Chapter 14
REINA
My body tensed. It was against my religion to ever get deep with a man, but now we just had some amazing, earth-shattering sex, which basically means that he wants to get married, and you can’t keep secrets from your husband, can you?
I would have to check with Rae and Mama Nicole on that.
Mind you, my heart wasn’t in my pussy – good dick didn’t put me in my feelings.
With Vasiah, I had already been feeling this way towards him, dare I say fond?
When I looked at him, I literally saw a life that we could build, and though it petrified me, it also encouraged me to embrace it.
But the way my brain was set up, vulnerability equaled that there was a possibility that he could wake up one day and decide that he didn’t want our two kids and me anymore and that he was leaving me for his secretary.
But Reign wouldn’t have to worry about bailing me outta jail.
Instead, I’d do my time with a smile on my face, because the only way outta this is if one of us died first.
“LaReina,” he said firmly. I shifted my body and sighed, slowly lifting my head from his lap. I was trying to see if I could stuff his dick down my throat without gagging, but Vasiah wanted to talk.
“Okay, okay, okay!” I started. I felt nauseous, but I pushed through. If he made me regret sharing with him, then there was a bullet with his name on it. Or I’d pull his locs out one by one, his choice.
Giving him direct eye contact, I recounted the story about how I, LaReina Daeyonna King, got played for a goofy.
“So… I saw… this nigga I used to fuck with. I can barely call him a boyfriend because we didn’t do much.
I was nineteen; he was like three or four years older.
He worked for my brother and cousin at the time, even though he was older than them.
At first, I paid him no mind because Reign warned me about fuckin’ with a worker.
Eventually, Donovan’s dusty ass wore me down.
I had just graduated from cosmetology school and was working at a shop up in Rogers Park, and he would come see me every day, bringing me food, coming to spend time with me, just talking to me about little things here and there.
All the niggas in my high school thought I was too high maintenance, and they were correct.
But I had a soft spot for Donovan. He had the potential to really be something; his perspective on life was interesting, you know?
It wasn’t even about how much money he had or didn’t have, cuz to be honest, I was getting more than him.
I liked that nigga for him, and that was my first fuck up.
Anyway, eventually, Donovan and I started having sex, and one thing led to another.
First, I found out he gave me chlamydia.
I was devastated! Those pills are nasty as fuck to take, okay?
Then, I found out I was pregnant. Talk about double devastated.
The final blow was him ignoring my texts and calls when I was trying to inform him to go get his dirty ass dick checked.
So I pulled up to his house, pistol-whipped him and slapped the fuck outta some lady – who I later found out was his mom, and they called the police on me.
I was bailed out less than 24 hours later, and I went to Planned Parenthood the very next day.
I later found out he had a baby on the way by some hoodrat and beat him and his mama up again.
” I took a pause, feeling angry all over again at the way I got played.
I’d probably hold that grudge against myself forever and knew I needed to Let Go and let God, but it was hard.
Vasiah’s eyes were soft as he took in what I was saying. I prepared myself for the worst because relaying this shit out loud made me sound crazy as fuck, and Vasiah was already so patient with me. God forbid I just want a nigga to love me and my crazy too.
“So…It’s been years since I’ve seen him.
He stays the fuck out my way, as he should, you know?
But I saw him Saturday, and he had the nerve to speak to me.
I ain’t say shit back… straight ignored him…
but saw that he was there with his ugly ass family…
mood been sour ever since,” I finished, dropping my head.
Vasiah gently lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“LaReina.”
I braced myself for the worst. I felt so overexposed and wanted to hit something. “That’s my lore. You can run for the hills if you want to,” I half-joked.
“LaReina.” He stressed more firmly. “I am sorry you experienced that. That nigga is a bitch, and I’ll beat a hundred more niggas up for you if that means you won’t feel a type of way when you see a nigga who doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you.
I’m not sure what goes through your mind, and many might find your thought process insane, but that makes me gravitate to you more.
I…love you, LaReina. Like all sides of you, even the parts you try to hide.
Even the parts you ain’t proud of.” My face must’ve displayed the shock I felt because then he said, “Don’t feel pressured to tell me back or even feel how I feel.
But I care about and love everything that concerns you.
I know we come from two different walks of life and sometimes get frustrated with one another, but I’m begging you to let me be there for you, Hayami.
I want to be there on your good days and your bad ones.
You don’t have to carry big emotions alone anymore. ”
“How do I know you don’t feel this way just cuz I got good pussy?” I blurted. Admittedly, I was a skeptic. What most people thought was love was just lust mixed with limerence.
“Because you don’t just have good pussy.
You got a good heart, a phenomenal mind, an unstoppable hustle, and…
incredible…earth shattering…mind-blowing…
orgasmic pussy.” He started kissing my forehead, my neck, my collarbone, and let his tongue trace my lips when he said that.
I felt myself getting soaked again, and I wanted him in my mouth desperately.
Reaching for the waistband of his shorts, my hands rubbed his erection, and I watched him close his eyes briefly, as if my touch brought him pure ecstasy, which I knew it did.
Just as I was about to bring my new friend to his new home, Vasiah’s eyes snapped open, and he gently removed my hand.
A playful smile spread across his face. “You not the boss in here, baby. We still have things to talk through, and as much as I wanna test yo gag reflex, I want to know that your heart and mind are okay too. Being physical only gives a band-aid to a gunshot wound, you know?”
I blinked at him, too wet and horny to fully process.
While what he was saying was true, I was tired of talking about my emotions.
Donovan was merely a blip in time. But on the other hand, if that were true, then why was I still deeply affected by what happened twelve years later?
It was easier to cover up my hurt and anger with jokes, chaos, and sex.
But Vasiah wasn’t going for that. He actually wanted to know my thoughts and feelings – not to save me cuz I ain’t need no saving, but to shoulder the weight, too?
Is this what relationships in my thirties were like?
Where we’re open and honest with each other and actually communicate?
Oh my God. I think I’m about to throw up.
Vasiah stood, grabbing my hand to pull me up with him.
He wrapped me in a hug, and while we’ve hugged before, this hug felt different.
Almost like a security blanket. I was used to niggas who could fight and shoot and cause just as much mayhem as me.
I wasn’t used to being cared for so tenderly, outside of Reign.
And that nigga only became tender because of Rae.
We were the blind leading the blind, truly, because our mother and our Nana were not tender women at all, especially Nana.
We knew she loved us, but if you cried, she wasn’t one to wipe your tears or give out too many hugs.
She would sit back and force us to game plan, never letting us dwell too much in one space.
As an adult, I can see the beneficial side of that and the not-so-beneficial side because here I am, thirty-one years old, about to break down in my man’s arms all because he hugged me.
I sniffled, finally realizing that I was crying.
Now we really had to get married and ride off into the sunset because I haven’t cried in a nigga’s arms since my cousin Shawn died, and that was over two or three years ago.
“I know this is hard for you, baby, and in due time you’ll trust me.
I’m here for you no matter what, and if you want me to find that nigga and beat him the fuck up, I will,” he said seriously.
“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but nah…
he ain’t worth it. I need to prioritize my healing.
” It had been in the back of my mind to reach out to the love doctor lady that Rae had told me about, and now I saw even more of a reason to.
In addition to me not wanting my man to get too tired of me, I deserved to be free from my past, too.
Slowly, Vasiah placed space between our bodies and grabbed my face between his hands. “I love you, Reina. And together, we’ll get through this.” He kissed my forehead again, then grabbed my hand. “Now come on, crazy. We gotta catch up on One Time.”
And without resistance, I proudly followed my man out of my shop, looking forward to continuing our Sunday ritual.