Chapter 10 #2
Shit. I need to get my head together before I really end up causing an accident.
Thankfully, my turnoff is coming up on the right, so I signal to change lanes and veer right onto Riverside Drive. It’s less than a ten-minute drive from here, probably closer to five given the traffic, so I force my focus onto the road for the remainder of my trip.
But once I’m in the elevator, headed up from the basement parking garage, my thoughts jump right back to where they were minutes earlier.
How could my father do that to her?
Why didn’t I do more?
Will she ever forgive me?
By the time I reach my floor, my head is pounding and my stomach is jumping. I haven’t felt this nervous facing something since my first op as a Delta.
What do I say to her?
How can I ever make this right?
As I unlock my front door, a heavy feeling of dread settles over me.
She’ll never forgive me for this. I don’t deserve forgiveness.
Knight’s sprawled on the couch, so he sees me as soon as I come in. He sits up straight and gives me a questioning look. “Well?”
Since Sofia isn’t out here, I’m assuming she’s asleep in the bedroom. So I keep my voice low as I reply, “He admitted everything.”
Knight grimaces. “Shit. I’m sorry, Rogue.”
I hang my keys on the hook by the door and move into the living room. “He framed her, Knight. He fucking set her up. And I believed it. Eighteen fucking years, and I thought— I don’t even know what to say to her.”
Knight pushes himself up and off the couch. “The truth. You tell her the truth. What she does with it…”
I face my best friend of fifteen years. “She’ll never forgive me. Not for this.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “Maybe not. Or maybe she will. You never know unless you try.”
“I know.” I take a deep breath and release it slowly. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah,” He glances back towards the hallway. “She ate something around nine. Heated up some fajitas for me, too. They were pretty good.”
Pain stabs into my chest.
We could have shared fajitas together.
Not me and Knight. Me and Sofia. We could have shared a meal and pretended things were okay between us. But now…
“I’ll head out,” Knight says. He claps my shoulder again. “I’m sorry. I know it sucks. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will.” I lift my chin. “Thanks for coming on short notice.”
“As if I wouldn’t.” Just before he reaches the door, he turns to add, “Nico.”
It’s so rare that we call each other by our actual names, I jolt a little. “What?”
“Just remember, you’re not the bad guy here. Your father told you something, swore to it, and you believed him. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”
Then he’s gone, the door snicking shut behind him, before I get a chance to argue.
Maybe I’m not a bad person. But I hurt Sofia. I should have known—
“Shit,” I mutter. “What do I do next?”
I stand in the middle of the living room for a few seconds, thinking. But it’s just a muddle of thoughts in my head. My emotions, usually so carefully controlled, are careening everywhere.
First, check on Sofia, I decide. She’s sleeping, I’m sure, but I can just peek into the room. Make sure she’s okay. Then I can take a shower, maybe crack a beer and watch something mindless on TV while I try to work out what to do next.
Slipping my shoes off, I creep on socked feet down the hallway, being careful not to make a sound. The last thing I want to do is scare Sofia again after what happened yesterday. When I get to her door, I grasp the knob and turn it carefully, then push the door open a few inches to peek inside.
I’m expecting a darkened room with a small lump under the covers. But instead, the lamp on the nightstand is on, and Sofia’s sitting up in bed, reading. She lets out a small yip of shock when she sees me, then slams the book shut and sets it to the side.
“Sorry,” she blurts. “Knight said he didn’t think you’d mind if I read one of your books. I didn’t want to watch TV, and I couldn’t sleep…”
As she talks, her face goes pink. “Sorry,” she finishes. “I should have asked—”
She’s apologizing for borrowing a book?
My chest constricts.
Shit. She thinks I’ll be mad because she borrowed a book. Because I’ve treated her like a thief instead of the innocent woman she is.
“I don’t care if you read my books,” I reply. My voice is sharper than I intended. Gentling it, I add, “I told you to make yourself comfortable here. If you want books, different ones…”
I trail off as I recognize the book she’s reading.
It’s a memoir written by a retired Delta Force operator, one I bought years before joining Delta myself.
It’s not completely accurate, but it couldn’t be, considering much of what we did was confidential.
But for a memoir about Delta, it’s pretty decent.
“I was curious,” Sofia explains. “Knight said you were Delta. I didn’t know.”
“It’s not something we talk about,” I reply. “Being Delta, I mean. It could put an unnecessary target on our backs. When we were active duty, especially.”
Sofia’s cheeks flush even redder. “I won’t say anything.”
Once again, I’m saying the wrong thing. “It’s not that. I don’t mind that you know. I was just explaining why I wouldn’t have it online…”
Did Sofia ever look me up on social media? I certainly thought about looking her up over the years. But I told myself it was a bad idea. That I’d moved on, and so had she.
Except I hadn’t really moved on, had I? Not completely. If I had, I wouldn’t care so much about what she thinks of me. I wouldn’t care if she forgave me. I would have pushed her off on a Fox & Falcon employee rather than bringing her here to stay with me.
From the guilty look in her eyes, I get the distinct feeling she has looked me up online.
But I’m certainly not going to call her out on it.
“Anyway. You can read any of the books I have. Or if you want to go on and make a list, I can order some books for you. I don’t have any of those mystery books you used to like with the cats on the covers—”
“They’re cozy mysteries. And they don’t all have cats. Sometimes there’s a dog.” The tiniest smile ghosts her lips. “A couple have birds.”
The belt wrapped around my chest releases a notch. It’s still tight, uncomfortably so, but at least now I feel like I can take a breath.
“Cozy mysteries, then. If you make a list, I can order them.”
Sofia crosses her legs pretzel-style in front of her. Her teeth dig into her lower lip and her eyebrows draw into a small V. “I don’t think you came in to talk about cozy mysteries, did you?”
Sighing, I reply, “No. I just came to check on you, really. I figured you’d be asleep.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Of course not. Not when she knew I was off confronting my father. Not when she had no idea what I’d come back to say.
“Do you want to know now? What happened? Or tomorrow?”
She shoots me an are you crazy look. “Now.”
Glancing around the room for a place to sit, I finally settle on the chair by the window.
But once I’m seated, Sofia seems too far away.
I can’t see the changing colors of her eyes from fifteen feet away.
I can’t distinguish the changing emotions on her face.
So I drag the chair closer to the bed, then sit down again.
Sofia watches me get settled, then asks, “Are you sure you’re comfortable?”
The corner of her mouth twitches.
Another memory returns.
Sofia loved to tease me. She said I was too serious sometimes, and it was her job to loosen me up.
And in hindsight, she was right. I can be too serious, too intense, at times.
It worked in the Army, and especially in Delta.
It works for running a company. But at home, in my everyday life?
I guess a little less serious isn’t a bad thing.
“I’m comfortable,” I reply. Or as comfortable as I can be given the conversation we’re about to have.
Sofia tugs on her hair. “So? What happened?”
My pulse speeds. “I talked to him.”
“And?”
Guilt strangles my voice.
Fuck. What he did to her. What I did to her.
“Nico?” Concern darkens Sofia’s eyes to a forest green.
“He admitted everything.” A heavy weight presses on my chest. “He set you up. He paid the pawn shop owner to say you sold him the jewelry. He paid our housekeeper. The girls at school… shit, I don’t even know how… But he did it. All of it.”
Sofia sucks in a sharp breath.
My head hangs low as I continue, “He framed you, Soph. He did it to… kill two birds with one stone, he said. He needed money for the company but he didn’t want my mother to know. So he sold the jewelry and pinned it on you. To get you out of my life—”
“He didn’t think I was good enough,” Sofia whispers.
The pain in her voice flays my heart open.
“You were. You are. It was all in his head. You were better than me.” Tears I haven’t shed since I was eighteen burn behind my eyes. “You’re better than anyone. And I… I fucked up. I’m so sorry. Shit. I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I’m just so fucking sorry.”
“He admitted he set me up?” It’s soft. Disbelieving.
“He did. Earlier, I read this thing about the pawn shop owner. In the police report. How he called the police with a tip about some stolen jewelry the same night you were arrested. It sounded strange. How would he even know you’d been arrested yet?
So I asked my friend, Wraith, to track the owner down.
The guy admitted my father paid him off. ”
“So that made you think I wasn’t lying?”
I lift my gaze to meet hers. Her eyes are pink but dry. “It wasn’t just that. It was listening to you. Seeing you. It didn’t seem right. And then reading your statement from after you were arrested—”
“You read it?”
“I did. I read everything. And shit, Soph. I wish I’d…
I wish I’d done something sooner. I’m so sorry.
I was upset and hurt and I believed what my father said.
But it’s not an excuse. I don’t have an excuse.
I was a horrible boyfriend. I was a horrible friend.
I didn’t deserve you, Soph. Not the other way around. ”
She plucks at the blanket beneath her. “You never even tried to talk to me.”
“I did. Maybe a month after, I went to your apartment. But you were gone. Your mom said you moved away. She wouldn’t tell me where. She just told me to leave you alone. That I’d hurt you enough already.” I stop. Swallow hard. “I wish I’d ignored her. I wish I’d looked harder.”
“I was in Albany. At my aunt’s. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
Another lash flays my heart. “I’m sorry.”
“She probably thought she was protecting me. My mom. I was so depressed back then.”
Fuck.
“I don’t know how to fix it,” I admit. “I’m just so damn sorry.”
Sofia plucks at the blanket again. “It’s not all your fault, Nico,” she says quietly. “Your father… I get it. You idolized him. And when he said—”
“I shouldn’t have. He’s not a good man. Not the man I thought he was. I knew he wasn’t perfect. But this… it’s unforgivable.”
“Nico.” It’s sad. “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard.”
“Don’t be sorry.” I shove my chair closer to the bed. Then I reach out to touch the back of her hand. “Don’t be sorry. Not for me. I fucked up. I should have done so many things, and I didn’t.”
“Nico—”
“But please, let me help you with this. Let me keep you safe. Stay here. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it more comfortable for you.
I’m not sure what, but I’ll do it. And I’ll get the company on it.
They already are, but I’ll double the efforts.
The police, they’re overworked and understaffed.
But F & F isn’t. We can figure out who hurt you. ”
Sofia looks at my hand beside hers. Her hand is small. Pale. Fragile. In contrast, mine is nearly twice the size of hers and covered with black ink. Finally, she says, “It hurts, being here.”
My heart wrenches.
“I’m sorry. If you want to stay someplace else, we have an apartment at the Fox & Falcon building that would be safe. Or if you don’t want to be alone, I’m sure Knight wouldn’t mind if you stayed with him.”
Sofia goes quiet again. She stares at our hands.
Selfishly, I don’t want her to go.
I want her to stay so I can try to fix things.
I want her here because… Shit. Even when I was irritated with her, things just felt more right with her here.
And I want her here because I missed her.
Sofia blows out a slow breath. Then she looks up at me. “It hurts to be here. But.”
“But?”
“But I feel safe here, too.” Her finger brushes mine. “Safer with you than anyone else.”
Maybe there’s still a chance.
“Are you sure,” she continues, “that you want me to stay here? I don’t want you doing this out of guilt. You don’t owe me—”
“It’s not guilt.” And in my heart, I know it’s not. It’s so much more than that. It’s all the things I’ve shoved deep down for close to twenty years, finally resurfacing. “I want you here, Soph. Full stop.”
Her finger wraps around mine, just as we used to do when we were in school and didn’t want to get in trouble for doing anything more intimate. Her beautiful hazel eyes meet mine. “Then I’ll stay.”