Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
LONDON
“ I let him finger me,” I state matter of factly.
Silence. I’d shocked my best friend, Zuri, who has never met a word she didn’t love, into silence.
“Did you hear me? I let him finger me in the goddamn club,” I say a little louder, turning up the volume on my phone to make sure she can hear me.
“I heard you. Give me a minute. I’m processing.”
We sit silently for a few minutes before her tinkle of laughter starts, first quietly then a full-on shrill beats my eardrums. Laughter is contagious, and I join in even though I have no idea what’s so funny. I have a good guess, but I need to hear it from her.
“Bitch!! What?” she finally screams.
We fall into another fit of laughter and I sigh. This. Yes, this is exactly what I need. I’ve clearly lost my mind.
My hand comes up to cover my mouth as I shake my head with a groan. “I know. Who am I?”
“A fucking lady! That’s who!” she exclaims.
“Such a fucking lady,” I join in.
She finally pulls it together, letting out a deep breath, before saying, “Okay. So, how was it? No, actually, my first question is, were his hands clean? God, LC, what the hell?”
“I know, and yes, they were, you little germaphobe. I just told you I got fingered in a club for all to see and that’s what you’re worried about? Z! It was all the things you’d think it would be.”
“I’m intrigued. Go on,” she says, and it sounds like she’s getting comfortable, tucking in for story time.
I groan a little, but I need to share this, so I close my eyes and snuggle back into my pillow with a sigh, remembering all the fun I had. “It was quick and dirty. That good kind of dirty. And he has this filthy mouth that just, ooh, it hits me in all my happy places.”
“What that mouth do?!” she singsongs.
“Exactly. But it just kind of happened. Would I do it again? Absofuckinglutely.”
“Hmmm. Well, you know I’m not one to judge.”
“Since when?” I laugh.
“Since now,” she sniffs. “I’m glad you had some fun. You deserve it. How about everything else?”
I hum, holding on for just a few more moments of the delicious memories of his eyes on me all night, his hands mastering my body, before responding. “I have a few interviews next week that I’m excited about. You know, all these companies look good online and they’re on their best behavior over email, but I’m looking forward to meeting them in person and getting a real feel for the company and culture. I really want to find a place where the sky is the limit and I’ll be proud of my work, you know?”
“I know. Hopefully, you find a place that provides you with a good work life balance and has the flexibility you’ll need.”
“It’s my top priority,” I say, nodding.
“I know it. I just can’t believe you took this step without me! How could you move across the country and deprive me of your face?”
“I know,” I huff. “Don’t make me feel bad.”
“I’m not trying to,” she says quickly.
“Yeah, but you have to come visit me sooner rather than later. Once I get my new place.”
“Of course, and I can’t wait to finally meet your cousin and his wife.”
“And her friends. They’ve all been so sweet. This was the right decision for me. My time is now.”
“Ugh, my best friend is growing up.”
“I’m a whole ass grown up now,” I squeal.
We’re quiet for a few breaths before she sighs. “I’m so fucking proud of you, LC. I know that the last few years have been tough. More than I’ll ever know since you’re so good at keeping things bottled up.”
I start to protest before she cuts me off, because while I have been tightlipped about a few things, out of respect for Travis, she’s well aware of the things that are truly important to me.
“No, I’m not saying that to be a bitch. I’m just being honest. I’m here for you, no matter what. Even though you moved away and left me here all alone, we’re forever friends. You’re going to be amazing at whatever you put your mind to. You’ve got this.”
“Thank you, sis. I’m so ready. My family is here. Now I just need the job and the perfect place and then I’m diving in. You already know I have a shopping problem. But shopping for furnishings?!”
“Shopping is our greatest thrill,” we sing in unison, quoting our favorite movie, before we dissolve into laughter.
“Okay, ma’am, now that we’ve gotten the serious stuff out of the way, let’s go back to Mr. Sneaky Fingers in yo’ Cookie Jar. Tell me all about him.”
“Okay, but don’t laugh.”
“No promises but continue.”
“It was Xander.” My face scrunches as I wait for her response.
“Am I supposed to— ooooh, Xander . The guy you fucked at the wedding?”
“Yes, unfortunately for me.”
“I think you mispronounced luckily . Um, why would a guy getting you off twice, I’m assuming he got you off again, be unfortunate? You said he was hot, like ridiculously hot. What’s the problem?”
“The problem is he knows he's hot.”
“Ew, I hate when they know they're hot. So cringe.”
Frowning, I reconsider. “Actually, I take that back. He knows he's hot, but he doesn't act like he knows he's hot in a bad way. Does that make sense?”
She chuckles. “Not really, babe.”
“Like he's confident, quick witted and funny, even cocky, but he's not a complete asshole.”
“Just a bit of an asshole then?
I chuckle. “I'm not explaining this right.”
“You're not. But why is it unfortunate if he's not an asshole?”
“I don't know. It's just something about him. I've heard stories about him for years. He’s such a fuckboy or whatever.”
“And? It sounds like all of that came in handy for you.” She snort-laughs. “Why do you care?”
“Who said I cared?” I shake my head at the thought.
“No one, but I know you and I can tell. You've had sex with him twice. Who cares about everything else, unless you do care, just a little?”
I sigh. “No way. Besides him being a bit of a himbo, I'm on a very particular path and I won't be dissuaded by some guy who happened to make me come twice.”
“Well, obviously. But you said you've been hanging out with the girls and having fun. Just have fun with him, too. I mean, work will be taking up your time soon enough. Why not live it up while you can?”
I consider what she said but something about it just feels icky to me. “I don't know. I didn't come here to date or fuck around. I came here to start my new life, the life I really want. And don't say I wanted that life with a husband and the white picket fence. That path didn't work for me, but this new path will.”
“I'm not saying anything, it is your path to walk. But in the meantime, take the time to smell the flowers along the way or have your petals plucked by that fuckboy. Your choice.”
Still lounging in the too comfortable bed in Ty and Sasha’s guestroom, I toss my phone aside, taking a break from the mindless scrolling. Snuggling deeper into the pillow, my eyes land on the gorgeous orange Tulip flower arrangement next to the bed as Zuri’s words run rampant through my mind.
I definitely need to get my petals plucked. Maybe not by Xander but by someone I never have to see again. No strings. No familial connections. No misunderstanding that this isn’t a one and done. But a one-shot deal.
Running a hand down my face, I sigh. I tried dating back in Seattle, after my life imploded. But they were all just more of the same. Different versions of Travis. Selfish in the sheets. Boring in the streets. I’d banned my pussy from making choices for me… until him. See girl, you can’t be trusted.
Throwing off the blanket, I sit on the edge of the bed, trying to recall the post I saw online about starting your day with intention. Taking a few deep breaths, I try to clear my head of the nonsense and focus on… was it my goals for the day?? Fuck. I try again. I need to go see my parents today. It’s been a few days, and we didn’t get to fully catch up when I saw them last. Giving up on the deep breathing, I drag my feet to the shower. A steaming, fragrant cup of java is really the only way to start my day. I’ll never forgive the lies I was told online.
Dressing in my wide-leg black slacks and a bold pink floral silk blouse, I go for a soft natural makeup. There. I feel like me. Not having a plan or a job to go to every day has me floundering a bit. I knew I’d feel this way initially, I uprooted everything, even arriving early, and it has completely thrown me off course. But that all changes today.
Maybe that’s why I’ve been a bit of a grump?
Sitting in the back of the sedan, I consider the irrational irritation I feel every time Xander crosses my path. Could his presence add another level to the already chaotic energy I feel surrounding me?
No. No, my feelings are valid. My feelings are warranted and it’s all his fault. Every time we’re together, he’s been… attentive. The heat of his stare is always there, the teasing quirk of his lips, or his smartass mouth, that banter. But I was done when I saw him hugging Mia or even giving Sasha a completely platonic kiss, without even speaking to me. My jaw still hurts from how tightly I clenched it all night. Obviously, it wasn’t the girls I was mad at and maybe it wasn’t even Xander. I’d let myself expect something from a man only to be disappointed again. Maybe I’ll never learn.
Pulling up to my destination, I step out and suck in a deep breath and wipe my hands on my pants. The building is cold, gleaming of glass and steel, but I lift my chin and stride through the automatic doors. Finding the suite, I sign in and wait in the too hard chair, my leg bouncing with each tick of the clock.
Rising when my name is called, I’m on autopilot as the affable woman chatters on as she weighs me and checks my blood pressure. My nerves are so bad, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s off the charts alarming, but she removes the cuff with a smile, but I’m too in my head to hear what she says.
Practicing deep breaths, I try not to shift in the scratchy gown, instead I pull up the notes on my phone. Today is a day to get these questions answered and I don’t want to miss a thing.
I start at the soft knock before the door opens and I plaster a smile on my face.
“Hi, London. I’m Dr. Johnson. It’s so nice to meet you.”
“Mom! Dad!” I shout as I enter my parents’ home. They just moved here in the last year or two, this quiet suburb just outside the city. Like me, they love to travel, and I saw the most beautiful places growing up, but we also moved around a lot. Every couple of years, one of them found a new job or opportunity in a new city and we’d pack up and go. But I had my summers in Wisconsin with Ty every year; he and my aunt and uncle were the only other constants in my life.
Tossing my purse on the side table, I wonder not for the first time if this is why I am the way I am. Always the new kid, so I had to be bigger, louder, better, to prove myself. It wasn’t until I moved to Seattle on a whim and met Travis did I want to put down roots. Then I met Zuri, and it was settled. Is it weird to have your longest friendship in your twenties?
“MOOOM!”
“We’re in here,” she calls out, her voice muffled.
I sigh, knowing what I’m going to find. Rounding the corner of their craftsman home, I find them hugged up in the kitchen. They beckon me closer, and I go willingly, sighing as they engulf me in a group hug.
Pulling back, my mom strokes my cheek. “It’s so nice to have you close by. We’re so happy to have you home.”
Dad squeezes my shoulder as he nods. “I agree but remember what we told you.”
Pulling back with a full body shudder and grimace. “I know. Always call, or at the very least, text before I come over.”
Dad nods. “We don’t want any surprises. This is as much for us as it is for you.”
Nodding emphatically, I agree wholeheartedly. “Believe me. I don’t want to walk in on any of that,” I say, waving my hand around, gesturing between them.
My displeasure seems to spur them on. Edna and Gerald Cameron pull each other close and sway to music only they can hear as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Where my dad is tall, his close-cropped hair is more salt than pepper these days. My mom is the short one in the family, her dark hair, cut in a sassy chin length bob, sports a few strands of silver.
“Ugh,” I groan. “I get it. You have the kind of love everyone wants. Doesn’t mean I want to see it but do you.” I raise my hands over my head and shake my imaginary pom poms. “Can we focus on me now, please? You know, your one and only child. The shining beacon of your lives.”
They laugh, separating and mom walks around the marble island to the refrigerator. Pulling out a stool, I glance around the kitchen. My love of color clearly started at home. The kitchen is bright and airy with a vibrant sunflower yellow filling the space and covering the cabinets. No plain white kitchen for these two.
“Of course, Honey. How are you? Are you excited for your big move?” she asks as she pours me a glass of cranberry juice.
My dad takes the seat next to me at the island, as Mom slides the glass over and leans an ample hip against the island.
Tapping a nail against the glass, I consider how to answer. “I’ll be excited once everything is done. Ty and Sasha have been so supportive. They say I can stay for as long as I want, but they’re newlyweds. I need to find a place and get out of their hair.”
“You can always stay here. You know that,” Dad says.
“No, thank you, but they live so close to everything. I’m enjoying being in the city.”
“Well, if that changes, you know you are always welcome here. You know because you’re the shining beacon of our lives.” Mom reaches over to pat my hand, and I smile.
“That’s more like it. You know how to make a girl feel loved.”
Taking a drink, I look up just in time to see them exchange a look before she says, “From where I’m sitting, we’re the only ones.”
Oh, boy. I knew this was coming. “What do you mean?”
“You know we never liked Travis,” she says breezily.
“Wait, you never liked him?” My gaze ping pongs back and forth between them.
Dad’s gruff voice cuts through the weighted silence. “I wouldn’t say we didn’t like him.”
Mom snorts and mutters, “Speak for yourself.”
Dad continues, “I didn’t like him for you.”
My mouth drops. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
They look at each other and burst out laughing. “We did,” they say in unison.
I frown, thinking back. “No, you didn’t.”
Mom gives me the look. “We most certainly did. Every time we saw you during those first few months after you started dating, but, you know, young love.”
“And after that?” I ask, gobsmacked.
“Well, we just wanted you to be happy, so we left you to it,” Dad says.
“I don’t remember that. I thought you loved him.”
Dad shrugs. “Like I said, he was pleasant enough. We just didn’t think he was a good fit for you. Thankfully, you’ve moved on.”
“What was it about him? What didn’t you like?”
They glance at each other again before Mom says, “It was him, but it wasn’t. It was more you. You were different. A little less like you each time we saw you. Our baby girl is a star, and you’ve always shined so bright. At times, I felt like he didn’t like that about you.”
Looking down at my glass, I let her words wash over me, my skin heating and pricking at the thought of their concern for me for years. Love is basically like wearing fucking beer goggles but once I tore them off, I saw him for who he was, and I was done putting up with his shit.
I nod because I finally understand what they mean. “Well, I’m just glad that time of my life is over, and I learned from it.”
“What did you learn?”
I take a deep breath, lowering my gaze to the countertop. “I learned what I want and what I’ll never put up with again.”
“That’s my girl.” Mom pats my head like I’m a puppy. “Listen, your twenties are for you to make these mistakes. You’ve learned from it and it’s okay to move on. There’s no need to dwell in the past and on the what ifs, the shouldas, or whatever. You’ve always been so hard on yourself, but your time is now, I just know it. And we’re so happy you’re home so we can be a part of it.”
My eyes well with tears as her words wash over me and I exhale a long breath.
Yeah, that’s kind of what I was thinking, too.
“We’ll leave you with that for a moment. Take a minute and then come find us in the den,” Dad says before they both lean in to kiss my cheeks. Then grasping each other’s hands, they leave me in the too quiet kitchen.
Sighing, I pull a rough hand through my hair. They’re right. I moved here to start over, to be who I want to be. I need to pull on my big girl britches and just do it.
Following their voices, I find them in the den, just as Mom says, “I need to go make up her room. You know, in case she deigns to stay the night and spend some time with the people who brought her into this world.”
“Aw, I’m still your little girl. You missed me!” My smile splitting my face as I approach.
“Of course, we did,” Dad says. “We’re ecstatic you’re settling down here.”
Folding my legs underneath me on the overstuffed couch, I snuggle in between them, taking Mom’s hand and leaning my head against Dad’s shoulder. We’re quiet as Dad flicks through the new Netflix releases.
“Next time, promise me you’ll let me know loud and clear that he’s wrong for me. Don’t let me waste another seven years on the wrong one,” I whisper.
Mom gives my hand a squeeze as Dad sighs and says, “We promise to be there and support you in any and everything. We fully believe you didn’t make a mistake with Travis. Our baby is too perfect for mistakes. But you learned something from him. Even if it’s just what you don’t want in a future partner and relationship. You are capable of determining what you want and what kind of man you need. And when you find your one, we’ll be here to tell you we told you so.”
Closing my eyes, I inhale a deep, cleansing breath, as Mom says, “I also have a feeling we won’t have to because you’ll know when he’s right.”
I’m not one to doubt her but I nod. Love isn’t in my future, but maybe I should listen to the girls and have some fun. A smile comes to my lips as a ridiculous plan comes to mind.