Chapter Seven #3
Of course, he knew where Rueben had been. This was a man with incredible insight and instincts. Maybe if Rueben had played his attraction to Seth a little cooler, his absence and distractedness wouldn’t be so obvious. Rueben noticed Cash hadn’t used Seth’s name either. Plausible deniability?
“I do.” Rueben kept his answer short and honest and never looked away from those piercing blue eyes.
Cash nodded slowly. “Have you considered all the ramifications?”
Rueben’s eyes were wide open, and he wasn’t wearing rose-colored glasses.
It wouldn’t matter when their relationship went public; there would always be someone who had a problem with Rueben and Seth dating.
They’d never shake questions about how Seth handled the investigation, regardless of the outcome at trial.
The press would have a field day with the sheriff dating an ex-con, and Rueben’s good deeds since leaving jail wouldn’t move the needle one iota.
Seth was worth it, damn it. “Yes, I have. We both have.” But had they?
Neither of them had started a conversation about what would happen next week, next month, or next year.
They’d been living for the stolen moment.
“What about the innocent people who might get caught in the crossfires or aftermath?” He meant Keegan because Cash wouldn’t worry about his reputation. “Have you considered that?”
“Not as much as I should.” Honesty sucked.
Cash nodded slowly as he cycled through a long breath. “I strongly encourage you to do so. There’s so much at stake, Rueben. Reputation is the least of it. You need to consider if he’s worth the risk.”
A tremble started in Rueben’s shoulders and worked its way through his body. Was Cash making him choose? Was his job and home at risk? Rueben tried to stiffen his muscles to stop the quaking, but that only seemed to make him shake more.
“Rue.” Cash’s voice was gentle as he kneeled in front of him. He placed his hands on Rueben’s biceps and rubbed his arms up and down. “That wasn’t an ultimatum. I’m going to back you no matter what, okay? You will always have a place on this ranch and in my family. I know you’re in a tough spot.”
Tears filled Rueben’s eyes, and a quiet sob escaped his trembling lips.
Cash pulled him into a hug, and Rueben rested against him until the last tears fell and stillness settled over him once more.
The excitement of his stolen moments with Seth had overshadowed the personal risks Rueben staked.
He had to be smarter, and he needed to consider telling Keegan the truth so he didn’t find out from someone else.
Rueben eased back from Cash’s embrace and wiped at his face with both hands. “I have a lot of thinking to do. Thank you.”
“I’m here anytime.”
Rueben nodded and pushed up to his feet.
He said goodbye and headed back to the kitchen to tap in, but the room was spotless, and no one was in sight.
Rueben headed back to his cabin to think about his next step but realized it had been decided for him when he found Keegan lying on his bed.
His best friend frequently let himself into his cabin to wait for Rueben, and it had never been a problem, but Keegan held Rueben’s burner phone in his hand.
He’d casually tossed it on the bed while getting ready for the dentist and forgot to tuck it away or take it with him.
The device was inexpensive compared to the smartphones Cash provided them, but it still locked with a passcode, though there wasn’t much to see.
There was only one contact, and Rueben hadn’t assigned Seth a cutesy name, or any, for that matter.
He was just a ten-digit number on the phone but something so much more significant in Rueben’s heart.
They didn’t text because Rueben couldn’t stomach the thought of their exchanges becoming evidence in a trial.
Unless a government body tapped their phones, which was unlikely, their conversations would remain private.
But none of that mattered because the hurt in Keegan’s eyes meant he knew exactly why Rueben owned a second phone.
“Kee…” Rueben’s voice trailed off and he couldn’t get past the first syllable.
Keegan sat up and set the phone beside him on the bed. Hazel eyes shimmered with hurt and confusion when they met his. “I thought you were working through your sadness with someone like Kerry or Sven. But you wouldn’t need a second phone for that.”
“I would never get involved with Kerry,” Rueben said. “He’s Seth’s cousin, and I know you like him a lot. I don’t date guys who are prettier than me, because I need all the fuss, so Sven is out.”
“But why him?”
Like Cash, Keegan didn’t say Seth’s name.
Rueben didn’t think plausible deniability was something that occurred to Keegan.
Maybe he was just too hurt to say it. Would Seth’s name get treated like Bloody Mary or Beetlejuice?
Rueben wished he only had to say his name three times to get him to appear.
He opened his mouth to respond, but Keegan wasn’t done yet.
“You know what’s going to happen if people find out.” His voice broke, and tears swam in his eyes. “You know what those people did to us, Rue. How can you be okay with them just walking away?”
Rueben dropped to his knees in front of the bed. He took both Keegan’s hands in his with every intention of begging for forgiveness with his words and expression. “I’m so sorry, Keegan. There’s no excuse for my behavior. I care a whole fucking lot about what those sons of bitches did to you.”
Keegan narrowed his eyes. “They almost killed you, Rue. And they would’ve killed me. It was just a matter of time.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “You know all of this, but you’re seeing him anyway. Just tell me why. Is it the sex?”
Rueben’s heart pounded in his chest. He needed to step up and do the right thing, and he would, but he needed Keegan to know he hadn’t acted brashly and without care for his feelings.
Rueben took a few calming breaths to slow his pulse before attempting to explain himself.
“Things just clicked into place when we were together. Like a big jigsaw, and I suddenly felt whole. Being with Seth justifies every struggle and mistake I’ve made because it brought me here, to him.
He makes me feel seen, heard, and understood.
” Rueben closed his eyes and thought of the way Seth held him against his chest that afternoon, murmuring “just five more minutes” into his hair on repeat until two hours had passed.
It was thoughtful gestures like checking out shows or music just because Rueben liked them so he could feel connected.
It was talking on the phone long past bedtime because that was the only thing they could offer one another.
Rueben sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly.
He met Keegan’s gaze and said, “And I love him.”
Keegan melted a little and tears spilled down his cheeks. “Does he love you too?”
Rueben thought back to the moment he caught Seth watching him with an unguarded expression. His gray eyes contained all the intensity of a thunderstorm and the warmth of sunshine. “He does,” Rueben answered without hesitation. He didn’t need Seth to say the words to know the truth.
Keegan squeezed his hands and gave him a watery smile. “I can’t be the reason you stay away from Seth. I don’t want that coming between us.”
“And I don’t want my love for Seth to hurt you.”
Keegan released a dramatic sigh and rolled his eyes. “Then don’t get caught. You need to be smarter.”
Rueben’s chest expanded with love and hope. “That’s the plan.”
“You owe me for keeping your secret.”
“Anything,” Rueben replied without hesitation. “Name it.”
Keegan tilted his head to the side. “Forfeit that last pint of cherry cordial ice cream in your freezer.”
“Done.”
A mischievous smile curved Keegan’s mouth. “And you’ll watch as much Real Housewives with me as I want. Any franchise, anytime.”
Rueben puffed up his cheeks and expelled all the air in his lungs. He spent the next four hours watching one installment after another. About three episodes in, he started to enjoy the show more than he wanted to admit.
Keegan laughed when he offered commentary or unsolicited advice to the women through the TV. “And another one hooked.” To soften the blow, he passed the ice cream and spoon to Rueben. “Hey, Rue.”
He looked over at his friend with a mouthful of ice cream melting on his tongue. “Hmmm?”
Keegan reached over and lightly pushed the sensitive love bite peeking out of his shirt collar. “Be smarter than this, okay?”
“Definitely.”