Chapter 41
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Every thought I had a moment ago disappears as we are plunged into darkness and my focus shifts to the torches before us.
The magic humming in the mountain feels different from the last time I walked through that stone door, and this time, I’m not alone.
I know what lies ahead, what will be asked of me and what the magic will decide.
The chamber, the carving, being judged on my worth, but even though I know what lies ahead, it doesn’t quell my nerves.
A prickle of uncertainty tickles the back of my neck as we stand side by side and look down the never-ending tunnel.
I don’t want to go through this just to be told I am unworthy again.
The blow would be devastating, especially now that I am the queen and am already starting off my reign enveloped by darkness instead of light.
But would the island have let us back if there was a chance that we weren’t worthy?
There’s only one way to know.
My fingers ache as I grip Weston’s hand as tightly as I can when he takes the first step forward.
I follow his cue, and we walk, hand in hand, into the darkness with the flare of torches lighting before us down the endlessly winding path.
I haven’t even considered how long this portion of our return would take.
Every time before, it had taken the entire day to get through the mountain.
Now that there is nothing to protect against, no Castaways to get into position on the collection beach, would it be the same?
Neither of us speaks. The only sound beside the flickering of flame is the rhythmic thud of our boots against the ground. Tension emanates from Weston’s body the farther we go. I can feel it in his stilted gait, and the way he clutches my hand.
He shouldn’t be this worried, this uncomfortable, this…nervous. We finally made it. Years of sacrifice on his part and loneliness on mine brought us to this second chance, to get the healing waters and save my mother.
The final torches light ahead, and the darkness beyond tells me we’ve reached the chamber, the step through the portal one of the ultimate tests to show we trust Dawnlin and accept whatever it has in store for us.
But this time, it isn’t Weston leading me forward. It’s me pulling him.
I step into the darkness, tugging him behind me, and the circular room illuminates around us. The names carved into the walls look the same as before, even though I know there are new names scattered around, from Taril and every Voyager who couldn’t leave without trying.
As I look around the room, the sinking feeling I left with comes back to me in full force, and the fear of being unworthy again is stifling. Underneath it all, there’s something I didn’t think I could have again if I ever came back here. A glimmer of hope.
We step into the middle of the room, silently standing side by side.
Dawnlin knows we are here, but it is different from last time.
The fountain didn’t need our tears to bring us back, so the mountain might not be the same either.
I don’t know if I should speak or go straight to the basin, so I opt to do nothing, waiting for the island to see that I’m laying all my trust and guidance on it.
The boom of the voice makes my body jolt, even though I knew it would come, hoped it would come. I hold my breath, straining to keep myself under control as I listen to the words, and lay my fate in Dawnlin’s hands.
To the heart of Dawnlin you return
The healing waters you hope to earn.
Deemed unworthy once before,
Unable to heal whom you adore.
Carved already the name in stone,
The magic tied to them alone.
To the basin you may advance,
Full of hope for another chance.
But blood and waters were not exchanged,
The question now, has fate rearranged?
To the same terms you must agree
For the isle of Dawnlin to hear your plea.
A fresh drop of blood must be obtained
To weigh whether intentions have been feigned.
If deemed worthy, the waters will flow,
And Dawnlin’s final answer, you will know.
Weston’s hand falls between us as I reach to my waistband and yank my dagger free.
My feet have a mind of their own as I almost run across the chamber, climbing the steps and reaching the basin in barely a breath.
I grip the curved lip of smooth stone and I peer inside, before pulling my eyes up to the dry spout above.
I have to know.
I have to know if all the suffering after the island denied me before was only because of Dane’s betrayal.
Countless hours of self-doubt, questioning myself, my value, my morals, my motivations.
Was I, Lennox Holt, worthy of saving her all along, but the magic used this one final stipulation as a last defense against the waters falling into the wrong hands?
Was everything Weston and Sig did born of good intention, but unnecessary because no one would be granted it as long as Dane was trying to steal it?
If those waters flowed, every single Voyager and Castaway needed to be tracked down and given the chance to come back, because if it was all Dawnlin protecting itself, each of them could have their hope restored.
But if it wasn’t, if I truly am not worthy of saving my mother, then it all ends here, with this final drop of blood.
I raise my dagger, pressing the sharp edge into my now outstretched palm, but just as I am about break the skin, the boom of the voice startles me and I freeze once again.
The agreement unfair lest you’re reminded of terms
Your drop of blood wholeheartedly affirms.
Should you choose another course,
One term the magic must still enforce.
Unable to speak if your return is too late,
And your loved one has already met their fate.
If the waters are used and all terms are met,
All memory of Dawnlin you will forget.
The sharp clatter of my blade falling into the basin echoes through the chamber, but I can barely hear it over the ringing in my ears.
My fingertips tingle, the numbness spreading into my hands as they fall to the edge of the basin, gripping it so tightly that my fingernails break under the pressure.
My head spins as my chest heaves, my breaths so harsh that the only thing keeping me upright is my grip on the stone.
Everything. I’d forget everything.
Flashes from the last time I stood at this basin come flooding back to me. The voice, the terms, the decision, the slicing of my palm. Nothing has changed. The bargain is the same as before, only this time, I have more to lose.
All memory of Dawnlin will cease to exist.
A sob rips through my chest, and I slap a hand over my mouth to stifle it.
How stupid I was to think that forgetting Dane and the Voyagers would be difficult.
Back then, I thought it was the most life-altering decision, but still was able to slice through my skin and live with the fact that I might not remember him.
This…this is excruciating. Impossible.
Hopeless.
My shoulders slump in defeat as my head hangs between them. Tears blur my vision, pooling swiftly until there’s nothing I can do to stop it. They fall, and the moment they strike the empty stone basin, it’s like my chest cleaves in two.
How can I choose my mother over Weston? How can I let go of the only family I have left, and snuff the hopes and dreams she had for a life with me, her only daughter? After all this time, all the trials, all the sacrifice, the death, I can’t just give up on her.
But how can I lose the love of my life? How can I leave him completely alone, with no father, no friends, no one to spend the life he also sacrificed? How can I trade one love for another?
My knees tremble at the thought of leaving him alone and losing him. But just as terrifying is the thought of choosing to end the life my mother kept clutched in her perpetual sleep, and turning away from the second chance the island is giving me.
The strong and determined Lennox that walked into this mountain the first time is nowhere in sight.
I was prepared to forget it all before, prepared to do anything to have a loving parent, to know what true and unconditional love feels like, because somewhere deep inside, I think I knew that the love I thought I had from Dane wasn’t true.
But Weston? Weston’s love is. It is true, and deep, and unrelenting. It is selfless and undeniable, and pure.
As is mine for him.
The sob is louder this time, almost equaling the sound of my pounding heart. I reach up to press my palm over it, trying to force the stabbing pain away as my breaths become short and stilted, and tears continue to stream down my face.
Then it clicks.
My gaze flies to my hand, pressed into my chest, over my heart.
He knew.
Whirling back toward the center of the room, my eyes find his, my jaw slack with disbelief as I take in the look of complete and utter devastation on his face.
“You remembered.” My voice is watery and barely audible. “That’s why you…you said…all those things. You remembered that if I went through with this, I would forget you.”
His throat bobs, and his jaw tightens, but he doesn’t say a word.
He nods his head only once, and it feels like the ground shakes beneath me.
I thought I would be angry, thought the moment he told me he knew, I would rage at him, like I’d done so many times before, but the anger doesn’t come.
Instead, it is replaced with soul-crushing anguish, the heartbreak instead taking over me with full force.
“How could you, Weston?” I scream. My voice cracks as I fall apart in front of him, but his gaze holds firm, and he doesn’t shy away. “How could you let me come back here if you knew I would forget it all? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you stop me?”
I don’t know when I moved. My mind didn’t register my feet moving at all, taking me down the steps and across the chamber, but now, I stand before him, his clothes fisted in my hands as I shake him with all my strength and wail every question.