Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jude wasn’t sure what to say to the woman he had longed to see every day since he had run from London like the coward he couldn’t deny that he was.
He hadn’t expected her to be in his drawing room when he returned, and he needed all of his concentration to keep from taking her into his arms. They still could never be, and he now knew he could never be in her presence again. The temptation was too much.
“Juliana,” he started.
“She is a darling girl, Jude,” she said, interrupting him.
Her words caught him by surprise. He wasn’t sure what he expected from her, but he assumed it would involve a stern set down, which he deserved.
He gulped. “Yes, she is.”
A few more silent moments passed. He couldn’t decide what he wished to say or even how to form any words other than how much he loved and missed her.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, breaking the silence. “Have you been hiding her this whole time? For years?” she asked, with surprisingly no anger in her tone. More sadness than anything else, which only hurt his heart even more.
“I only just learnt of her existence,” he replied.
“When?” she asked, taking a couple of steps closer to him.
His heart and body were far too aware of her presence, but he still couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze.
He wouldn’t lie to her, though. Not after everything they had shared. “It was the last day we were together. After I returned home to prepare to join you for dinner.” He closed his eyes, hoping she would understand the situation and make this easier on both of them.
“Where is her mother?” Juliana asked, still no judgment or anger in her tone. She was far too good and kind for him, that was even more certain. He was right to not give her a choice.
“She died,” he said. “Mrs. Jones arrived with a note for me and Rose asleep in her arms.”
She took a couple more steps towards him and, as much as he knew he should step back, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Is this why you left?” she asked, a little more edge to her tone that time.
When he didn’t answer right away, she spoke again. “Did you believe I would fall out of love with you because you now have Rose?”
“No, Juliana,” he said, running his hand down his face. “I knew you wouldn’t. You are so kind and good, and wonderful. I believed you would welcome and love her.”
At that, she took a step away from him, and he struggled to fill his lungs with air.
“I don’t understand.” She paused and then stepped back again. “Unless you don’t love me in return.”
He finally raised his head and caught her gaze. There was no way he could let her believe he didn’t love and treasure her beyond measure. “I ended things because I love you. Don’t you see? Do you think I wanted to walk away from you? I care far more for your happiness and well-being than my own.”
“That makes very little sense. I love you. You love me. We both adore Rose. I truly do adore her already, Jude. And I bear no judgment about how she came to be in our lives. You were pretending to be a different man then.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Don’t you understand the gravity of this situation?” he said, far louder than he should have.
She gasped and put more distance between them.
“Please forgive me,” he said, lowering his voice.
“What I mean to say is that the rest of society will not be as accepting as you. I can’t ask you to face this scandal with me.
I won’t,” he ground out. “Now, I think you should leave.” He patted the ring he carried with him everywhere he went.
It was his reminder of what he lost and the symbol he used to keep her close to him.
He was doing the right thing in sending her away, even if every piece of his heart and soul begged him to do otherwise.
“I will do no such thing. You should know I don’t give a fig what society thinks. I love you.”
He closed his eyes, willing the tears to subside so she wouldn’t see how much he wished for her to stay, when he knew that she must leave.
“You must, Juliana,” he pleaded. “For your own sake. I may never be seen in society again, and I can’t ask you to make such a sacrifice for me.
But I refuse to send Rose away or pretend she doesn’t exist. I will be the father to her I never had, and she will grow up knowing she is loved and protected. ”
She closed the distance between them, and he couldn’t pull away from her. He shivered when she cupped his right cheek. A single tear fell from his eye and she caught it with the tip of her thumb.
“Don’t you see? That is why I love you. You are a good man, and so very kind. I choose you over society, without question.”
All of the walls he had put up around any chance of a future together were crumbling away.
He would choose her over society without question, too.
There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that had the scandal of her previous marriage come to light, he would have married her without question, society be damned.
Before any doubts about the unknown of their future could change his mind, he swept her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers.
She leaned into him and clasped the collar of his coat.
Holding her closer to him, he deepened the kiss, running his tongue along her bottom lip, encouraging her to open to him.
When she did so, he massaged her tongue with his, tasting her with all of the need that had built up within him over the days he lived without her.
He continued to kiss her, drinking up every bit of her as if he was dying of thirst and her kiss was the water he needed to survive.
After several long moments, he broke their kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. Both of their chests heaving, attempting to catch their breath. He entwined each of his hands with hers.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too.”
He pulled back from her and fixed his gaze on hers.
“Are you certain about this? I wouldn’t blame you if you walk out that door right now to avoid the unknown of what will occur once the ton learns about Rose.
” Before today, he had resolved himself to live a life without her, but now that he had her in his arms again, he needed to hear her say that she would stand by him.
“My place is by your side, protecting our daughter,” she said. “We will deal with whatever comes together.”
His eyes misted, and he retrieved the ring from his pocket. Dropping to one knee, he looked up at her. Each of them had tears on their cheeks, but they smiled lovingly at each other.
“My love, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” he asked, his voice cracking as he spoke.
She knelt to the floor with him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I want nothing more than to be your wife,” she whispered before brushing her lips against his for a soft kiss. “Please tell me we don’t have to wait long to marry.”
Rising, he pulled her to stand in front of him before he picked her up. “We’ll discuss it from our bed.”
She giggled, and he quickly carried her upstairs and to his chamber. Their chamber. If he could help it, he would never sleep apart from her again.
He set her on her feet and began working the buttons on the back of her dress. Kissing the back of her neck, he asked, “Did you wish to wait until we were married?”
“If you don’t hurry with those buttons, I am ripping this dress from my body,” she replied, leaning her head back on his shoulder.
Laughing, he hurried with the rest of her buttons and lifted the dress over her head before tossing it to the side. He unlaced her stays, cursing to himself as he hurried to remove them.
She turned to face him, and he shifted himself out of his coat. “Remove your chemise,” he said, his voice low and gravely as he unfastened the buttons on his shirt.
She bunched the material in her hands and swept the thin, white garment over her head and tossed it to the floor. His breath caught when he caught sight of her naked form. How he had missed her. He would never tire of gazing upon her every day for the rest of his life.
He tossed his shirt away and kicked off his boots before taking her in his arms. Kissing her as he walked her backward towards the bed.
He urged her to sit on the edge of the bed, her legs hanging off the side.
He positioned himself between her legs, massaging her thighs.
Running his fingers beneath the edge of her stockings, he removed them and dropped them on the floor.
Kissing her lips, he massaged her thighs again, holding them tight around his clothed hips.
Breaking the kiss, he urged her to lie back.
Standing between her legs, he shifted his hand to massage her pearl and watched her back arch off of the bed.
He slid two fingers inside of her and licked his lips at the realization of how wet she already was.
Pumping his fingers in and out, she moaned. “Jude.”
He removed his fingers from her, and she opened her eyes to look up at him. The need written all over her expression. She wanted him to make her come, and he would not disappoint her.
Sucking the taste of her off of his fingers, he groaned and then he asked, “Do you want my tongue or my cock, my lady?”
She sat up and pulled him to her, wrapping her legs around his hips. She kissed his chest and ran her hands down his body until she reached his falls.
“I want you now…” She paused and smirked at him while she worked at his buttons. “…but I want your tongue later.”
She released her legs from his waist, and he shoved his breeches to the floor. Scooting her back on the bed, he placed himself between her legs.
She wrapped her legs around him again, urging him to enter her. With one hand on each side of her head, steadying him to hover above her, he leaned down and took her lips in a searing kiss. His cock placed at her opening, the tip teasing both of them.
“My love, do you wish for me to continue to attempt to prevent a babe? The choice is yours. In my heart, you are already my wife.”
His heart pounded from the way she looked at him, nothing but love, tenderness, and desire in her expression. She cupped his cheek. “I have dreamt of carrying your child. I would welcome such a joy.”
No longer able to wait, he pushed himself inside of her with a single thrust. He took her lips again and gave her a few seconds to adjust before he pulled out and pushed in again.
She squeezed her legs tighter around his hips and their mutual need turned primal, almost unhinged.
He would make love to her slow and sweet later, but in that moment they needed each other with such an intensity that he couldn’t be tamed.
They needed to own and possess each other in a way that would ease the doubts that they might ever be parted again.
He supported himself with one hand and brought his other to her hip, lifting it so he could enter her deeper with each thrust.
As she moaned and arched her back, he didn’t bother to silence her. He didn’t care if his servants knew what he was doing with his future wife.
She pushed against his chest and encouraged him to shift to his back. He did so, and she climbed on top of him.
“I want to make love to you,” she said, her voice low and raspy as she positioned herself over him, inching his cock inside of her until she was fully seated, taking his entire length.
She sat up straight, her perfect body on full display. Then she began rocking her hips, moaning as she increased her speed. He clasped her hips and bucked beneath her to aid in her movements. “Yes,” she moaned.
He licked his lips, enjoying the sight of her taking her pleasure and her breasts bobbing with each of his thrusts.
Her head fell back, and she cried out. Her core clenched his cock, every wave of her climax milking his own release. “Juliana,” he whispered. He pumped every bit of his seed deep inside of her before she went limp and collapsed on top of him, burying her face in his neck.
They both fought to catch their breath, holding each other close as she still laid atop him. “I love you, Jude,” she said, kissing his neck.
He shifted her, so that she laid beside him, nestled in the crook of his arm. “I should hope so,” he said, placing his hand on her stomach. “You just might carry our babe now.”
“That would be wonderful,” she sighed. “I’m sure Rose would enjoy a little brother or sister.”
A horrific thought came to him and caused his chest to tighten, and he couldn’t stop the deep frown from forming.
“Jude? What is the matter?” Juliana asked.
“I am terrified of you going through childbirth. I can’t lose you.” He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. Jude just got her back and the thought of losing her again was too much. He couldn’t become his father, a shell of a man from losing the love of his life.
She petted and kissed his naked chest. “You won’t. I refuse to leave you for anything.”
He knew he would be a nervous wreck, but he would have the best doctors tending to her. He may even move one into the house full time. They could cross that bridge when they came to it, but he would take no chances and spare no expense to ensure she was well.
“Speaking of which,” she started again, “I still have a long carriage ride back.”
Pushing aside his worries, for a little while anyway, he released a hearty laugh. “You think I’m letting you leave?”
“I must at least inform Marina that we have resolved matters between us, and I need to get my things,” she said, drawing circles with her finger on his chest.
He cringed. “I am not sure if Marina will exactly be overjoyed about our news. She wasn’t pleased with me when I spoke to her last.”
She surprised him when she started laughing. “Marina is the reason I came here today. She urged me to come and fight for you.”
That might have been the most shocking revelation of the day. “I guess that means I should thank her,” he said, rubbing his cheek along the top of her head. “As I am in her debt, it would seem.”
“I’d say we both are,” she said. “I believe all of our friends will ensure the scandal we face is minimal. They are practically our family and won’t abandon us.”
“You might be right about that,” he replied, “I shall escort you to Evan’s. We will stay there tonight and return here tomorrow. We can make the arrangements for a quick wedding. I will seek a common license from the vicar, and we can marry at the parish here, if that is agreeable to you.”
Regardless of when they married, he wasn’t leaving her side.
“I’m just ready to be your wife, my love,” she said, beaming up at him. “I just wish I didn’t have to sleep apart from you tonight.”
Jude erupted into laughter. “Oh, my dear. I have it on good authority that Evan spent the night with his wife before they were married. I dare him to try to remove me from your chamber.” He clasped her hand and brought it to his lips. “Let us go tell Rose, and then we shall depart.”