Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
One by one, the Voyagers leave the mountain, and with every fallen or defeated face, the crack in the hope I’ve held onto deepens. But it isn’t until I see the small body with slumped shoulders step onto the beach that my heart truly breaks.
“Roley!” Fin calls from the other side of the now roaring fire. His tiny form leaps up, his legs pumping as he darts across the sand toward his friend.
“I’m going to go check on him,” I tell the girls, and am met with nods and words of approval. I cross the beach behind Fin and almost run into him as he comes to a halt watching Roley swipe at his cheeks.
“Oh, you’re sad,” Fin says. “Did Dawnlin tell you no too?” His voice is sullen, and I stifle the emotions bubbling in my chest. Roley needs strength and encouragement, not disappointment that he wasn’t successful either.
He sniffs before nodding, and Fin’s shoulders sink too. I step past Fin and crouch down before Roley, reaching out and gently grasping his hand.
“Well, Roley, that means you’re one of us now. None of us got it either,” I say.
His chin lifts, and his watery eyes widen, his eyebrows scrunching on his forehead.
“You mean I’m a Castaway now?”
“Only if you want to be. But that’s how we all became one. The island told us no too.”
“Yeah, so now I’m a Castaway forever!” Fin cries, throwing his fists in the air.
He tries to crow, the screeching noise making me flinch with a smile.
Jorn calls out Fin’s name from somewhere behind us, and Fin’s eyes brighten as he looks back toward the beach where Jorn stands, a huge grin on his face and his thumbs up in the air.
Fin holds his hand up, returning the gesture, before turning back to Roley, whose eyes bounce between us.
“It’s okay, Roley! Now, you can see the ship and play hide and seek with mister Weston and me.
He’s really good and always finds me. Maybe now that there’s two of us, he might lose and we win.
And Jorn can teach you how to climb, and you can see my job.
It’s lots of fun being a Castaway,” Fin rambles, and Roley’s tears dry up quickly as he listens.
“I dunno,” Roley mumbles, kicking his boot into the sand.
“You don’t have to decide anything. How about we just have some fun tonight?” I say.
“Yeah! Let’s do something fun!” Fin yells.
“Come on,” I say, grabbing both their hands and leading them toward the water.
Not long ago, I would have felt my breath seize and fear overtake me as we approached the surf, but now, I feel nothing but calm.
I look down at the hands of these two boys, and listen to Fin continue to babble, telling Roley more about the Castaways, and Edmond’s words flow through my mind.
Light always finds a way.
They may be children for the rest of their lives, and never see or truly understand the hopelessness of our situation, but they will always bring us all joy, and I along with everyone else here will make sure that despite the darkness that has loomed over our situation, for them, for all of us, we will always try to find the light.
We chase the waves, back and forth as they roll in and out, seeing who can get the closest without getting wet, or who can make the most laps before the next set comes in.
Roley forgets his sadness quickly, and Fin’s laughter rings out over the crashing water and chatter of everyone nearby.
It doesn’t take long before more of the crew join in our game, although some of the older boys make a point of ignoring the loose rules and instead start throwing others into the chilled water.
I lose complete track of time as we all play on the beach beneath the clear sky and blanket of stars, without a care for whatever comes next. Roley finally asks if there is any food, and he’s probably starving after his long day in the mountain.
I take the boys back to the crates and get them each situated, rolling some blankets up into makeshift pillows for when their energy eventually crashes, and they fall asleep the same way Fin does on any late night with the crew.
A quick glance around the beach tells me that most of the Voyagers have returned and have incorporated themselves as if there were never two sides.
The only one left is Mara.
As if I’ve summoned her, she walks through the portal barely a moment later, her arms wrapped around her middle, and her face stoic as she takes in the scene on the beach.
I watch as she looks around until her eyes fall on me.
Even from this distance with only the light of the moon and the glow of the flames, I can see her chin quiver.
My feet act on their own, bringing me across the beach and kicking up sand in my haste.
Slowing just before I reach her, I approach cautiously, waiting to see how she will react, but it’s as if my proximity opens up a dam, and she bursts into tears.
I immediately close the gap and throw my arms around her shoulders, squeezing her tightly as she cries into my chest.
Mara was my very first friend, my first real one, even if she was reluctant in the beginning.
If being on the island has taught me anything about friendship and love, it is that we are there for those we care about, when they need us, and even more when they don’t think they do.
Mara needs me, especially now that she is experiencing the same pain we all went through after losing our hope.
“Even if we could get home, I couldn’t have helped her,” she says through her sobs. “She’s probably already gone, and I lost all the time I had left.”
“I know, Mara. It isn’t what any of us wanted,” I say, squeezing her tight, showing her through my touch that she isn’t alone.
“What the fuck are we supposed to do now?” Her back straightens, and she steps out of my grasp, swiping at her eyes.
They’re red-rimmed and already swollen as she looks at me, her face the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen it.
“How do we keep going, day after day with no reason to be here? What’s the point? ”
“We have to find purpose in each other.” I reach out and take her hands in mine. “We can’t let him take away our happiness too. He doesn’t deserve that. We have to live the best life we can for as long as the island lets us.”
Footsteps approach in the sand from behind, and Mara glances over my shoulder as Veck stops beside us, a sympathetic and understanding smile on his lips.
“You alright, Mar?” he asks.
She nods and sniffs again. She drops my hands as he steps closer to her, throwing an arm across her shoulders and pulling her into his side. “Come on,” he says, “let’s get you something to eat.”
Veck smiles at me before leading her away toward the crates, to the group of people she’s now part of.
They must have been good friends before Veck left, and I’m glad it’s as if no time has passed between them at all.
I think Mara needs that. She needs to remember she isn’t alone here, and that there’s no us against them any longer.
We’re all in this together, and we have no reason to be anything but united.
I scan the area for Weston as I make my way back toward the fire.
The boys and then Mara returning pulled my attention away, and I lost track of him.
Rounding the edge of the fire, I skim over the faces, trying to find the outline of his body, which normally stands out, especially to me, but in the darkness and shadows, everyone blends together.
A warm hand catches mine as I round the fire, gently tugging me to a stop.
“Looking for someone?”
Weston sits on a large blanket near the fire, an amused look on his face, I’m sure from watching me look right past him.
“Not anymore.” He pulls me toward him, and I crouch down, turning to settle my back against his chest. A shiver courses through my body as I press into his warmth, and he wraps his arms around me.
“Cold?” Reaching down, he rubs his hands along my pants, and the wet fabric makes me shiver again. “You’re soaked.”
“I wasn’t very good at the game. The boys are faster than I am.
Hey!” I say, as his warmth disappears from behind me.
A moment later, he drapes a blanket over my legs, wrapping it snugly around us and settling me firmly against his chest once again.
His warmth combined with the heat from the flames in front of us is almost instant, and I sigh deeply, letting my head fall against his shoulder.
“Better?” he grumbles as his jaw presses into my temple.
“Mmhm,” I hum with a nod.
“How were Roley and Mara?” he asks, and a smile tugs at my lips.
“Were you watching me?” I ask, tilting my head back to look up at him.
His eyes glitter in the moonlight as he looks down at me. “I’m always watching you.”
“That doesn’t sound obsessive at all,” I joke.
His chest vibrates with a low chuckle. “I can’t help it. Even if it wasn’t my job, I still wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off you.”
Warmth blooms in my chest at his words, but it’s tinged with sadness as I think of the answer to his question, the reason behind it.
“They’ll be alright.” My voice is almost a whisper as I drop my gaze back down to the fire. Silence falls between us as the heaviness of my answer settles. It’s final, and while we were all eventually fine with the island’s decision, this time feels like more.
His cheek presses into the side of my head, and his warm breath tickles my ear. After long moments of only the crackle of the flames and the distant jovial chatter of the rest of the crew, Weston finally breaks the silence.
“Are you going to tell me what upset you earlier?”
The conversation with Sig comes rushing back to me, along with my worries that Weston has stronger feelings of loss than he’s led on.
The guilt I feel for causing this fallout with Dane is like an overwhelming wave, especially knowing that somewhere deep down, he did actually see a future for us back home, no matter what he has said out loud.
I shake my head. “No.”