Chapter 34Rafe
Chapter 34
Rafe
I t was late Sunday afternoon, and Rose was shutting me down.
Last night, Pete had read me the riot act. Pacing back and forth in the roastery, he sounded like my old sarge trying to drill some sense into the eighteen-year-old me. Trouble was, I was the forty-one-year-old me and still as stubborn as hell.
I could tell my friend was frustrated by what he saw as my inaction. Here it was, two days until I left for Boise, and I was still holding back on telling Rose my history. Telling her why I wasn’t right for her.
Although Pete saw it differently. Giving her a choice, he called it.
I’d had my reasons for waiting until after the long weekend. But now I wasn’t so sure. I wasn’t sure any time was going to be a good time to say what I had to say.
And Rose was shutting me out. After the music had ended, I’d locked up the roastery and walked up front to take her home. She’d stayed behind the counter, arms wrapped around her middle, eyes red and wet. Lauren and Finn were out on the floor, cleaning up.
Rafe, she’d said, hardly looking at me, I need to go back and sleep in the house tonight. By “going back to the house,” she’d meant sleeping by herself.
I have to get up early to open the café because I’m giving Mateo the day off. She’d cleared her throat. Then I need to get home to eat a last breakfast with Finn and Lauren and pack their lunch for the road. I want to say my goodbyes before I— her words, not mine —start bawling. After that, I need to finish out the afternoon here.
I’d stood on the other side of the counter, nodding dumbly. Mumbling something about taking the dogs out for their last walk, I’d gotten out of there.
I would’ve been glad to hold her for the bawling part, but I got it. Not family, not a boyfriend, not a friend—not expected or entitled to be on the scene.
Well, maybe a friend with benefits. But I’d never had that type of friend before, and besides, I hated the term. Too detached, too cold, too casual.
It didn’t describe who she was to me. Why my eyes found her in any room. Why my gut ached when we were apart too long. Why my heart beat all over the place when I heard her sudden laugh. Why I couldn’t wait to lay hands on her skin each day.
The fucked up part? Maybe what we had was all in my head. Worse, I had shit skills for figuring out what was in Rose’s head.
The zinger from Pete last night? Son, you should just ask her.
I was better at using my talents for something concrete—if you could call solving anything mechanical a “talent.” I had her POS jacked up in her driveway and was lying under her back axle. I was intent on replacing her brake pads this afternoon because I couldn’t leave town knowing the state they were in.
And no. I didn’t ask permission beforehand.
The dogs started snuffling and ruffing and whimpering.
“Princess! Pirate! Quiet the fuck down, you two!” I shouted. Bet they can’t hear me with all the racket they’re making.
“It’s not supper time yet. And, no, I’m not letting you out—you’ll squeeze under the car and lick my face again. I’ll take you for a walk in fifteen minutes.”
The gate rattled, and I turned my head. Are those fuzz butts trying to get out?
Guess not, unless they’re wearing hot pink sneakers and crazy dog socks.
“Rafe…” Giggles, gasps, snorts. Kinda delicate-like, but still…snorts.
She started again, “Rafe, are you trying to reason with…” Her rich laugh busted out. “Do you expect the dogs to tell time?”
I slid out from under the vehicle and scrambled to my feet. Rose stood on the other side of the car, grinning at me. Her honey hair was bunched up in its usual messy knot. Dark smudges ran rampant under her red-rimmed eyes. A food-stained Chocolate Lab apron, sporting a torn pocket, hung off her neck.
She was beautiful, and she was too far away.
I rounded the rear end in three strides. Grabbing her up, I proceeded to…hug the hell out of her. Wrapping her as close as I dared, I buried my face in her hair.
Rose let out a high squeak that set the dogs off again. Pressing her cheek against my chest, she slipped her arms around to hug me tight in return. We stayed that way until the barking got too loud and Pirate was throwing himself against the gate.
We untangled, pulling ourselves apart slowly. I couldn’t resist reaching out again to cup her cheek and rub my thumb across her full bottom lip. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Meanwhile, the dogs were relentless.
Rose broke the spell this time. She nipped and sucked my thumb in quick succession. Before I could do anything about it—like grab her again—she danced away and headed over to the gate.
She glanced over her shoulder and said, “C’mon, let’s feed these loonballs their dinner and take them for a walk down to the park. I need some air, and you can tell me what you’ve been doing to my poor car.”
She was talking to me again, and on a relatively safe subject. It was another chance to avoid the unavoidable. Or at least postpone it.
How could I say no?
“Sure.” I grunted. “It’s getting dark soon anyway. Let me get your car off the jack, and I’ll be right in to help you with the dogs.”
We sat kitty-corner at the butcher block island, my knees bumping into hers when I tried to stretch my legs out. She was chowing down the ham-and-cheese-scramble I’d fixed when I’d found out she hadn’t eaten a thing today…not the breakfast she’d made for Finn and Lauren, not lunch at the Chocolate Lab while she was working, nothing.
Four-shot mochas didn’t count, but nice try on her part.
“Mmm…yum.” Rose closed her eyes and moaned as she shoveled the food in. “Rafe, where did you learn to cook like this?”
“That’s not cooking,” I scoffed. “That’s a fry-up, what I do when I’m camping. Usually, I throw in some mushrooms and onions, but we, er, you were all out.”
“Well, whatever you call it, I call it delicious .” She smiled up at me, gesturing with her fork. Her eyes were a brighter green, her cheeks rosy rather than pale, her dimples peeking out.
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
The moment those words were out of her mouth, she froze and stared down at her plate. Frowning, she continued eating—quiet now, subdued even, shrinking somehow.
I hated to see that.
Earlier, Rose had shared what she thought about me taking care of her.
Rafe, I appreciate it, I do. I’d sensed a but coming when she’d pulled her hand out of mine to tug Pirate away from something suspicious…and hadn’t reached for me again.
We’d been walking the dogs around the park while I explained why it was urgent to put new brake pads on her junker.
Rose, I couldn’t waste any time. With thin pads, the brake fluid can leak out real fast—even while you’re driving. And your brakes would fail—no warning.
If I’d sounded a little over-the-top about her safety, I guessed I was. She neglected things or put herself at risk, and soon…I wasn’t going to be there to safeguard her.
Then she’d hit me right between the eyes. Rafe, it’s not your job to do all these things for me. I’m not your responsibility.
True. I didn’t want to be responsible for anybody ever again. But fuck me, that’d hurt.
It hadn’t gotten any better.
Sometimes I wonder if you think of me as a list of chores. Chores to take care of and check off before you go on to your next thing. Before you leave… She’d kinda trailed off there.
I must’ve made some sort of protest because she’d picked up again.
Don’t get me wrong. We’ve had something…intense going on here. She’d waved her free hand back and forth between us. You’re a good man with a good heart. I just think whatever we have is marked with a sell-by date.
She’d stopped and pulled up her hood against the rain. I’m sorry, Rafe. I’m exhausted from this week, and I’m not making any sense. Plus, I’m so hungry I could probably eat Pirate’s weight in kibble. Let’s go home.
So I’d taken her back to her house and fixed her breakfast for dinner.
Now I stood and carried our empty plates over to the sink. Princess and Pirate dogged my heels, hoping for scraps, but there was nothing left.
I returned to the island and took both of Rose’s hands in mine. I drew her to her feet and started walking backward, out of the kitchen, through the dining room to the base of the stairs.
“I’ll deal with the dogs and clean up later. Tomorrow, there are things I need to tell you. Tonight…tonight is for us alone. Will you come upstairs with me?”
She held my gaze and nodded slowly. Then she took me by the hand and led the way up to the bedroom.