Chapter 9
“Kade got a text.” Beau was trying to process the image on the screen. He tilted it so Ivy could see.
The image on the screen was of a woman who looked very dead, lying alongside a cell phone with the message on the screen: You did this!
“Ohmygod, Beau.” She wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. At least, an attempt at one. He wasn’t ready for someone to comfort him. As it was, the muscles in his body were strung so tight, he thought they might snap if he bent forward an inch.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. He forced himself to ignore the look of hurt in those violet pools.
“Something’s off.” He took a step back to put some space between them. He could think better when he wasn’t breathing in her flowery scent. It made him want to lean closer, get lost in her.
A second step backward put his back against the wall. Fine. That was better than the alternative, which meant being too close to her because she felt a lot like his salvation, and the last thing he needed in life was to depend on someone else.
Her eyes grew misty when she said, “Denial is the first stage of—”
“It’s not that,” he said with more venom than intended. He wasn’t fighting against her, just the image of his mother…dead.
How could that be?
Guilt and shame wrapped long tentacles around his torso and squeezed until he could no longer take in air. Breathing hurt. Tears pricked the backs of his eyes—hot, angry tears.
Back against the wall, he sank to the floor until his bottom hit hard.
Ivy snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, but he couldn’t focus. He was too inside his own thoughts to look at her. Not even Ivy could bring him back to a world where he might find a way to deserve her.
“Come back to me, Beau,” she said, but her voice was off somewhere in the distance like she was talking to him from inside a long, unreachable tunnel.
He refused to believe his mother could be dead.
As much as the image of her on the screen made him want to vomit, he couldn’t stop himself from staring at it, from hoping it wasn’t real, from praying to a god he didn’t trust or believe in to save her.
A piece of him had wished she would go away and leave him alone so he could live his adult life in peace. That part of him was filled with shame.
He hadn’t wanted her to be dead. He wanted her to be responsible for her own life and take care of herself. He’d given up on her caring for him a long time ago. Couldn’t she have tried harder? Couldn’t she have pulled herself up by her bootstraps? If not for herself, then for him?
Deep down, he realized that wasn’t how mental illness worked. Even so, it didn’t stop him from wishing for it.
Wishing is for kids with pennies standing over fountains.
The reality that he might never see his mother again slammed into him, hard. The thought that her lifeless body might be buried in some shallow grave alongside a highway or tossed in a ditch caused David Banner-type anger to well up inside him.
His hand shook, and his body quaked.
No tears fell.
“This can’t be real.” He repeated those words over and over again.
At some point, he realized Ivy sat beside him and leaned her head on his good shoulder.
“It’s so hard to face the thought of losing a parent,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. Still, it had a soothing effect like he’d never experienced.
She, of all people, knew what it was like to lose a parent. She, of all people, knew what he was going through. She, of all people, had the same skin in the game.
Did she suddenly feel alone in this? Did she think he would abandon her now that his mother was gone?
Gone?
Beau couldn’t accept it. Wouldn’t he know? Wouldn’t he feel it somehow?
As many faults as his mother had, and there’d been many, she had always come back and always did her best to stick around. Had he been the model son? Had he been perfect while growing up?
Hell no.
Was anyone?
Why was it so hard to forgive?
The feel of Ivy’s head resting on his shoulder provided a little too much comfort.
He could get used to it, to her…to this.
It would be a mistake. The only reason Beau had come this far in life and was still standing was because he’d learned from an early age to depend on himself.
Everyone let you down eventually, even when they didn’t want to. Case in point, his mother.
“The others are waiting,” he finally said before struggling to get up.
Ivy jumped up first and offered a hand.
“No, thanks,” he said. “I got this.”
It might have taken a couple of tries, but he managed to get to his feet. His legs threatened to give out as they walked into the kitchen, but that was for a different reason. His mother was dead.
Can’t be. His brain refused to accept the fact.
As he returned to the kitchen, a sea of sympathy greeted him.
“It might not be real,” he said.
Every face in the room looked at him like he was in denial. Was he?
He reclaimed his seat. Ivy took one as far away from him as humanly possible while still sitting at the same table.
“Conrad, you need to stay here and take care of the ranch and Nikki,” he said to his brother. Brother. He was still trying that word on for size. It still didn’t quite fit.
“No, I’m coming with you,” Conrad said. “No arguments.”
Beau studied Conrad. “I hear you, and I’m grateful that you want to help, but I’m retrieving a dead body now.”
Chloe burst into tears. “Hey, I’m so—” She waved him off and excused herself.
Chloe’s reaction had caught him off guard. He didn’t think anyone in the family had a very high opinion of his mother. Had he been wrong?
It dawned on him that she’d grown up without a mother. Had he stirred the pot without realizing it?
There’d been so much danger and death circling the family since Beaumont’s death. All the drama had to be catching up with folks. When he really thought about it, Chloe had dark circles underneath her eyes. Was she sleeping? Were all the recent events catching up to her? Taking a toll?
More of that guilt festered inside him. He’d caused this.
“Don’t do that to yourself,” Kade spoke up first.
“What?”
“Blame yourself for Chloe being upset.”
“I’m the reason she—”
“I highly doubt it,” Kade interrupted, putting his hand up to stop Beau from arguing.
Hudson leaned in. “I’ve noticed something has been off with her lately. Am I imagining it?”
Kade shook his head along with the others. “I’ve been sensing something, too.” He was closest to Chloe, so he would know if she hadn’t been herself lately.
Archer and Owen chimed in with similar sentiments.
“Do you think there’s trouble brewing in her marriage?” Archer asked.
“We would be the last to know if there was,” Kade said. If she wasn’t talking to him, she wasn’t talking to anyone in the family.
Chloe returned. Conversation stopped.
She glanced at the faces in the room. Her red-rimmed eyes had everyone sitting up a little straighter, as though that would be enough to get her talking.
“What were we talking about a few minutes ago?” she asked.
Ivy pushed to standing. “Seems like this is a me problem now,” she said.
The walls that had come up between them might be his fault, but they stung.
He hadn’t let his defenses down with anyone before.
No one had the power to hurt him like she did.
Precisely the reason he kept his guard up all the time.
All the time. It was true, and he was tired from holding up what felt like the weight of the world.
“I appreciate your hospitality, but it’s time for me to go.” With that, Ivy walked out of the room.
Ivy heard Beau’s footsteps from behind. She probably shouldn’t walk so fast because, knowing him, he was determined to keep up.
“You don’t have a phone or any of your belongings. Where do you think you can go without help?” he asked from behind her.
Those might be valid points, but she didn’t hate them any less. She whirled around on him.
“You don’t have to do this.” She folded her arms across her chest. “You don’t have to help me. It’s clear that you don’t want me in the same room, so—”
“Did I say that? Because it couldn’t be further from the truth.” He stood there, mouth agape in obvious shock.
“You need time to process what you just learned, and my father is running out of time,” she said.
“You haven’t done anything stupid like I did,” he said.
“Tracking them was a mistake that cost my mother her life.” Something stirred behind his eyes, but she couldn’t quite read him.
The disbelief was obvious. There was another emotion present that she could pinpoint.
And now that she really saw him, several other emotions joined them.
There was more going on behind his eyes than at a fireworks show.
“I’m not trying to add to your pain, Beau. If anything, I’m letting you go.” Why did those words cause tears to well in her eyes? “You’re free from any obligation of helping me.”
“I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t help you out of obligation.”
“You’re an honorable person, Beau.”
“Believe me when I say that I’ve made my fair share of mistakes.
I would never forgive myself for turning my back on you and your father.
For reasons beyond both of our comprehension, our parents have a tie.
My mother might be gone, and I might still be trying to wrap my mind around the fact, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have an interest in seeing this thing through.
For one, my mother deserves better from me than to let her be buried in a shallow grave, only God knows where. ”
Ivy’s cells wanted to hear that Beau wanted to be there for her because he couldn’t stand to be anywhere else.
That wasn’t the explanation she’d received.
His was right on point. Of course, he would want to see the men who had killed his mother arrested and sent to jail for the rest of their lives.
He would want, no need, to see justice served. Who could blame him?
“You deserve answers, and I wouldn’t think of standing in your way,” she said to him, rubbing her arms. The sudden chill in the room had very little to do with the actual temperature and everything to do with how cold she suddenly felt inside. “I’ll do my best to get out of your way.”
“What do you need from me? How can I help?”
“Arrange a ride back to Austin so I can get my purse.” At least then she’d have a means by which to pay for the things she might need. “I need to get to my car so I’m not dependent on anyone else.”
The emotion in his eyes now was distinct—hurt.
What did he want from her? He didn’t get to push her away and then act all hurt that she took the not-so-subtle hint.
“Okay,” he finally said.
“I like the drone idea.”
“So, do I.”
“Except, there’s no way they’ll be at that location now that they found your phone,” she said. “They had to know that you were tracking their location.”
“Which brings us back to the drawing board on their location.”
“Right. So, I have time to go home and regroup.” Would they be waiting for her in Austin? Watching her apartment?
“It’s time to bring the law in,” he said to her. “I’ll get you to Austin. First, I think we should speak to my brother-in-law, Travis.”
The sheriff. Beau had mentioned the name before—Chloe’s husband.
“I guess that’s a smart idea.” They hadn’t been able to bring in the law before because no crime had been committed.
Her father and his mother were grown-ass adults who had every right to disappear if they wanted to.
Ivy had been down that road before with her father.
He had free will to go and do anything he pleased.
She had no rights when it came to her dad.
And he had no rights over her. It was strange to think she needed to have rights over her father in order to save his life.
The laws were there to protect people. Sometimes, they did more harm than good. She’d learned the lesson the hard way with her father. Saving him meant getting information that she had no legal right to receive.
Now that Beau’s mother was gone…did that mean her father was dead, too?
She drew a deep breath. “Before we go, can I see your laptop?”