Chapter 15
Nora: #Stonehearted
C lark messaged me the address of Tim’s Italy. The rating seems decent. If nothing else, I’ll eat some good food in a restaurant I’ve never tried before. And if things go well, who knows, maybe I’ll replace the slutty thoughts I’m getting about Gabs with real filthy thoughts of Clark. So yeah, win-win.
Lily and Eva didn’t go ahead with the brunch plan and both message me inviting me to their homes for the weekend, probably because they don’t want me to be alone after the breakup with Rick.
Till they brought it up, it hadn’t even crossed my mind. I mean, is it normal that I don’t feel a thing about the end of a two year long relationship? Two years! It’s not a couple of weeks we’re talking about here. Is it because I’m stone-hearted?
I’ve thought about it, and really think it could be true. I’ve never really cried over breakups, except I think my first one back in school. Even then, the crying was more because of the embarrassment it might garner and the pimples on my face, than the actual heartbreak. I wasn’t sad when I left home to go to college. In fact, I was happy, especially because Gabs and I were not very far off. Gabs! I don’t want to think about him right now.
Anyway, I’m at a loss about how I should respond to Lily and Eva. I know they’re doing it because they feel I must be feeling low and lonely. I am but not because of Rick, and I can’t really tell either of them what I’m really feeling.
So, I politely decline. I tell them I’ve to complete the logo for Eva’s educational product and also have to buy some stuff for Mom for my visit home next week.
That quietens them up until evening at least. I’m about to pick out a dress to wear for the date when my phone rings. Lily! These girls don’t let up easily.
“I’m going to Eva’s. Why don’t you join me? I can pick you up in ten.”
“Sorry, girl. I’m meeting someone for dinner.”
“Really? Who? When did you meet? Why haven’t I heard about him?”
Perhaps this is what I should’ve told them in the first place, that I’m going out on a date.
“Met him Thursday night when I’d gone out with Gabs. I don’t know much about him, so there’s really nothing to tell, except that he’s good-looking.”
“Oooh. So, what’re you wearing for your date?”
“I was thinking about my blue dress.”
“The one with the golden edges?”
“Yes. And now, I’ve gotta get ready or else I’ll be late.”
“K. Have fun. You should let your hair loose with that dress. I’ll see you tomorrow. We’ll go shopping together.”
“Okay. Cya.”
Lily loves shopping. It doesn’t matter whether she’s doing it for herself or others. Well, that’s just like me. And she’s really nosy, but I love her and am grateful to have friends like her and Eva.
I flick my phone away and put on the blue dress. Taking Lily’s advice, I let my hair cascade over my shoulders. I wear some light makeup and slip on a pair of comfortable yet stylish sandals, perfect for a stroll through the cobblestone streets of Boston. What if we decide to walk a bit?
I grab my small crossbody bag and, with a last look in the mirror, I step out of the condo. Perhaps a date with a hot guy is what I need to get that kiss out of my head.
There’s no better way to forget something than replacing it with another, more recent one. If you wanna get over a dress that you accidentally tore, buy a new one. If you wanna get over a poor response to a post, post a new thing. That’s the way you do it. So all I need to do is ensure Clark kisses me, and boy, what a kiss it’s gonna be. With his tongue in my mouth and a little bite on my lower lip. Shit! Am I reliving Thursday night’s kiss?
I message Gabs. “On my way to meet Clark. Wish me luck.”
He sees it almost immediately. I see the three dots, then they disappear. They come again and disappear again. What the hell is taking him so long to respond?
Finally, he replies, “Enjoy yourself.”
Really, these two words took him so many minutes! Whatever. Enjoy myself, I will. I’ll make sure of that.
I hail a cab and scroll through the reels on my way to the restaurant. I’m still scrolling when the driver announces, “This is you.”
I see Clark waiting outside. I pay the fare, adjust my hair, and, putting my phone away, I step out of the car.
“Hey, Nora. Good to see you,” he says, stepping over and giving me a quick hug. “You look beautiful.”
He leads me inside to a cute corner table. He seems to be a frequent visitor here since he knows what he wants without even glancing at the menu. Once I’ve decided what I want and placed our orders, the awkwardness begins. We stare at each other in silence, smiling stupidly. It’s weird because I have nothing to say and that’s quite unusual for me. I don’t want to botch this thing up, whatever ‘this thing’ is.
“So, Clark. What do you do? Besides being a dentist, I mean.”
“Um. Watch TV?”
I can’t contain my laugh. “Good one. And how did you become a dentist?”
He squints his eyes and regards me as if I’m a mental case. “By studying for it?”
Shit! I’m appearing like an asshole here. God! What type of questions am I coming up with?
“Are you active on social media?” I ask, hoping to connect with something.
“No. Not at all. I mean, that’s the biggest waste of time there is. I see people on the streets, in cafes, in my waiting room, all glued to their phones, scrolling on their screens, watching mindless videos of silly cats, and celebrities telling them what to wear and what to buy. It’s stupid and crazy beyond anything.” He squints his eyes a little. “I hope you’re not one of them.”
“Me?” I give a nervous laugh, wondering if I should tell him the truth that I, indeed, am one of them, maybe one of the biggest ones. “No. I mean, what’s with these people, right?”
Why am I lying?
I know why. So I can end this date the way I want. With a soul-shattering kiss. Whatever it takes. I want to assure myself that what I felt that night with Gabs was not unusual. That others can make me feel the same, or maybe even better, if that’s possible.
The waitress brings our orders and places them on the table. Thank heavens, because now we can focus on the food and leave the conversation for later.
“Excuse me, I’ll be right back. Call it the bane of the medical profession, but I need to wash my hands before eating,” he says with a smile.
I nod and smile. “Sure.” He has a cute smile, maybe not as cute as Gabs’ but cute enough.
Rule number one: Stop comparing him to Gabs.
In any case, I’m glad that he’s gone, because I’m dying to post a photo of this beautifully presented food. I click a photo and post it quickly. Hashtag good-food.
I see a message from Gabs just as I’m about to put my phone away.
“How’s Clark? Superman-like or journalist-type?”
“A good mix of both, I’ll say. He has a cute smile. What are you up to? Dinner with your new team?”
“Interesting! Someone seems smitten. Cute smile. That’s your turn-on. Good for him. And yes, dinner with the team and then drinks with a few of them.”
Really? Is a cute smile my turn-on? I think back and I have to agree. All my boyfriends have had cute smiles.
“Smitten is too strong a word. I don’t think I’ve ever been smitten. Drinks! Some girls in the mix?”
“One girl. I think she’s trying to cozy up to me. And you have been smitten. Or have you forgotten your crush on Mike?”
“Ah! Mike. Sigh! He was too good for me.”
“Hey, don’t. You’re super sexy, hot, and smart. So don’t settle for anything less.”
He sends a really sexy gif of a woman. I feel my face blushing. Is that what he thinks of me, or is he only trying to boost my confidence?
“Ooh. Okay, Mr handsome. Have fun after drinks with the ‘one girl’.”
“You too. Feel free to invite him to the condo if you like. Try the no-strings-attached sex. It’s super fun. Condoms will be in my room if needed – the right drawer next to the bed.” He follows it with a ‘be safe’ gif and a winky emoji.
“I’m on birth control. Don’t need them.”
“Ooh. Clark’s a lucky guy. But be careful. He’s a dentist. What if he bites?”
“Then we’ll set him up with Paula.”
I’m still chuckling when I hear Clark’s voice.
“What’s so funny?”
I almost jump up, wondering if he got a peek into my screen. I hope not.
“Nothing. Just a friend,” I say, putting my phone to the side.
He takes his seat opposite me, and we finally begin eating. More than half the meal is done and we’re yet to find any area of common interest. One of us asks a question, and the other gives a monosyllabic answer.
Finally, almost toward the end, he asks, “So, Nora. You have a lot of friends here?”
“Kinda. I mean a few close ones. One is married. She’s about to have a kid now. The other is engaged. And one is single.”
“The entire spectrum. Good. I have just one good friend and he’s a surgeon, so we don’t really get to meet very often now. Both are too busy with work and finding common free time is difficult.”
“True. To be honest, both my friends who’re into relationships seem to have a different life now. So, last few days I’ve been feeling pretty lonely. I don’t know who to talk to anymore.”
“What about the one who’s single?”
I put the last bite in my mouth and swallow it before answering. “Yeah, he’s there. But it’s him I wanted to talk about with someone. Usually, I’d go to him for such a talk, but I can’t. Because it’s about him. So….”
“Ah! Was it the one who was with you the other night at the bar?”
I nod. We’re waiting for the cheque. The conversation has veered into uncomfortable territory and I want nothing more than to leave since I can’t think of anything else to talk about.
“What about him? You can tell me if you like. I swear I won’t tell anyone.”
“We kissed,” I blurt and regret it right after.
Now he’s shocked. “Oh! Was that, y’know, after we met? Or before?”
I lower my head. Why am I feeling guilty? Talking to him didn’t put me in any relationship with him.
“After.”
Thankfully, the waiter arrives. I offer to pay. I don’t usually like other people paying my share, but he insists and doesn’t let me.
As we walk outside, he turns to me and says. “So you kissed after I left that night?”
“We were drunk, and… well, it doesn’t matter, because he’s my best friend. And I’m staying with him and can’t complicate it.”
“But… isn’t it already complicated?”
“Nah. I told him I remembered nothing from that night. So, yeah.”
“But you do remember. This doesn’t seem healthy. Hiding it, I mean.”
“Maybe. But I won’t risk our friendship for such a small thing. So, healthy or unhealthy, that’s what it is.”
We walk in silence for some time.
“Look, I might not be the best person to talk about maintaining friendships, but I do know that lying or hiding isn’t the best thing. That’s what they say in books.”
“You’ve read books on relationships?”
“Yeah. Back in college. From Five Love Languages to Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus.”
My eyes widen as I hear him say that. “You liked that book?”
“Men Are From Mars? Ugh! No. I painfully realized that these books can’t prepare you for shit. You need to understand the person in front of you. That’s more important.”
“Oh, thank heavens. My ex quoted this book every time. And Jesus! How I hated it. I haven’t even read it. I hate it just because of him.”
“Well, good that I don’t like it then.”
“Yup. Or our date would end right here, right now.”
And just like that, things became more comfortable. We talked of books we like and hate, and movies we like and hate. Surprisingly, our tastes match to some extent and we’ve walked for almost an hour without even realizing it. I’m glad I wore comfortable footwear.
“It’s late,” he says. “Shall I drop you home?”
I nod and we hail a cab. I feel good about him. Other than his smile, I also like his taste in books and movies, which also shows his clarity of thought.
We reach Gabs’ building. “Wow. This is a nice place.”
“I’m a guest here. It’s my friend’s. I couldn’t afford this if I sold my kidneys.”
He chuckles and steps closer to me. “Well, I had a good time,” he whispers into my ear.
I feel his breath on my ear and neck. His face is so close to mine. I look up. “So did I.”
He bends lower and hovers his lips just above mine, holding me by the shoulders. I don’t stop him and I don’t move a muscle. Instead, I close my eyes.
He presses his lips against mine, his hands moving to my back and pulling me closer. My arms are wrapped around his back. I feel the kiss, physically, but it doesn’t cause my heart to beat faster. It doesn’t send tingles down my spine. It doesn’t make me want him in my bed. In short, it’s nothing like that night. And as my mind goes back to that kiss with Gabs, it sends my pulse on an overdrive. My heart feels like it’s punching my ribcage.
I step back. “Hey, I’m sorry, Clark. I… um… have an early morning tomorrow.” As I say it, I realize tomorrow’s Sunday. “With a friend. For shopping. So, I’ll see you around. Okay? G’nite.”
He lifts his hands and steps away from me, an abashed look on his face. “Shit! I’m sorry, Nora. I thought you wanted it.”
“I did. But… then I remembered my… um… early morning thing.”
He nods. “Maybe you should talk it out with your friend. My guess is you can’t forget that kiss. G’nite and I hope you sort out whatever it is between you guys soon. Call me if you still want to see me after you’ve worked out things with him. Take care.”
He gets into a waiting cab and goes away, leaving me standing there, my mouth half open, trying to process what he just said.
Embarrassment slowly gives way to anger. How dare he suggest it was me at fault? He can’t kiss for shit and he thinks it’s because of something else. How can he judge me, or Gabs, or our friendship?
Dumbass. He doesn’t know shit about us. As if he’s some therapist or something, telling me what to do.
I stomp away inside the gates, giving a stiff wave to Jenkins and making a beeline for the elevator.
Once inside, I take out my phone and begin posting something about dentists and entitled aholes.
“You’re still up? Date didn’t go well?”
“It did. We just had some hot, steamy sex. You wouldn’t know.”
“Don’t lie. You wouldn’t be posting about dentists if one of them had even half-satisfied you with anything resembling hot, steamy sex.”
Shit!
“Yeah. Okay. I didn’t want to bring him up and then he gave me some lecture on relationships. Anyway, how come you’re on the phone instead of under that ‘one girl’?”
“Didn’t feel like it.”
“Ooh! Why? Are you okay? I’ve never known you to let go of a chance to have sex when you’re single.”
“Gotta prepare for tomorrow. G’nite now. Ttyl.”
“G’nite.”
I’m glad that ‘one girl’ didn’t make it into his room. As preposterous as it sounds, I feel better about deciding not to have Clark come over.