Chapter 19
Icheck for my phone tucked inside the inner layer of my coat as Gretch and I walk to the debrief.
She’s on a different shift tonight, but they go over the night’s plan with everyone together.
I watch her determined face as we walk, her steps still slow, and her ankle wrapped inside her boot.
She’s been the only girl friend I’ve had as an adult who has talked about things beyond boys.
I hate that we’re on such different sides of a war when it’s us on the couch curled in blankets.
It’s a challenge to distinguish from the truth.
Inside the building, we find seats together in the middle.
There are loads of men standing around the edge, leaning against the whiteboards.
Everyone is dressed in various forms of either all black or white camo.
Tripp is deep in conversation with Hudson at the end of the table, and when he turns toward us, his cheeks rise.
“Attention.”
The conversations in the room fade into the odd whisper until nothing.
Everyone turns to look at Hudson standing at the end of the long table next to one of the whiteboards.
He reaches up and pulls down a cord in the center, revealing a map.
The Toridge pack land is missing a lot of details the farther out from our location, but it’s still covered with cross-hatched patches, lines, and other markings.
“Tonight is like any other night. You will be splitting up with your teams to survey a specific area. The beasts will be out there. You know not to pass”—he points to a rounded red line on the map—“this area in the dark. We don’t have enough knowledge of the landscape.
Day teams are making progress, but we still don’t need to be ambushed.
If you see a beast, you’re to shoot on sight. ”
The room’s temperature might have risen, but I pull at the zipper on my coat. The fire in my chest burns to an uncomfortable level.
A few people clap. One man fist-bumps another across the table.
“Everyone, please head out. If you’re on the next rotation, please find your team swaps. Anyone else, feel free to rest in your bunks until it’s your shift. Like always, we don’t know where the night will take us, and if you hear the alarm, be prepared to help.”
I stay seated, having no idea what’s to come. Gretch gives my arm a squeeze before going to find the swap for her post. I calm the burning and lean back. A few ask questions to Tripp and Hudson before they leave. Hudson heads out soon after, leaving Tripp and me alone.
“So, what do you think?”
“It’s . . . Is it okay if I don’t have words?” Awful. Monstrous. Wrong.
He gives me a half-smile, an all-black version of that white rifle slung on his back. “You’ll be with me tonight. I need to go get a few things. Want to wait here or at my place?”
“Here is good.”
The smile stretches across his face, and he turns to walk out the door.
Once I’m alone, I count to five and stick my hand into my coat, unzipping the hidden pocket. Pulling out my phone, I keep it under the desk until the camera is ready, then I snap as many photos as possible. Their map doesn’t have our town on it, but it does have werewolf sightings.
My fingers touch home, a blank spot on the map. This is why I’m here.
My nerves fade, determination snapping into place.
As I continue to look at the map, I’m a little unsure what the rest of the marks are, though I can guess some are posts. Tugging on a cord, another map rolls out, another version of the camp and the roads that spiderweb to it from the human territory.
The stairs creak, and I shove my phone back into its place. I sling the second map up on its roll. I can study them later on.
Hudson steps through the door and walks over without a rifle slung on his back.
“Aly, our new top marksman—or woman, shall I say.”
I scoff. “I think that might be a bit overselling it.”
“Nonsense. They say you’ve never missed.” He gives me a hungry look, and I realize there is a strong lack of women in this camp.
The back of my hip digs into the marker rail below the whiteboard as I lean backward. Being alone with the man who started this is sending alarms throughout my whole body.
“Well . . . I—”
The door swings open and Tripp walks in, holding two black guns with huge scopes on top of them. I lose a breath and shift away from the wall. Hudson turns to the door and Tripp’s eyes bore into him.
“Tripp, I was just praising our new top shooter.”
“Great, I’m taking her to hunt tonight.” I bypass Hudson to move next to him.
“Excellent.” Hudson’s eyes drop over to me, and I refocus my attention to my target.
“When do we go?” I ask.
“I want to show you how these work, then it’ll be our shift.” Tripp’s smile glows across his entire face. Who could be so happy to go kill the innocent? If only things were different.
I glue a smile to my face and move to rest my shoulder into him. I can pretend.
I can pretend to save my home. I can.
“What’s different compared to the one I used?” I inspect the large scopes but can’t see a thing through either of them.
“Let’s go outside and you’ll see.” We say goodbye to Hudson and step into the night, then move outside of the light shadows of the camp. He hands me one of the guns, and its weight sinks my arms down. “So, what was Hudson actually doing?”
I keep my eyes on the gun.
“It’s probably a good thing you showed up.”
“If he wasn’t in control of this place, I’d have knocked him out the way he looked at you.” Well, I’d prefer if he killed him so this can all stop, but I know it will take more than that.
“I’d be happy if you did.” I lift the gun. “So, why am I holding this?”
“Right. I want you to aim the gun at me.” Tripp starts to walk away.
“What? No way.” I walk toward him instead.
“Aly, there’s no bullet in it and the safety is on. Just do it.” He walks even further. “Come on, please look through the scope.” He raises his voice to be heard.
I adjust my grip and raise the gun up to my shoulder. If there was a bullet, could I pull the trigger? Could I end someone hunting my own? My life before was filled with runs, swims, and books. Pratt’s death can’t be for nothing. I will do this. If not for myself, then for him.
Bringing my eye to the scope, everything has a pink hue around it. I move my eyes to make sure and look again. Tripp is bright, ablaze like the sun.
“What do you think?” I can hear the intrigue in his voice.
“That’s how you hunt them?” My stomach sinks, and I brush snow over where my feet have melted it.
Tripp joins me again. “Yup, thermal imaging. They’re so hot, we can see them from an even further distance.
We only have the night scopes like this, so it limits some things, but at the same time, it’s an advantage to hide ourselves from them at a safe range instead of venturing closer to the beasts. ”
“Wow,” I say, slinging the gun’s strap over my back.
Tripp shows me how the dials on the scope work to adjust when needed, then we grab bottles of water before heading out to release two young men from their post a short walk away from the edge of camp.
He updates Tripp on no sightings, and we take his place, crouching into the snow, our guns up on rests in front of us.
It’s quiet for the first hour, and the thumping in my ears calms. If we see nothing, then we can go back to camp after we’re relieved by whoever comes next.
Then . . . Well, then, I don’t know. I have enough information to go home now, but what is home?
Pratt’s goofy cheerfulness is nowhere. Jocko has helped, he thinks of me as a human though.
Lirea and I are getting along, except we have never talked as deeply as Gretch and me. And Stark, well . . .
Tripp pokes my shoulder, and I look back through the scope.
A bright yellow glow comes from over to the right.
It’s massive, high behind the trees’ dense branches.
I readjust the coloring on my scope, and it rises up to full height stepping around the tree.
My heart screams in pain when it starts to beat again.
Fuck.
I scan the trees to where the thermal coloring stops. It has to be him. No one else is that tall.
Tripp’s lips form heat around my ear. “It’s your shot.”
I shake my head in response.
This can’t be happening.
“You can do it,” Tripp says, his words lethal and encouraging.
I swallow and lower back into position so I can see. Anyone else, I could’ve grazed, risked missing. The memory of tingles from Stark’s hand on my back floods my skin. He killed his own kind for me so I could be safe. There’s only one option.
I readjust my grip, and Tripp’s breath blows past my head.
“You got this. This is the one we’ve been trying to get. He never comes close enough. Go for the kill.”
All the mixed-up feelings for Tripp vanish and hatred fills me.
I want to turn the gun and shoot him in the heart.
He’s the evil one here. I wish I could turn and rip his head off to prove that we can be beasts if they want us to be.
The Toridge pack—my pack—is trying to protect the home that I love. The ones like the true me.
I turn the dials on the scope again. Sucking in a breath, I slide my finger over the trigger. Magic starts to flood under my skin, but I don’t care. Let them find grass here tomorrow. I will be gone.
Don’t move, I say in Stark’s mind.
Who? Stark’s head twists in our direction three hundred yards away.
This isn’t a joke. Stay still. I aim the gun low, right between a gap in his tree-like legs.
“Now, Aly.”
My finger pulls. The shot rings out, overbearing in my ears.
I drop the gun and cup them to drown the ringing.
Run! I scream inside, then close the connection.
Tripp goes for his gun, and I close my eyes, gripping my ears while waiting for another shot from him.
“Damn, that one’s fast. Don’t worry, Aly. We’ll get it. I should’ve brought you headphones, I don’t like wearing them out here . . . you miss things.”
My name is Aloka. Not Aly.
“Yeah.” I stand and walk away. Each step is filled with pain, like walking across hot ashes.
I wander at the edge of the camp in slushy snow when Tripp comes out of the forest.
“Aly? Don’t worry. The first encounter is always the worst one.” I nod, and tears flow from my eyes. I don’t stop them and keep cool the best I can.
“Come on I’ll get someone to cover our shift, let’s go get some rest.” He takes my hand and starts to walk. “You’re burning up. It’s the adrenaline.”
“I think I’m going to stay at Gretch’s tonight. I need to be alone.”
“Of course. I can walk you there.”
When we get there, he wraps his arms around me again and kisses my forehead before I slip inside. Gretch’s gun isn’t at the door and the place is quiet.
Stark was here—mere hundreds of feet away—and I shot a bullet at him. I have no idea if I missed or not. I panicked and jumped too fast after. I needed him gone, far away from the guns, or I was going to risk ending a decade of secrets.
I climb up the ladder and collapse onto the narrow mattress of the bunk bed, then attempt to fall asleep. Maybe this is a nightmare.
The air is warm and smells like fresh roses. I clamp my dress’s skirt down with my hands as it catches in the breeze.
Music starts and the well-dressed crowd around me turns. I lean between a gap to see what they’re all looking at. A tall man dressed in a black tux strides down the aisle with a long-legged women hooked around his arm. They face each other in front of a man I’ve seen before.
“We all gather here today for the sacred ceremony of two mates.”
The man next to me cheers. I angle to the right to get a better look, and the heat in my legs becomes unbearable.
Stark’s blue eyes don’t look at me but toward his soon-to-be mate Nikki. Her curled hair blows off her white dress in the breeze. She looks mesmerizing.
My hands burn as I breathe in through my nose, and the heat grows. I start to pant, and the two tall, blurry-faced people next to me shift away, giving me odd looks.
“Before we start, Nikki and I would like to partake in an ancient tradition,” Stark announces to his guests.
Everyone begins to sit, yet I can’t seem to make myself do anything. I’m both frozen and on fire. The feeling is similar to that of a full moon, but up in the sky, the sun casts rays behind a group of clouds.
“A sacrifice of the Red one.”
Both Nikki and Stark give me menacing smiles before turning, her into a small blondish-colored wolf. Stark, dark as night, towers over her. They leap, and I hear a scream.
I wake in a sweat, as if everything around me is on fire.
“Aly. Aly.”
I look around and see Gretch’s face leaning over the edge of the railing.
“You, okay? Tripp came to tell me what you saw. It’ll get better.” She reaches out places her hand on my shoulder, my body trembling under her touch. She draws back and her face drops.
“Sorry, I’m going to go get some air.” I jump off the bunk, skipping the ladder, and head out the door. I sink down on the metal grates and lean against the cool metal railing.
The door behind me shuts and Gretch sits, wrapped in a blanket. “Any better?”
I exhale. “Yeah, I think so. Some crazy nightmares.”
She presses her hands between her blanketed knees. “It’s a lot to be here, but it’s less lonely than being in the city with no one.”
“I used to have someone.” Mourning fills my voice. Pratt’s brown fur is all I want right now, running next to me in the woods. I want him to tell me not to run so fast, to take fewer risks, to not burn out.
“What were they like?”
“Full of energy and joy and strict. My brother had so many rules. I used to hate all the rules, and it wasn’t until he was gone that I realized he sacrificed so much for me. My mom was the same way, except she got sick. Now, it’s only me.”
“I’m sorry you’re alone too. We’ve got each other now.” She bumps me with her knee. “Does it ever feel like no one knows the real you?” she asks.
“Every second,” I say.
We sit in silence under the door light. A few men walk past us without acknowledgment. Some move alone, heading out for shifts carrying large-scoped rifles.
I need to go home.
Gretch begins to shiver, and we head inside. “You coming to sleep again?” She dips into bed, and I stand in the inner doorway.
“Maybe in a bit.”
She pulls the covers up over her shoulders.
Leaving her to sleep, I search around for a pen and paper, taking a seat with them in the sitting room. I stare up at the walls, white like in every other building here, gripping the pen in my left hand, and start to write.