Chapter 19 Jacks
Jacks
Two Weeks Later
“You look like shit,” I say to Grant as I hop onto his bed that he’s currently laying in.
“What happened to being nice to me while I’m down?”
“Well, downtime is over. Take a fucking shower, Grant.” He hasn't been taking the best care of himself lately, and I was going easy on him at first, but I can practically see the cartoon smell lines coming off him.
He needs a long shower, and maybe some Taylor Swift music to get him in better spirits.
“Hey, fuck you. At least you have someone to take a shower for. I’m sitting here dying a slow death. The longer it takes, the worse it's looking for me.”
“You don't know that. Don't jump to conclusions,” I say as I throw his towel at him.
“Well, what the fuck do I do? What do I do if she realizes I will never be enough for her? What if she gets bored of me in the future? The what-ifs are running through my head and they won't stop!” He’s pacing now, and I’m sitting at my desk just letting him get all of this out.
It reminds me of the beginning of the year when the thing he was worried about was his failing grade. How did we get here?
“Where do I go, Jacks? I feel so lost—like a kite with no strings attached, just floating freely into the atmosphere.
The only thing running through my mind has been her since I walked away from her on those goddamn steps the other day!
I just— I don't—” I cut off his ramblings with a hug because he looked like he could use one.
I feel his body shake a little, and when we pull back, I notice a few tears have fallen.
Damn, he’s fucked in the head about this…I guess I can't blame him, especially since he doesn't know what the hell happened that night. If this was Claire, it would have driven me crazy by now.
“What if she never realizes how she feels? What should I do? Am I supposed to let her move on to someone else while I watch from a distance? Jacks, what do I do? Please tell me what to do.”
“I can't. You have to hope that this works out. I think it will. I’ve told you many times that how she looks at you isn't how you look at a friend. She needs time, and that’s okay. Whatever happened with Ryan had to have shaken her a lot for this to affect her so much.”
“I told you not to say his name around me.” He glares at me, and I suddenly feel like shit again.
“I know. I'm sorry. I’m just saying that we don't know what happened in that hallway.”
“We could maybe find out, couldn't we?”
“Oh, I really don't like that face you're making right now. What’s going on in your head?”
“We could confront him. Make him tell us what happened. A douche like Ry—like him would want to rub it in, and I don't know, be a dick about it like everything else.”
“What should we do then?” I ask him.
“Do you know where he is?”
“It’s Saturday. He’s probably at the gym or something.”
“Let’s go find him then.”
“Alright, let's go.” He grabs his keys before stopping at the door, not fully wanting to leave yet. “Okay, maybe I should shower first.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” I sit at my desk as I wait for Grant to shower and put some fresh clothes on. I grab my phone and call Claire while I wait. She picks up on the second ring.
“Hi, babe! Are you headed over now?”
“There’s been a sudden change of plans. Grant and I have to do something before I come over for movie night. I’m sorry, gorgeous.”
“It’s okay. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan will still be here no matter when you come over. Is Grant okay?” God, I love how kind she is.
Oh.
Love.
I’m in love. I’m in love with Claire. The revelation stops me in my tracks. I thought the first time I admitted to being in love with someone would feel revolutionary in a way.
But it only feels right. My body warms as I come to the realization.
I love Claire. I love my girlfriend more than anyone on this planet.
“Jacks, hello? Did I lose you?”
Her voice breaks me from my thoughts, and I smile. “No, gorgeous. I’m still here, sorry. Grant is finally showering, but we just have a small thing to do before I see you.”
“You're not going to tell me what you two are doing are you?”
“Of course, I am. We’re going to find Ryan and get him to tell us what the fuck he did to Hads.”
“Oh. Is that the best course of action? Isn't Grant still extremely pissed off?” She makes a good point…
“It’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll reel Grant in if he gets to be too much.”
“Good. Be careful. I’ve never liked Ryan, but I don't want you guys to suffer if you do something stupid.”
“We’ll be careful,” I say as Grant comes back in and throws his clothes on. “I have to go. I’ll see you later?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Say it. Tell her you love her. “Bye.” Coward.
“Bye!”
“Are you ready?” Grant asks me, and I nod as we head out of the door to go look for Ryan.
As Grant and I walk out of the gym after an enlightening conversation with Ryan, I shake my hand off. Punching someone hurts like a bitch.
But the asshole fucking deserved it.
Ryan launched into this whole ridiculous spiel about how Hads strung him along for months and was “asking for it.” So, before Grant could hit him, I did. And now my knuckles hurt, but I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he could've been talking about Claire, and that really pissed me off.
Plus, I used his logic back at him. I technically didn't knock him out if he was asking for it, which he was, based on all the foul-mouthed shit he was saying. God, he’s such a prick. It blows my mind that some people think the way that they do.
Grant heads off to get some ice for my hand, but I suddenly only care about seeing one person right now.
I book it out of the gym, send a text to him that I’m headed to Claire’s, and I reach her door in a few minutes.
I knock with my left hand because my right is still bleeding from the impact of hitting Ryan’s jaw, and when she opens the door, her eyes immediately go to my hand resting at my side.
“Jacks Moore, I thought I told you to be careful!” I don't have time to answer before she pulls me into her room, and sits me down on her desk chair. “Did Ryan do this? I swear to—”
“Uh, I did, technically…” I trail off as I look up at her. God, she’s perfect.
“What happened, baby?” she asks me as she grabs a first aid kit from her desk drawer.
“Ryan was speaking, so I shut him up.”
“What did you do?”
“I punched him in the face before Grant could.
I didn't want Grant to regret it, plus it might hurt his chances with Hads if she finds out that he hit Ryan, even if he did deserve it.” She takes some small ice packs and tapes them to my hands so the swelling can go down.
She's just mindlessly doing all of this as I tell her what Ryan said to Grant and I.
She looks shocked, but not that surprised because she voices how she and her friends never really liked him either.
“Jacks, come rest. It’ll help take your mind off the pain. Do you want some painkillers? I think I have some around here somewh—”
“I love you.” Oh my fuck, did I just blurt that out?
She stills where she stands and slowly turns around to face me as my legs dangle off her bed. “What?”
“Fuck, I’ve never done this before, and I’ve already fucked up.” I pause, gathering the words that I want to say to her, but nothing comes to mind, so I just speak. “I love you, Claire Canes.”
“But you’ve never been in love before…”
“I know, but I love you. I think all this time I was saving those three words, those seven letters, for you. I think I knew deep down that I was only meant to say them to you, Claire.” Fuck, I feel like I’m gonna cry in a second.
Nothing I ever say will ever tell her how much I truly mean it, but I’ll spend as long as she’ll give me trying to prove to her that she deserves all my love.
“Jacks, I—”
I cut her off because I don't want her to feel pressured or anything. “Baby, you don't have to say anything—”
Then she cuts me off. “I love you, Jacks Moore. I think I’ve loved you since that day we danced in the parking lot in the pouring rain. God, I love you. So much. Thank you for redefining that phrase for me.”
“Redefining? What do you mean?” Iask her, suddenly nervous.
“With Clay, I thought love was supposed to be quiet and simple, with none of the longing for more. I was always content with him, and there was no excitement anymore, but I was prepared to spend the rest of my life like that. I thought I was destined for a life of subpar love that didn't make me feel…anything. But with you, God, with you it’s explosive. Every time I see you, you take my breath away because of how lucky I feel to be with you—to be in your presence. I know for a fact that I would go through all the shit I did with Clay, just to know that I had a chance with you after.”
Fuck, I’m crying right now, and I wipe a few tears from her cheeks where she stands between my legs, her face inches from mine. “Claire, I’d wait forever and ever for you if I knew you’d be the first girl I’d ever love.”
“Was I worth the wait?” she asks through tears.
“Of course, you were, baby.”
“I think you put my heart back together, so thank you for loving me how you do, Jacks. Thank you for loving me despite how much of a mess I was when we met.”
My heart is practically bursting out of my chest right now. “Claire, for worse or for better, I love you either way. I fucking love you, and I’m not fucking going anywhere. I want to love you as long as you’ll have me.”
“How about forever and ever?” She smiles, repeating my words from a few seconds ago.
“That sounds good to me, gorgeous.” And then I lean in and kiss her until we’re breathless, and the two of us are repeating how much we love each other as if we’ll stop breathing before we can say it again.
I got my girl.