flood of affection I felt for my husband.
“That’s a man,” Hyacinth popped.
“That’s her man,” Granny countered.
“You could recreate your first real date,” Everly suggested thoughtfully.
“We just had it!” I shot that down.
“You could do something sentimental,” Mama added. “Men like to pretend they don’t care about things like that, but they do.”
“Lingerie,” Aunt Cynthia contributed calmly.
Hyacinth looked mock-horrified. “Mama!”
“What?” Aunt Cynt demanded. “I’m grown. She grown. Hell, that Russian man definitely grown.”
Aunt Elise almost choked laughing.
“Cynthia!” Mama hissed.
“Mama, you know that man built like a Greek god. I’m trying to help the child keep her marriage exciting. You ain’t tryna share what’s kept you and daddy going fifty years strong.”
“You want me to turn around and show you?” Granny popped off.
“Granny say she draggin’ that wagon!” Hy sing-songed.
Aunt Cynt curled her lip at that. “But lingerie offends you?”
The room erupted in laughter. I giggled so hard tears gathered in my eyes.
“Y’all are terrible.”
“Matching tattoos,” Hyacinth suggested.
“Where he gon’ put another one?” Saraya asked.
Hy nodded. “True. But you gotta respect a man that supports the arts.”
I laughed again when I thought about what he’d said the night of Rielle’s show.
The room settled again after our amusement faded.
Ideas bounced around lazily while the night stretched around us.
At one point, it dawned on me; a year ago, we couldn’t have imagined this.
I’d been so miserable, so hopeless, living in constant fear and shame.
But now… somehow, after everything, we were sitting here talking about my marriage and my future and my happiness like the possibility of all those things still belonged to me.
For the first time in a long time, it felt like they really did.
Then Everly, who’d been unusually quiet for the last few minutes, slowly sat forward.
“I have an idea,” she said.
Every head in the room turned toward her.