Chapter 11
Lily
I knew what I wanted to do ever since my mind processed that I was actually in the past with my teenage body. I wanted to fix everything. Every mistake, every misstep, every moment I did nothing. Everything could be different.
Revenge was only part of it. What I really wanted was justice.
Justice for all the people who couldn't defend themselves.
Justice for all the things that happened because we didn't have the knowledge.
Justice for me and the years I spent blaming myself, and justice for everyone who suffered because of what happened this year.
I started walking back to the hospital while my mind made lists of everything I remembered went wrong and how I was going to make it different.
It was still surreal. The weight of my younger body, the sensation of having all these extra years of knowledge, the strangeness of being somewhere I'd left behind long ago.
I felt a touch on my hand and turned to see Kyle visibly stressed.
He had followed me.
"Lily, please," he said with a deep voice I had only heard in my dreams, and I almost forgot how my legs worked.
He was everything I had ever loved. The only person I had truly given my heart to.
The boy who made me feel safe when everything around us was falling apart.
The one who taught me what it meant to trust someone completely, only to have that trust shattered.
This boy, this man in a boy's body, had been my first in all the ways that mattered, and standing here now, with ten years of hurt and longing between us, I felt that same magnetic pull that had drawn me to him from the very beginning.
But I had to remember he was no longer that person. We weren't those people anymore. Although he physically looked like my first love, mentally, he was a completely different person. I just needed my brain to process it.
"We can't ignore everything that will happen," I finally answered. "Even if the logical part of my brain says that what you're saying is the right thing to do, my heart won't ignore it. I'm sorry."
He squeezed my hand tighter and held it to his heart. I could feel it beating, strong and sure, beneath my palm.
"Promise me that we'll first find a way to return to our present, that we'll try to understand why we're here, and then you'll do everything you want to do."
What he asked of me sounded reasonable. I was so immersed in everything I could do that I hadn't stopped to think that we didn't belong here and that we'd eventually need to find a way back. "Of course, I promise."
I didn't add that I had my fingers metaphorically crossed.
That some things couldn't wait for us to figure out the mechanics of time travel.
Many things happened in this period that ruined the beautiful person I was.
And this time, I couldn't stand with my arms crossed and watch my mother and brother's lives fall apart.
Now, I had the power to do something for them.
And I wasn't going to waste it. Even if it drastically changed the future, as Kyle said.
I couldn’t, and I wouldn't lose them again.
I was discharged from the hospital later that day.
Before we left, I heard the doctors tell my parents that if I ever mentioned being from the future again, they should bring me back immediately, so I promised myself I wouldn't mention it anymore.
No one was going to believe me anyway, so there was no point in mentioning it.
The doctor gave my parents strict instructions about watching for signs of concussion, and then we were free to go. My dad kept glancing at me in the rearview mirror as he drove, with evident concern.
"You sure you're okay, Lily-pad?" he asked, using a nickname I hadn't heard in years.
"I'm fine, Dad," I assured him, trying not to look at my mother in the passenger seat like a psycho.
She was so vibrant, so full of life. Her hair was still the intense blonde I remembered from my childhood, not the little dull, brittle strands it would become during chemotherapy. Her skin glowed with health.
"Well, Bailey's been missing you," my mother said, turning to smile at me. "That puppy has been whining at your bedroom door since you left."
Bailey. Our golden retriever. The one my father still had in 2025. But here, now, Bailey was just a puppy. Just thinking about watching it grow up again fills me with emotion.
When we pulled into the driveway of our two-story suburban home, I felt a wave of nostalgia so powerful it nearly brought me to my knees.
This was the last place I called home. I'd moved out at nineteen for college and never moved back in.
My dad had sold it after my mother died.
It was too full of memories for him to bear.
But here it was, exactly as I remembered it from my teenage years. The slightly crooked mailbox my dad kept meaning to fix. The flower beds my mother tended with religious devotion—the basketball hoop above the garage, where my brother would occasionally practice for no particular purpose.
My brother.
The first thing that greeted us at the entrance was Bailey, with his gangly legs and oversized paws. I rushed over to pick him up, burying my face in his soft fur.
"OMG, you're so precious, little baby. I almost didn't remember that you were once so cute," I cooed, scratching behind his ears. The dog responded by enthusiastically licking my face.
My parents exchanged a look that I caught out of the corner of my eye. Right. I was supposed to be acting like normal teenage Lily, not like a woman who hadn't seen her childhood dog looking like a puppy in years.
Then I heard a noise from the living room—the familiar sound of gunfire and explosions from a video game.
It was my brother, Leonard, sprawled on the couch, controller in hand, completely absorbed in his game.
I stopped to admire him, to remember how it felt to have him so normal in the house.
I hadn't realized how much I missed him until I saw him at that moment, even though he was ignoring me because he was playing.
Here he was, sixteen and carefree, his entire future still ahead of him. I tried to suppress the overwhelming desire I had to run and throw myself at him. But I could feel my tears welling up in my eyes.
"Well, hello," I finally said.
He glanced up briefly, offering a half-smile before returning his attention to the screen. "So, you had an accident because you were being curious where you shouldn't be."
This time, the way he tried to bother me caused nothing but tenderness.
I remembered how we used to fight all the time, how annoying he was when I wanted privacy, how I wanted to watch TV, and he didn't let me because he claimed the TV first. I would let him take everything he wanted this time just to spend more time with him.
"What are you playing?" I asked, setting Bailey down and moving to sit beside him on the couch.
He looked surprised by my interest. Normally, I would have shot back some sarcastic retort and stormed off to my room. But I wasn't the normal teenage Lily anymore. I was someone who knew what it was like to lose people, to wish for just one more conversation, one more shared moment.
"Call of Duty," he replied, still eyeing me suspiciously. "Since when do you care?"
I shrugged. "Maybe the accident knocked some sense into me."
He snorted. "Or knocked a few brain cells loose. Mom said you were saying weird stuff when you woke up."
"Just disoriented," I said quickly. "Mind if I watch you play?"
Leo stared at me like I'd grown a second head, but then scooted over to make room. "Whatever. Just don't distract me."
I sat next to him, but I didn't concentrate for a single second on what was happening on the television.
I realized I had to protect them. These people.
These small moments I took for granted the first time.
There was no way Kyle was going to stop me from fixing things, even though I'd promised to stay calm.
Who in their right mind would want to see the people they love suffer over and over again for things you can fix? No one. Most regrets come from doing absolutely nothing when you had the possibility to take action.
Many people would give anything to have a second chance at making things right. And here I was, even considering the words of someone who didn't care about what I felt ten years ago.
Kyle wasn’t going to stop me. Not this time.