Chapter 12
He’d forgotten much, it was true. But he never forgot how it felt each time he walked this path—drowning under the weight of immeasurable guilt, unable to see a way out.
And this time?
It felt as if he were suffocating. Struggling to breathe through the pressure of some unnamed horror. Was this what it felt like to resist the enchantment’s compulsion?
And why did this time feel so much more wrong?
Xavi, what is happening?
Of all times for Kel to awaken.
You’re upset. I can feel it.
Why would I be upset? Xavi answered silently. I am bringing you a bride. Your life will go on. Both of us will go on, and this land will continue to be safe.
But at such a price…
And why did he even care? He’d met this annoying human less than a day ago, and already she put his teeth on edge with her passion and her zeal for answers and her blind refusal to acknowledge that the world was ugly and painful and dangerous.
Why shouldn’t he be happy for the enchantment to claim her?
Eventually, these memories too would be swallowed up by time, and he would forget how he felt when she told him he was beautiful.
He would forget the light that entered his soul when she laughed, the horror on her face as she grappled with that ridiculous salamander, and the crafty grin that accompanied her belief that she’d tricked him.
And eventually, he would forget the traitorous desire to tell her to run far, far away. Someplace where this enchantment could not find her and steal everything that was bright and good from the world.
If she ran—and if he refused to find another—what was the worst that would happen? The volcano would be loosed from its chains. Kel would die. This land would be consumed by fire, and he, Xavi, along with it. But he would no longer be subject to this never-ending torment. He would be free.
I’ll say it again, Xavi—you don’t have to do this. Whatever is on the other side of this cursed existence, perhaps it’s time I find out. Confront the consequences of my actions and accept my fate.
But Xavi couldn’t allow himself to give up now, because what if that was the right answer? If refusing to surrender to the terms of the enchantment was the only true way out, how many people had he sacrificed in vain? Could the stains on his soul ever be wiped clean?
It’s too late now. Too late for him, too late for this human. This bride. This… Ryn.
Kel said nothing in return. It was silent but for the echo of Xavi’s footsteps—and the human’s—until she finally broke that silence with a sound he doubted had ever been heard in this place before.
With laughter.
“You’re right,” the human said, her tone still laced with humor. “He is. I think he’s cranky because I’m not afraid of him.”
“Who are you talking to?” he snapped.
“Your king, I think,” she responded blithely. As if this were not an utterly shattering thing for her to say. “He asked if you’re pouting again. Apparently, he thinks it’s becoming a habit.”
Kel, what in all the lands of night are you doing?
Talking to my bride. Is that not allowed?
It was just… He’d never done that before. Neither of them had really talked much to the human women who came here. Not beyond establishing the terms of the bargain to be made. Xavi hadn’t even known it was possible for Kel to do so.
Why? Why torture yourself when you know what’s coming?
When I consider what they risk in attempting to end this enchantment, how is it torture? Why should it not be my privilege and my duty to know and remember what they sacrifice?
He wasn’t wrong, and Xavi hated that he wasn’t wrong. But why now? Why with this bride?
You bring pain on yourself for nothing, he snarled silently.
No pain is ever worthless.
They would never agree on that point.
Perhaps a better question is, why are you so angry?
Xavi did not know, and he hated not knowing. Hated this feeling of restless fury. Itchy uncertainty. Uncontrollable… something. It had been many years since he’d even tried to give names to his feelings.
Admit it, Xavi. Do you begin to hope, as I do, that this bride may be the one?
He didn’t dare. Didn’t dare allow that thought to gain purchase in his head. Because of all the feelings he could name, hope was the deadliest poison.
It’s not my job to hope, Kel. We know we can’t outthink the curse. We can only wait.
He was lying, of course. He’d hoped so many times. Even when he’d forgotten the faces of the brides who went before, he remembered the deadly ache of hope and the utter emptiness when it was crushed.
She’s different, Xavi.
That much was certainly true. Even now, as she followed him down this ominous tunnel to her doom, she looked on her surroundings with wide-eyed wonder—with bright and glorious anticipation of what was to come.
That’s because she doesn’t understand. She demanded to come here without knowing the cost. And I…
And he’d said yes. He’d brought her here, knowing full well what price would be required.
You promised. Even Kel’s mental voice rang with sternness and disappointment. The brides must always be told the risks. They must be willing.
Oh, she was more than willing. As I said, she demanded to be brought here. I tried to warn her, and she wouldn’t listen.
But he hadn’t tried very hard. A part of him had been so relieved at her insistence, he’d given in too easily.
Again, Kel fell silent, but this time, at least, Xavi knew it wasn’t because he’d fallen asleep.
He was talking about Xavi behind his back.
Which was a first in who knew how many centuries, and Xavi found that he didn’t much care for it.
“Ugh, this is ridiculous,” the human burst out. “Xaviel, would you please tell your king that I’m not actually his bride? He seems rather insistent about it and won’t listen when I tell him I’m not interested, thank you.”
“What makes you think that this magic has any respect for your wishes?” Xavi returned shortly. “It didn’t ask before it bound me to my task, and I am an immortal warrior shaped by centuries of war. Why should it care what a soft, fragile human child wants?”
“Well, no, there’s where you’re wrong,” the human chided briskly.
“If this truly is a curse, those are thought to be fed from within. It’s a part of their power.
The stronger you are, the stronger they take hold.
At least that’s what my research suggests.
The way out of a curse is often found not by resisting it harder, but by bending enough to flow through the cracks in its foundation.
Every curse has a flawed source, and therefore it takes on some of those same flaws.
The same limited perspective. Every curse also must leave a way out, so maybe what this curse needs is… oh, a new translator.”
Her optimism grated against his very soul, and yet, he still didn’t want her to move another step. Didn’t want her any closer to that chamber.
“How close are we?” she asked brightly.
“I don’t know.” He truly didn’t, because the path was never quite the same.
“Perhaps a few steps, perhaps miles.” An exaggeration born of this growing fury within him.
The growing conviction that he didn’t want to reach the end of this path, so of course that was when they both stumbled forward abruptly into a cavern so vast it seemed impossible for it to exist.
And the moment their feet touched the polished floor, everything changed.
Xavi heard a sound—so deep it nearly passed the boundaries of hearing—reverberating through the entire mountain until the very air seemed to shake.
On every carved pillar that soared into the darkness above them, torches sprang to life.
There had never been torches before. Never been light beyond the distant moon and the veins of shimmering silver in the floor.
But this time, the chamber itself seemed to awaken, so that he could see from wall to towering wall.
It was not round or even misshapen as a natural cavern should be, but long and straight, like a throne room in some unimaginably vast palace.
And just as the human had said, the wall to his left was not simple, unadorned stone, but completely covered in paintings that stretched up, up, up… past the limits of his sight.
By his side, the human let out a squeak like a delirious squirrel and clapped her hands over her mouth. Her feet did a strange dance, and she removed her hands only long enough to whisper, “It’s real,” in an awed tone before stopping her own mouth again in apparent desperation.
Who knew what sort of sounds she would be making otherwise.
Do you believe me now? Kel asked.
Xavi didn’t answer. He was too busy chasing down the human, who had made a beeline for the leftmost wall. When she reached it, her hands made tiny fists beneath her chin as she bounced on her toes, periodically emitting high-pitched squeaks of joy.
“I could stay here forever,” she announced, then at least had the grace to realize the statement was in bad taste under the circumstances. “I’m sorry,” she blurted out. “That was rude. But I don’t think I would ever get tired of studying these.”
As for what “these” were… Xavi turned his attention to the wall and felt the very heart in his chest pause as he took in the sight unfolding across its vast expanse.
So familiar. So distant. So very, very painful.
They were scenes from a world that no longer existed.
A world of memories that had been utterly stripped from his mind—the world they’d fled on their way to these cursed shores.
Where dragons had once soared over turquoise seas, and unending forests blanketed a land drenched in magic.
There was the bay where he’d first learned to swim.
Mount Averian, where he’d learned to ride the winds.
The golden palace by the ocean, a hunting party on the plains of Marakul.
A million recollections flared to life, and the bitterness of loss punched him in the chest yet again.
His family, his world, even himself…
Lost. Lost to war, lost to time, lost to this… Yes, this curse. How could he call it anything else when faced with such evidence of the price it had demanded?
He’d once stood beside his king, guarding his throne and his back with an unyielding sword and unflinching honor. Protected the weak, defended their lands, and moved from day to shining day with a zeal for life itself.
They’d eaten together. Hunted together. Flown together. Laughed together. Brothers in every way that counted.
How could he have forgotten all of this? How had so many memories gone missing?
Even the human could tell something was amiss, because the joy on her face shuttered and she backed away.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I’ll… I’ll leave you alone for a moment.”
And then she was away, setting a course for the opposite wall, and leaving him to face his memories in brutal, echoing silence.
I’m sorry, Xavi.
Why didn’t you tell me these were here?
I did not know myself until this human came. But even if I had… Why should I torture you with the knowledge of what we’ve lost? Why cause you to question whether we should have fought harder to keep our homeland, or to wonder whether we should have stayed rather than endure this fate?
Those were not the questions that would have tortured him, because those decisions had not been his to make. He would have followed his king anywhere, done whatever he asked without question. No, his own pain was different.
I’m sorry to make this even more difficult for you, Kel said sorrowfully, but I think you must put your own thoughts on hold for the moment. The human has found something that I think she… That you both will struggle to accept.
Xavi had never been more grateful for a distraction. He set his back to those cursed paintings and turned to follow the little human’s trail, which ended at the opposite wall. She stood frozen, hands at her sides, chin lifted, and even from this distance, he could tell that something was amiss.
At least, he thought, it could not be a more painful blow than what he’d already discovered…
But then he moved closer and realized he could not have been more wrong.