Chapter 31
Hayes
The bus ride back is quiet, a sharp contrast to the trip here.
I expected the boys to be rowdy, on their phones and headphones in their ears, but they aren’t. Each boy sits silently, some staring out the windows while others look at the floor. I want to ask them what they learned tonight. I want to know the stories they heard, but I’ll give them time to process. It can wait until our next practice.
The bus pulls into the school parking lot, and parents are lined up and waiting for their kids. The boys stand, each one filing out in a single line without saying a word.
Hope blooms in my chest.
I stand in my row, waiting for the last one to get off, and as each of them passes me, they give me a small nod. MJ is on the other side of the aisle, smiling brightly as she watches what is happening. There’s hurt still etched into the creases of her eyes, but to anyone who doesn’t know her like I do, she hides it well.
After the team is gone, I’ll pull her aside and talk, even if she doesn’t want to. She’s bottled her emotions up for far too long, or maybe it’s been that not a lot of people have bothered to care about her feelings. But I won’t let her hide anymore.
That’s what friends are for, right? Even if that word does taste bitter in my mouth.
Tanner is the last boy off the bus, and as he walks down the aisle, it’s not me he’s looking at, but MJ. He stops in front of her, and my body tenses, preparing myself to put the kid in his place if he says one thing out of line to her, but there’s a look on his face that I’ve never seen before. It nearly knocks me on my butt when I realize that it’s respect.
Standing in front of her, Tanner dips his head. “I’m sorry, MJ. I’ll apologize to Bella tomorrow.”
He doesn’t wait for her response, keeping his head down as he walks off the bus.
MJ watches him go, and when he disappears off the last step, she turns her gaze toward me. Her mouth hangs open as she stares at me, at a loss for words.
Finally, she asks, “What was that?”
I shrug, “I think that was Tanner learning your story.”
Stepping into the aisle, I offer her my hand. She takes it, surprising me, but I’m not stupid enough to point it out. Interlacing her fingers with mine, I pull her into the aisle with me, and we walk off the bus. I let her lead me across the parking lot, and as we walk, she thinks.
“But why? Out of all the people there whose stories he could have learned, why was that interaction with my dad what stood out to him?”
Tugging on her hand, I pull her to a stop. She turns to face me, a war of emotions flickering across her face. With the hand not holding hers, I trace her jawline with my thumb. She leans into it, stopping my heart completely.
“I think you keep focusing on how much he reminds you of Langston that you’ve failed to consider who else he reminds you of?”
Wrinkles appear between her brows. “Who?”
“You, MJ. He’s you. You’ve met his mom and stepdad. He doesn’t fit into their world, and he’s dying to break out of it. I think you, of all people, know a thing about that.”
“And yet, here I am, right back in that world.” The bitterness in her words stings, but I shake it off. I know they are directed at me, but rather the trauma she’s suffered over the years.
“Yeah. You are,” I say, concentrating on the way her skin pebbles under the path of my thumb. “But let me ask you this—now that you’re back, do you still want to escape?”
Her eyes dart over my shoulder, taking in the football field behind me. When she brings them back to me, they are filled with unshed tears.
“No. I don’t think I do. Despite how things happened with my dad tonight, I don’t regret coming back. I’ve started to heal my relationship with my mom—and you. And I kind of like my job. I love helping these kids, even if their attitudes rival yours sometimes.”
Her grin is wicked. Quicker than she can react, I unlace our fingers and grab her waist, dragging her to me.
“My attitude? Have you met you?”
She laughs, and it’s carefree and wild. My hand slips around to the small of her back, holding her to me. I watch her, a stupid smile on my face, and in the back of my mind, I’m aware of all the people mingling around us, but I can’t bring myself to care. Her cheeks are red, glowing with happiness, and there’s an ache in mine from smiling down at her.
Her laughter starts to subside, and the world around us goes quiet when she looks up at me. The happiness begins to fade, changing into something more—something we both fear.
Her tongue swipes across her bottom lip, and I watch, entranced.
“Hayes.” My name slips off her tongue like a secret I want to taste.
“Yes?” My voice comes out in a croak. I clear my throat, heat creeping up the back of my neck.
“Kiss me.”
It’s not a question but a command—one I’m happy to oblige.
My head falls to meet hers, but I pause right before our lips meet. “MJ, if I kiss you again, it changes things. You realize that, right?”
But I don’t think she hears me—or she pretends she doesn’t. Her hand slides up my chest to the back of my neck, and I try not to shiver under her touch. Fingers curl into my hair as she yanks my head forward, and then she kisses me.
Any thoughts I might have had fly out of my brain the moment her lips are on mine. I breathe her in. The kiss is just like her laugh, wild and beautiful.
It’s everything I’ve dreamed of with this girl, all summed up in one moment. I’d hand over the moon and stars if it meant I could keep having moments like this with her.
The kiss slows, and she peppers softer kisses along the corner of my mouth, up my cheek, and stopping at my ear.
Her voice is a whisper against my skin when she says, “You’re not the boss of me, Hayes Miller. This changes nothing.”
Then she’s running away, laughing as she goes, and I’m left staring after her with a love-struck grin.
The girl doesn’t know how wrong she is, but it’s okay. This changes the game. And if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s winning.
______________________
There’s a knock on my front door the next morning at seven a.m.
I groan, rolling over in bed and throwing the covers over my head, but when another knock follows the first, I know there’s no way I’m going back to sleep now.
Sleep evaded me all night. That kiss played on repeat in my head, but it gave me time to plan.
I’m no longer accepting being friends as an option when it comes to the girl of my dreams.
Grabbing a clean shirt from my drawer, I pull it over my head and walk to the front door, where the knocking has become more persistent. It’s not Campbell-level annoying so that only leaves one other person it could be.
Swinging the door open wide, I’m met with a wrinkly smile and a milkshake shoved toward my face.
“I heard the news,” Silas says, his face sober.
“What news?”
“About the kiss—what other news would I be here for?”
I sigh, taking a deep sip of the milkshake, then cringe as the sugar settles on my otherwise empty stomach. “Silas, that isn’t news. That’s gossip, and you should stop participating in it.”
“Then what fun would this town be?” he asks, shoving past me and walking inside, not waiting for me to invite him.
“A lot. It would be a lot of fun.”
“So you say now, but who was the one whining when the gossip about that girl’s return to town didn’t reach you, leaving you with a black eye, hmm?” He punctuates his point with a slurp of his milkshake, and he must have hit the end of it because he points to mine and asks, “Are you going to drink that?”
I roll my eyes, handing it to him as I walk toward the kitchen to grab some real breakfast. Silas follows like a lost puppy, sipping on his milkshake.
“Have you been thinking about what I said?” Silas asks between sips.
Pulling eggs out of the refrigerator and a pan from the cabinet, I send him a look over my shoulder, “You say a lot of things, Silas. Which one are we talking about right now?”
He narrows his eyes. “You know, boy, you’ve got a lot of sass for this early in the morning.”
“Says the man drinking a milkshake and spreading gossip at seven in the morning,” I mumble. With the stovetop on, I keep my attention on my eggs that are starting to cook, so I’m not ready when he walks up beside me and flicks my ear. “Hey, what was that for?”
“Your sass. Now tell me, have you found God anywhere lately?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe isn’t a good enough answer, boy, so spit it out.”
“Still the answer you’re going to get.”
“Ugh. Why do you have to be such a fun killer? Fine. Tell me about this maybe. ”
Sighing, I resign myself to being a part of the older man’s antics. A piece of toast I’d thrown in the toaster pops up, and I grab it, flipping my egg on top and taking a bite.
When I’ve finished chewing, I set the plate down and turn so my back is against the counter.
“I don’t know, Silas. There isn’t much to it. I’m trying to see the redemption you think I deserve because maybe then I won’t feel like I’m betraying my best friend by loving his little sister. But then I tried to pray…I just can’t see how God would want much to do with me. My choices led to my best friend’s death.”
Silas puts down his milkshakes. “First, that’s the closest you’ve ever come to telling me what happened that day. I know you left football because of the guilt, but I never realized it was that heavy. Second, you’re no Saul. You’re a Paul.”
“Silas,” I say, rubbing my temples where a headache is starting to form. “Can you just say what you mean? I can’t handle riddles this morning.”
“Sure, but first, let me ask you a question. How are you planning to help this boy, Tanner, see his worth when you can’t even see your own?”
“That’s not—that’s different.”
“Is it? How?”
“Because he’s a kid, and the choices he is making are a direct result of the adults in his life.”
Silas grunts. “Seems to me you were just a kid when your friend died, too.”
“Maybe, but I’m a grown man now.”
“And what choices have you made as a grown man that seem irredeemable?”
“Isn’t the choice that murdered my best friend enough?”
“No, Hayes, it isn’t. First of all, because I’m not sure I believe that’s exactly how it went down—I’ve heard the rumors.”
I slap my hands against the counter, not even feeling the sting. My fingers curl around the edge, knuckles turning white from gripping it so hard.
“Dang it, Silas. It’s time you stop listening to rumors.”
It’s the harshest I’ve ever spoken to Silas, but people weren’t there. They didn’t hold the lifeless hand of their best friend, begging God for a chance to change the choices they made. It’s why I should do the right thing and leave MJ alone, but I’m selfish—that was proven the day Langston died. If there isn’t redemption for me anyway, I might as well make the choice that gets me her.
Grabbing my food, I shove it in my mouth to keep from having to say anything else.
“I can see that you’re a little grumpy today. We’ll put a pin in this conversation for another day, but Hayes—” he stops until I look up from my plate at him. My mouth is full, so I don’t bother answering. “I’m proud of you, no matter what, and if I can feel that way as a flawed human, so can God.”
Nodding, I remain quiet. Words spoken in anger are words you regret. I’m already regretting how I spoke to Silas, so I choose not to make it worse.
“So,” Silas says, changing the topic with a wicked grin. Red alarms sound in my head, warning me to run, “How about that kiss with your girl.”
Groaning, I let my head fall back against the cabinet.
I should have run.