Chapter 18
“You were so good to me over the years, old girl. I’m sorry it took me this long to come back to you.”
Magnolia eagerly takes the sugar cube from my flattened palm while I stroke her forelock. Now that my bruises have faded enough to hide with strategically applied makeup, I can roam freely around the ranch. Unsurprisingly, the stables were the first place I gravitated toward. Being here, smelling the horses and the hay brings me a sense of peace I haven’t known in far too long. I spent my entire childhood on this land, interacting with the animals daily. I never realized how much I missed this until now. How much I needed it.
I close my eyes and suppress a shiver as electricity suddenly shoots through my veins. My heart is beating wildly. My lungs are momentarily robbed of breath. I’m no longer the only person standing in this stable—of that, I’ve no doubt. I can feel every atom in my body lighting up like a summer storm. I knew this moment was inevitable—I’ve been expecting it—but the thought of facing Beckett Armstrong after all these years terrifies me. Yet... I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t also some underlying excitement. I can’t remember the last time I looked forward to anything, but having him this close, is almost... exhilarating. I have few memories of my childhood that don’t include this man. He was the love of my life. I gave him all of my firsts. He breathed life into me by merely existing. When I left this town, I not only left pieces of my heart behind; I left part of my soul, too. I just didn’t realize how much of it until this very moment.
I take a fortifying breath as I step away from Mag’s stall.
“So the rumors are true.”
The timbre of his voice is much deeper than I remember. That southern twang rolls over me like Tupelo honey—thick and sweet and oh, so seductive. I worked really hard on ditching my accent when I first moved to New York, but Beck’s time away seemed to do nothing to diminish his.
“What rumors?” I slowly turn around and do my best to quell the shock from seeing him in the flesh.
Neither one of us dares to look away. It’s like the space between us is shrinking, even though we’re both frozen in place. The wasted time, the buckets of tears, the ache of longing. It’s all passing between us right now, zinging back and forth, hitting its mark, driving the pain of our shared loss deeper and deeper. Countless what-ifs and never-beens thicken the air, making it nearly impossible to breathe.
God, he’s so devastatingly handsome, my chest constricts. Any traces of boyhood are long gone. His jaw is stronger now and lined with heavy stubble. His shoulders are broader, and his arms have significantly more bulk. As Beck clenches his fists tightly, I can’t help remembering how those hands easily spanned my torso. How his calloused fingertips felt gliding along my bare skin. Lighter streaks weave through his dark blond hair, producing memories of all the times I’d run my fingers through those thick strands, as Beck hummed in appreciation. My hands itch to do just that, to see if it’s just as silky as I remember, then I remind myself this man is no longer mine to touch.
Although, if I simply looked into his eyes, I’d have all the reminders I needed. The dark chocolate colored orbs I spent so many hours staring into belong to a stranger now. They’re harder. Wiser. Shadows lurk beneath the surface, hinting at the many secrets living within. The one thing that hasn’t changed is how expressive they are. Growing up, Beck’s eyes usually glittered with humor, or love, or heat. None of those emotions are present as he looks at me now. He’s rough around the edges like I suspected he would be, but I wasn’t in any way prepared for this. I would’ve never imagined the boy I loved half my life was capable of feeling such contempt toward me. I swallow a lump in my throat as I absorb the impact of his glare.
“That you finally came back.”
My skin tingles with awareness as his eyes leisurely roam my body. Okay, so the lust might still be there, but it’s clearly laced with revulsion.
“What happened to your arm?”
I startle from the question. My shoulder still has a ways to go before it’s healed, but I’m no longer wearing my sling, so I’m not sure how he can tell something’s wrong.
“What do you mean?”
He nods toward my left side. “You’re favoring your right arm. Looks like you’re avoiding using the left entirely.”
“I got mugged,” I lie. “Dislocated my shoulder when I fell down.”
“Ah, the joys of living in the big city,” he mocks. I glare back at him, but it doesn’t seem to faze him. “Where’s your husband?”
“New York,” I snap. “His work keeps him very busy.”
I’m so afraid he’ll see right through me, I mentally erect my protective barrier. It’s something I’ve excelled at over the years. It was the only way I could survive my marriage. I’d force myself to withdraw… to become remote as if I wasn’t really inhabiting my body when Sebastian was working through his rage.
“How long are you in town, Presley?”
“Why does it matter?”
“It doesn’t. Not to me, anyway. I’m simply wondering how much longer I’ll have to tiptoe around you. It’s making my job a lot harder than it needs to be, and that’s getting tiresome real fast. You’ve been here, what? Almost two weeks now? I’d imagine your husband misses you back home.”
I shift slightly as my shoulder muscles tense. I’m sure the only thing my husband misses is the control he had over me. I highly doubt he’s missing sex, considering the deputy mayor is gladly providing that service.
“I never said you had to tiptoe around me.”
His full lips turn up in the corners. Like his eyes, Beck’s smiles are capable of saying many things without speaking a single word. This is his I know something you don’t smile.
“Maybe not. But somebody did.”
What?“Who?”
“C’mon, Presley. I thought you went to New York to get an education. Use your brain.” He snaps his fingers. “Oh, but wait, the way I hear it, you dropped out after a year to become a socialite, so maybe your brain isn’t accustomed to such strenuous activities. My bad.”
God, who is this guy? The Beck I knew would never fling an insult at a woman. Any woman. He was the true definition of a southern gentleman. I know I can’t maintain this fake bravado for much longer. The last thing I need is for Beckett to see the truth about why I’m here, so I decide to step the bitchiness up a notch.
“What do you want, Beckett? You obviously sought me out for a reason. Just get it out so I can move on with my day. I don’t have time for your bullshit.”
His jaw sharpens as the vitriol flows from my mouth. He pulls a ball cap from his back pocket and takes a moment to fix the brim before placing it on his head. Looking me straight in the eye, Beckett delivers a verbal sucker punch that hurts worse than Sebastian’s fists ever did.
“Naw, darlin’,” he sneers. “I don’t want anything from you. Do us all a favor and head back to New York sooner rather than later.”
Beck turns around and slowly walks away, rapping his knuckles against the doorframe as he leaves the stable. There’s a toughness to his gait that wasn’t there before. His movements used to be so fluid, he practically had a full-time swagger. His personality drew you in without any effort whatsoever. There was a lightness to him that attracted complete strangers, hoping for a chance to bask in his warmth. His kindness and affection were given freely.
Nothingabout this Beck is approachable. He’s made up of bunched muscles and hard edges. Anger radiates off him in waves. This guy slings words meant to cut deep, but the harshness of those words pales in comparison to that look in his eyes. The one that says I’m inconsequential. That none of the good we shared matters. That I’m nothing more than a vapid gold digger, undeserving of his time. I’ve never felt so small in my life, and that’s saying a lot considering how often Sebastian belittled me.
The last time Beck and I saw each other, I was the one walking away, breaking his heart in two. If he felt even half as bad as I do now, I hate myself even more for putting anyone through that, especially him.