Chapter 34
Kyle
Kyle: Missing you already
Lily: I just entered the house.
Kyle: I will never stop missing you when I'm not with you.
I literally traveled to the past. I'm seeing my family young again. I'm even in contact with people who are dead in my real present, and somehow, kissing Lily has been the most magical thing that has happened to me recently.
I never thought I'd have the chance to deserve her love again. But here I was, fixing every single one of the past mistakes that had ruined me once, and making sure that this time, I acted like the man I really was.
For Lily. The girl of my dreams. The person I should have always been with all my life. Just thinking about her made my face light up. And I couldn't wait to go back to our real life to see how we could keep building our future together.
Which made me think about how everything we'd done would affect our present.
Would I go to Australia knowing that everything would be okay here and that there was no reason to run away? Would Lily stay with me for those ten years? Would I stay in touch with my friends? With Jeremy? What would Oliver's life be like?
The butterfly effect didn’t feel like a theory anymore.
It felt real, something alive that could change everything in ways we couldn’t control.
Every choice we made, every moment we changed, every person we helped or hurt, it was all creating a future that might be nothing like the one we came from.
But maybe that wasn't a bad thing. Maybe the future we'd create would be better than the one we'd escaped from. Maybe this time, nobody would have to lose ten years of their life. Maybe this time, families would stay whole instead of shattering into pieces.
At the end of the day, there was nothing I could do about all these worries, and I knew it was something I'd figure out how to handle when the time came. So I decided to do something that was within my control now.
I parked outside Jeremy's house and called his cell phone.
"I'm sooo embarrassed right now, pleaseee don't be mad at me," Jeremy answered immediately.
"Don't worry, man, nothing happened, and everything went well. How are you?"
"A little more sober, and extremely stressed."
"Want to hang out for a bit so you can vent?"
"Pleaseeee."
"So come out, I'm in front of your house."
"My guardian angel."
Jeremy emerged from his house ten minutes later with a bag of snacks, looking considerably more put-together than he had at the party. I drove us to a nearby park where we found a quiet bench overlooking a small pond.
"I know you think men like me can't help you, but trust me, I'm more mature than you think. I can help you better than you realize," I started. "So whatever's on your mind, let it out."
"More mature by how much? Aren't you like a year and a half older than me? Don't make me laugh, pretty boy," Jeremy teased, bumping his shoulder against mine.
"You see me like this, but I have the mentality of a twenty-eight-year-old."
"Honey, you couldn't even look at Lily's face without blushing a few days ago. Do you even know how to hold her hand?" Jeremy shot back with a grin.
I punched his arm playfully, and we both laughed. "No, but seriously, I'm your friend, or I try to be. Please let me help you."
"Stop begging for my friendship, Kyle, or I'm going to start believing that I have a millionaire uncle that only you know about.
" Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, you earned my trust with how you handled everything today.
And you've been by my side all these weeks. I'll tell you what's worrying me."
Finally, I thought.
He didn’t know it, but his words meant so much to me.
Knowing I could make someone trust me felt like a luxury in my present.
And he might not tell me everything that was on his mind right now, but it was enough for me that he knew I was here for him.
That when things got hard, he had someone to turn to instead of drowning alone.
"My piano teacher is pretty hot. Like really, really hot. And ever since he started teaching me, I've had a crush on him. He is the most perfect man I've ever seen. He's mature, charming, funny."
"Your piano teacher? Damn, what a plot twist."
"Stop the teasing, please. I'm trying to be deep and romantic here," he reproached me. "So, I always thought it was impossible because he's older than me."
"How old?"
"Twenty-five."
"Yeah, he's too old."
"You're not helping."
"Believe me, I'm helping you more than you think by making sure you understand this wouldn't have been a healthy relationship," I replied. "So what happened today?"
"Well, I went out with the music school group, and the teacher brought his boyfriend. His boyfriend, Kyle. Can you believe it? I always knew he was gay, but now, even if I thought I had a chance, I wouldn't approach him. My whole world fell apart."
I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. Teenagers sometimes make you believe their problems are bigger than they really are.
"Why are you laughing? I'm being really vulnerable here."
"I'm sorry, it's just that I know you'll be fine.
He wasn't the man for you, and I think you knew it deep down.
" I put a hand on his shoulder. "Sometimes we fall for people not because they're right for us, but because they represent something we think we want.
Real love doesn't make you feel small or unworthy.
It makes you feel like the best version of yourself. "
"I think that's the smartest thing you've said to me. I'm going to start believing you really are a twenty-eight-year-old man."
"Good, then I don't have to pretend with you anymore."
We both laughed. Then I got serious. I needed to know about something important. Something that could cost everything.
"And what about Leo? What does he have to do with all this?"
Jeremy took an extremely long sigh and then stared at the sky for a moment in silence. I let him process it all, but my anxiety and curiosity were killing me inside.
Finally, Jeremy began to speak. "Leo was my first love when we were little, but he was the straightest man I ever met in my life."
"More than me?" I teased him.
"Don't make me insult you, please."
"Sorry, sorry," I said with a smile. "Continue."
"I convinced myself that we would never be something more, so I got over him and tried to be the best and most supportive friend in the world, even though I don't like his girlfriend. But when he kissed me today, I—"
"HE WHAT?" I said, jumping up from the bench.
"OMG yesssssss," he replied, thinking I was just shocked from happiness, but it was quite the opposite.
I was furious. Stressed. I can't believe he just said that. I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth. Jeremy seemed not to notice my sudden breakdown and continued his story.
"He kissed me and all the feelings I thought were nonexistent came back to me again, and I don't know what to do, because of Brandy, you know."
"Slow down, wait, wait, wait." I started pacing back and forth, hands in my hair. Did they kiss? Leo and Jeremy kissed? This couldn't be happening to me. "When did you two kiss?"
"In the car, when you and Lily made us leave. I got in and was almost crying. And he was sooooo gentle, and romantic."
No no no no no no.
"He told me that no one deserves to make me cry, and that he was going to punch whoever made me feel like that in the face."
Stop. Stop. Stop.
"I told him to go fuck himself, and he kissed me. And it was the best kiss ever. And then after the kiss, I unbuttoned his pants and—"
I didn't let him finish this sentence because I wouldn't be able to control my fury. My mind was racing, trying to calculate damage, trying to figure out if this was salvageable. "At least all that happened after you left the house, right?"
"Nope, right in front of Oliver's house. It's like we couldn't wait any longer."
Fuck.
The blood drained from my face. They did more than just kiss right in front of Oliver's house where anyone could have seen them. Where Oliver could have seen them. Where someone with a camera could have captured everything. "Did anyone happen to see you there?"
"I don't know. And I don't care. What's wrong with you? I'm telling you the most romantic thing that ever happened to me, and you're acting all weird."
Of course, he didn't understand. How could he? He was blissful and in the clouds tonight, unable to see the consequences of his actions. But it wasn't his fault. It was mine for being so negligent. For not making sure they left before going to Lily like a lovesick puppy.
Oh my god. Lily was going to be so mad when she found out.
I decided to take a breath and calm down a bit for the sake of my friendship with Jeremy.
At this point, he didn't know what his actions had brought, and I wasn't being fair to him.
After taking a few deep breaths, I said, "Sorry, I just panicked. You know Leo has a girlfriend, and I was making sure you didn’t ruin everything. "
"Well, I just really hope we ruined everything."
I was unable to even respond to that statement. If only he knew what it would really mean to have everything ruined, he'd wish he'd never let Leo kiss him.
Jeremy continued talking nonstop about all the details of what happened, and I was more and more horrified.
If it had just been a kiss, maybe no one would’ve been able to make something about it.
But no, the two of them had to let things go too far in the backseat of a freaking car.
Seriously, what goes through teenagers’ heads?
I know I couldn't judge him because I had practically done the same thing in Oliver's bathroom with Lily, but at least I wasn't being targeted by a crazy guy who wanted my girlfriend.
But Jeremy wasn't to blame, so I did the most sensible thing I could and listened to everything and supported him. At least for tonight, I decided to be a good friend.
An hour later, we left. He kept talking about a lot of other things that had been happening in his life while I drove him home, but I was distracted the entire time.
All I could think was that if someone had seen them, we were doomed.
I just hoped that this time everything had turned out all right.
My parents’ house was dark when I arrived, which meant my parents had probably already retreated to their separate corners for the night, another silent battle in their ongoing war.
I opened the door quietly, not wanting to alert anyone to my late return. But as I passed Aria's room, I heard a soft, muffled sound of crying. I knocked gently on her door before opening it.
"Ari?"
She was curled up on her bed, her pillow clutched to her chest, tears streaming down her face. She looked so small, so young, so breakable. My chest tightened at the scene.
"What happened?" I asked, crossing the room to sit beside her.
"Mom and Dad were fighting again," she said between sobs, her voice raw. "It was so loud, Kyle. I tried to sleep, I put on my headphones and everything, but I could still hear them. They were saying such mean things to each other."
Anger surged through me, hot and immediate and righteous.
Anger at my parents for being so consumed by their own misery that they couldn't see what they were doing to their daughter.
Anger at myself for not being here when she needed me.
Anger at the whole situation that had forced a twelve-year-old girl to cry herself to sleep because the adults in her life couldn't get their shit together.
I pulled her into my arms, holding her tight while she cried against my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, Ari," I said quietly. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. I'm sorry they're putting you through this."
"I just want them to stop," she whispered. "I don't care if they get divorced anymore. I just want them to stop fighting."
Knowing that a twelve-year-old girl would rather have her parents no longer together than continue living through the hell we were in was saying a lot. We reached a point where she just wanted peace, even if that peace came at the cost of separation.
"I promise there won't be a next time," I said firmly, pulling back to look her in the eyes.
"We're going to have a family meeting. We'll all sit down together and talk about how all of this is affecting us.
It's time to stop running away from our problems and pretending everything's fine when it's not. "
Aria nodded, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand. "Do you really think they'll listen?"
"They have to," I said, though I wasn't entirely sure I believed it. "Because if they don't, they're going to lose us both."
I stayed with her until she fell asleep, sitting on the edge of her bed and holding her hand the way I used to when she was little and had nightmares.
I wouldn't let my sister suffer alone anymore. Whatever it took, whatever difficult conversations were needed, I was going to make sure my family dealt with their problems instead of letting them fester.
Some things were worth fighting for. And Aria's childhood, her happiness, her sense of safety, those were worth any uncomfortable confrontation with my parents.
I'll have time to deal with the consequences of Jeremy and Leo's kiss. But tonight and tomorrow, I'd be here for my sister because that's what mattered most in my life.