Chapter 3
T his was her happy place.
Around her, small wooly sheep roamed, an occasional bleat bouncing off the barn walls.
She’d always loved working with animals, and sheep ranching was a recent addition to the family business.
Each time she was home, she learned something new.
So she tried to help as much as she could, like checking hooves for hoof rot before the snow started to fly.
And it took her mind off living with Caleb.
That was a lie.
Being in his arms again had dusted off those old emotions she’d refused to analyze, the part of her brain that thought he’d hung the moon and aligned the stars just for her. Or noticed they fit together better than they had when they were teenagers.
She was only a couple of inches shorter than him.
She was probably three milkshakes past doing the boyfriend jeans thing with his pants.
But when he held her…she’d never felt so feminine, so petite.
None of her boyfriends after Caleb, and certainly not Oliver, had ever made her feel that way, and there were times she craved it.
“Come on,” she cooed to the ewes as she released them back into the pasture.
She missed working cattle, but sheep had their own brand of easy.
By herself, she could muscle an ewe around, even a ram, and perform several duties on her own if Justin was busy.
Working cattle was a team effort, and that carried its own thrill, but this?
This was a nice change from living in Minneapolis.
No traffic. No driving to a park just to be outside.
While there was plenty to do on a ranch, the pace was slower.
It had changed her twin. Justin didn’t act like the uptight prick he’d been when he’d lived in Denver.
Seeing him joking around with Caleb was a blast from the past that only tumbled all those pesky memories to the top of her brain.
Today, Caleb was gone, working his twenty-four.
She’d get a small reprieve from the stress of running into him.
This morning, she’d snuck out of her room to use the bathroom just as Caleb had been coming out.
She had rubbed her eyes and pretended to be groggy when she’d actually been stunned into silence at the sight of his wide shoulders and his navy-blue uniform top.
His hair had been slicked back and to the side in a dapper but edgy way.
And the way his pants had tapered over his strong thighs…
It was just too much for a girl to take that early in the morning.
He’d given her a curt “morning” and swaggered down the stairs.
She’d stood frozen for a few heartbeats before realizing that she’d forgotten what she’d gotten out of bed to do.
Justin was wandering through the barn, his ball cap pulled down low and his boots crunching in the straw. The noise popped her fireman-Caleb fantasy.
“You didn’t do all my work for me already, did you?” He scanned the dim interior of the structure. The doors on both ends of the barn were open, if only partway, letting in the daylight.
“I listed the ones I inspected in the record book.” Brigit shoved her hands into her jeans pockets. “I suppose I should go inside and do more job hunting or I’ll be underfoot.”
“Any ideas where you’re going to look? Or are you going to try for law school again?”
She averted her gaze and repressed a shudder. Law school hadn’t been her dream, just an idea Mom had thrown around that gained more traction than Brigit ever planned. “No, I don’t think it’s for me.”
“I’m not surprised. If you said you wanted to go to vet school, maybe, but I couldn’t see you being a lawyer.”
She swatted him. “What are you saying? That I’m better with animals than people?”
He cocked his head and shot her a knowing look.
Laughter bubbled out of her. “Right. And no to vet school. I’d rather work with the outsides of animals, not dig around their insides.”
“So then where are you applying? I know you’re not staying in Moore.”
Swallowing around the small lump in her throat, she grappled for an answer. Why was it hard to toss out a city? It couldn’t be leaving Moore that was bothering her—just homesickness. She was back home, but it wasn’t her home. It was Justin’s.
“Probably Minneapolis.” She’d lived there since leaving home after graduation.
The city was…not home. Familiar. “I should get back inside. And call Mom.” That was one more task she had to do, and she’d sworn not to put it off any longer.
She hadn’t planned to mention anything, but Justin would understand.
His expression changed from reassuring to sympathetic, and compassion simmered in his blue eyes. “You’re doing the deed, huh?”
“I’m surprised she hasn’t tracked me down already.”
“Being in Arizona delays the grapevine.”
“Well it’s been almost five days now. I’m still in the small window of forgiveness for leaving her out. Wish me luck.”
Brigit trudged through the barn and out into the sunshine.
A fall breeze cool with the frigid promise of snow blew across her, but the effect was lessened by the warm rays beating down on her.
Birds chirped around the house as they hunted for late fall fare.
The bleats of the sheep faded behind her.
Calling her own mother shouldn’t feel like this much of a chore, but Mom had adored Oliver.
The woman hadn’t said as much, but Brigit knew without asking that she’d had fantasies of her daughter being married to a successful businessman, and even better, one who had a last name almost as respected in the town of Moore as Walker.
Inside, Brigit kicked her boots off by the door and jogged up to her room to grab her phone.
There were no messages, no “I miss you” texts from her ex, and no cheer-up comments from all the friends she didn’t have.
Her social circle had consisted of Oliver’s friends, and she supposed it was like a divorce.
He got all the people, she got all the loneliness.
If she thought about the phone call too hard, it wouldn’t happen. She punched in her mom’s number and waited for her to pick up.
“Hey, I was just thinking about you.” At the sound of Mom’s cheerful voice, Brigit sank onto her bed and rested her head in her hand.
Skipping the greeting, she went straight for the gut. “Oliver and I broke up. He was cheating on me.”
“Oh, honey.” Mom paused. Her breath echoed over the line, like she was opening her mouth to say something and closing it again. “Who? How? Why…”
The story spilled out of Brigit, every humiliating detail. She didn’t spare one moment of the coffee-shop debacle, hoping that would sway her mom’s opinion of what Brigit should have done.
“I just can’t believe it.” Mom’s exasperated huff sounded angry. That was a promising sign. “Wasn’t he willing to work out any issues?”
“What was there to work out? We were barely engaged and he was already sleeping with someone else.”
“It’s not your fault he turned to another. Did he say at all why he did it?”
There could be so many reasons. He felt like he was carrying her through life? She wasn’t good enough in bed? He didn’t like the way she looked anymore? It all added up to him being unhappy with her.
“We didn’t get that far in our conversation.” She’d been unwilling to hear how she “made” him do it.
“And you weren’t interested in repairing the relationship?”
“No, Mom. I figured that if he couldn’t keep it in his pants even with a ring on my finger, he wasn’t worth one more minute of sharing my life.
” Brigit pressed her lips shut. She never lashed out at Mom.
Not after all the woman had done for her.
“I want a rock-solid foundation before I get married, not a wing and a prayer.”
The hard edge of her voice kept Mom from replying right away. “You deserve nothing less. I just thought—the way you talked about him… I’m surprised you’re letting him go. So what now?”
The way she talked about him? Brigit thought back.
No, she never had discussed those times Oliver made her feel less than, or the belittling comments he made.
She hadn’t wanted to hear anyone else agree.
“Well, since I was kicked out of the house, Justin helped me move. I’m staying with him.
” She held her breath, waiting for the news to sink in.
“Isn’t… Isn’t Caleb staying with Justin?” There it was. The other major reason she’d put off this phone call. Mom would breathe easier if Brigit didn’t share the same roof as Caleb, or better yet if Caleb moved to a different country, maybe the one his mom had been born in.
“Yeah, he’s here too. But he works one full day, and his days off he spends working on his own ranch.
” She should leave it at that, but more explanation might help Mom accept her new living arrangements.
Being roommates with him wasn’t going to anchor her to Moore and make her give up all that schooling Mom had fought for.
“You remember his house was destroyed by a tornado?”
Mom snorted. “No surprise. It was probably only a couple steps away from being condemned.”
No, it hadn’t been. Caleb’s grandparents might not have had enough money to update the look of the house in the last several decades, but she’d cared for what she had. Including Caleb.
“Either way, he lost his home. And I lost my home. Thankfully, Justin is still single, and we can both crash with him.”
“Crashing with him is one thing but living with him is another. I know you’ll help your brother out. Has Caleb paid him even one penny in rent?”
“He’s trying to rebuild his house, Mom. I got kicked out by a selfish prick. Caleb’s trying to rebuild his life and his best friend is helping him. You know Justin isn’t the type to let people use him.”
“You’ve always had a blind spot when it comes to that boy.”
“And you’ve always had a lot of judgment when it comes to him.” Brigit pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes shut. If it weren’t for Mom, things between her and Caleb might have turned out so differently. But ultimately, it’d been her decision to cut things off and leave town.
She couldn’t dwell on the past. Good, bad, or indifferent, it didn’t change that Mom had once asked Brigit if she was willing to give up school and a career to be stuck in Moore. She’d had one shot at school, and Mom had fought for it.
I finally got your father to agree to pay for your school, wherever you choose, instead of doing exactly what you’re doing now—settling for the first boy that makes your heart go pitter-patter.
Caleb did more than that, but Mom had been right. Her parents had put Travis through school. Justin had big plans. But when it came to Brigit, Dad looked at all his sisters-in-law who’d settled down with ranchers and wondered why she couldn’t do the same and save him the money.
“Brigit. It was for the best.” So much emotion saturated Mom’s words. Was she not proud of the way she’d divided her and Caleb as kids?
Shame elbowed out her anger. Those years in high school when Brigit had been looking at colleges was the only time she’d heard actual shouting between her parents.
Don’t you dare make my decision to marry you and give up my own life goals Brigit’s curse, Rick.
It doesn’t have to do with you or me, Joan. It has to do with our future, our retirement.
Our kids are our future.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up.” And look how it had turned out. Had Dad been right? “But I feel like you think I should’ve tried to patch things up with Oliver and settle.” Which was what she’d fought against all those years ago.
“You’re right, you’re right. He was such a promising young man, and you spoke so highly of him.”
No, she’d just skipped the snide comments and his controlling ways. As if not speaking about them made his behavior less real. “The last few days haven’t been easy.” Tears burned the backs of her eyes. “I guess I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”
“Don’t you still want to be a lawyer?”
I never wanted to be a lawyer . “I have to be realistic. I’m not getting any younger, and I can’t live with Justin for the rest of my life.”
“No, Moore isn’t the place for you. You have too much potential to let it go to waste in a small town like that.”
Like you did, Mom? Mom had been the college girl with all life had to offer in front of her when she’d met Dad.
But Dad had gone to college only so he could come back home and run the farm and ranch with his brothers.
It was either give Dad up or give her dreams up, and Mom probably hadn’t thought her dreams were gone for good when she moved to Moore.
But then she’d stayed home, had babies, and hadn’t touched anything relevant to her college career since.
Farm wife were like two four-letter curse words when it came to Mom, and she’d drilled into Brigit all her life not to throw it all away for a boy.
As Mom started on her laundry list of Things Brigit is Destined for in Life, Brigit sprawled backward on the bed. She’d ridden out this conversation before. Only this time, she couldn’t help but wonder just how much good following Mom’s path was doing her.