Chapter 6
JENNY
I’ve decided to devote myself to a life of not thinking about Lucas Cross.
It’s going poorly.
Mary and Dad are insistent on letting him run rampant across the ranch, both of them pretending that he’s actually useful, when I sincerely doubt that he’s of any use at all.
Deep down, I feel just as bad for him as anyone else — I get that he lost his dad — but it doesn’t make any sense for us to be there to cushion him.
Besides, Al was as good as family to all of us.
He’s not the only one who lost someone. He doesn’t know anything about cattle or swine, and he’s just as clueless about chickens.
The only thing he’s good for is his muscles, and there can’t be an infinite amount of manual labor to be done around here.
Somehow, they keep him busy.
Mind you, not busy enough to keep him the hell away from me.
Every time I turn around, he’s right there, infuriatingly casual and flirting more and more by the day.
I almost miss the first few days when we were tiptoeing around each other, before he decided that tossing innuendos around was a good way to pass the time.
I can’t catch a fucking break.
Today, at least, I managed to hide out in my office for most of the day, so I didn’t run into him.
I had dinner with Dad and Mary, watched an episode of that popular show I’ve been trying to catch up on, even took an extra long shower and washed my hair.
That was all supposed to relax me, but I’m just as tense as I have been since I first caught sight of Lucas when I got back.
I’m stress cleaning now, wiping down the kitchen counters and washing the dishes by hand instead of loading them into the dishwasher.
My hair is still dripping from the ends, and while blow drying it would probably help me relax a bit, but I don’t want to deal with the noise right now.
I’m jumpy and strung tight, enough that even the TV felt like it was scraping against my eardrums. I just need to get some extra energy out, surely.
I’ll tire myself out and then go to bed, and I won’t think about Lucas at all.
A flash of light catches my eyes through the kitchen window, and my brow furrows when I see the barn door wide open.
The person standing in the doorway is unmistakably Lucas — wide and tall, blonde hair illuminated for just a moment as he steps inside.
The door slides closed behind him moments later, the light hardly noticeable, but it’s too late to stop my suspicious mind.
It’s already dark out, the ranch hands usually long settled into their trailers for the night by now.
Dad’s already snoring away in his room down the hall.
I personally checked and made sure all the animals were put up for the night, and we don’t have any pregnant heifers right now, so no one should be in the calving pen for him to check on.
What the hell is he doing out there at this time of night?
He hardly knows how to do his job during the day, and he certainly doesn’t know enough about the ranch to be doing chores in the middle of the night.
I comfort myself with the lie that I’m worried he’s doing something sketchy as I set a pot back in the sink.
It makes sense to go make sure he’s not up to anything.
I’m just looking out for the ranch. I’d do it even if I saw any of the other guys out there this late. It has nothing to do with Lucas.
I wipe my hands off on a towel before snagging my phone from the counter. We don’t have lights set up between the house and the barn, and I’d rather not step in any shit on my way out there.
The night air is cool, but still, no breeze to make me shiver.
I pick my way around the dips in the dirt road carefully, listening for any strange noises from the barn.
There’s a slow, rhythmic thudding, interspersed with the occasional grunt, and my brows furrow in confusion.
It’s obviously just the sound of him working on something, but the noises light a fire in the pit of my belly.
I ignore it.
I turn the flashlight off when I get to the door, not wanting to tip Lucas off to my presence in case he is up to something he shouldn’t be doing.
The barn door slides open with just the barest creak, and I slip inside, quickly closing it behind me.
The lights outside the stalls are on just like usual, but the light I saw from the window was brighter than that.
The door to the feed room is open, and light spills out across the concrete.
The sound I could hear from outside is coming from inside.
I keep my footsteps light, the familiar scent of the barn comforting as my heart pounds in my chest.
Lucas’s back is to the door when I finally get close enough to see him.
He’s still in the same jeans he probably wore all day, dirt staining the legs, and his tank top is clinging to his skin as he works up a sweat.
His biceps bulge as he hefts hay bales, tugging them down from the top of the stack so it won’t be such a bother in the morning.
I hate to think of him as anything close to competent, but this right here …
this is something that Al made a habit of doing too.
A little pang of grief pierces my heart at the memory.
“Can I help you, Jenny?” Lucas asks, without even turning.
He sounds tired… but amused. His movements never halt, even as I jolt in surprise at how casually he talks to me.
I turned my flashlight off before I even got into the barn, and my shadow is behind me.
I was even careful to keep my footsteps quiet, not wanting to get caught.
There should be no way for him to know I’m here.
“What are you doing in here so late?” I ask sharply, hoping my uncertainty doesn’t bleed into my tone.
The last thing I need is for Lucas to know how easily he managed to throw me off. He was always good at pushing my buttons.
He snorts at my question, turning to pin me in place with those impossibly blue eyes.
I can’t tear my gaze away as he tilts his head in amused curiosity and wipes his hands off on his jeans.
His skin looks golden under the light of the bare overhead bulb, the shadows at the edge of the room making everything seem a little unreal, a little disconnected from reality.
“I’m doing my job, Jenny,” he says with a mocking smile. “Everett asked me to prep a few things for tomorrow. What are you doing out here after dark?”
Making sure you’re not up to anything unsavory, my mind supplies, full of piss and vinegar.
My heart, unfortunately, pounds in my chest at the sight of Lucas like this. He looks relaxed, comfortable, probably all warm from exertion and thick with muscle. My palms itch with the desire to touch.
“I saw lights on. I was coming out to turn them off. Since you’re out here, you can turn them off before you leave.”
I turn on my heel — not running away, mind you, there’s just no reason for me to stay out here. It’s a tactical retreat.
I don’t get far. In fact, I hardly make it out of the feed room.
One of Lucas’s massive hands wraps around my elbow seconds after I step back into the barn, and I don’t even have time to gasp before he presses me bodily against one of the stalls.
The wood is cool and a little scratchy through the fabric of my shirt.
The scent of hay and animals and Lucas’s cologne makes my head swim.
“You know the stall lights stay on all night. You know everything about this ranch, after all,” he points out, smug satisfaction dripping from his tone when I just stare at him. “Tell me the real reason. Why are you out here?”
Goddamnit. How can he keep his head on straight like this? Am I the only one affected right now? I can’t even think straight, the wall of muscle pressed against me making it impossible to form a single thought. I knew he’d put on some bulk, but he’s so big now that it makes me a little lightheaded.
He slides even closer, his knee slipping between my thighs like it fucking belongs there, and a whimper slips from my throat.
I grab at his forearms where they rest on either side of my waist, digging my nails in against the bulging muscle there. It’s a shitty attempt at regaining control, especially when the heat of his skin only serves to further derail my thoughts.
He just grins, the bastard.
“Still use the same shampoo, huh?” He murmurs the words, fondly reminiscent as he reaches up and twists a lock of my still-damp hair around his finger. “Could smell it as soon as you walked in. I always liked how it smelled on you.”
What the fuck?
How can he just say shit like this? With a straight face, too. He just grins at me when I flush all the way down to my throat, and I have nowhere to hide the flash-flood of desire that sweeps through me.
“Lucas, I…”
“Keep saying my name, sweetheart.” That teasing grin doesn’t waver for a second, but his voice sounds almost desperate, a tremor in his words that I don’t know what to do with. “Just be honest for once. Don’t you want this? All you have to do is tell me.”
If I’m honest, it’ll tear both of us apart. I’ve spent so long ignoring the hurt he caused me, and if I admit it out loud, I’ll never come back from it.
But goddamnit, I do want this.
He’s so close, warm and firm against me, and I want. I feel so desperate that it’s embarrassing to admit even to myself, and when he leans in closer, my mind goes entirely blank.
“Tell me, Jenny,” he says, damn near pleading.
His lips brush against mine, just barely, hardly more weight than a breath.
Reality crashes back into me at the same exact moment.
I shove him back, hard enough to make him stumble, and push off the barn wall as desire turns course and bleeds into anger.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” I hiss, keeping my voice low only so it doesn’t carry back to the house. I want to lay into him, to scream and rave, but I can’t and it only serves to make me more angry. “Stay the fuck away from me, Cross, or I swear—”
“What is your fucking problem?” he cuts me off, shoving a hand through his hair in frustration.
“I’ll back off, whatever, but you’ve been acting like a psycho since I got here.
You want me to leave you alone? Fucking fine.
But you need to get your head out of your ass and either tell me why you hate me so much or deal with it like a fucking adult. ”
I gape at him, an irate laughing bubbling up from my gut.
“Oh, that’s rich coming from the king of avoiding his problems,” I spit.
“You shouldn’t even be here in the first place!
You hated the ranch when we were kids, had no problem running off as soon as we graduated, so why won’t you do it now?
Always wanted bigger and better, didn’t you?
You could never be happy with what you had.
Go chase your fucking tail somewhere else! ”
My chest heaves as the dam finally breaks, years of anger and agony spitting like venom from my tongue. Lucas’s mouth drops open as his face colors with rage to match mine.
“God forbid I have a fucking dream!” he scoffs. “Should I have stayed here and rotted away, then? Would that have made you happy?”
I thought the pain of him leaving the first time was bad enough, but hearing that cuts me straight to the bone.
He tossed me aside as soon as we graduated to run off on a football scholarship, using little more than half-assed excuses of needing to focus on his career and saying we could be friends.
Back then, he refused to meet my eyes. He’s not refusing to meet my eyes now, though — brilliant blue blazing with outrage that he doesn’t deserve to send my way.
“Oh, yeah, laugh it up,” I say viciously. “How’d chasing your dream go? Heard you ripped your ACL in half and can’t play for shit now. Real shame that I stayed behind and set up a successful life for myself, huh?”
Lucas flinches at my harsh words, but I’m done pulling my punches, done holding my tongue.
I was only going to Tallahassee because of their football program in the first place.
If he’d asked me to go to Utah with him, I’d have gone in a heartbeat.
Instead, he shattered my heart into pieces and left me here to wither away, alone.
He’s the one who threw this away, and I’m not going to give him an inch.
“Oh, fuck you, Jenny, you never—”
“No, Lucas, fuck you.” I sneer at him in an attempt to hide the tears starting to build and whirl on my heel. There’s no denying that I’m running away this time. “Stay the fuck away from me.”