Chapter Thirty-Six
Jill
I’ve only been home for the night three minutes before there’s a knocking at my front door. My heart races at the aggression behind the pounding, apprehension tensing every muscle in my body. Holding my breath, I can’t help but brace myself before I open the door.
“Medium supreme pizza with breadsticks?” a delivery woman drawls. I confirm, and she offers me the two food boxes before power-walking back to her car.
Forcing a cleansing breath, I close the door and lock is soundly behind me, before heading toward the living room. Huffing out a deep sigh, I walk through the dark house and drop my purse and the food boxes on the coffee table before tossing down my keys. It’s been a long day, I’m tempted to fall onto the couch without bothering to turn on any lights.
Living off of the cash I took from Gage’s safe was easy in the beginning, but it’s proving more and more difficult as time goes on. The digital age isn’t built for anonymous, cash-only transactions. Everything wants you to create an account with a paper trail. Funny how actual paper doesn’t usually leave any trails.
San Fransisco only lasted for a few nights while I got myself completely off the grid, then it was time to find someplace quieter. I got lucky when I found this little two-bedroom house in southern Georgia being rented out by a sweet Southern woman who prefers cash. All I had to do was pay the minimal deposit, and she was happy to let me sublet under her name. She didn’t even notice that I initialed the paperwork instead of writing my full name. If only everything else could be so easily managed.
I spent most of the day trying to set up an internet provider, but I wasn’t able to find one that would let me sign up without creating an online account with my personal information and showing proof of address. Modern times are really making hiding from a psycho ex nearly impossible. I even had to reach out to Lana a few days ago about getting me a fake ID. But if I have to go to the public library every time I want to use the internet, that’s what I’ll fucking do.
“You’re a hard woman to find when you want to be. But not hard enough.” The large shadow looming in the corner steals the breath from my lungs. “I’ll always find you.”
The switch of the lamp floods the room with light, revealing Gage standing in my living room like the shadow of death. The cold shock that freezes every muscle in my body is quickly melted by the hot anger that pours through me like molten lava.
“You clearly have a death wish. Maybe I was being too kind when I let you live. Now I’m going to have to kill you. And I’ll make sure it’s slow and painful to pay you back for what you did to Tommy.”
“Your brother—”
“What about my brother? You needed to track me down to explain in detail how you killed—?”
“Jillybean.”
All words die on my tongue at the familiar voice. My eyes widen, jaw dropping, as I turn to look at the man standing in the doorway.
Is this real?
“Tommy?” The name is barely a whisper. He walks closer, stepping further into the light until I can see him clearly—husky build, dark brown wavy hair, green eyes. “Tommy!”
I throw myself at him, and his arms wrap around me in a tight hug. I breathe in the smell of his Old Spice as I press my face into his bulky chest.
He’s real.
“You’re alive.” I pull back to look at him—excitement, confusion, and outrage swirling through me. “You’re alive?”
I glance at Gage, my eyes clashing with his and momentarily getting caught in their intensity. I rip my gaze from his to refocus on my brother when he starts talking. Tommy breathes out a breath of relief like he’d been worried this was all a trap. “I’m alive. It’s a long story, Jilly. I—”
“A story he’s going to be telling without sparing any details,” Gage states darkly. My eyes dart over to glare at the man burning a hole through my forehead. His demanding gaze latches to mine, forcing me to avert my eyes before I’m being sucked in.
“Tell me.” Taking several steps backward to create space between me and the two men, I focus on my brother. The weight of my stare makes him fidget in a way that has me narrowing my eyes. I know all of his tells. “What did you do?”
“Nothing! I didn’t actually do anything.” Tommy says defensively. His eyes cut over to Gage nervously before he continues. “Okay, so I got in too deep with Jonas.”
“I already know that part.”
“I know, I know. You were never supposed to have to take over my debt like that. I was going to win enough to pay him. I just needed a few more good games. You know how good I am when I’m on a winning streak.” Tommy’s eyes glaze over like they always do when he’s talking about his addiction. “And I was doing it. I was winning. I won over fifty grand, but I knew I could do better. I was going to double it. But then Danny Cordon won the pot. He’s always been a fucking cheat—I had him. He shouldn’t have had that pair. It didn’t make any sense.” My brother starts rambling, veering off track as he starts spiraling to himself.
“Tommy, focus,” I say, snapping him out of it.
“I lost the money. All of it. And Jonas wasn’t happy about it, so he sent his guys to…remind me of what happens if I didn’t pay. I had to get the money another way. I didn’t have a choice.” Something in his tone has my gut clenching with dread. He pauses for a moment that spells trouble.
“Then I heard about the reward money.” My stomach drops.
“What reward money?” I bite out slowly. Tommy winces.
“Carter’s parents. They were offering a lot of money to know what happened to him. A lot of money.” I remain silent, my stare turning cold as he continues. “I wasn’t gonna tell them everything. Just enough to get the payout.”
“How did you even know about Carter?”
“I saw you. Carter was at the dock that night to meet me. I was going to convince him to spot me some cash, but you got to him first.”
My head is swimming with a million thoughts all at once, anger and denial swirling through me. But one feeling pangs through me without question. Betrayal.
“You were going to sell me out?” My eyes rip from my brother to look at Gage for confirmation. His deep gaze holds mine easily as he stands unmoving.
“I was going to tell the truth. You made your choices, and I had to make mine. I wasn’t happy about it.” Tommy spreads out his hands defensively.
After all I’ve done for him, Tommy was going to betray me. Turn me in for a paycheck. He was just using me. Again. My entire life, all I’ve ever been to him was a card in his hand to play whenever it suited him. He didn’t give a damn about me, he never has.
He still doesn’t.
I’ve been avenging a brother I never had. A man who never saw me as family or even a friend. A person who’s only ever been out for himself.
Anger simmers inside me like molten lava brewing. I’m a fucking volcano ready to erupt and cause total devastation. My eyes move from the pathetic excuse of a brother and look at Gage. His eyes lock with mine like he’s just been waiting for me to look his way again. His entire body is tensed, corded muscles in his arms bulging against the tight fists clenching at his sides. I can’t tell what urge he’s currently fighting—the need to touch me or the impulse to throttle Tommy.
“You knew about this?” I ask, the angry words coming out as an accusation.
“I stopped him.”
Gage’s statement says so much.
“After beating me to within an inch of my life,” Tommy interjects. He takes a step closer to me, his tone changing like he’s trying to reason with me. Gage takes a step closer in response. “This guy is a violent lunatic, Jilly. You can’t trust him, he’s fucking crazy. Let’s get rid of him, and we can go back home. Just the two of us.”
“Just the two of us?” I scoff. “You were going to rat me out. Throw me to the wolves to save yourself.”
“Hey, you’re the one who killed a man. I was just cashing in before you did your time. The cops would’ve found out who did it eventually.” Realizing that he’s not helping his case, Tommy changes his tune. “Look, I’m really sorry. Okay? I never would’ve gone through with it—you’re my sister. I’m sorry for even thinking about it. We’ve gotta stick together. We’re all each other has.”
“He called to make an appointment with the detective.” Gage’s deep voice cuts in. Tommy throws him a glare before turning his pleading eyes back to me.
“We’ve both made mistakes. But we can move on from all this.” I stare at him, listening as his sweet talk and negotiations slide right off my back without making a dent. There’s no going back, the damage is done. What little faith I had in this deadbeat is long gone.
My brother is standing right in front of me, the brother I’ve spent months going crazy looking for. But it feels like I’m looking at a stranger.
“Let’s go pack your things. You have the bracelet, right?”
“The bracelet,” I repeat bitterly. Tommy nods, looking around the room like he might catch a glimpse of the gaudy gold jewelry.
“Yeah, I’m gonna need my lucky charm now that I’m back. Where is it?”
Now that I’m back.
Something about those four words slices painfully into my chest like I’m being stabbed by realization. He thinks everything is the same as before, like nothing ever happened. Like he didn’t try to betray me on the deepest level for his own benefit. He doesn’t care about that, and why would he? He sees nothing wrong with it.
Tommy is never going to change. He’s going to stay who he’s always been, who I’ve allowed him to be my entire life—a selfish, greedy asshole who’s only ever out for himself. A bloodsucker draining the life out of anyone he can sink his teeth into.
I’ve always known who he is. But for the longest time, I thought that being his sister—his family—somehow meant I was safe from him. I’m not. I’ll never be safe from his self-serving egotism. He’ll turn on me without a second thought the moment it turns in his favor.
And what’s to stop him from cashing that reward check from Carter’s parents the second he gets back to Chicago? Nothing. He’s got his ammunition now, and he’ll pull the trigger on me every chance he gets.
I look at my brother, who’s been waiting with bated breath, to see how I’ll react to all of this. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” Tommy’s shoulders sag with relief, but Gage isn’t so happy.
“Jill—” I hold up a hand to cut off his protest.
“Just wait here. Both of you.” Striding out of the room, I head down the hallway to the bedroom. Pulling open my nightstand drawer, I find what I’m looking for. The weight of the metal in my hand as I stride back toward the living room carries the heaviness of this entire situation. When I walk through the doorway, Gage is standing with his arms crossed, staring Tommy down. My brother is trying to stare back but can’t help but fidget.
His tell has gotten even worse than the last time I saw him. He’s losing it.
Walking over to my brother, I lift my arm to dangle the ugly gold bracelet in the air in front of him. “Is this what you wanted so badly?”
Tossing the jewelry at him, he reaches out both arms to catch the damn thing like it’s a fragile heirloom. I wait for both hands to wrap around the metal, his arms raised, to make my move. My knife pierces him just under his ribcage with all of the anger that’s been building inside me my entire life. All of it comes to a head in this one moment as I shove the blade through his muscular wall as hard as I can.
Tommy wheezes out a grunt as the wind is knocked out of him, his eyes bulging in his head at me in shock. “What are you—?”
“This is what I want. Badly.”
White hot anger flashes across Tommy’s face, his expression morphing into hateful contempt. His arm raises to swing at me, but he doesn’t get the chance. In an instant, Gage has Tommy in a chokehold with both arms pinned behind his back.
“You don’t fucking touch her,” Gage growls menacingly. Tommy wriggles against his hold, But it’s useless against Gage’s unshakable hold. Tommy’s eyes glimmer with disdain as he sneers at me.
“You worthless bitch. You’re just as useless as Mom was. It should’ve been you who died in the accident, not Dad. You’re nothing but a fat fuck that no one will ever really care about.” Tommy’s practically frothing at the mouth. Gage’s arm around his neck tightens painfully until his face is turning red and his breathing is labored.
“I wouldn’t bet on that,” Gage growls darkly, making butterflies flutter in my stomach.
“He shouldn’t bet on anything.” I lean in, enjoying the warmth of the blood covering my hand as I hold the knife that’s still four inches deep in Tommy’s abdomen. “Do you know why you never won, Tommy? Hmm? Should I tell you why? Because you’re a loser. It’s what you are, what you’ve always been. All your life, you’ve been running from the truth, trying to convince yourself and anyone who will listen that you’re worth something. That you can win. But you can’t, you never could. You’re nothing but a failure.
“The other men I’ve killed had it coming, but you’re the person who stole my life from me. You never made anything happen for yourself. You had to drag other people down with you. But you’re done dragging me.” I twist the knife in his gut, making him groan in agony. But against the torture, he barks out a bitter scoff.
“You were so easy. ‘Jillybean, you can’t let them hurt me.’ You just couldn’t help yourself, you kept coming back for more,” he sneers, fueling my rage.
“And this is how it all ends. With you losing one last time. And the biggest thing you’ve lost yet.” Using all of my strength, I yank the blade upwards to drag it through his stomach. “Your life.”
The yell of agony that leaves Tommy is one of irreparable damage.
“All you’ve ever wanted was to be relevant, to be something,” I say calmly between his screams. “But you’re nothing. No one missed you when you were dead before, and no one will miss you now.” The knife is slippery with the blood it’s coated with when I pull it out of him, inflicting as much damage as possible in the process. When I jam the knife back in, this time piercing his heart, my hand slides down the handle with the force of it.
Tommy’s eyes widen in pained panic before his entire body stills as the life leaves it. He stares at me with lifeless eyes as Gage’s hold keeps his now slack form upright. My chest heaves with my amped breaths as I stand, unmoving, in front of my dead brother.
Tommy is dead. Actually dead. And there are no more questions about what happened to him.
I killed him.
I stay there for a moment as the adrenaline courses through me—my hand on the knife that took Tommy’s last heartbeat, blood dripping down my arm. I’m sure I’m covered in it.
My brother’s blood.
Seconds stretch into minutes as I allow my body to calm and take stock of how I’m feeling. Once the high of the adrenaline wears off, the sense of power remains. It’s sweet, with a bitter aftertaste that might never go away.
This kill feels different.
Out of all of the men I’ve killed, this one feels more final. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The weight of my brother’s disappearance, the heaviness of who he was in my life. Now that’s all gone, leaving something new settling through me.
Freedom.
My eyes drift closed and the ghost of a smile crosses my face as the sensation flows over me. I soak in the sense of peace and calm, so potent and comforting that quiets my mind—until the deep voice speaks.
“Are you okay, baby?” My eyes snap open to clash with the man gazing at me intently.
Gage hasn’t moved an inch while I’ve been reveling, his eyes fixed solely on me as he holds my now dead brother. His words slap me back to reality, and my fiery emotions kick back into gear. The passionate look in his dark eyes drill me with so many turbulent feelings until I’m overwhelmed.
And just like that, the peace is gone.
“Don’t think that this just fixes everything between us,” I snap, yanking the knife from the dead man. Gage doesn’t seem the least bit put off by my remark.
“But there is an us,” he states, like it’s the only thing he cares about. I don’t have the energy to argue with him about this right now. At least, that’s the excuse I’ll be giving him if he presses the matter because I don’t currently know how I feel about him or where we stand.
“I can’t do this right now.”
Gage releases his hold on the body and quietly lowers it onto the floor. There’s blood everywhere, and one glance down at me confirms my early assumptions. Gage takes a step closer and looks tempted to touch me, but he refrains. Just barely.
“Go take a shower, and leave your clothes and the knife in the tub. I’ll get things cleaned up in here.” Gage speaks as if he’s just about to do a load of dishes instead of disposing of a body. The gentleness in his voice is startling, and it makes my chest ache.
I nod and turn towards the doorway, but Gage steps into my path and forces my eyes to meet his. “Don’t leave this house. I’ll find you, you know I will. I’ll always find you.”
I don’t bother refraining from rolling my eyes. “Fine, whatever.”
“Jill.” The authority in his commanding tone has my heart doing damn near cartwheels as I meet his eyes again.
“I won’t leave,” I say more seriously. I don’t plan on going anywhere, at least not tonight. It would be pointless anyway. I don’t have another escape plan in place. And I’m not dumb enough to think I could shake my shadow so easily a second time.
Gage holds my gaze for a moment, trying to decide if he can believe me. The muscle in his clenched jaw ticks tellingly when he finally steps back and allows me to pass. I look down at the body lying on the floor as I leave the room one last time.
I won’t miss Tommy. I know I’ll see him again.
In hell.