Chapter Twenty
MATT
Standing with my cell in my hand, watching Alex drive away, is both utterly confusing and equally devastating. I’m not entirely sure what the fight was about.
Is she questioning my friendship with her?
Or that I didn’t tell Madeline about her?
Or both?
Sometimes having a female best friend can be confusing, but I love her, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to fill her shoes.
The reason I didn’t tell Madeline about Alex was simple.
Not because she doesn’t mean enough to me, or because I’m embarrassed about her, or whatever, but because I know what women are like.
When you mention your best friend is a woman, they get defensive and jealous, and I don’t want a relationship to start that way.
Sighing, I watch Alex drive off and grit my teeth.
I’m angry. I don’t know how such a good day could turn to shit so quickly.
But what I do know is I hate fighting with Alex.
She means so much to me, and for some reason, she feels like I don’t care enough about her, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Turning, I close the door and walk inside straight to the freezer, grabbing the tub of ice cream. I slam the door shut, making it wobble as I pull open the drawer for a spoon, then close it far too harshly and make my way back to the sofa to run this whole scenario in my head.
Why is Alex thinking this way?
The only thing I can think of is that now, if I have a girlfriend, she’s going to be losing time with me. Is she scared of losing me? And me not telling Madeline about Alex, would only make Alex think that I’m not thinking about her at all.
I’ve fucked up.
If Alex were a man, I would’ve told Madeline about him.
So why the hell haven’t I told Madeline?
Why is Alex being a woman so different? I’m the only one making this an issue.
Madeline seems reasonable, so surely if I tell her and she can’t handle the fact that my best friend is a female, that’s going to be a problem anyway. So better to know right now.
I scoop a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, the creamy, gooey sweetness melting on my tongue, offering a small moment of comfort.
With my phone in hand, I type out a detailed message to Madeline, explaining who Alex is and why I hadn’t mentioned her until now.
I make it clear that Alex is my best friend and that, if this is an issue, it’s a deal breaker.
Maybe it should even be rule number eleven because Alex is too important to me—she’s an integral part of my life.
My finger hovers over the send button, anxiety tightening my chest. This message could shatter the great start we’ve had. But the truth is, my friendship with Alex takes precedence right now. With a deep breath, I hit send.
Regret strikes instantly, my stomach sinking as I squeeze my eyes shut.
Guilt washes over me. Poor Madeline. She’s only just met me, and here I am, throwing down an ultimatum—accept my best friend or walk away.
It doesn’t feel healthy, but this is something that can’t be ignored.
Hopefully, she’s understanding enough to accept it.
Knowing my luck, though, she will walk.
I bounce the back of my head on the top of the sofa, trying to calm myself as I wait for Madeline to see the message.
It lights up green, and I die a little inside.
Shaking my head as I take in another mouthful of ice cream, I cringe in anticipation, watching the little typing bubbles bounce up and down.
“Here we go, here comes the letdown. Nice knowing you, Madeline,” I murmur, and the message comes through shortly after.
Madeline: Matt, thank you for being honest with me, but really you have nothing to worry about. I don’t get jealous easily, so having a female as your best friend is perfect. Just means another friend for me!
I sit up taller and almost choke on the ice cream in my mouth. Swallowing, I reread the message twice. “You gotta be kidding me?” I mumble and shake my head slightly.
I type back quickly.
Me: Madeline, thank you. This means so much to me. You’ll meet her at the wedding. I’m sure you two will hit it off. Thanks for today. I really had a great time. I look forward to seeing you again on Saturday.
I go to my message area and open Alex’s number. I swallow hard, wondering whether I should message or call, but I figure calling her right now could be a bit much. So I decide to go with my first instinct and I type out a message.
Me: Alex, I know you’re angry with me. I’m sorry for not telling Madeline about you sooner.
Trust me, it’s not because I didn’t want to.
I just thought telling a potential girlfriend about another woman in my life was a little…
strange. But, I’ve told her now, and she’s looking forward to meeting you at the wedding.
I hope you can forgive me. We need to fix us, Alex.
I don’t know how we got broken, but I need you in my life. You’re my best friend…
I hit send and hope that she can find it in her heart to write back. I hate how we left things. Alex leaving like that was shit, and I feel like a fucking ass for hurting her. My cell rings in my hand, and I look down to see Alex’s name flashing, and I don’t hesitate to answer.
“Hey, you,” I murmur.
“So Tacos kinda suck without you,” she says, her mouth still obviously half full.
I chuckle. “Ice cream is bland without you. Plus, you took my corn chips, so I have nothing to dunk into the tub.”
She laughs, and it’s like heaven to my ears.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I should have left you some Mexican. I kinda took it all. But in my defense, I’m freaking hungry.”
“You didn’t eat today because of me, right?” I ask, and she exhales a heavy sigh.
“I thought you were ignoring me. I don’t know what happened. I thought there was a problem in our relationship because you always message me back. And then I was anxious, maybe something had happened to you or something like that, then, I thought you were moving on without me.”
“Alex, I’m so fucking sorry. Just know you’re going to be in my life forever. You are not going anywhere without me. I would have you permanently attached to me if that were legal.”
“You already have an identical twin, surely you don’t need a conjoined twin as well?” She giggles, and our normal conversational tone seems to be coming back.
“I always want to be joined at the hip with you,” I say honestly.
“Well, I’m free Thursday evening. We can book the surgery then if you like?” she asks, and I chuckle.
“Let’s not fight again, okay? I hate the thought that I hurt your feelings, Alex.”
She exhales and sighs. “It’s okay. I think I was just being too sensitive to something that wasn’t there in the first place.”
I’m guessing she means the fact that she thought she didn’t mean as much to me as she actually does, which is totally not the case.
I’ll never let her think that way again.
“Okay, please know, no matter what happens with Madeline and me, you’re always my girl.
You will always be my bestie, and I have your back no matter what. ”
She exhales and goes quiet for a moment, which surprises me.
“You okay, Alex?”
“Yeah. Guess I’d better ask Ronan to the wedding. Or maybe I’ll go on my own. Fuck the plus one.”
Furrowing my brows, my stomach sinks slightly.
Maybe it isn’t going so well for her and Ronan.
“Alex, ask Ronan. You never know, once you meet him, you guys might actually hit it off. Don’t be scared to take a leap.”
She puffs out a long breath. “Okay, I’ll ask him when we hang up.”
“Awesome. This will be good for you, I can feel it.”
She lets out a stifled laugh. “Yeah, maybe. Anyway, I need to eat this Mexican and have some margaritas, then have a siesta, que pasa?”
“Wait! Doesn’t que pasa mean, what’s up or how’s it going, or something like that?”
“Meh, I dunno, it just sounded cool, eh gringo?” And just like that, she’s back to her usual weird chirpy self.
“I love your weird,” I say, and she chuckles.
“Ah… Matthew, you love everything about me. I’m perfect just as I am, remember?” she spits sarcastically, and a genuine smile creeps on my face. She’s right, though, I do love everything about her. Her weird, her quirks, her image, her personality, her bright spark, everything about her, I love…
My heart races a little faster, and a lump forms in my throat from those thoughts.
“You’re perfect, Alex, don’t let anyone tell you any different.”
“Thanks, but you’re biased. Anyway, I can’t have completely cold tacos now, can I? Let a girl eat, Matt!”
I chuckle. “Sure thing. I’ll just sit here with my tub of ice cream and get fat.”
She snorts. “You have thirty-six abs, Matt. I’m quite sure one tub of ice cream will only drop you down to say thirty-five. Your abs might be a little lop-sided, but they’re safe. Just do an extra one-handed push-up or something?”
I burst out laughing. “Thirty-six abs?”
“Don’t think I haven’t seen your abs under your tight shirts, Matt, I know what you’re packing.”
“You been checking me out, Alex?” For some reason, that thought electrifies me.
“Matt, c’mon, who wouldn’t check you out? But that was right at the start when I first met you. I mean, you walk into the gallery looking like that? What’s a girl supposed to do?”
My mouth twitches and turns upward into a lopsided grin. “Well, so you think Nate’s hot too then?” I ask, and she chuckles.
“Nate’s hot too, yes, no doubt, but he had a sad puppy dog look about him that was never appealing to me.
In contrast, you walked in and had an aura about you.
You look similar, but you’re vibing totally different.
Nate’s hot, but I’m not attracted to him.
Plus, he’s my boss and my friend’s fiancé, so that would be weird. ”
I want to ask if she’s attracted to me, but that’s crossing a line that we can’t come back from. And that isn’t fair on Madeline or us. Plus, with everything that’s happened today, we don’t need something like that thrown into the mix, which would only confuse things further.
But I really want to know.
Because the truth is, I find Alex attractive.
I always have.
Everything about her attracts me, and if things were different, if we’d met under different circumstances, at a different time, we might have been more than friends.
But that’s not who we are… is it?
“Yeah, that would be weird,” I finally say and shove another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth to stop me from saying anything further. “Are we good now?” I ask through a creamy mouthful.
“Yeah, we’re good. Sorry for overreacting.”
“No. You didn’t. I went about it all wrong. I’ll never put you second again, Alex.”
She sighs. “If you and Madeline become a thing, you’ll have to put her first, Matt.”
“Can’t you both be equal in my life?”
“No. She will have to be your top priority. And I get that, I do—”
“Okay, but I’m only going on a second date with her, Alex. Nothing is set in stone just yet, all right? So you’re still my number one girl, got it?”
“Got it. Tacos… must eat… dying of starvation… fading away… shrinking before my eyes… must… have… Mexican…” She says the last words like she’s dying and ends the call, making me chuckle.
I look at my cell to see a reply message from Madeline.
Madeline: I look forward to the wedding. It should be great to meet all your friends. Especially Alex. I can’t wait to meet her and see you again. Hope you’re having a good night. I’m going to be busy at work now, so I’ll check in with you again tomorrow. Night. xo
I don’t bother replying, knowing she’ll be busy.
The last thing I want to do is disturb her while she’s hostessing.
Which I’m guessing is a fancy term for a waitress.
Sure, it’s not the best job in the world, but hey, she has the ambition to dance in music videos, and it’s in the same industry I’m in.
It seems we’re destined to cross paths. Even if we don’t work out as a couple, at least I’ll be able to help her career.
Shoveling another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, I sit back on the sofa and sigh.
Today has been one hell of a fucking roller coaster.
Highs and mother fucking lows, but it’s all smoothed out in the end.
Alex and I are okay, I think, and Madeline and I are fine.
Charlotte is none the wiser. I should probably tell her I’m seeing someone, but I’m not going to cut her off completely until I make things official with Madeline.
That’s the smart thing to do, right?
Keep all my cards on the table.
Because Charlotte is a really amazing woman, and I would like to meet her one day. But if things go well with Madeline, I guess Charlotte will never be an option.
Only time will tell.