Chapter 43
Lily
Kyle: I want you to know that it's not your fault that all this happened.
Lily: I know.
Kyle: I know you know, but still…
I thought after my talk with Leo, everything would be okay. But I was foolish to believe that one conversation would be enough to fill the void he'd carried for years and minimize the impact of the massive bullying everyone was now inflicting on him.
Every day, I watched as the light in his eyes slowly faded. No matter how hard I tried to cheer him up, I couldn't get a genuine smile from him. My efforts to set things right for him were in vain, and nothing seemed to help him feel better.
The worst part was knowing what was coming and not being able to do anything about it.
I could see the road ahead for my brother, the pain waiting for him, and I hated how powerless I was to stop it.
Every night I'd lie in bed, replaying our conversations, wondering if I'd said the right thing, if maybe there was something else that could have made this easier for him.
But morning always came, and nothing had changed. I was still just one person, and sometimes love isn't enough to protect the people you care about.
Deep down in my heart, I knew he'd be okay someday.
In my present, there had come a point when my brother and I started talking like we used to.
When he smiled again despite his circumstances, when I could tell him about my life, and he'd tell me how he was counting the days until his release from prison.
He'd told me then how I shouldn't blame myself for what had happened to him, that I'd always done what I could to support him, and that I should be strong and happy and live a beautiful life for both of us because it was the only thing I could do to give him peace.
But I always wondered: had I really done enough for him? Or was that just his way of helping me not feel guilty about his situation?
Kyle never left my side during this whole time.
Sometimes he'd stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep.
Sometimes he'd walk Leo and me home to make sure we arrived safely.
And I was so thankful to him for that. This time, he was the person I always thought he was.
And I was glad he came back into my life.
What made me feel even worse was not being able to be there for Jeremy, too, who was suffering through the same nightmare as my brother.
He assured me every day that he was fine and that I shouldn't worry, but I could see the stress carved into the lines around his eyes.
I knew he was going to be okay, that we were going to be closer than ever after all this passed.
But it broke my heart that I couldn't be there for someone I considered family, because right now, he just wanted space and distance from our entire situation.
It was devastating to watch my whole world crumble along with my loved ones and not be able to do anything to fix it.
How could I make them happy again? How could I restore normalcy? How could I repair this whole catastrophic situation?
None of these questions had an answer.
And I felt like I was focusing on the wrong things, chasing symptoms instead of causes.
And then, the inevitable happened.
My brother was brutally beaten in the school bathroom by Oliver and some other guys.
The last time this happened, it was on a Thursday after gym class, so I'd made my brother stay home that day to rest. But once again, the universe demonstrated that I couldn't change the past; I could only alter how events unfolded. This time, my brother got attacked on Friday.
Which made me realize that Oliver had planned this assault beforehand, that it hadn't been a spontaneous fight like we'd all believed. It wasn't a moment of provocation spiraling out of control. Oliver had deliberately orchestrated Leo's suffering.
I rushed to the principal's office when I heard the rumors spreading through the hallways. Inside, I found Oliver, Leo, three boys from the football team, and Coach Martinez.
"So, explain to me what happened," the principal asked the teacher, leaning back in his chair.
"I found the boys fighting in the bathroom, so I immediately separated them," Coach Martinez replied, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room.
"Have you seen the state my brother is in?" I turned to face the coach directly. "They weren't fighting. These four boys were beating him up. But you won't say that because you need these guys for the next game."
"Lily..." Leo warned me.
"Don't try to stop me," I snapped. "I'm tired of my brother being mistreated every day by Oliver and his gang while the adults here do absolutely nothing to protect him."
"And now he needs a lawyer?" Oliver mocked, his smugness making my blood boil. "The kid couldn't handle the fight alone, so now he needs his big sister to fight his battles."
"That's enough," the principal interjected. "Lily, what are you doing here? Did you witness the incident?"
"I didn't see anything. They cornered him in the men's bathroom because these cowards aren't capable of doing anything in the open where people can see how unfair it all is."
"Well, Lily, if you're not a reliable witness to the events, I don't see why your presence is necessary right now," the principal explained with bureaucratic detachment.
"Of course I'm necessary," I objected. "Just look at them. None of them has a single bruise. My brother has injuries on his arm and a black eye. You can't seriously believe this was just a fair fight between kids or that my brother initiated it."
"But do you have concrete evidence to support your claims? Because three students are telling me that your brother started the altercation with Oliver."
"I have no proof, but common sense dictates that—"
"But nothing. You have no business here." The principal cut me off.
"Lily, everything's fine, don't worry," Leo said, then turned to the principal. "She's just concerned, but everything's handled."
I stormed out of the office and sat in the waiting room, waiting for what seemed like an eternity for the boys to come out. When they finally did, I immediately went to Leo.
"So what happened? What did they decide?"
"I have to go to the infirmary to treat my injuries, and everyone gets two days of detention next week."
"Everyone? Why you too?"
"Because I started the fight, Lily."
"But that's not fair, Leo. They provoked you. This was completely orchestrated to make you lose control."
He looked at me with confusion. "How do you know that?"
I was silent for several moments, trying to find an explanation that wouldn't sound insane. "Because I know how that psychopath thinks, and I know this wasn't a coincidence."
"Don't overthink it, Lily. Let's just go."
I hugged him tightly, and he hugged me back.
"Everything's okay. Thanks for trying to defend me."
I didn't respond because I knew I didn't deserve any gratitude.
We went to the infirmary, where the nurse examined Leo's injuries. Fortunately, the bruises weren't serious, though they looked awful. She decided to keep him under observation for the rest of the day.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay here with you?" I asked.
"No, don't worry. You've already missed too many classes this year."
"And my grades are still perfect, so don't worry about me."
"I don't know how you do it. I miss one day, and suddenly I can't even remember basic math."
I laughed. "Sometimes I feel like I've been through all this before, so it seems easy to me," I joked.
Jeremy appeared in the doorway, and we all fell silent. He looked at my brother with a guilt-stricken expression, as if he bore responsibility for Leo's current condition.
"I heard you got your face rearranged for being, quote, 'super gay,'" Jeremy finally said, his attempt at lightness not quite masking his concern. "I thought you might need some company."
Jeremy and Leo hadn't spoken since Sunday at our house, so I knew his presence here was important to both of them.
"Uh, I'm okay," Leo stammered. "Lily's here and..."
"He needs it," I interjected, standing up. "I'm going to class now. Don't leave him alone." I smiled at both of them. "Call me if you need anything."
"Yeah, thanks," Leo replied with a small smile.
"Thank you," Jeremy whispered to me as I passed.
I opened the infirmary door with tears burning my eyes.
I couldn't prevent my brother from being beaten. I couldn't prove it wasn't a spontaneous fight in the principal's office. I couldn't do anything, once again.
Because just like ten years ago, I was utterly useless.
I looked down the hall and saw Oliver against a wall, staring at me like he was waiting for me to get out.
I decided to go to the opposite side of where he was.
At the hospital that afternoon, I tried desperately to concentrate on my work, but my mind was elsewhere entirely. Every patient reminded me of Leo, every injury made me think of his bruises, and every worried family member reflected my own helplessness back at me.
It was Friday, which meant the weekend was here and I could rest, but it also meant we were one day closer to the moment that would change our lives forever, and my nervousness was evident.
As I moved from one room to the other, I dropped a saline IV bag that was meant for a dehydrated patient, sending it crashing to the floor in a splash of clear liquid and broken plastic.
The floor supervisor had had enough.
"Lily, why don't you go to the supply room and do inventory"? she suggested. "Take your time organizing things back there."
I knew it was a gentle way of removing me from patient care when I was clearly a liability. But I was grateful for the privacy.
Alone in the supply room, I finally let myself break down.
The tears came in ugly, gasping sobs that I tried to muffle with my hands.
It was as if everything I had been holding back all week had been waiting for this moment to pour out of me.
The exhaustion, the fear, the guilt—all of it collided inside me until I could hardly breathe.
I sank to the cold tile floor, my back against the wall, clutching my knees to my chest as if I could hold myself together that way.
Images of Leo kept flashing through my mind, the way he used to laugh, the sparkle in his eyes when he talked about his future, the way his entire face could light up a room. And now all of that was slipping through my fingers, and no matter how hard I tried to change things, I couldn’t stop it.
I wanted to scream, to tear the world apart until it gave him back to me. But all I could do was sit there, surrounded by the sterile smell of antiseptic and the quiet hum of the fluorescent lights, crying into my palms and praying that somehow, somehow, it wouldn’t end the same way this time.
That's how Kyle found me, curled up on the floor between shelves of gauze and medication, crying like my heart was breaking over and over again.
I almost asked him how he always knew where to find me, but then I remembered that, like me, he'd been through all of this. And he knew exactly my way of thinking.
"Hey," he said softly, immediately dropping to the floor beside me. "What happened? Are you hurt?"
I couldn't speak, couldn't explain how suffocating it was to bear everyone's pain, so I just let him pull me into his arms. He held me tightly, one hand stroking my hair while he whispered soothing words.
"Breathe with me," he said gently. "Come on, Lily. In and out. You can do this. You've done this before."
"You don't understand, Kyle," I finally managed through my tears. "I couldn't do anything to save him. Nothing."
"Of course you have," he said firmly. "You've been there for him this entire time. You haven't left his side. You've supported him through everything."
"But it hasn't been enough."
"Lily, you can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders," Kyle replied, his voice patient. "You've done everything in your power to make things okay."
"And yet bad things keep happening."
"Because you're not the one causing the bad things, and you can't control how others act, no matter how desperately you want to protect everyone."
"You don't understand," I whispered.
"Of course I do. More than you think." He kissed my forehead tenderly.
"You feel like you have to be the hero. You feel like it's your responsibility to ensure everyone around you is happy and safe.
You feel like being here again is your chance to make everything right this time. But maybe that's not why we're here."
"Don't say that," I pulled back to look at him. "Because if you believe that, then you're saying there's no way to prevent Oliver from dying."
"I do believe we can prevent it," he said carefully, "but I also believe that no matter what happens, the outcome isn't your responsibility or fault. I don't want you carrying that burden because it's not fair to you, Lily. You're an incredible person, and you don't deserve this suffering."
I hugged him, unable to say anything else.
Even though what he said was true and we couldn't control what others did, I still wanted to have the chance to save my brother, and I wouldn't let anyone take that determination away from me, not even the person I loved most.