31. EION
Chapter thirty-one
EION
It was easy to be angry at Angus when I didn’t have to look at him, but when he was right there in front of me, my heart refused to participate.
He was a good man with a good heart. I was so mad about what I heard, though.
The way he talked about me—behind my back.
Why would he say that? Especially since he had acted like the missing part of my arm wasn’t a problem.
I let Zach take care of most of the animals this morning while I packed up Angus’s stuff in the trailer.
The check I wrote was literally everything I personally had in the bank, but I refused to be tied to him.
In truth, to be intermingled made it impossible to know where I started and where he ended—both in and out of bed.
It was probably good that it was corrected now.
Sitting in the barn with the bear cubs made my heart hurt only marginally less.
I picked up my phone to text Angus. The need to talk and get an explanation was painfully strong.
What if there was a good reason for what I heard?
There might be one. Everything Trey had said rushed back to me.
I couldn’t hear those things from someone I loved again, and what Angus said was dangerously close.
It was too much to be told you are less than because of something you couldn’t control.
Zach looked in the stall. “You good, boss?”
“Not really. Do you know anything about making enclosures? I’d like to make a place for North and South to live where they have room to run around and be raccoons, but also somewhere Angus can pet them and hang out.” If Zach could do it, then I wouldn’t have to spend time at his mom’s house.
“I’ve built a chicken coop.”
“Oh. That’s a good start.”
“I’ll do some research and get back to you. I’ve got a shift at The Dapper Duck. You need me tonight?”
“Actually, I might want to put you on full-time if you’re interested. We made enough money with the fundraiser to hire you, and there will be a lot of stuff to do over the next year or so.”
“I’d like that. I prefer the animals over the humans.”
“Perfect. I’ll get a schedule and your offer letter together so you can make a decision.”
“Angus will probably help you keep some hours at the bar if you want them, but you’ll probably make double what you can make on a shift there.”
“That’s great. I can’t wait.” He walked away.
I thumped my head back against the wall.
Zach didn’t have a clue that I was falling apart, and I was proud of myself for that.
What I knew, though, was that I couldn’t do this for very long.
The bear cubs were cuddled around me, and I didn’t have anything to do until this afternoon.
Barnaby was outside the barn door. I could hear him snuffling, desperately trying to calm me, but with the cubs I felt comforted, so I decided to stay where I was.
Everything was better with bear cubs on your lap.
I sat with my eyes closed until my phone alerted me to a text.
MAMA AMELIA
Would you like to have dinner with me?
EION
You know?
MAMA AMELIA
I heard. But we don’t have to discuss it.
We can be friends regardless of my son.
EION
I’d like that. Yes, I would love to join you for dinner.
MAMA AMELIA
Perfect. I’ll send details. Is 7:30 p.m. good?
EION
I’ll be there.
I wasn’t sure if I would talk to her about Angus, but I did know she and I had become close, and I needed someone.
She is a nice woman who helped the Sanctuary so much.
I didn’t want to stop talking to her simply because Angus and I didn’t work out.
Plus, knowing she was still willing to spend time with me made me feel better.
It was still shocking that Angus, whom I thought I knew, would say those things about me.
He said he had loved me, so why would he not tell me in person instead of confiding in his friend?
All of it hurt bone deep, and the pain in my chest returned.
After finishing the evening feeding, I went and sat with Orlando. “I gave him my heart. How have I ended up being crushed again?” I had some apple slices that he could smell right away. It was impossible not to smile as he snuffled in my pockets because he wanted more. “At least you still love me.”
The worst part of all this was that I was still in love with Angus.
That was a big difference between now and when Trey left me.
I wasn’t that sad when Trey left. It hurt that I was facing this life-changing thing alone, that he couldn’t try with me because I lost part of my arm, but it didn’t feel like this.
My heart ached, and it felt like something inside of me was crushed.
I gave up the apples and kissed his snoot.
What I wanted to do was go back to the trailer and curl up with my boyfriend, but he wasn’t there anymore.
Sighing, I headed back to get ready for dinner with Amelia.
The place that Amelia arranged to meet me at was definitely a greasy spoon.
Nobody would realize she was anything but a gorgeous soccer mom.
As soon as I entered, she stood up and gave me a huge, warm, motherly hug.
I melted into it and immediately realized how much I needed someone human to talk to.
“Hey there, gorgeous.” She kept her hands on my arms and pulled back.
“Hey, Amelia.” Shit. My voice broke immediately, which wasn’t a good sign. I hadn’t planned to discuss the situation with her, but it didn’t mean those feelings weren’t still there.
We got comfortable in a booth. Smiling the whole time, she handed me a menu from the holder at the end of the table. “Everything here is good. It’s all typical diner food and terrible for you, but we deserve a treat now and then. Plus, you eat like a bird.”
I laughed. She was certainly mistaken unless I was an ostrich. “You make me laugh. Is this food as good as yours? Because everything you cook is so amazing.”
“Thank you, sir. Have you started to make plans for the new nursery?” She chuckled. “Calling it a nursery when it might have a bear in it strikes me as funny.”
“Large animals are funny that way, but they are babies, too. It will be so nice to have somewhere that is temperature-controlled and safe for big babies. With the money the Sanctuary has access to, it will bring us up to a higher tier, and we will be getting a lot more rescues.”
“That’s fantastic. Are you changing all the old buildings?”
“Yes. By the way, the sign is gorgeous. I’d like you to come see everything, spend time with Orlando.”
“That would be fun, and I will do that for sure.” I smiled at her.
It felt like Amelia would be my friend for a long time, and I would have to forge that friendship with her without her son.
It was okay, though. We talked for a long time about what was planned for the facility.
Sharing our ideas excited me, and she offered some great ones. I guess it was all on me now.
“How are you doing, Eion?” She took my hand and gave me a tight smile.
“I hurt. I’m sick to my stomach and feel like I might die.”
Squeezing my hand, she looked like she wanted to say something, but didn’t. “Is there anything I can do? Do you want to talk about it?”
I sighed and really thought about what I wanted to do here.
“Will you keep being my friend?” To my ears, it sounded like I had begged.
It was strange that before I met Angus, I didn’t want anyone around me, but after spending time with Angus and Amelia, I realized that having people in your corner helped.
“Oh, sweet boy. Of course. I am a grown-ass woman and can be friends with whomever I want.”
There was no doubt she saw the relief on my face. Then I smiled. “I overheard some things that hurt me deeply. Things I can’t easily accept.”
“Oh.” I knew she would repeat what I said, but maybe that would put some closure to the situation.
At least he would know I heard him and wasn’t going to get more deeply involved, only to be hurt even more when he left.
“I’m surprised. Usually, my son is kinder than that.
I’m really sorry he hurt you.” Amelia didn’t try to defend Angus.
She simply heard what I said and apologized.
This further proved what I already knew about her: she was an amazing, classy woman.
“Thank you so much. It’ll be okay. I just felt like if he felt a certain way about me, it would be easier for us to stop things now than continue getting attached.”
She nodded her head. “I understand. You will always be someone I admire and want to be friends with.”
That made me feel good because I had really started to enjoy having her to talk to.
“I’m really glad.” We wrapped up our meal, and she insisted on paying for it.
She gave me a big hug before we left, and I walked her to the curb and waited with her until her car arrived.
“I’ll text you about coming to see the Sanctuary in the next few days if that’s okay. ”
“I can’t wait to show you around. Letting you see the vision we… I have for the future.”
As she pulled away, I walked to my truck.
At least I had one person in my corner, which made me feel better.
She didn’t seem to judge what was happening between Angus and me.
I hated that I might not get to talk to the people I was getting to know from The Dapper Duck, though at least I had Zach.
When I got home, loneliness enveloped me.
Only months ago, being alone was exactly what I wanted.
Nobody to bother me, nobody behind my walls.
I got Barnaby out of the trailer, and we headed to the barn.
He looked around, and I wondered if he noticed that Angus and Ramsey weren’t here.
“We’re going to spend some time with the bears.
” He cocked his head at me, clearly listening to what I said.
When I entered the stall, he lay down at the door.
Sitting in the fresh shavings, I propped myself up in the corner and waited for the cubs to come to me.
The first two were completely hand-raised and would end up living here their entire lives.
The new ones would hopefully be released back into the wild in the next few weeks, since they primarily nurse from their mother and only got a bottle of extra nutrients every other day.
Their mom was almost completely healed, and we already had a place for them to go.
I leaned back, and the bundles of fur crawled all over me, then started falling asleep.
The one thing I knew without a doubt was that I loved the place I had created.
I am going to turn it into something even more amazing.
Closing my eyes, I pet the cubs. I hadn’t slept well the last few days; they were so warm, and I felt pretty comfortable.
“Eion. Hey Eion.” I was on my side, bear cubs curled around me, and I was strangely content.
Blinking awake, I recognized that Zach had called my name.
Sitting up slowly, my shoulder hurt because I had slept on my prosthetic.
I might have to spend tomorrow with it off, giving the skin some time to breathe and the joint some rest. That was if I ever got up off the barn floor. I smiled.
“Hey Zach. What time is it?”
“It’s 8:30 a.m. I saw you there, and you looked so comfy, so I fed everyone, but I wanted to ask you about maybe a couple more animals.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to make sure I understood. “You have a couple of animals you want to bring here?”
He swallowed and seemed nervous. “Yeah. Um, it’s two goats and another alpaca.”
“We could accommodate that. How do you know about these animals? Why would they need the Sanctuary?”
“Um. Well. My mom lives. Well. They are kept by a neighbor who doesn’t really care for them. They need to be rescued.”
“We can’t kidnap animals, Zach.”
“I know. I know. But if they willingly let me take them, can they come here? I sneak them food and feed them what I can, but they would do better here.” His enthusiasm was contagious.
“Everything has to be above board, but they can come here.
Let me ask Angus—“ My heart thumped hard, and my eyes started to sting. “Shit. Yeah. Above board, Zach.” I got up quickly, and I could hear Barnaby grumbling. The need to run to the trailer and close the door to hide from the world was nearly overwhelming. I walked at a normal rate and was glad to be inside, where I didn’t have to face anybody.
I needed a shower after sleeping in the bear stall all night.
Sitting exactly where I left them were the boxes of stuff for Angus, and the check was on top.
When I got out of the shower, I barely felt better, but at least I was clean.
The boxes were still there mocking me. There was lunch meat in the fridge, so I made a sandwich and picked up my phone. There was a message from Angus.
ANGUS
Can we please talk?
I looked at it and set my phone back down.
When Trey left, I never stood up for myself.
He said terrible things and then walked away from me.
This time, I was going to stand up for myself and remind him that even with my injury, I was a better man than he was because I didn’t pretend to love him.
I had loved him with my entire heart and had hoped for a forever together.
These were things I wanted to say, but I left the message unanswered.
After reviewing additional bids from contractors, budgeting for the following month, and drafting an offer for Zach to work full-time, I picked up my phone.
EION
Yes. Eleven on Friday.
ANGUS
Thank you.
That gave me a few days to get my head together and practice what I would say.
He screwed up, and I was a catch. Someday I will find someone who appreciates me, or I won’t, but that would be okay.
Being with Angus had given me the confidence that I had been missing for a lot of years, and if nothing else, I was glad for that.