Chapter Twenty-Three #2
“For starters, there’s a reason I never allowed you on the back of my bike.
When your brother and I first got them, we were nowhere near ready to have a passenger with us.
We needed to get used to the bikes and understand what it truly means to ride.
Even when I’d been ridin’ for the two years we were together, I still wasn’t ready to put you behind me.
Every aspect of your safety was completely in my hands.
I would be the one responsible for makin’ sure I didn’t crash with you on the back.
Yeah, you had full ridin’ gear, but that only protects you so much in a crash.
I didn’t have the confidence to ride anywhere with you like your brother did.
I know it hurt you so much to see me take other girls on rides, but there’s also a reason why I did.
Back then, I thought if I took other people on a ride, I’d know how to handle my bike differently with a passenger.
I was gettin’ used to someone bein’ behind me so when you finally sat in your seat, it would be the last time anyone else ever rode with me.
I pushed you away completely before that happened,” I finally admit why I never took her for a ride with me and it feels as if part of the weight I’ve been carrying is finally gone.
“You could have told me that, Rex. I would have understood it to a point if you talked to me instead of keepin’ it to yourself,” she tells me, not moving away from my body but presses even closer to me.
“I realize that now, Doll. It’s taken me eight years to really think about everythin’ and understand how ridiculous I was bein’.
Which leads me to why I treated you so different in public and why I had a hard time takin’ you out on dates.
You and Elara were already gettin’ bullied in school.
It’s no surprise your brother and I were popular and had the attention of all the girls.
They were constantly hittin’ on us and beggin’ for dates.
I refused to be another reason you got bullied.
If the girls we went to school with knew we were together, they would have come after you so much harder.
We both know that’s the truth. So, I thought if I acted like you were nothin’ more than my best friend’s sister, they wouldn’t add on to your torment.
Elara told your brother if he pulled the same shit, she’d kick him in the ‘boy parts’.
Her words not ours. He believed her and made it public knowledge they were together.
Do you remember the girls comin’ at her harder because of that?
” I ask her, needing her to be on the same page as I am right now.
“I do. They were brutal when the two of you weren’t around us.
While most of them were okay with me in the beginning because they wanted to get closer to Bhodi, no one ever treated Elara good.
I think it’s because we moved here and you guys grew up with everyone we went to school with.
They already knew she couldn’t be used to get to you,” Taleah says, rubbing her hand up and down my stomach like she used to.
My muscles flex with every move of her hand as they used to with each touch from her.
“That’s why I acted so indifferent toward you when we were together.
It wasn’t because I didn’t love you or want the world to know you were my girl.
It’s because I wanted to protect you and that’s the only way I could think of doin’ it,” I tell her, tilting her head up again so she can see the truth of my words.
“What about Bhodi’s funeral, Rex? You never showed up for that,” she asks me the one question I was hoping to avoid.
“I was there, Taleah. No one saw me because I remained hidden in the trees. I was a fuckin’ mess and didn’t want anyone to see me so damn low.
I was honestly ready to climb in the coffin with my best friend and it wouldn’t have bothered me at all.
Instead, I stayed out of view and listened to every word spoken about him.
I listened to you give the eulogy and every instinct in me wanted me to go to you as you sobbed while speakin’ about your brother.
You could hardly stay on your feet because you were so completely broken.
Part of that was my fault while the rest was from the weight of the loss you felt for your brother.
I knew everyone believed I didn’t show up for my best friend, but I did,” I answer her as she looks up at me while crying again and I let a few of my own tears fall from my eyes because it’s so hard to even think about my best friend without becoming emotional.
Taleah thinks about what I’ve said for a few minutes and doesn’t say anything.
She simply looks at me and processes everything I told her.
We’ve gone over a lot of shit and it’s been a long day already.
She might not say much else to me tonight.
I can see how exhausted she is. Taleah surprises me though.
“I forgive you, Rex. I don’t want to keep holding onto the pain and hurt we’ve caused one another for so long.
I’m not sure I can say I truly understand all the reasons why you did what you did, but now I know I wasn’t the problem.
Did you even know I thought you acted that way because I wasn’t good enough for you?
” she asks me, her voice sounding weak and small as my tank tops starts getting wet from her tears.
“That thought never even crossed my mind, Doll. If it did, I would have talked to you back then. I never would have allowed you to think there is anythin’ wrong with you.
You’re perfect in every way and I have loved you for so much longer than I ever thought possible.
You’ve been the only girl in my heart and on my mind for eight years.
I’m not gonna say I haven’t fucked around because I have.
None of them ever had a hold on me the way you do.
Taleah, I’m still in love with you. You have owned my heart and soul from that very first night.
No matter what I tried to do to get over you, it didn’t work,” I admit to Taleah and myself for the first time.
“I’ve always loved you, Rex. Even when I was with TJ, I always compared him to you and you would come to my mind if I was doing something that reminded me of our past. Every memory from my childhood after we met involves you in one way or another.
I’m not saying I can give you a second chance, but we can start slow.
Hang out as friends and see what happens,” she says and I know I have to abide by that because this is her show moving forward.
“That’s fine, Doll. I just want to be in your life.
If all you can give me is your friendship, then that’s what I’ll take.
The only thing I want is for you to be happy and know that you are one of the best women I’ve ever met.
If I could go back and change everythin’ from our past, I would without any hesitation.
You light up my world and chase away the demons that have haunted me for longer than I’ll ever tell anyone.
Even when we were apart, all I had to do was think of you and everythin’ seemed a million times better than they were,” I say, leaning down and pressing a kiss on the top of her head.
“Just promise me we’ll talk about these things moving forward, Rex. That’s the only way I can start slow with you. If we don’t, I won’t be able to be friends with you,” she says, sitting up and looking me in the eyes so I can now see the truth of her words.
“I’ll give you whatever you want, Doll. For now, I just want to hold you while we watch this movie.
Well, I’ll watch the movie and you’ll be asleep in the first five minutes,” I say, making Taleah laugh because this is one of our many inside jokes.
My girl can never make it through an entire movie.
She barely makes it past the opening credits.
“We can lay down on the couch. I slept here last night and it’s really comfortable,” she says, moving farther away so I can lay down before she settles in front of me.
I hold Taleah in my arms with her back pressed against my chest. Taleah starts the movie after covering us up and making sure I can reach the table where my drink and the snacks wait for us to devour.
Like I said, she falls asleep just as the movie starts and I hold her tighter against my body.
I don’t bother paying attention because I’m exhausted and for the first time, I have a feeling I’ll be able to sleep.
Taleah has always been the calm I need to keep me sleeping when my mind won’t shut off.
Closing my eyes, I breathe in the familiar scent of lavender and nature.
Sleep claims me faster than normal and I dream of a future with Taleah.