Chapter 20
REINA
Agirlfriend.
I just knew I wanted to be a good girlfriend, and admitting that made me want to barf.
What kinda soft ass bitch was I turning into?
Throwing my truck in park, I hopped out and walked up my mother’s driveway.
Reign, her, and I had a family group chat, but we rarely talked in it.
After observing how close Rae and Mama Nicole were, and even Vasiah and Poppa Hill, I decided that Reign and I should put forth more effort in connecting with our mother.
The nerve-wracking thing was that I couldn’t help but think she might not want to.
She was naturally a quiet woman and worked hard as a travel nurse.
The older we got, the more distant our mama became, and then when Nana died, it was like she really fell off the face of the earth.
Reign acted like he didn’t care, but I knew that deep down inside, he did because I did.
I found myself clinging to Rae’s mama more than my own.
No matter what she said, I knew Mama Nicole didn’t mind, but I couldn’t help but wonder why I couldn’t have a happy and healthy relationship with my own mother.
I hesitated before ringing her doorbell.
She’d bought a house in the Beverly area not too long ago, and it was beautiful.
The nicely manicured lawn, the black BMW truck parked in the driveway, and the rose bushes adorning the sides of the house showed that my mama was doing well for herself.
Right before I pressed the doorbell, Reign pulled up and hopped out.
We still weren’t speaking, but I was happy to see him.
“Yo mean ass nervous, huh?” he smirked, walking up next to me.
I scoffed. “Don’t you fuckin’ start with me, and I won’t start with you.”
He ignored me and rang the doorbell. Moments later, she answered the door, looking healthy and happy.
We shared the same caramel macchiato skin tone as Nana, the same height, and the same shape, though she was more top-heavy.
Her hair was done in honey blonde box braids, her signature hair color as long as I could remember.
She was dressed casually in a navy blue lounge set and matching Chanel slides.
Renita King was beautiful, that was for sure.
“Both my twins coming to see me today- what a blessing,” she greeted us airily, giving us both a quick hug.
The inside of her two-story brick home was even more stunning on the inside with high ceilings, marble flooring, and big bay windows.
We greeted her back, then followed her into her family room.
On one wall was a massive fish tank, making me feel like I was in a scene from Finding Nemo, and suspended from the ceiling was a fifty-inch flat screen T.V.
“I have a Bartesian. Do ya’ll want something to drink?”
I looked at Reign. “Ummm… a blueberry margarita, please.”
“I’ll take water,” Reign replied. He wasn’t much of a drinker and probably felt that he needed to be sober because he didn’t know how this afternoon would go. She headed to the kitchen to make our drinks, and I cut my eyes at him.
“So…” she started, handing me my drink and settling into her armchair. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“Just came to lay eyes on you.” Reign shrugged.
“Oh? That’s sweet of you both. What’s new?”
“Umm…I got a boyfriend,” I blurted.
She smiled, and it looked like I was staring at myself in the mirror. “That’s good, honey. Is this your first one?”
I nodded shyly.
“Well… I hope he’s a good man. I don’t want you to be like me, getting caught up in the wrong men and their lifestyles.”
An awkward silence fell upon the room. I cleared my throat, feeling the room get smaller. “He’s… a great man, actually.”
“Is he really, LaReina?” Reign taunted, but I didn’t find his bean-headed ass humorous.
“Yes, and you would know that if your bean-head ass actually gave him a chance,” I snapped. “Ma, your son was so fuckin’ rude to my man, and we haven’t spoken all week because of it.”
She looked amused. “What did he say?”
I recounted the story, and Reign just shrugged, standing ten toes down on how he treated Vasiah.
I guess because I took so easily to Rae, I thought Reign would take easily to Vasiah, but I was sadly mistaken.
Reign has always been protective, always trying to tell me what to do, and was always there when I made a mistake, but this was different.
As scared as I was, I never felt so sure about anything or anyone in my life.
“Ya daughter just dramatic as fuck, Ma.”
“No, you’re rude as fuck, and you need to apologize!”
“For what?”
I looked at him incredulously. Reign sure knew how to piss me the hell off. “Vasiah didn’t come at you disrespectfully. I know your insane ass lacks the ability to be normal, but you started with him first. And my man can fight, and could probably whoop your big ass.”
“Man… I’ll shoot the shit outta his nerd ass.”
“And I would be shooting the shit outta you next!”
“Alright now, children…. Let’s not make threats to each other.
Reign, stop being mean to your sister. You are not the boss of her.
Reina, stop being petty towards your brother.
He’s always been very protective of you, even when y’all were in my womb.
He means well, I’m sure, but his execution isn’t always the best.”
I pouted. Not because she said anything wrong, but because she sounded right. “Alright… I forgive you, stupid head,” calling him by the nickname I called him in childhood.
Reign remained silent for a beat. “My wife said that I gotta apologize, so I guess I will… I’m sorry I ain’t give yo nerd ass nigga a chance.
I just worry about you sometimes. I gotta make sure the nigga for you is built for the ride…
You ain’t regular, and I don’t want no four-eyed nigga trynna treat you as such. ”
“Now hug like I used to make ya’ll do,” our mother jested.
I groaned. “Now you doing too much, Ma!” But Reign surprised me by coming into my space and locking me in a hug. It made me realize how long it's been since we actually hugged one another and how much more I actually…needed hugs from my brother.
Oh my lord. Love was making me soft!
“How is your wife, Reign? My job ordered from her restaurant recently, and that girl knows she can throw down!”
“Your daughter-in-law,” Reign corrected.
“What?”
“Desirae is your daughter-in-law. You’d know how she was doing if you picked up the phone to return her calls.”
Her eyes fluttered. Reign just said what I was thinking. Months would go by, and we wouldn’t see nor hear from the woman who birthed us, and though we were grown with our own lives, it was still very weird.
She exhaled. “What are you saying, Reign? Y’all are grown with your own lives.”
“Yeah, and it seems like you don’t want to be a part of it.
You go months without seeing or talking to us.
You damn near missed my wedding. You don’t answer the phone when we do call.
Nobody understands working and getting to the money more than we do, but we still manage to be there and show up for everyone that we love. We would like to extend that to you.”
My mama and I were speechless. Reign wasn’t one to have this much to say about anything, and he said it with no emotion. He didn’t even raise his voice.
“I… don’t know what to say,” she sighed.
“I’d be interested to know why you are so distant,” I offered. It might’ve been OD to pile on to her like this, but oh well. We were here now.
“Distant? Is that what I’ve been?” She was looking at us, but sounded like she was asking herself.
“Yeah, Ma. We don’t even know you for real. And that sucks because we actually…want to know you.” I watched as her eyes welled up with tears, and I began to feel bad, though my facial expression would never show it.
“I’m so sorry,” she sniffled. “I just… I never really knew what to do with y'all, you know? I was young, nineteen, when I had ya’ll… if it wasn’t for my mama, I’m not sure what I would’ve done.
I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. Then I met your father, and he was heavy in the streets.
So heavy that I gave him an ultimatum. He chose the streets, since it was all he knew.
Still, I kept the door open for him to be in your lives, no matter how inconsistent.
That’s something I beat myself up about constantly, because it wasn’t fair.
To either of you. He ignored LaReina but took Reign underneath his wing to show him what?
I prayed hard that my son wouldn’t end up like his daddy, and by His grace, he didn’t…
. Not for long, at least. Anyway… I was depressed for a while. Single motherhood with twins was wild…”
I frowned. She was rambling, and something sharp was on the tip of my tongue, but I breathed instead.
“I’m… distant because being up close and personal hurts too much at times.
I always felt inadequate as a mother and felt that you two would be better off without me.
I see that’s not the case now.” She hung her head, with a few tears sliding down her cheeks.
I had no idea that this afternoon would turn into a Lifetime movie special, but Dr. Love told me that I needed to lean more into uncomfortable moments.
Reign cleared his throat. “Umm… Ion really know what to say to all that. That’s something you might wanna go talk to a professional about.
I just know that you can’t go back and fix the past, and you shouldn’t worry too much about the future.
You have the opportunity to show up for us in the present, though. ”
“I agree. We need to talk through how we want you to show up for us and how you want us to show up for you. You don’t have to beat yourself up, Ma. It's all our first time on earth anyway.”
She smiled faintly. “You’re right. So right,” she murmured. “So, how can I show up better for both of you?”
For the rest of the afternoon, we talked to her, let her know what we needed, and just kicked it.
It felt refreshing to be in this space with her.
When we left, Reign walked me to my truck and gave me another hug, and apologized again.
I drove away feeling full. I couldn’t believe that this was now my life, but I was so damn grateful for it.