CHAPTER 38 - RED
CHAPTER
Red
ARIANNA REACHES UP and touches my face, looking at me in a way that leads me to believe she wants me to kiss her.
Do I? Hell, I fucking want to! Holding her lithe body against mine is enough to drive any man to distraction, let alone me. Arianna is my wife, yet I’ve been unable to treat her as such for so long it feels like centuries. Even then, it was only that once.
But should I kiss her? Start something off that I shouldn’t? Is her wanting me again a reaction to the relief there is no baby; that the demented bastard Luca didn’t put his cock in her after all? Is it because I made good on my promise to bring her sister out of the minefield?
Christ, am I overthinking this?
“Red...” Arianna’s lips part and I lean towards them, the force pulling me like a magnet on full power.
But there’s something else. My mouth hovers inches from hers, my control teetering on the edge, but my reticence is not because of Arianna.
I’ve told Arianna I love her - several times. I meant every word, but if we’re going to be together, I must tell her what I should have trusted her with long before now. She’s my equal in ways I never expected, and because of that, she should be aware of everything.
“There’s something you should know.” Before I change my mind, I take her hand and lead her to the bed.
“What is it? Have I...?”
Sitting her down, I place myself next to her. “I want to tell you about Lorna.”
“Lorna?” Arianna blinks. “Your first fiancée who killed herself? You’ve already told me about it.”
“Remember the times you accused me of driving her to suicide?” I begin, praying my need for full honesty doesn’t drive her away.
Arianna looks up, guilt in her eyes. “I should never have said that. It was an awful thing to do and...”
I place my fingers on her lips to quiet her protest. I don’t deserve them. “You weren’t wrong in what you said.”
Her eyes widen. “You mean...?”
“Well, no, I didn’t drive Lorna to suicide.” I take a deep breath. “I killed her myself and made it look like it was by her own hand.”
The silence in the room amplifies the blood charging through my veins. I move to brush a tendril of Arianna’s hair from her face, but she stiffens, so I let my hand drop to my side. “There were reasons that I’ll explain, and then you can decide if you still want me.”
????
Since I spoke, we’ve sat in silence. Arianna’s said nothing, and I’ve said nothing further either. There’s not much left to say now that she knows virtually everything.
Admitting I was marrying Lorna because it was “easy”; because it was “expected”; because I “might as well”, didn’t sound great. Neither did saying that I had no intention of remaining true to her once we did marry.
Arianna listened without comment, her expression neutral, but the mask she wore so well on returning from her imprisonment is back in place.
It was only when I then explained that Lorna was working with Arianna’s first husband and, from what I believed at the time, her own father, did she flinch.
But now I’ve reached the part which I never discuss.
Lighting up my tenth cigarette in as many minutes, I clear my throat. “I only discovered Lorna was a plant after the accident.” My eyes narrow, the age-old rage resurfacing. “And after I worked out the accident wasn’t an accident...”
Arianna frowns, her overloaded mind scrolling through scenarios. “Accident? You mean that you killing Lorna was a mistake?”
I laugh. It sounds bitter, twisted and hollow. It is, that’s why – a bit like my soul. “No. Killing Lorna was very much intended. I’m talking about my parents’ accident.”
“The car crash?” Arianna stops herself from touching my hand and I try not to take offence.
“Their car was tampered with. Lorna set up the means and ways for that to happen. My fiancée was placed in my life to be in a position to do exactly that - like relaying the whereabouts of my parents. Lorna was your husband’s spy.”
My eyes blaze with bitter hatred. “That’s why I killed her. I killed her as I fucked her with an injection to the neck. The mark was barely traceable, so it looked like an overdose.”
Arianna’s sharp intake of breath stabs me through the heart. I’m aware that’s how she was drugged by Luca and Matteo, and that makes this even harder to speak of. “Does that not make me cut from the same cloth as others? That I’m just like them?”
Arianna remains motionless, still silent.
Fuck. I can’t read her. I can’t tell if she despises me or what she thinks.
I’m such a fool. I could have continued keeping this to myself and perhaps living the life I want with this beautiful woman - my true soulmate and the person who makes my heart want to continue beating, yet I’ve chosen to screw it up.
And I still can’t stop.
“I buried the bitch in the wedding dress she took it upon herself to order,” I seethe.
“I made sure there were no mourners at her fucking funeral and to ensure a seamless transition into the place I needed to be, I encouraged rumors that she killed herself because of my controlling nature and philandering ways. I saved a war. If anyone knew the truth, it would have killed hundreds. We weren’t ready for the fallout, and I needed my firm to be ready. It is now.”
Finally finished with the story I swore I’d never reveal to Arianna, I stand up and move for the whiskey, only to remember it’s downstairs. Bollocks, I need a drink.
Resigned to my life having crashed and burned, I turn and shrug. “So, there you have it. I killed Lorna. She was a lying cunt who betrayed me.”
Arianna still says nothing. Christ, this is killing me.
I drag my fingers through my hair, and when they snag in my ponytail, I irritably pull out the band and shake my hair loose.
I suspect I look like the unkempt thug Arianna originally accused me of being.
She was probably right. “Now you know everything. You were right in what you said, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
” I smile sardonically. “Neither would I want to because I regret nothing and would do it all over again.”
I need to shut the hell up. I’m making things worse, but I can’t stop.
Arianna slowly gets up from the bed and pulls her dressing gown around herself like it somehow shields her from my poison.
“If you wish to leave, I won’t stop you. I will, however, honor your protection, as well as your sister’s, and I’ll still kill your persecutors.” I turn away, not wanting to witness the disgust on Arianna’s face that will be there somewhere if I look hard enough.