Chapter 25 #3
I run back into the lake. Wind blows across my chest and face. I want to howl—it itches in my throat—but I swallow it away, dunking my head below. I swim back over to the lake’s opening and change back. My hair and clothes are soaked, but in moments, they’ll both be dry.
As I let the heat burn, a pain rips across my chest. I cry out and hug my drying legs. The ice I sit on disappears.
This was almost a good night, though it still misses the mark. When I lived with Pratt, there were days I’d spend more time as a wolf than as a human, which dulled the burning sensation. During a full moon, I should be my wolf self for hours. Not minutes.
Water laps at the shore, bare of ice now, and the loneliness sets in. Stark must love when he can go out with Nikki. Same as Kiya and Mitus getting to run with their mates. I don’t know if I could ever trust someone enough to tell them. Pratt always lectured me about it.
I leaned back against a tree.
“Alo, it’s the way things are for you.”
“What if I want them to be different? I could change their minds.”
He gave me one of his brotherly gazes, meaning no fucking way.
”It’s not worth it.”
“What? To be normal?” I picked off a piece of bark.
“Alo, you’re not normal. You just melted an entire hillside from winter to spring.” He pointed at the flowers next to us.
I slammed my head back into the bark as tears fell.
“I’ll be here. It’ll be okay.” He ruffles my hair, such a brother move.
“You’re not here though,” I yell at the lake. “I have to handle all of this alone!” I toss a rock at the lake, and it splashes.
Footsteps approach, and I tense my arms. They shouldn’t be back yet.
Kiya stalks around the truck, and in seconds, she’s on two feet. “Who are you yelling at?” she asks, taking a seat on the now-warm ground next to me.
“Pratt,” I say, tossing a small stone.
“Grieving someone isn’t easy. Do you talk to anyone about it?”
“I don’t have anyone.” I toss another stone.
Kiya braids her long hair. “I thought you and Stark were close? And Jocko? What about Lirea? Come on, Aloka, you have people.”
“It’s not the same. They don’t know.” My legs tremble under my arms.
I need to cool down. She must be hot from running and not realizing the temperature around us. I fill my lungs and exhale on repeat.
Kiya’s hand finds a rock between us. “Well, they can’t know things you don’t tell them.”
She doesn’t get it, but how could she?
“Why are you back early?” I hold off from snapping.
“I didn’t like the idea of leaving you out here on a full moon. I’m shocked about Stark allowing it. Like I said, he’s not himself. I tried to ask him when we were on the run, and he essentially told me to fuck off or die, so I left them to it.” He is her Alpha. She can’t fight him.
“Yeah, he hasn’t talked to me since the other night at his place,” I share.
She sits up straight. “When we drank? Did something happen?”
“No, I promise nothing would ever. Can I ask you something?”
“What about?”
“It’s strange, but I don’t have anyone else to ask.” Kiya is older than all of us, including Stark. She might know.
“Let’s hear it.” She smiles at me in the moonlight.
I turn away from her in case she thinks I’m losing it. I don’t need to see her reaction. “Do you ever get a tingle feeling when you touch someone or don’t touch them? Like a butterfly sensation across your body or in your hands?”
“I do.”
“Really? With anyone or . . . ?” I look at her now, a smile on her face.
“With Mitus. It doesn’t happen when we don’t touch, though. Only when we’re being intimate, kissing or more. I’ve heard some mates’ connections grow stronger, that they can feel it holding hands or without touch at all. I hope ours grows that strong one day.” Hope fills her words.
That can’t be right.
“You’ve never experienced it any other time?”
“We were already mated when I felt it, of course. Why are you asking?”
“Just something I read.” I can’t tell her that I feel it with her Alpha now. I’d sound like the crazy holed-up girl they all were expecting when I got dragged into all of this.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, thanks.” I do mean it.
“See? If you talk, then you won’t be so alone,” she teases.
“Maybe,” I say, tossing the round stone in my hand over to the water.
Jocko and Stark come out of the forest a few hours later.
Stark’s dark coat glows in the light, and I can’t help but stare at it.
I want to curl into it forever. I mean, I want nothing to do with it or the deep glowing blue eyes that my heart skips over.
I might love them more when in contrast with his black fur—more than I love my own red hair.
I’m so screwed for life.
They turn back into their human forms and shove each other while walking over.
“I knew we were gone for a bit . . .” Jocko walks in the puddles of the ice. “All the ice is melted.”
I blow out a breath.
“The water is warm,” Kiya says, her hand below the surface of the lake.
Stark doesn’t comment and leaves us.
This is enough. I stand up and walk over to Stark at the side of the truck.
“What? We can’t be friends now?” I ask him.
Jocko and Kiya turn away, silent.
“No, Aloka, we are not friends.”
Ouch.
He opens the truck door, steps in, and slams it.
Heat flares in my chest and I want to scream. An exasperated breath leaves my chest. I never should’ve let him see anything.
I shrink into myself and go sit by the water, tired of feeling too much. If they weren’t here, I’d melt or break that glass and demand he talk.
Jocko squats next to me while Kiya moves toward the truck. “You okay?”
“I don’t know what I am,” I say. I pull my shoes off and stick my feet in the water to cool my body. I shared with him parts of me, things that should be a secret, fears and more. It’s as if pained fractures quake through me. What is this?
Jocko sinks down all the way and drapes his arm over me. I press into him. “Aloka, you’re blazing hot. Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, just ignore it,” I say, and tears fall.
A horn blares, but I don’t move. Jocko goes to stand, and I cling to his hand over my back. “Just a minute, please. I need a minute away from him.”
He nods and pulls me tighter to his side, and I lean my head onto his chest and sigh.
There are no tingles, no addictive feelings, only a brother-like comfort.
I want Stark’s thick hands running circles on my back, slamming me into a door while his scent washes over me or sitting across from me with a book.
But I can’t have any of it. I don’t get the werewolf life.
I don’t get the mate. My blood brother is gone. What’s the point?
The horn blares again, and Jocko picks me up while he stands.
“Come on, I’ll sit with you in the back.” He lifts my fractured self into the back seat. I slide over to make room.
“Jocko, get in the front,” Stark says with a new level of cold to his voice.
“I’m good, man. Kiya can stretch her legs,” he says, and climbs in next to me. He wraps his arms around me, and I curl my legs up into a ball. My eyes close. I use the rhythm of his breathing to calm down.
“Thank you,” I say into his chest.
His arms tighten and release.
Stark cranks the music up and drives us out onto the windy road. There’s only one last stop to make.