Chapter 35
Mallorie Jade
21 years old
“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.”
My bed feels like there’s an earthquake, and my brother’s voice sounds like he is screaming right in my ear.
Yanking my blanket up, I cover my head. “Go away.”
The blanket is yanked away, leaving my legs exposed to the cold. It’s summer, but in my mother’s house, it might as well be Antarctica. I think it’s how she keeps her heart a solid sheet of ice. Heaven knows that thing hasn’t thawed out in years.
“Not going to happen. Get up,” Langston says, going back to jumping on my bed.
A deep chuckle comes from the other side of the room, and I crack one eye open. Hayes stands in the doorway, one shoulder leaning against the door jam and amusement playing on his lips.
My heart ticks up ten notches as I take him in. He meets my gaze and gives me a secret wink while Langston’s back is to him.
Hayes and I have been dating for a year, and we’ve yet to tell my brother—or my parents, for that matter.
Mainly because, despite Langston’s cheery disposition this morning, it’s rare to see him this way. He’s always one slip away from a permanent downfall.
More times than not, he’s either angry or drinking—or worse, both. Hayes and I try to do everything we can to keep him stable, and sometimes, I can see the old Langston lingering around, like this morning—but it never lasts.
He’s a stranger in my brother’s body.
“We’re going to the waterfall. Get up,” Langston says again, resigning himself to pull me out of bed by my ankle.
I screech, kicking at him, but he persists.
“A little help,” I squeal, looking at Hayes, but he throws his hands up in a shrug.
“I’m staying out of this.”
“Chicken,” I say right before I hit the floor.
Langston smiles down at me, not with the fake one I’ve grown accustomed to, but a real one.
“You’re wasting daylight, MJ. Hayes and I leave tomorrow. Come spend the day with us.”
My stomach churns. He doesn’t have to remind me. I’ve been counting every hour, dreading when they have to leave.
It’s their senior year of college, and summer practice starts next week. They have to get back and settle in. I’ll follow at the end of the summer, but in the meantime, that leaves Hayes to watch over Langston on his own. I trust him, but I hate that he has to.
But I don’t want to ruin the fleeting moment I get my brother back, so I paste on a fake smile and pinch his leg. “Fine. Get out of my room so I can get changed.”
I meet Hayes’s eyes again before he backs out of the room, and his smile has turned sad, like he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
Langston follows him out, and when the door is closed, I quickly change, brushing my hair and teeth in my attached bathroom.
It takes me ten minutes to get ready, and then I rush down the stairs, praying that I can avoid my mom before we leave.
Luck is on my side because the house is quiet when I make it downstairs except for the chatter of the two boys I love the most.
“Well,” I say, flicking Langston on the ear, “I’m out of bed. Let’s go.”
He whoops, paying no mind to me flipping him, and rushes out the door, jumping off the porch step and not looking back.
Hayes follows behind me at a slower pace, and when he’s sure that Langston isn’t looking, he bends down and brushes a kiss against my cheek.
I close my eyes, wishing this relationship could be different and we didn’t have to hide.
“I’m going to miss you,” he says, his voice a low rumble in my ear.
“I’m going to miss you, too.” I stop, staring at my brother, who is throwing things into his Jeep. “You’ll watch after him, won’t you?”
Hayes doesn’t answer for a minute. I know what he wants to say. We’ve had this conversation a million times. He thinks we are hurting Langston by always covering for him, but he’s my brother—and he would do the same for me. “Yeah, baby. I’ll watch after him.”
“Good.” I smile, wishing I could hug him. “He’ll get better. You’ll see.”
______________________
“Mallorie Jade, are you going to get in the water or lay on the bank all day?” Langston calls from the center of the pool below the waterfall.
He and Hayes have been in the water for an hour, exploring the cave hidden behind the falls while I’ve been on the bank, soaking in the sun.
If I could describe a perfect day, this would be it. But I can’t get rid of the bad feeling in my stomach. I keep waiting for something to go wrong.
“I’m fine where I am,” I say, slipping my sunglasses down over my eyes and lying back.
But a shadow appears over my face, and when I peek my eyes open, Hayes is standing over me with an evil grin.
“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t even think about doing it.”
That grin grows wider. “You should know by now when you tell me not to do something. It just makes me want to do it more.”
Bending down, he scoops me up in his arms and starts walking to the water.
“No, Hayes. Don’t you dare,” I scream.
But Hayes ignores me and keeps on walking. When the water is up to his hips, he dunks down, taking me with him.
The water is cold against my heated skin, and Hayes plunges back up. I splutter, smacking at his bare chest.
“I hate you.”
His chuckle reverberates through his chest. Leaning forward so his lips are against my ear, he whispers, “Don’t lie. You love me, and I love you.”
Even the cool water can’t stop me from feeling the heat of those words.
“Come on, you guys,” Langston yells, interrupting the moment.
Hayes’s arms drop from around me, leaving those earlier worries flooding back into my stomach.
I hate this.
I hate not being able to love him out loud. I’m so tired of protecting Langston at the cost of my own life. It’s starting to feel like another box—only this one is different from the one my parents try to force me into. This one is unintentional, but it is a box all the same.
With the moment broken, we swim toward the other side of the pool, where Langston is waiting against the rocks. He’s relaxed—happy.
There are a few boys beside him, ones I have never met before. The guy to his left is staring at me, and I swim closer to Hayes, my feet skimming the bottom as we get closer to the edge.
The guy beside Langston smiles and gives me a wink like he knows I’m trying to run from him, and he thinks it’s a game.
I offer him a tight smile but nothing else.
“Thanks for joining us, MJ.” Langston smiles.
Rolling my eyes, I splash water towards Hayes. “It’s not like I had a choice.”
“You’ll survive,” Hayes deadpans.
Shrugging, I turn back to Langston. The guy beside him has moved, making his way closer to me. I keep my focus on my brother, though.
“We should play a game,” the guy says, dragging my attention to him.
“What kind of game?” I asked warily.
“There’s a football in my bag. We can play in the water. You can be on my team.” He says suggestively, and it makes me want to smack him.
I open my mouth to claim Hayes for my team, but Langston beats me to it.“You’re on. Hayes, you’re on my team.”
Stupid sport. There’s no escaping it.
“I don’t know, man. Maybe we should relax before tomorrow.”
Langston’s gaze shutters, leaving his face blank. “We’ve got all the time in the world to think about tomorrow and what comes after. Let’s have fun today.”
Hayes’s eyes jump to mine, and I shrug. At least Langston is not trying to party today. I can handle the pickup game of football if he can.
“Okay,” Hayes agrees reluctantly.
“Great,” the guy says, “I’m Aiden, by the way. Those are my friends, Hunter and Austin.”
Hayes and Langston exchange bro nods with the other two guys. Then Langston goes around our circle, introducing each of us. When we are all acquainted, Aiden swims to the bank and grabs the football.
The rules are laid out, and we start to play. As the game goes on, the bad feeling that’s been in my stomach all day begins to subside. Langston, for once, looks happy with a football in his hands. I once wondered if the sport would’ve been different for him had our dad not pushed it on him. I think this is my answer.
Time passes, and before we know it, the sun starts to set. Aiden and I are winning, but I think that’s because Langston and Hayes are letting us.
The ball is in my hands, and I throw it to Aiden, who is wide open. It’s a perfect spiral. You don’t grow up with a big brother who plays football and his best friend without learning to throw a ball.
Aiden catches it, and I swim over to where he is to give him a high five, but he grabs my arm and holds me to him, kissing my lips.
I push him away the best I can in the water, but soon, he’s jerked away from me. My brother has his hand on Aiden’s shoulder, a look of rage on his face.
“Apologize,” he says, his voice deadly quiet.
“Hey, man. It was all in good fun.” Aiden throws his hands up innocently. “Besides, she’s been looking at me like she wanted to kiss me since she first saw me.”
It was the wrong thing to say.
I scoff, but Langston pays me no mind. He jerks his arm, swinging it forward and connecting his fist with Aiden’s jaw. Aiden’s head jerks back, and he lifts his arm, ready to take a swing at my brother. But then Hayes is there hauling Langston back towards the bank and away from Aiden and his friends.
I follow, keeping quiet as Langston fights against Hayes.
“Get off of me,” Langston says, pulling his arm out of Hayes’s grasp, but Hayes shoves him forward, not letting him go back.
A myriad of emotions flickers through me as I take in the scene. For once, my brother protected me instead of being the other way around. But Hayes watched another guy kiss me, and the only thing he thought of was protecting Langston. I know we haven’t told anyone about our relationship, but that stings.
I make the mistake of glancing over my shoulder at Aiden and his friends, and he is staring at me with a smirk.
Rage burns through my body.
I hate everything unfair in this world—a guy thinking he has a right to kiss a girl without her permission, a brother who is slipping further and further into his demons, and a relationship that seems doomed to fail from the start.
We make it to the bank, and Hayes picks up a towel and throws it at Langston. “Go to the truck. MJ and I will get the stuff and meet you there.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” Langston says, balling his fist and trying to take a swing at Hayes.
Hayes steps out of his reach, his own hands in fists at his side. “If you want to do that right now, Langston, we will, but you better realize that you won’t be the one coming out on top here. Get your life together, man.”
The wind dies out of Langston’s sails, and his shoulders deflate. He doesn’t look at Hayes or me when he takes the towel, wraps it around his shoulder, and walks away.
We both watch as he goes.
When he disappears into the trees, Hayes turns back to me. “Are you okay?”
Fire burns hot in my veins. “Good of you to ask that now, Hayes.”
Shock flicks across Hayes’s face, his mouth hanging open. “Are you seriously mad at me right now?”
Snatching up my shorts, I shove them onto my legs. “Are you seriously asking me that right now?”
He does the same with his shirt, pulling it over his head so roughly I’m surprised it didn’t hurt. “And what is it I’ve done, MJ? Watch out for your brother like you asked me to. Is that my sin today?”
“No, Hayes, it’s not.” Grabbing our bag, I sling it onto my shoulder and stomp toward the trail, but Hayes grabs my hand, stopping me.
“We aren’t done here. Tell me what it is I’ve done.”
I can’t look him in the eye. Otherwise, he’ll see the tears brimming on my eyelashes. “I don’t know, Hayes. In all the time of taking care of my brother, did you ever stop to think about taking care of your girlfriend, too? Another guy kissed me, and you didn’t even react to that.”
He lets go of my hand, shoving it through his hair. “Your brother pretty well had that taken care of. I had to de-escalate the situation before we got thrown into jail and kicked off the team.”
The first tear hits my cheek.
“I didn’t want my brother taking care of me. I wanted you, and I’m not even saying you had to get in a fight with the guy. I don’t know; I just wanted you to claim me as yours, but somebody else did that instead—someone who didn’t even have a claim on me. I’m so tired of protecting others. And for what? All for a stupid game.”
This time, when I go to walk away, he lets me.
Later, I’ll apologize because I know what I’m asking from him is unfair, but right now, I’m sad.
He’s another person in my life choosing Langston over me.