Chapter 23 - Kyle
Kyle
Lily: Why did you leave before I got up?
Kyle: I didn't want you to kiss me without brushing my teeth.
Lily: You're the most ridiculous person I know.
I saw Jeremy approaching me, and I definitely didn't want to deal with him this morning. Not after the sleepless night I'd had.
I couldn't stop thinking about everything that happened just some hours ago, how Lily didn't want me to go.
How vulnerable she'd been, curled up against my chest, her guard finally down after weeks of keeping me away.
How her breathing had eventually evened out as she fell asleep, trusting me enough to let herself be that unguarded.
I could have done anything to protect her in that moment. To keep that smile on her face. To prevent her from suffering ever again.
And I knew for a fact that I'd never stopped loving her.
I knew it sounded wild. Ten years was a long time. People changed, moved on, built new lives. But when something is real, no amount of time or distance can break it. And that's what I realized while I was lying awake in her bed while she slept peacefully against me.
I hadn't come back to fix things because I missed home or because something was pending.
I'd come back because she was everything I'd ever wanted, and I wanted to feel at least a fraction of the happiness I'd felt when I was with her.
Perhaps my strong desires made it possible for us to come back to the past and fix everything, because it was the only thing that could help me to be close to her again.
It didn't matter what it would take to win her back. My only goal right now was to keep her. To prove I could be the person she needed, the person she deserved.
"Prettyyyyyyyyyyyy boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
Jeremy's voice echoed across the school hallway, and I knew what was coming from the moment I saw his wide grin and the way he practically bounced toward me.
"Good morning, Jeremy."
"No, no good morning. Tell me everything. Even the dirtiest details. I feel like a proud mama bird watching her baby take flight."
"What are you talking about?"
"Your first time. Don't play dumb. I'm old enough to know what a guy does when he sneaks off to the room of a girl he loves at night."
My face heated instantly. "What? No, Jeremy. Nothing like what you think happened."
Nothing had happened. We'd just talked, and then she'd fallen asleep in my arms, and I'd spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, hyperaware of every breath she took, every small movement she made, terrified that if I moved wrong, she'd wake up and realize she'd let me get too close.
"Didn't you have a night of passion after getting her to open up to you?" His eyebrows waggled suggestively.
I felt my cheeks heat up at the thought.
If there was one thing I definitely wasn't thinking about, it was that.
Well, that was a lie. I'd thought about it.
But in the way you think about something impossible and beautiful that you'd never actually pursue because it would ruin everything.
"Of course not. We just talked. I followed your advice and tried to be what she needed. It worked like a charm."
We started walking towards our respective classrooms while we continued talking.
"See? I told you! I'm the absolute best when it comes to matters of the heart." Jeremy preened, pleased with himself.
I tried to compose myself and focus on what truly mattered. "But enough about me. Now it's your turn. When are you going to confess your feelings to your forbidden secret crush?"
"Are you crazy? Never. I only said that to encourage you to take the next step. And it worked beautifully. A little extra motivation is always necessary in these cases."
This couldn't be happening to me. I got played by a teenager. I took a deep breath and tried again. "That wasn't the deal, Jeremy. Don't you trust me? I promise you, whatever you tell me will stay between us. I'm not one to judge anyone, and—"
"What are you trying to tell me, Kyle?" His voice had shifted, becoming more guarded.
"Well, if you like Leo, that's fine. You have nothing to be ashamed of."
Jeremy stopped walking so abruptly that I nearly crashed into him. "Why do you think I like Leo?"
Because it was the obvious answer. Because in three weeks, you'll be inconsolable when he's taken away. Because you're the main reason this whole disaster unfolds. Because without you making a scene at that party, none of this would have happened.
But I couldn't say any of that.
"You're quite close," I said weakly.
"So? We're friends. That has nothing to do with anything."
"It has everything to do with—"
He didn't let me finish.
"Do you think just because I'm gay, I automatically have to be in love with my best friend?
" Jeremy's voice rose, attracting stares from passing students.
"Is this why you, popular straight guys, don't usually hang out with people like me?
You come with your prejudices and think you know everything about everyone. "
Panic clawed at my chest. This was spiraling out of control. I needed Jeremy to trust me, to confide in me, not turn against me. I grabbed his arm and started pulling him toward the nearest bathroom.
"What the hell are you doing?" Jeremy protested, but I didn't stop until we were through the door.
The universe apparently wasn't done punishing me for my terrible planning, because standing at the sink, washing his hands, was Leo.
My blood ran cold.
"Leo," I said, feeling like I'd been caught red-handed stealing something precious.
He saw how I had Jer grabbed by the arm, practically dragging him into the bathroom, and his neutral expression quickly changed to something harder, more protective.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Leo asked, his gaze moving between Jeremy and me, taking in Jeremy's flushed face and my obvious panic.
"It doesn't look like you two are having a friendly conversation. "
This was a disaster. Not only had I offended Jeremy and potentially destroyed any trust he had in me, but now Leo had witnessed me manhandling his best friend. How was I supposed to explain this without sounding like a complete lunatic?
"Don't worry, Leo. It was all a misunderstanding with this jerk, but everything's fine now. Let's go." Jeremy's voice was tight with barely controlled anger.
Leo didn't seem convinced. He crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing as he studied both of us, clearly sensing the tension crackling in the air between Jeremy and me. I stepped back toward the door, trying to salvage what was left of my dignity. "Sorry, Jeremy. We'll talk later."
And I fled like the coward I apparently still was.
As I walked down the hallway, my mind raced. I thought I'd made progress. That Jeremy was finally going to trust me, to open up about his feelings. But instead, I'd managed to offend him, make completely wrong assumptions, and potentially make everything worse.
Everything we thought we knew from the past was basically wrong, and I was starting to feel like knowing what we knew wasn't an advantage at all; it was a handicap. We were operating on assumptions, on half-remembered details, on a version of events that might not even be accurate.
Maybe Jeremy wasn't in love with Leo at all. Perhaps the whole foundation of our plan was built on faulty memories and teenage speculation. And if that was the case, how were we supposed to prevent a tragedy when we didn't even understand what caused it in the first place?
For the rest of my day, I tried to remember and review everything that happened that night ten years ago. I tried to see what detail I was missing, what crucial piece of information my teenage brain had failed to register because it seemed unimportant at the time.
But I found myself spinning in circles, replaying the same version of events over and over without gaining any new insight.
We were at a party at Oliver's house. We were all having a good time, drinking alcohol that Oliver had stolen from his father's display case, joking around, pretending we were more grown-up than we actually were.
Everything was going well, the kind of unremarkable high school party that would usually be forgotten within a week.
Until Jeremy arrived.
He'd shown up later than everyone else, and he'd gone straight to Leo to fight about something. What had he complained about? I wasn't sure. At the time, it hadn't seemed important, just typical teenage drama that I'd tuned out because I'd been focused on my own fun.
I'd spent years believing it was a jealousy scene over Brandy, assuming that Jeremy was upset about Leo's relationship.
But now I knew it wasn't that simple. Leo had tried to calm him down, but Jeremy had pushed him away, his voice rising with each word.
Oliver had tried to separate them, playing the role of concerned host, and suggested they talk it over privately.
And that's where the trap happened. The mistake. Everything that ruined the rest of our lives.
But what had actually triggered it? What had Jeremy been so upset about? Why had Oliver been so quick to intervene? And most importantly, why had I never questioned any of this before?
Because you were a self-absorbed teenager who only cared about your own good time, a voice in my head supplied unhelpfully. Because you didn't think the drama between two guys you barely know was your problem until it became everyone's problem.
Classes ended without me even realizing it, and I found myself walking automatically toward the exit. But Jeremy was waiting for me in front of my locker.
"I think I overreacted," he said as I approached, not giving me a chance to say anything.
"No, I'm sorry. I think I misinterpreted everything. I thought I knew more than I did, and now I know how wrong I was."