Chapter 41 #2
I look at my feet. The cleats on the turf.
I won’t see this view for another eight months.
Some might be proud of what we did this season, making it farther in the playoffs than any other Hurricanes team in the last five years, but it’s not enough for me to come all this way and lose.
All my individual achievements mean nothing when the team isn’t winning.
I move out toward the field with my teammates and coaches to shake the other team’s hands and congratulate them on moving forward.
It fucking hurts to do, but it’s important to be sportsmanlike.
Everything feels too heavy. The pads on my chest, the muscles in my legs.
Everything weighs one-hundred pounds more than it should.
I try not to literally hang my head as I approach the stands.
Most of the fans have filed out of the stadium already, leaving just a few lingering.
Audrey is scrolling through her phone, likely checking her email, while she waits for me.
I glance up over her and see my parents collecting their things.
All three of them see me at the same time.
The difference in emotions on their faces are stark.
Audrey is beaming at me like I hung the moon even though, if anything, I definitely just tore it down and let it all go to hell.
My mom looks ready to wrap me in one of her everything-will-be-okay hugs that she saves specifically for after losses.
My dad… he looks like someone spit in his ice cream sundae.
They all move in unison, sliding out of their respective rows and coming down the cement steps to meet me.
They’re standing nearly shoulder to shoulder, all wearing my jersey, none of them realizing who the other is.
I know I have to be the one to break the ice first. “Hey, Mom and Dad.” I turn to Audrey. “Hey, babe.” Their eyes immediately whip to one another and then back to me.
“Well, this is unexpected,” my mom breathes.
I probably could have done that a better way. I clear my throat. “Mom, Dad, meet my girlfriend Audrey. Audrey, these are my parents, James and Nora.”
Audrey stretches out a polite hand for them to shake, but my mom pushes right past it, pulling her in for a hug. She holds Audrey’s shoulders in place as she leans back to take in her face. “You’re so beautiful. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m so glad you were here to support Noah.”
I aim my thoughts at my dad, as if I could control his actions with my mind: Do not be an asshole to her because you’re mad at my performance. To my relief he just holds his hand out to Audrey and accepts her handshake.
It seems the shock of Audrey meeting my parents at an away game of all places has worn off because she turns to me and throws her hands around my neck, her arms resting heavily on my shoulder pads.
“I’m so sorry, Noah. You played really well.
” She pulls back to look at me. “You’ll get them next year. ”
“If you’re still on a team in their division,” my dad says. And here we go.
“I’ll still be here. We went to the playoffs.”
“Losing the wildcard game is barely making the playoffs.” He waves casually at someone behind me.
Probably some offensive coordinator who was in the league when he was years ago.
Everyone loved him. I just disappoint him.
He looks back at us, Audrey still standing close to my side. “Now I can see why.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Audrey asks, then looks at me like she didn’t mean to be so forward with my dad. I can imagine she thinks it’s a bad look for her, but I love that she did it anyway.
“I warned him before this season even started that he needed to keep his head in the game. And what did he do? Go off and find a cheap distraction.”
“James,” Mom warns.
“No, Nora. This is his career, and he’s got goo-goo eyes on a girl in the stands instead of on this make-or-break game.”
“He’s just one player. He doesn’t make or break a game for the entire Hurricanes team.
He didn’t throw an interception. He didn’t fumble the punt return.
The team lost this game,” Audrey spits, and it might be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
“What’s the point of coming here if you were just going to be a dick to Noah’s face when I’m sure he’s already being hard on himself for this loss? ”
My dad opens his mouth and nothing comes out for a second.
I see it, exactly when it crosses his mind that now is not the time or place to rip me a new one.
Not just in front of my girlfriend he’s meeting for the first time, but right after losing a game that I already knew the stakes of.
Audrey is right. I’m going to spend the flight home berating myself over every mistake I made.
I don’t need him to do it here. I haven’t needed that in a long time.
Dad looks at me, eyes softer than I’ve seen them in years.
“I’m… sorry, son. I just wanted you to be better than me, but I think I’ve been putting football before our relationship.
” After twenty years of lectures and lessons, I didn’t expect this to happen today.
He looks at Audrey, still beside me like a guard dog ready to strike.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep my act together long enough to properly meet you.
You’re obviously very important to Noah. ”
Audrey smiles back at him, sticking out her hand.
“We can start over. I’m Audrey.” This time it’s my dad who bypasses her outstretched hand and goes in for the hug.
My mom and I stand by as onlookers as the love of my life embraces my father.
I’m struck by a feeling that even though we lost this game, I haven’t lost everything that’s important.
When my tunnel vision recedes, I realize how long I’ve been out here doing family drama time while everyone else is back in the locker room.
“I’ve got to go.” I say it to Audrey, but I mean it for everyone.
I kiss her and hug my parents goodbye, then back away toward the entrance to the visitor locker room.
I barely make it twenty feet before the cheery little TV reporter approaches me and I groan internally.
She motions me over and I walk reluctantly into the lights in front of the camera.
She raises her microphone, but it’s so loud in here I have to lean down to her so I can hear. “Noah, congratulations on making it the furthest any Hurricanes team has in the last five years. How does it feel?”
I lean in to the microphone. “Awful. We wanted to go all the way. This is the team that could do it. It sucks that we got cut out at the wildcard game, but we’ll be back next year with a vengeance.”
“You’ve had an outstanding season, especially for a player returning from injury. You received one-hundred five passes for over a thousand yards and eleven touchdowns this season. What do you attribute that success to after having such a hard time last year?”
I scan the crowd behind the camera, looking past the blinding lights the crew holds.
There’s not a lot of navy in the crowd, but one jersey stands out from them all.
Audrey talks to Chrissy, who is obviously trying to stay cheery for the team, as she walks.
I look back at the reporter; Erin I think is her name? “Her. It’s her.”
The reporter glances toward the stands, but if she doesn’t already know who I’m referring to, she won’t be able to pick her out in the undulating crowd. She smiles at me sweetly, eating up my romantic answer. “Thank you, Noah. Good luck next year.”
I smile and thank her before walking swiftly away.
We may be out of the playoffs this year, but I definitely won at life with Audrey by my side.