Chapter 11
Getting outside took more effort than Beau realized. He planted a hand on the house to keep himself from falling. He regretted snapping at Ivy, but he couldn’t take it back at this point. She probably hated him already, perhaps as much as he hated himself.
Beau always seemed to be letting everyone down. He would disappoint her, too, given enough time. It had been a rollercoaster ride with his siblings; much of the bad ride had been caused by him.
He had a knack for hurting people close to him. Whether intentional or not, the outcome was the same.
The back door opened as his arm gave way. He bounced against the house before hitting the ground with his backside. Shit.
Ivy took a tentative step outside. “Beau, I’m sorry, I just wan—”
“I’m the one who’s sorry,” he interrupted. “You’re just trying to help.” He paused as he tried to catch his breath. The butt-plant had knocked the wind out of him. “And I’m being an asshole.”
“Which is understandable under the circumstances,” she said.
“No, it’s not. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you don’t deserve to be snapped at. I’m a jerk, Ivy. You’d do best to keep a distance until this ordeal is over and we bring our parents home safely, and then you should steer clear of me. I’ll only bring you down.”
Her body stiffened like she’d taken a physical blow.
“If that’s the way you want it, I won’t argue anymore,” she said, hugging her arms to her chest.
Dammit.
In no way was that what he wanted. He was doing this for her benefit because his foolish heart told him he should go all in with her and see where this attraction could lead. What would that accomplish? He’d end up hurting her or vice versa. And where would that leave them?
“It’s for the best.” A voice in the back of his mind tried to tell him that he was wrong.
He shoved the thought down deep. He was too broken, mentally and physically, to do anyone else any good.
Selfishly, he wanted to be with Ivy, but she deserved better.
He didn’t want to be the one to bring her down.
“The news about the image has my head spinning,” she said. He noted the change in subject. “Can I sit next to you?”
He nodded.
Ivy sat far enough away that a person could fit between them, and yet the sparks still flew, filling the gap with electrical impulse.
“I had a feeling something was off in the picture,” he said.
“Do you want to go back inside and figure out what was bothering you?”
“In a minute.” He exhaled. “I just need to catch my breath.”
“This whole ordeal has been a whirlwind,” she said. “And I have no idea where to begin searching for them now.”
“Agreed.” They were at a standstill.
“Do you think they’ll reach out again?” Her question was legitimate.
“We can hope.” Nothing added up. “If these people wanted our parents dead, they could’ve done that already. They haven’t asked for money, so it can’t be about ransom.”
“If we could figure out the connection between our parents, that would be a good place to start.”
“I’m not coming up with anything logical other than they might have been drinking buddies at one time, but the details of my mother’s private life have always been just that…private. She didn’t tell me everything.”
“Same with my father. He can’t remember everything, even if he wanted to fill me in.” She shrugged. “I guess after losing my mom and Eric, I realized how short life can be. There are no guarantees. You know?”
He did know. “Yes.”
“So, I can’t imagine not wanting to be awake and alert during the short time we have.”
“I’ve never heard it said like that, but I couldn’t agree more,” he said, reaching over to her.
He took her hand in his and—much to his surprise—she didn’t pull hers back.
Instead, she threaded her fingers through his.
The familiar jolt of electricity warmed him as need welled up inside him.
No one had ever caused a reaction anywhere near as powerful as the one she did.
“We don’t know when life will do a one-eighty on us,” she said.
“I just wish my father saw it the same way. I hate watching him deteriorate. Though he’s been better lately.
Still, there’s always this dark cloud hanging over our heads with me wondering if something will happen to send him spiraling again. ”
“Our parents have a lot in common.” He’d walked on eggshells for most of his life when it had come to his dealings with his mother.
“Still, I can’t imagine her not being around.
The thought of losing the only family I have left does a number on me.
It’s probably a selfish way of looking at the situation. ”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t?”
“Not really. I mean, we get to be a little selfish, right? It has taken me a long time to realize that my needs matter, too. I learned to shove mine aside when my brother was born with Down syndrome.” She compressed her lips into a frown.
“I beat myself up for a long time for wishing he’d been born perfect.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe he is perfect just like he is…
was…but having a special needs child did a number on my mother.
My father didn’t handle it any better. So, the family just fell apart.
I blamed Eric for a little while, but I also saw how amazing he was, too.
No matter how awful a day I was having, he always smiled when he saw me.
He didn’t know what his limits were, and I started thinking that maybe he was the one who’d gotten it right. Does that sound weird?”
“Not at all,” Beau said. He might not have had a special-needs sibling, but he’d worked for a couple who’d had an autistic daughter in their restaurant.
She hadn’t had the same stresses as everyone else.
All she cared about was eating Ramen noodles for lunch every day in front of the TV at 12:15.
She was unburdened by everything going on in the world, always smiling.
Some of the staff shied away from her. Not Beau.
There was something simple about her world that he admired.
When he said as much to Ivy, she smiled.
“You do understand,” she said. “I thought I was the only one who saw through the diagnosis to how wonderful a human Eric was.”
“Afraid not,” he said. “I can even admit to being jealous that she had two parents who loved her. They stressed about her, too. Looking back, I get it. At fourteen, when they gave me a job in the donut shop under the table, I didn’t realize how scary it must have been that she would someday outlive them. ”
“That was my mother’s biggest fear,” she said. Her gaze dropped, and her smile faded. “Ever notice how it’s never the thing we’re truly worried about that ends up happening? We waste a bunch of time being fearful of something that might never come about.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I guess I have noticed.”
Was that part of the pull toward Ivy? They were kindred spirits? Two broken souls who, by some miracle, understood each other?
Or was he reaching for common ground because he wanted to find it?
Ivy wouldn’t want to deny her attraction to Beau even if she could.
She hadn’t felt this alive, this seen in more years than she cared to count.
However, leaning into it would be the wrong choice.
Beau had been clear about where he stood anyway, and that was at a distance.
There was nothing between them beyond finding their parents.
That was the goal, and he didn’t seem to have room in his life for anything else, not even once their parents were found.
Besides, Ivy needed to get back to her practice in Austin. Her father might be a complete mess once this ordeal was over. She wouldn’t allow herself to consider a resolution that didn’t have him coming home alive.
“I should take a deeper look at the picture before I get my hopes up about my mother.” Beau’s voice broke through the moment of quiet. “Have Travis point out what he sees.”
“Sounds like a good idea.” There were still no answers about where their parents had been moved to.
The abandoned strip mall was a no-go. Perhaps she could check the Maps app on the laptop and see if there were any alternative sites nearby.
Intuition backed by zero experience with these things, said Clay wouldn’t want to keep transporting them from place to place.
Doing so meant possibly being seen and getting caught—both were things he would want to avoid at all costs.
Ivy stood up and offered a hand.
“I got it,” Beau said as she watched him struggle. Was it pride or something else that caused him to pull away?
He managed to stand up with some effort. She turned and walked into the kitchen before him, letting him catch the door. If he didn’t want a hand-up, she wouldn’t offer another one. Being frozen out might sting, but at least it was happening now and not after she let her heart take the wheel.
She could control her attraction. Falling for Beau was another story. There was a reason they called it “falling” because you literally dove off a cliff and let go of control.
The laptop was still open. Her curiosity about the image on the phone would have to wait. She could see for herself once Beau talked to Travis.
“What did you see?” Beau asked, taking a seat beside the sheriff, his face pinched with pain. The man was bullheaded and determined. She’d give him that.
Travis repositioned the phone so both of them could view the screen. “See here. If you look closely, you can tell that the lighting is off. And look at her right hand. I’m guessing your mother doesn’t have an extra finger tucked in between her ring and middle fingers.”
“No, she doesn’t,” Beau confirmed. “I knew something was off in the picture, but I didn’t notice the hand or the lighting.” Was he beating himself up again?