Chapter 34
When Beckett kisses me this time, there’s so much more at stake. I don’t know where I got the courage to get naked and ask him to touch me, but what I told him was the absolute truth. I desperately need to know the touch of a loving hand. I need solid, physical proof that I can enjoy sex again... that I can feel pleasure. That I won’t always be so messed up. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to go through with this. That I’ll freak out, and Beck will quickly figure out precisely what Sebastian has put me through. But I know I need to try, and there’s no better candidate for the job. I fell in love with Beckett Armstrong before either one of us knew what that meant. Time and distance haven’t changed that, no matter how hard both of us have tried to pretend otherwise, and there’s no one I trust more.
“Lie back, honey. Let me take care of you.”
The soft mattress cradles my body as I scoot back on his bed. For some reason, I find it incredibly erotic that I’m completely nude, and Beck is still fully clothed. Don’t get me wrong; if I have my way, I’ll be seeing much more of him tonight, too, but right now, I need to focus on my senses and live in the moment.
“God, Pres, I don’t know where I want to start first.”
Our eyes meet as he stands at the foot of the bed. “Just touch me, Beckett. I don’t care where. I just want to feel you.”
He flashes a sexy smirk that sends the butterflies in my stomach soaring. When Beck’s large hands begin trailing a path up one leg and then the other, I squirm in anticipation with every inch he gains. I gasp and arch my back when his lips touch my inner thigh, right above my knee.
“Beckett,” I pant.
He groans before running the tip of his tongue along my skin. Instinctively, I widen my legs, giving his broad shoulders more room to settle between them.
“Can I taste you, Pres?” Beck places an open-mouthed kiss just a little higher than the last one. “Would that be too much?”
The second the question leaves his mouth, I imagine his dark blond hair moving between my thighs, and I can feel my body readying itself for him. My nipples stiffen to an almost painful degree, and the ache in my core is demanding more.
“Please.” My need is so great, it’s the only response I can manage. A one-syllable word followed closely by an embarrassingly loud whimper. At the first swipe of his tongue, I add, “Oh. My. God.”
Beckett releases a soft chuckle as he places my legs over his shoulders. “I’ll take that as a good sign.”
I nod furiously. “Very good sign. Very, very good sign. Keep up the good work, sir.”
He barks out a laugh right before lowering his mouth once again, all humor instantly fading. Beck kisses, and licks, and sucks my hot flesh, stoking the fire inside of me more and more, until I’m on the verge of free-falling off a magnificent cliff. It’s been so long since I’ve had an orgasm, even longer since I’ve had one to this degree, so when it hits me, I’m incapable of controlling the screams or the pleas. I beg him to keep doing this forever and ever, to never stop because things like work, and breathing, and eating are so overrated. Beck softens his tongue and continues licking me through the aftershocks of my climax. I think we’re both surprised when another orgasm hits me seemingly out of nowhere, only seconds later. This one is much shorter but just as powerful. I don’t even realize I’m weeping until the tears drip down my face onto the bedding.
“Holy shit, you’re good at that.” I throw my arm over my face. “So, so good at that.”
I can feel Beckett’s lips curving into a smile as his mouth travels over my pelvic bone, to my abdomen, and finally to the underside of my breasts. Much to my dismay, I stiffen when he palms one of them.
He instantly retreats. “Is this not okay?”
God, why can’t I just be normal and enjoy this? I had no problem a few minutes ago when Beck was going down on me. I couldn’t help it, though. The moment he touched my breast, I was sucked into a void where Sebastian controlled me again. I don’t hate my boobs; I actually love what I see when I look in the mirror. I was adamant about keeping a natural shape and size for my frame. The surgeon did a fantastic job of honoring my wishes. But I do hate what they represent. I hate that I associate any touch—even if I’m just washing in the shower—with Sebastian. He’d have these moments where he’d fixate on my breasts. He’d paw them, twist my nipples until I’d cry out in pain. Suck on them or bite them until marks were left behind for days. Slide his dick through them until he painted my face with his semen. He’d essentially use my breasts as a tool to debase me as often as possible. To remind me that I was his to do with as he pleased. Maybe I’m not as messed up over receiving oral because Sebastian rarely did that.
I take a deep breath, reminding myself to focus on the present. Focus on the beautiful man before me and how amazing he just made me feel.
I prop myself up on my elbows and look him directly in the eye. “It was a knee-jerk reaction. I want you to touch me, Beckett. Everywhere. Just... be patient with me, okay?”
He frowns, undoubtedly trying to read between the lines. When he makes no effort to move, I reach for his hand and place it back over me, holding his gaze the entire time.
He groans. “Pres.”
I put pressure on his fingers, curling them into my skin. When his calloused palm abrades my nipple, I gasp, but not in pain. “Touch me, Beck.”
Erase my bad memories with some good ones.
Beck nods before slowly running his finger along each curve, down each dip and valley, before circling my areola and repeating the process on the other side. He watches my face the entire time, clearly searching for any signs of distress, which would be incredibly unnerving with any other man. But Beckett Armstrong is no ordinary man. God, the amount of control he’s exerting right now proves that in spades. I know his body is demanding relief, but his concern for me outweighs any physical needs. He may not know why I’m so jumpy, but he’s smart enough to understand how important this moment is.
When he slowly lowers his head and swirls his tongue around my peaked tip, my head falls back on a breathy sigh. I moan shamelessly when he does the same to the other. Beck takes his time, loving on me, reminding me that my entire body is fully capable of pleasure once I get past the roadblock in my mind. When his hand glides down to my sex, toying with that bundle of nerves while he simultaneously creates suction on my nipple, any walls I had remaining are obliterated. Stars burst behind my eyelids as I come apart for the third time under his gentle touch. After the tremors wane, Beckett trails soft kisses along my neck, over my jaw, before once again fusing his mouth to mine. I can taste my arousal on his lips, and for some reason, it only heightens the intimacy of this moment.
Beckett pulls back and wipes some damp hair away from my forehead. “You good?”
“I’m great.” I smile, running my finger down the bridge of his nose, pausing at his lips for a moment. “I never thought I could feel that way again. Who knew being proven wrong would’ve been the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time?”
Beck’s head falls into the crook of my neck. “Presley, you can’t say cryptic shit like that and expect me not to have follow-up questions.”
I run my hand along his back, cursing the shirt he’s wearing. “Beck, you’re wearing too many clothes. I want to feel your bare skin against mine.”
He lifts his head, narrowing his bourbon eyes. “Are you trying to distract me?”
“Depends.” I shrug. “Is it working?”
His lips twitch. “Honey, you’re naked. I’m already distracted. But I still have questions. Ashit ton of questions.”
“Not tonight, Beckett.” I reach between us and pull on his belt buckle. “Let me touch you. Feel you. I want to take care of you like you just did for me.”
Beck climbs off the bed and begins unbuckling his belt. “I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this, but I don’t want you to return the favor. Not because I don’t want you, because, fuckin’ A, honey, Iwant you, but that’s not what this was about.” He flicks his finger between us as his pants drop to the floor.
“Then, why are you taking your clothes off?”
Beck pulls his shirt off in that sexy one-armed way and tosses it behind him. “Because you asked me to, and I’m not stupid enough to waste an opportunity to be close to you.”
My God, it’s even better than I imagined. All of his muscles seem larger, the ridges on his abdomen are deeper, and the way his waist tapers into that sexy vee makes my mouth water. His legs are strong, defined muscles sculpted by the heavy lifting he does each day. My eyes travel to the erection that’s trying to escape his black boxer briefs, and I lick my lips, thinking about what’s behind that cotton.
He looks to the ceiling for some divine guidance before pointing a stern finger at me. “And that is exactly why I’m keepin’ my underwear on.”
A shocked giggle spills from my lips when I realize what just happened. I was downright ogling the man, thinking about climbing him like a tree.
“You know, it’s not exactly good for a man’s ego when you laugh while he’s standing before you practically naked.”
That makes me even more hysterical, so much so that I’m clutching my side. Before I know what’s happening, Beck’s on top of me, pressing his cotton-covered erection against my core. I moan as it creates another wave of arousal.
Beck curses before falling to my side and yanking the covers over us. “Well, that backfired, didn’t it? It’s late. Go to sleep, Pres.”
I rest my head over his heart, running my fingers through the thin patch of hair on his chest. “What if I don’t want to go to sleep?”
“Tough shit.”
I smother my laughter into his chest. We never did turn on the lights when we came in here. There’s still plenty spilling in from the hallway, but it’s not bothersome enough to get out of bed and flick it off. Despite my earlier sass, I am actually tired, especially after having three mind-blowing orgasms. As I listen to the rhythm of Beck’s heartbeat while he strokes the back of my hair, I drift off into the most restful sleep I’ve had in over a decade.