Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Lifting the lid of the trunk at the foot of the bed and pulling out the clothes that I had only just stashed there, feels wrong.
I thought I would never need to see them again, but Dawnlin had other plans.
I dress quickly, stealing a few glances at the bed where Weston still lies sprawled across the surface.
The sheets pool around his hips, exposing the muscles of his back and the steady rise and fall of his breath.
My throat tightens with a fresh wave of tears that accompany flashes of memories that this room holds.
I need to leave it, now, before it is too hard to walk away.
I’m already prepared for my uncontrollable emotions to set Sig’s off the moment I see her.
There’s nothing in this room I need other than my dagger and the man lying soundly asleep in that bed. The familiar blade is already tucked safely into the waistband of the thick pants I wore when I snuck into the city, not expecting to actually leave my kingdom that night.
The suns are high in the sky when I step onto the deck, the heat already causing sweat to dampen my back beneath the thick tunic and cloak.
It’s clear that after the emotional day and late night, we slept well past midday.
The quiet is still too eerie, and being out here alone, knowing no one is going to come bounding up the steps, laughing or rushing to do their task, makes my heart sink.
I need to say goodbye. To the island. To the sky. To the waves and the water. To the heat.
Weston promised he wouldn’t let me stay trapped inside the cold, dark walls of the castle any longer, that he would help make sure I got out like I always wanted. But it won’t be like this.
It won’t be like here.
How could visiting another kingdom feel as free and alive as Dawnlin? I want to remember every second.
Resting my elbows against the railing, I lean forward, looking out over the water toward the beach and watching as the waves crash into the sand.
If the girl who stepped foot on this island months ago stood in front of me today, I don’t think I’d recognize her.
When I came here, I was so full of anger and resentment, and the desire to prove everyone wrong.
I was too trusting and eager, but it was mostly because I was missing so much.
Love, companionship, friendship, the hope for a future.
While some of those feelings have changed, or I understand them better, they aren’t gone; rather, the experiences I have lived here have helped fill in pieces of myself that I didn’t know were empty. I’ve bandaged up some of those wounds.
I now know what it’s like to love, and be loved in more than just a romantic sense.
I know how it feels to care for others, and have them care for you in return, enough to put their lives on the line for each other.
I know what it is like to hope, and to have those hopes fulfilled, but also crushed.
And I know what it is to want, not only to want a person, but to want more from life.
Sig said that an eternal life trapped on Dawnlin lacked purpose, and the real chance at being human was back home in our world.
When I look back at who I was when I arrived compared to who I am now, I agree with her sentiment, but also disagree.
Dawnlin gave me so many more life experiences than I ever had back home, and in a way, took them away from me too.
Now that we are going home, and I can truly appreciate what I missed before, and what I would have missed if we stayed here, I can’t return home to a life that is the same.
I can’t continue to live without everything I had here.
Friends, independence, love. I refuse to settle back into the life I had before, starting with Weston.
I don’t know how my father will react when he hears of our return, and the more my mind has tried to come up with every outcome, the less I care.
He can’t use Weston’s position or their previous relationship as any sort of reason to keep us apart.
It’s been twenty years since my father last saw or spoke to his friend, and his life went on. Weston’s didn’t.
How could my father refuse him happiness, solely because of who I am? Or who I’m related to? If he truly cares about his friend, he won’t deny him the same hope for life he had when he found my mother.
Then again, I have only ever known a father who has denied me that life. Maybe he really would do it to Weston too.
We are about to find out.
I don’t know how long I stand at the rail, looking out over the island and reliving the moments that might fade away after years of new experiences replace them. I might never remember exactly how the breeze feels, the smells and the sounds. This place will only ever live in my memory.
The sound of footsteps on the wooden steps makes me turn over my shoulder only to find Sig and Jorn slowly stepping onto deck.
Sig’s eyes are swollen, her shoulders slumped slightly as she clings to Jorn’s hand, and looks up at me with a sad smile.
Her eyes trail up and down my clothes, and my eyes water as she takes in a shuddering breath.
“You look better in the clothes from here,” she says, and a watery chuckle escapes me.
“I agree, but I’d be freezing the moment we landed. Plus, it might draw too much attention.”
They cross the deck and stop beside me at the rail, and I look between them. A sad smile plagues Jorn’s normally joyful face as he opens his arms to me.
“Hey, little Lennox.”
A harsh breath escapes my chest as I step into his arms, wrapping mine around him tightly. He squeezes me back, rocking me playfully from side to side.
“I had fun with you,” he murmurs, his voice the most forlorn I have ever heard it, even after he almost died before my eyes. “I’m glad you were around, even if it wasn’t for that long.”
“You always kept things interesting, Jorn. You know I’ll never forget you.”
He lets out a sad chuckle. “You better not. Keep the captain in check for me, alright? He needs to smile every so often.”
I laugh into Jorn’s stomach. The sound is muffled, but I can hear Sig’s soft giggle too.
“I’ll do my best.” I step away, and he winks down at me.
“If all else fails, just find some way to make him jealous.”
I can’t help the smile that pulls at my lips. “Apparently you’re lucky you still have arms after all of that.”
Jorn barks a laugh, his head falling back before he looks back at me, grinning. “Desperate times. He needed a push.”
“Thank you, Jorn. For everything.”
“No need to thank me, little Lennox. We take care of each other.” He ruffles my hair and then drapes his arm around Sig’s shoulder.
“Cap awake yet?” she asks, and I shake my head.
“He wasn’t when I got up. I’ve been out here for a while though.”
I barely finish my sentence when I hear his boots on the stairs. The three of us turn toward him, and a lump forms in my throat, threatening to choke me.
It’s not Weston, the captain I’ve come to know and love, stepping out onto the deck for the final time.
It’s Weston, the First Guard.
Gone are the loose shirt and leather vest, replaced by the thick, form-fitting fabrics of the guard uniform as his heavy cloak billows behind him in the breeze.
The hilt of his sword sparkles at his side, securely sheathed in the belt he took back from me, because he needs it.
I don’t. Light glints off his ring, the flat face now turned to the proper position with the seal of Blackwood prominent and visible.
His eyes hold mine as he slowly crosses the deck, and I have to remind myself to breathe. The moment he reaches us, he presses a kiss to the top of my hair, and it’s clear he understands the internal struggle in my mind, equating the man I know with this new one that stands before me.
“Everyone ready?” he grumbles as he turns to face Sig and Jorn, his head swiveling between them.
Sig’s brows rise and meet in the middle as her face crumbles, but she presses a hand to her mouth, and nods silently.
Jorn doesn’t hesitate and closes the distance between him and Weston, each of them wrapping the other in a firm hug.
“Til we meet again, brother,” Jorn says, and Weston pats him on the back.
“Won’t be soon enough,” Weston says right before they step apart.
Weston’s jaw works, and my heart breaks.
All the goodbyes yesterday were hard on him, but Sig has been there from the beginning, and Jorn has been like a true brother.
The weight of this goodbye can’t be lighter than all the rest combined.
Sig moves to me then, and we both burst into tears.
Her arms crush me, and I crush her back, our sobs out of sync and loud as we cling to each other.
I try to control my breathing, try to stop the stuttering sounds that escape me at the thought of no longer seeing my friend every day, and she only squeezes me tighter.
“Look after him, alright?” She mumbles so that only I can hear.
“He’ll never admit it, but he needs you just as much as we all needed him.
Don’t let him hide everything away. Fight him if you need to.
” I nod into her, and she pulls back, her arms resting on my shoulders until she can look me in the eye.
“And you, don’t forget to live. Don’t waste this second chance we were given. Grab hold of it, and make it everything you’ve always dreamed of.”
“I could say the same to you.” Steady streams of tears fall down my cheeks, forcing me to blink them away to see her clearly again.
I clear my throat and sniffle as my chest hollows out.
I can’t leave without her knowing how much she meant to me, because despite her urging, and my plans to do exactly what she insisted, I don’t know how soon those things will happen, how soon I could ever see any of them again.
I don’t want to walk away from her without her knowing what she means to me.