CHAPTER 36 - ARIANNA
CHAPTER
Arianna
WITH GLASSY EYES, I stare at the peeling wall in this tiny bedroom. I refuse to cry or allow those bastards to gain further control by burrowing deeper into my head. Their previous actions will no longer continue to destroy me.
No. Not happening.
I’m exhausted and numb, but finally satisfied Maria now understands. Watching acceptance slowly slip inside her makes me confident the truth has finally sunk in.
I managed to get her settled in bed an hour ago, but Red still hasn’t come up. I can hear him moving around downstairs, so I guess he isn’t coming up at all, yet I need him to. I want him here with me.
I won’t ask two nights in a row.
Perhaps I’ve done too much of a good job in pushing him away?
Toying with the idea of going back downstairs, I freeze hearing footsteps on the wooden staircase. The heavy tread then moves along the landing and stops outside this door.
Then there’s a soft tap.
Pulling myself to my feet, I pad across the room and open the door a few inches, revealing Red’s frame filling the doorjamb.
“Has she settled down?”
“Yes, she’s asleep.” Fully opening the door, I beckon Red inside to stand awkwardly just inside the room, his size making the space even smaller.
“You did an impressive job down there with her.” Red’s hand moves as if he’s about to brush his fingers down my cheek but stops before making contact.
“You didn’t help by dropping in the part about Luca’s obsession with me,” I say spikily, then berate myself for what seems to be my new normal reaction to a rebuff. For God’s sake, why can’t I control myself?
Red raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize you were censoring the story, aside from the part about killing them.”
Sighing, I flop down on the end of the bed, defeated. “I suppose I didn’t want to rub her face in this disaster any more than I had to. Maria’s always been a little envious of me and... and I didn’t want it to seem that even an abusive, sick bastard prefers me over her.”
“The question is, has she taken everything in now? If she hasn’t, we have a big problem.”
Red hovers at the edge of the bed, and I gesture for him to sit down. “I do, I just hope she can hold her ground when the shit ramps up.”
His presence is diverting. I’m scared. What if he no longer wants me? What if I can’t free myself from the chains in my head? What if...?
“Maria confirming that the estate in is East Moseley and where Luca told her they’d live once married helps backs up the theory the place will be where this ‘order’ will be based, so that’s something, however I’m still waiting for confirmation about the other address.
” Red gets to his feet. “I’ll give her some defense training tomorrow just to be on the safe side. ”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Reaching out, Red lays his hand on my shoulder and gently squeezes. “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll leave you in peace now.”
“You... you’re not staying? I mean, I thought that you might... If you’d rather not, then I understand and...”
Half-turned, Red pauses and locks eyes with me. “I didn’t want to presume anything. Last night you were upset, and so I thought that was the reason you wanted me there with you.”
“I- I’d like you to stay.” Reaching up, I gingerly touch his face. “I’m not... I mean... I can’t promise that I’ll...”
“Arianna.” Red pulls me towards him and my head finds that place against his chest. “I don’t expect anything of you. You’re in charge of how things go between us. You know I want you, but I’ll be here for you whichever way you want me.”
I burrow further into Red’s shirt and drink in that special scent of his, feeling a shimmer of hope in the darkness. “It’s just... There’s something... I...” My words tail off as the security of his chest disappears and I blink up at him as he holds me out at arm’s length.
“I think I know what’s bothering you.” Red drops one hand from my shoulder and reaches around to the back pocket of his jeans. “I might be wrong.” He fumbles slightly as he hands me a paper bag. “I hope I’m not interfering or putting you in a bad position.”
“What is it?” I take the bag from his hand and nervously open the brown paper. I gasp, sure I might pass out. “You knew? How... how did you know?”
Red shrugs. “Things you said before made me think this was on your mind.” He places his hand on my shaking one that clutches the pregnancy test. “You don’t have to do it. I just thought, well, hoped it might put your mind at rest.”
Against my will, tears slip from my eyes.
“Fuck!” Red drags his fingers through his hair. “I shouldn’t have bought it. I didn’t want to upset you, princess. I swear that’s the last thing I want.”
“You haven’t.” I clutch his arm. “You’re right. This is what’s bothering me. But... but I can’t do it for another few days yet because my... my period isn’t due until...”
“This one gives an accurate result six days before, so I thought maybe it would be okay.”
I stare at the box. Six days? This test will tell me right now whether there’s another heart beating inside my body in addition to my own?
I feel the burn of Red’s gaze, but I can’t look up. I just can’t.
“Look, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. It changes nothing.”
“It changes everything!” I finally meet Red’s penetrating eyes. “I thought... I want... maybe... maybe I want to have a future with you, but if... if this comes up as positive, then there can be no future and... and I’m not sure I’m ready to face that yet.”
Red pulls me back into his arms. “Princess, I mean what I say. This changes nothing for me. I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Could love everyone. If you’re pregnant, then this is your baby – no one else’s, therefore I’d love it just as much as I love you.”