Chapter 12 – Ellie
An unknown number has called me twice today. And four times yesterday.
And a dozen times the day before that.
I know it’s Henry, but I can’t allow myself to pick up.
What’s the point?
Our adventure in the Calgary mountains made the national news. While I hadn’t been hounded by the media—good luck finding me holed up in my apartment, eating my feelings—my cell had blown up with calls and messages.
On the first day that Henry had started calling me, I had memorized the number. So it wasn’t hard to reject the other numbers that called. It had been half a week since Henry and I had been together, lost in the mountains and blissfully happy.
It was tempting to pick up the call. It would be so easy to fall back into Henry, get swept away by him, with his charming smile and his caring nature, but I couldn’t let myself. One syllable of his sexy accent and I would be goo in his hands.
I was already too big of a mess after falling in love with him after knowing him only three days. How much more of a heartbroken disaster would I be if I spent more time with him?
The room goes silent when my cell stops vibrating on the coffee table. I stare at the stupid thing, willing it to ring again. Maybe if it does I’ll pick up this time.
Who am I kidding? His calls are coming less and less each day that passes. I know he’s still in the city, I’ve been watching the news and stalking him on social media, but tomorrow he’s leaving. Heading back to Caledonia and away from me for good.
And that was fine.
I was fine.
Everything. Was. Great.
The prickle of impending tears tickles the backs of my eyes and I fight it. I can’t believe there’s enough water in my body to even make tears. I’ve been crying so much over the last few days and not really taking care of myself. I don’t remember the last time I had a non-chip bag meal or a sip of water.
With my sprained ankle and emotions all over the place, Shirley gave me a week off from Elevated Adventures and then allowed me to work from home until I was fully healed. Sitting in front of a screen and doing paperwork wasn’t my idea of fun, but it allowed me to feel a little useful and got my mind off a certain someone for a bit of time.
With a long, dramatic sigh, I tear my eyes away from my cell and focus back on updating EA’s website. I’ve just clicked save on the upcoming hike schedule when there’s a loud pounding on my front door.
My body instantly freezes while my brain goes into hyperdrive. Who could that be? Why were they here? Could it be Henry? I didn’t let myself think about how that last question made my heart rate pick up.
My laptop falls of my lap and onto the sofa when I realize the person at the door is actually jiggling the handle. Shit. Had I locked it when I staggered in days ago?
The answer to that was no. A huge fucking no.
My front door swings open and the person who steps through has me sitting up at attention.
“What are you doing here?”
Hands swiftly going to her hips, Shirley gives me a look that’s a mixture of annoyed and fed up.
“What the hell do you think I’m doing here? I’m checking in on you.” She grimaces as she looks around my apartment. “And from the look of things”—she pauses—“ew.”
I roll my eyes at her. “It’s not that bad,” I say in defense, giving myself a moment to take in my place through another’s eyes.
Okay, sure. There were a lot of containers on my kitchen counter and yeah, I had about half a dozen mugs lined up on my coffee table, but the place wasn’t smelly or anything. I didn’t have food on the floor or stains on my shirt.
I discreetly looked down at my chest. Yup, no food stains.
“Oh honey,” she said sarcastically, “it’s cute that you think that. But this is level four heartbreak.”
“How many levels are there?” I pray for more than ten.
“Five.”
Shit.
“I’m fine, Shirley.”
She makes her way through the apartment and after rounding the sofa, she sits beside me. Or tries to. She has to flick multiple peanut butter cup wrappers to the ground before she can comfortably glare at me.
“No, you’re not, Ellie.”
My mouth opens, ready to tell her again that everything is fine and I’m healing, but I stop. There’s legitimate concern on her face. Shirley is a hard shell to crack and a very blunt woman, but once you’re in her circle, she’s as protective as a mama bear.
I can’t lie to her. And I can’t keep lying to myself.
Pressing my lips tight together, I let the emotions I was holding back come to the surface.
“I’m not okay,” I whisper seconds before the floodgates open. Awkwardly, Shirley opens her arms and I fall right into them. Clinging to the soft fabric of her blouse, I tell her everything.
While it feels good to get the story out, it’s also bittersweet to relive the memories. I can so vividly recall the feel of Henry’s stubble across my fingertips. The deep timbre of his laugh. By the time I’m finished, I’m more exhausted than I’ve ever felt in my life.
“You love him,” she says simply, letting her words hang in the silence of the apartment.
Lifting my head from the tissue I was wiping my tear-streaked face with, I scowl at her. That’s all she got from the story? That I loved him? Captain Obvious much?
“So what are you going to do about it?” she continues, like the answer is simple.
Sniffling, I scrunch up my face and blink at her. Wasn’t she supposed to be a supporting shoulder to cry on? Someone to nod and agree with every decision I’ve made and top up my glass of wine? If I was drinking wine, that is.
“Ex-excuse me?” I ask her through hiccups.
“I asked what you were going to do about it. This whole sad act is kind of pathetic.”
Straightening from my slouched position, I gasp at her. “I am not!”
She leans back, slowly and purposefully raising one eyebrow. Goddamn her.
“I’m not,” I say again at a more reasonable volume. “I had my moment in the sun with Henry but there was no future for us.”
“He said that?”
“No, but—”
“And you believe it?”
“Well, it wouldn’t be easy so I—”
“Honey, I love you. You’ve been like a daughter to me over these last three years. A true godsend. But right now, you’re being incredibly stupid.”
Shocked at what she’s saying and completely insulted, I jump up from the sofa and begin pacing. My ankle protests at the sharp movement and I slow down, going from a stomp to an agitated slow walk. I round the sofa once, twice, my fingers lost in my wild hair as I squeeze my temples with the palm of my hands.
I’m sputtering, trying to find the right words to defend myself. But the longer I pace, the more sense Shirley makes. I don’t like thinking that I’m a coward, yet that might be exactly what I am.
Did I make up my mind without weighing all the options?
Had I imagined words in Henry’s mouth? Tearing us apart before he got the chance to tell me what he wanted? What he was feeling?
I’d run away before the real fight began. I was a coward.
My hands drop to my sides and a new wave of tears takes me. I topple back on the sofa, my impact causing Shirley to bounce on her side.
“What have I done?” I moan into a pillow, squeezing it tight to my face.
Shirley curses beside me. A moment later, the pillow is yanked from my arms and I watch it soar across the room.
“Get your ass up and go.”
“Shirley, I love you, but you’re being really mean to me today,” I whine to her.
“Stop your complaining. You’ll thank me later for this tough love once you’ve gotten your man back.”
Rolling my eyes and silently asking for divine intervention, I take a long, shaky breath and try to reason with Shirley.
“It’s too—”
“Goddamn it, Ellie! When did you become this sad sack of whiny bones? Where did the fierce woman I hired three years ago go? The one who was scared shitless but still moved across the country to follow her heart? The one who started from scratch but showed up every day ready to learn? Where’s that woman? Huh?”
Eyes wide in disbelief, I stare at Shirley as she gathers herself. I’m not sure if I should be insulted (again) or flattered by her impassioned speech. I’m still processing her words when she speaks again.
“Don’t let fear stop you this time, Ellie. If you love him, isn’t he worth fighting for?”
He was. The words echo across my mind and shoot directly into my heart, causing a burning sensation to spread through my chest. He was worth fighting for.
With a new determination, I stand, ready to go get my man.
“For the love of God, please shower first,” Shirley yells at my back as I march into the bedroom. I pivot quickly, one hand on the door, and glare back at her before slamming the thing in her face. I can hear her laughter, and it does lighten my mood again, but I can’t stop now.
I have an earl to win back.