Chapter Twenty-Four
ALEX
My body aches, but in a delicious way, as my eyes slowly open.
Light filters in from the open curtains, sending in beams of morning sun.
Dust particles drift through the air, giving the morning a magical feel as I lay here basking in the afterglow of the night before.
Matt’s arm is draped over my naked body, still clinging to me, as my back is pressed against his very naked front.
I feel all of him, including his morning erection, and I chew on my bottom lip, wondering if I should take advantage of that right now.
Our relationship has changed irrevocably. We are best friends, but we’ve now crossed a line and slept together. But what we did last night wasn’t just sex, not for me. It felt like more. I don’t think you have sex like that with just anyone.
At least I don’t.
Closing my eyes, I relish in the moment a little longer. I’m not sure exactly how long I’ve wanted this. But being here, in Matt’s arms, feels… so right. I just hope he feels this too.
I slowly move my hand to lace my fingers with his hand that’s resting on my stomach, and he takes in a deep breath like he’s just woken. He murmurs slightly, shifting his weight and squeezes my hand in his, then leans in gently, kissing my shoulder.
“Morning,” he whispers.
Smiling, I turn my head slightly to look at him. Matt’s eyes are still hazy, and his hair is disheveled.
He looks perfect.
I roll over, facing him, and he smiles at me, looking in my eyes. “Morning,” I murmur back.
He brings his hand up, moving some hair behind my ear, and caresses my cheek in an intimate gesture. It’s tender and sweet, and I nuzzle into his palm as he smiles weakly.
“So… we’re still best friends, right?” he asks out of nowhere, and I pull my eyebrows together more in shock than anything else.
Is he serious?
We had an amazing night together.
I thought we shared a deep emotional connection.
And yet, he wants to stay just friends?
I’m a little stunned.
But this is Matt, and I’ve never been on his list, so I guess I have to remember I don’t meet his damn rules.
I’m not the girl he wants.
I was there last night when he needed me, and that’s all this was.
So I look away from him and swallow hard. “Ah… yeah, of course. We’re always friends, Matt. But I, ah… have to go to work. So I’d better get going,” I say and turn from his grip.
Realizing, I’m butt naked, I need some clothes, so I make do and grab the top cover of his bed, pulling it over me.
Then I hop out of bed, wrap it around me to go about finding my clothing.
Matt furrows his brows, leaning on his elbow, watching me cautiously like he’s a little stunned by my actions.
“Didn’t Nate give you the day off? I thought we could hang out together?” he asks.
I find my panties and try to pull them on under the massive duvet while trying to stay covered at the same time.
I’m confused and hurt that he wants to go back to normal after last night, and I just want to get out of here.
“Yeah, but Ria’s paid me for seven days a week.
I don’t want to take advantage,” I say, and let the last two words hang in the air.
He nods and clears his throat as he sits up in the bed, the sheets falling, showing his perfectly toned body. I cringe slightly as all I want to do is jump back into bed with him.
But I can’t.
Matt clearly doesn’t want that.
This was obviously a one-and-done deal.
“I’m so sorry, Alex. I needed comfort last night. I was weak, and I shouldn’t have done that to you,” he says, and my stomach sinks.
There is no doubt that he regrets last night now.
I turn away from him, simply nod, and grab my bra, dress, and shoes, then swallow hard. “It’s fine. What are friends for?” With my back turned to him, I head out of his room before this gets even more awkward. My breathing is short and sharp as I race toward Nate’s old room.
I’m not going to cry!
I will not cry!
I won’t allow it.
It feels like Matt used me, and I hate that he could do that.
I thought I was worth more to him, but if that’s all this is, all last night was, then I need to stop fooling myself that there will ever be more.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, knowing this has all been one-sided, and I have deluded myself he could look past his stupid list.
I need to distance myself from him.
Before I change my mind, I drop the duvet, quickly get dressed, and race out of his house.
It comes as no surprise that Matt does not attempt to find or stop me. I leave without a word from him, and it’s not until I walk out the front door that I realize I don’t have my car or any means of transportation.
I refuse to go back inside.
Sighing, I shake my head, the weight of my decision settling heavily in my chest. Without another thought, I bend down, slipping off my heels and letting the cool pavement meet my bare feet. The chill sends a shiver up my spine, grounding me in the moment.
The long walk to the gallery stretches ahead. I could call a cab or an Uber, but the thought of waiting around—and risking Matt coming outside to find me—makes my stomach churn. So, I take the first step down his street, barefoot and determined, even as a sinking feeling twists in my gut.
By the time I reach the gallery, my feet are aching, the soles tender from the uneven ground. The quiet hum of the space is almost comforting. For a Sunday, it’s unusually still, but I’m grateful. I’m not my usual chirpy self today, and the absence of a crowd feels like a small mercy.
A handful of customers drift in and out, and while I offer polite smiles and help where needed, I know I’m off my game. My usual enthusiasm feels distant, like a part of me I can’t quite reach.
Nate isn’t here, which is a relief. Seeing him would only bring Matt’s face to mind, and that’s the last thing I need right now. I don’t want to think about him—or the mess of emotions he’s left me with.
I need to focus.
On work.
On my future.
On what I’m doing with my life.
Anything but him.
Sure, I have an amazing job, a bunch of good friends, and people surrounding me, but right now, I feel like maybe I need to reevaluate.
LA is great, but I’ve had nothing but bad luck here.
The last three years have certainly looked up, but it’s starting to go downhill again, and I’m not sure I can take another beating.
I’m strong and have survived much worse than being denied by my best friend, I know that.
But I’m beginning to feel like maybe moving wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
I know Ria paid me to be here for a year, but I haven’t spent the money.
I was wise and banked it, so if needed, I could pay her back for the hours still owed.
It would suck having to bail on Nate, but I know Ria could find him someone talented.
I’m running through some invoicing when the door chimes, letting me know someone has entered the gallery. I head out to the storefront to see Ria, and I smile widely as she smiles at me weakly and opens her arms to me for a hug.
My forehead creases in confusion, but I move over and embrace her as she rocks me back and forth, her swollen belly protruding in between us.
“Nate’s been on the phone with Matt all morning,” Ria says, and I exhale, sagging in her arms.
“Oh,” I murmur, and she nods, pulling back and looking at me with concern while leading us over to the red love seat.
“First of all, are you okay?” she asks, and I shrug.
“I have no idea. I don’t know what I’m thinking.”
She nods as we sit down, her a little more awkwardly than me, as she reaches out, grabbing my hand. “Well, they were still on the phone when I left. I think Matt’s as confused as you are if that helps.”
I scoff. “I don’t think he’s confused at all. He made it pretty clear it was a one-and-done thing, meant only to make him feel better. That we are just friends at the end of the day.”
She purses her lips and winces. “I know the friendship means so much to him. He doesn’t want to lose that with you.”
“I know. I also know he has those stupid ten rules, and I don’t fit them, so what hope do I have?”
“Without sticking around to find out what Matt was saying, I don’t know. All I know is what happened, and as soon as Nate told me, I came to you because I knew you needed someone to talk to, too.”
I dip my chin, tightening my hand in hers. “Thanks. I feel like such an idiot for going to his house last night. I’ve fucked everything up.”
“No. I don’t think you have. This could be the start of something, Alex. I have seen how the two of you are together. You and Matt both need to think about what you want.”
Shaking my head, I flare my nostrils in annoyance. “Matt told me already that he wants to stay friends. I was stupid for allowing myself to feel something for him.”
Ria scrunches her face in dissatisfaction. “Well, if that is the case, then you need to think about whether you can realistically carry on a friendship with him, especially if you have feelings for him.”
Sighing, I nod. “I know.”
“I love you, you know that, right?”
“I do. I love you, too. And I know you’re right. I need to cut ties with him, don’t I?”
She runs her hand up and down my arm tenderly, but it does nothing to soothe me like I wish it would. “It will hurt… it will be hard… but I think for your health, Alex, you have to do what’s best for you.”
I take a deep breath, knowing she’s right and that I will, at some point, have to let Matt go.