Chapter 5 #2
“You mean why did I stay and risk the pack?” I don’t hide the hate in my mouth.
Just because I am not seven feet tall and act like everyone else doesn’t mean I have no right to live in the territory that’s my home.
By no means do I want to be included in the pack, but I will find happiness alone at some point in the future.
Stark’s hands clamp together in front of him. “No. Why do you stay where people . . . well, hate your existence.”
“They don’t hate my existence.”
His eyebrows grow up.
Okay maybe they do.
“It’s my home. I love it here.”
“Even without Pratt, you’re planning to stay?”
My chest tightens, the burning sensation growing through my limbs as heat forms on the back of my neck. I need to cool off, but I can’t with him staring, knowing every emotion is on my face. Not wanting to answer, I slip off the couch and begin to walk away.
“Aloka, that’s not—”
But I drown him out and slam the bedroom door behind me. In seconds, I am in the shower, embracing my internal heat and letting my skin burn in pain. It feels good to be punished.
Pratt should have lived. If only he wasn’t so focused on my protection versus his own.
My fists bang into the stone, and I sink down onto my knees. Water rushes over and pools around me with my legs blocking the drain. I don’t want to be in Stark’s house; I want to be in my own with Pratt. Aches fold my chest over and the water doesn’t slow down. I let it fall; time goes by slowly.
When I finally move to stand, my legs have stone indents, and I rub them to make them fade away.
Despite someone knocking on the bedroom door, I make no attempt to go to answer. Lying on the bed with a soft, red, flannel blanket, pulled up over my head, I cry until the pillows are damp. Eventually, my brain lets me fall into a twitchy sleep.
I let another day pass by. The sun rises, and I watch it sink back behind the trees. Only one knock comes to the door at dinnertime, but I drown it out with rushing water in the shower.
Maybe if I fit in with humans, I would leave, but I don’t fit in anywhere. How can others tell me to go live with those who killed my own brother?
Sulking back into bed, I sleep away the thoughts.
At the end of the next day, a knock comes at the door, more hesitant this time.
“Aloka?” Jocko says.
I swing my legs off the bed and make my way to the door. Twisting the knob, I pull it open. Jocko looks at me, then turns away. I glance down and see the top of my bra sticking out. I shift my shirt up, though I couldn’t care less if Jocko sees my bra.
“Oh, um, we were wondering if you want to join us for dinner.” His face drops when he finally looks up at mine. I know my eyes are purple-rimmed from rubbing them as I cried.
“I’m good, thanks.”
“It’s just me, Hudry, Graden, and Stark this time.”
Less people. The surprise crosses my face, and he smiles.
“Fine.”
I step out, but he leans in closer, “Want, like, a sweater first?”
“Uh, no?” I brush past him and head into the room. If they want me to come to dinner, I’m not bothering to dress up for them. I am not putting effort in. My silk tank top and matching shorts are good enough.
The second I enter the room, Stark’s giant frame beelines past the kitchen island and grabs my arm, pulling me back down the hallway.
“What the—”
“You cannot come to dinner like that.” The drop in his voice creates tingles in unwanted places, including my arm.
“Why?” I slide my hand down over my hips, biting my lip. It’s not like Stark is attracted to me. He’s probably so disgusted at a failed werewolf being in his house.
“Just go change.” He pushes me through the doorway to my bedroom.
I don’t want to cause a scene with Graden, so I throw on a pair of leggings and a crewneck. Good enough.
We gather at the huge table, this time all at one end.
Graden skips taking the head of the table and sits next to Stark.
Hudry sits a bit straighter than usual. It’s nice not having a ton of people in the room, and even the spread is smaller—a salad, potatoes, pork chops, and a mix of steamed vegetables.
I scoop the salad onto my plate and some of the veggies.
Skipping the meat again, my stomach sighs at the food.
It’s not what I want, but it’s something.
“Do you never eat meat?” Graden tips his head at me.
Both Jocko’s and Stark’s gaze raise from their plates.
“I’m just picky.” The truth.
Hudry leans in. “Stark’s a great cook. I told him I liked potatoes once, and he pretty much made every kind there is.”
The faintest bit of color forms on Stark’s cheeks at the compliment. He’s a better cook than me. I can’t believe he takes the time out of his day to cook for so many.
“Oh, it’s no big deal. Thank you though.”
“It’s true. I can cook what you like.”
He doesn’t need to do more. I already live in his home. I may be forced to be here, but sometimes it’s hard to remember he didn’t make the rules.
“I’ll have to think on it.”
This time, they’re even more relaxed about pack business.
They discuss the changes of patrol into doubles instead of singles due to the increased number of armed humans they’ve found venturing closer and closer to our territory.
I guess they know no one can hear my thoughts, plus I don’t have anyone to talk to and cause panic.
Part of me doesn’t want to hear about it so I can convince them to let me out of the house alone, but even I have to admit that at this point, I am going to need to find another way.
Jocko nudges me. “Want to go for a run tomorrow?”
I give a small head shake. “No. Another day, though, please.” I give him the biggest smile I can form, which isn’t much.
Despite the niceness of fewer people at the table, I slip out of the room soon after I finish eating.
If I time it right, tomorrow I can go out on my own for a release.
Denying Jocko’s kindness sucked, but Stark has a meeting with a few other cohort Alphas to discuss patrol lines, meaning no one else will be around.